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O A Sure Way. Q .. ’ ■
X "I don't believe • ! " “—————————— o
• Carnegie wants to ®
O die poor." o
O "But he say* he •
• does.” O
O "Yes. but he has o
q not started & pa
per."
O +■
"Breezy JoKelets For the Torrid "Days
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Going Him One
Better.
"Say, do you
know who I am'
eat a bad man for
dessert every once
In awhile."
''Huh! I eat an
Injunction for my
breakfast every
morning.”
^cte Like a Tonio.
"Doe<>n’t It make
yon sick to ride on
the cars?"
"Not If I ride on
a pass.”
Must See It First.
"The secret of
success Is to know
a good thing when
you see It.”
"I can see plenty
of them, but some
body else alwnys
has them nailed
down."
The Only Reason.
"Working as a
baker must be
very hot and dis
agreeable work." (
"It Is. He only
kneads the dough
•because ho needs
the dough.”
A COUNTRY SEAT.
On
of
EXTRA PROOF.
While seeing Is believing.
As wise owls often tell.
Yet there are often doubters
Who want to feel as well.
BAD TO WORSE.
"How Is Sinker doing now?"
"Poorly, I should Judge. He has five
dogs, and ho used to have but three.”
tha Face
Things.
"She must have
married him for
his money."
“Why do you say
so?"
"Because I have
seen him."
Only Sure Way.
"He hasn’t lost
a cent on the races
this season."
•'Wonderful!
Has he a system?”
“Yes. He only
makes mind bets.”
Made Him Weary.
"Dusty, old man.
you look tired.
Been working?"
"No, but coming
along de road dis
afternoon I had
three different jobs
offered to me.”
TURNING THE TABLES.
Hard on Him.
"He Is not per
mitted to save
himself by marry
ing an heiress."
"Why?”
“Because the
heiress won’t have
him.”
The bad boy throws mud at the sleeping
fisherman, who—
thinking it a bite, wildly swishes up his
pols line, which—
A POPULAR PERSON.
w..
■$[)HP
frrfw
connects with the bad boy on the return
cast, making the way of the transgressor—
Cause to Remem
ber.
“Her bright
smile haunts me
still."
"Did she sue you
for breach of
promise ?’’
Enough.
"They say the
house is haunted.
’Only by cock
roaches.”
A Definition.
“AH things come
round to those who
wait.”
“Yes. ’Things’ 13
good name for
them, for they are
mostly bill collect
ors.”
Ten Centers or
Twofers.
'How much does
he pay for his ci
gars?"
"Depends on who
is looking at the
time he makes the
purchase."
"A CASE OF KID-NAP.’
THEY COME HIGH.
“The bank directors are stunned by
the defalcation. They claim they didn't
know the cashier had any extravagant
habits.”
“Why, weren’t they aware he had a
wife?”
A Shade of Dif
ference.
"Have you met
the blacksmith
poet?"
“No, but I have
known several
poet blacksmiths.”
She Had.
"Women have no
sense of humor.”
“But I knew one
once who offered a
a tramp a drink of
water."
Gave Nature a
Chance.
"How did he fin
ally get cured?”
“His money gave
out, and the doc
tors quit coming.”
Not an Ad.
"Scientists de
clare that miner
als have life and
grow like animal3
and plants.”
’’That is not sur
prising. Even the
diamond dies.”
AWFUL RISK.
"He seems to bear a charmed life.”
“What's the answer?”
"He called his wife down in com
pany, and I noticed he was still alive
the next day.”
A BETTER WAY.
"Did he make his money grinding
down the faces of the poor?”
SAME THING.
"Ever see bloodless surgery prac
ticed?”
"No, but I have frequently had a
man talk an arm off of me.”
RECIPE FOR HUMORIST.
“He is the funniest man I ever met.”
"What he says or the way he says
"No: grinding down the faces of the "Neither,
rich. He is a beauty doctor." I cut.”
The way he has his hair
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
“Here is a man who went three
months without food.”
“Three months without food!”
“Yes, he only had hotel fare In all
that time.”
SOMETIMES THE CASE.
“In writing a letter he Is a man of
few words.”
“Perhaps he only knows how to
spell a few.”
THE FRUITS OF VICTORY.
SPLENDID BUSINESS DEAL.
The octopus receives a birthday present from a friend.
HI8 WAS LARGE.
"But the flat is entirely too small.”
“Oh, well, you can imngine it’s a
mansion and then you’ll be all right.”
"But there Isn’t room for my Imag
ination in the flat.”
AT NO EXPENSE.
"A keg of beer fell on him and nearly
knocked the daylight out of him.”
"Huh! The drinks were on him that
time sure.”
UNDERSTANDS THEM.
"So Charley is posing as a woman
hater.”
‘‘Yes; he wants to have the girls all
running after him.”
COULDN’T SOLVE IT.
"What Is this great automobile mys
tery I hear so much about?”
”1 don’t know unless It Is how peo
ple who won’t pay their grocery bills
can afford to buy one.”
Marjorie: "Oh, Wobby, what a silly beastl He wears his fur boa alt the
year ’wound!”
Mr. Seeker: “May I not hope that some day you will love me enough to marry me, Miss De Wealth?’’
Miss De Wealth (coyly): “That's a good deal to expect, isn't it?”
Mr. Seeker (absentmindedly): “Yes, it will be a good deal if it works.”
Counsel For the Defense: “I uphold that a tomato, however well aimed,
oould not have caused such a black eye.”
Plaintiff: “But it were in a tin, yer honor.”
JUST HIS INFIRMITY.
“Was tbo deaf and dumb beggar
angry when you refused to give him
a coin?”
“I should say so. He was so mad
he couldn’t speak.”
THE SIMPLE LIFE.
Man wants but little here below.
He may be happy minus pelf.
A mug, a pipe, a chunk of pie;
He’ll tell the world to chase itself.
ALLOWABLE.
“No gentleman will strike a woman.”
“Dat’s right, pardner, unless he
strikes her for a meal or sompin like
dat.”
THE EXCEPTION.
All things com© round to those wha
wait,
Or that is what they say.
Except—and this is pretty straight—
A modest raise in pay.
THE PENALTY OF RICHES.
Jimmie (who has found a nickel): “Gee! Now I knows what them fellera
like J. Pierpont Morgan an’ Carnegie feels like!”
^ HIS FAVORITE.
Cast not your pearls before the swine;
They'll view the gems with scorn.
To make a big hit with the pig
Toss him a load of com.
VERY DIFFERENT.
TACT.
END OF MR. JACKSON’S HONEY
MOON.
} Mkv / ■ ! I
h ti y.7A* ft
' c- -el
A'
"Mary Corter is much more senti
mental than 1 thought. She even
eeps every letter her old lover writes
cr. ,
•'That isn't sentiment, my dear. It
, good. hard, breach of promise
•nae."
EASY TO TAKE.
••At la*t he has struck a doctor who
jst suits him.”
••Must have prescribed tho rest euro.
•Tm, I’ll
take any pri
t your picture, but without the frame. Papa won't let me
•f value from gentlemen.”
Mrs. Jackson—Rastus, deah, does yo’
b'liebe in de survival ob de fittist?
Mr. Jackson — Suttingiy, love; sut-
tinly.
Mrs. Jackson—Wa-al, den, yo' bettah
git yo' life Insured termorrer.
AN ADMONITION.
Jenny: “Now
what you get or
die.”
Dolly, you must eat
indigeetion and you
slowly and be thankful for
won’t go to heaven when you
HE ALONE ESCAPED.
Jack—Did Reggy disgrace himself at
college?
Fred—Oh, no. His home folks wer«
the only ones disgraced.
OVERHEARD ON THE LINKS.
Milfins—What would you do if ;
were to call you a liar?
Biffins—I'd mention your indiscre
tion to the coroner at the inquest.
MUCH EASIER.
“He made a killing at the race trac]
today.”
‘Beal money?”
~ no; just mosquitoes.”
