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MAY
Didn’t Steal The Sermon.
A curate having preached a
clever sermon on Sunday, called
upon a certain colonel on Monday
especially to ask his opinion, says
Modern Society.
“How did I like the sermon?”
said colonel. “Very much, in
deed. It’s one of my favorites.”
“One of your favorites!” stam
mered the curate, slightly puzzled,
“I do not understand.”
The colonel regarded him with
a twinkle at the back of his eyes.
“Of course, I won’t say a word,
“but I know very well that you
stole it, and also where you stole
it from.”
“Sir!” said the curate, and he
spoke from out of the whirlwind
of his righteous indignation. “I
am not in the habit, sir, of steal
ing my sermons, I fear you are la
boring under a mistake, and—er—
forgetting yourself, sir. I must
ask you to apologize.”
. The colonel was silent a mo
ment. Then lie said: “It may be
that I have made a mistake. Wait
a moment. I will make sure.”
Going to his bookcase he took
down a massive tome of sermons
—a rare and almost forgotten
work. He turned to a certain
page and an apologetic, humble
look came upon his face as he
glanced up at the curate. “I beg
going out of shoes
We have decided to make our Clothing
business as strong as possible and
will offer our stock of Shoes, in
cluding this Spring’s styles
and shapes, at the fol
lowing prices:
Our celebrated Stacy Adams $5 Shoe at
$ 4.00.
The best $3.50 shoe to be found at $2.90
And everything we haye for $1.50 and
£2.00, at $1.25.
Besides a few other between prices, at
prices that vnll cause you * to buy.
This is a rare opportunity.
Respectfully,
The Red Grocer
Corner Bradford & Washington Sts.
DIXON’S OLD STAND.
Our business has steadily gone upwards since
ed here a few months ago and why? We have
people of Gainesville
That it ever had. There’s nothing in .the way ot eat
ables that cannot be found here and “The Best of $ v .
ervthing’ ’ is our motto.
WATERMAN, BURNETT & CO
These are the stand-bys by which we are fast gaining
the confidence of the people.
Our delivery wagon makes daily calls.
Your orders will be just as well taken care of and as
promptly delivered as if yon called in person. We ap
preciate small orders as well as the large ones.
ROYAL SCARLET CANNED GOODS.
If yon want nice fresh GROCER
IES, TABLE DELICACIES,
CONFECTIONERIES, Etc., give
us a trial and we will do £bur ut
most to please you.
DeWitt’s Little Early Risers search
the remotest parts of the bowels and
remove the impurities speedily with no
discomfort. They are famous for their
efficacy. Easy to take, never gripe.
Geo. H. Fuller Drug Co.
Too Long to Walt.
“I disown you!” cried the angry paiv
ent. “I shall cut you off with a shil
ling!”
“Yes, sir,” replied the erring son.
“And might I have the shilling nowr
-aStray .Storte*.
The ladies wonder how Mrs. B. man
ages to preserve her youthful looks.
The secret is she takes Prickxey Ash
Bittebs ; it keeps the system in per
fect order. Dr. E. E. Dixon & Co.
We carry a complete line of
and everything else that is usually
kept in
A First Class Grocery Store.
Also, all kinds
Country Produce and
Feed Stuffs.
We are now [prepared to give a
PROMPT DELIVERY.
Our New Wagon
is out, which will be used for City
Delivery only. Any orders en
trusted to our Drummers will re
ceive cur prompt attention, as well
as ’phone orders.
AND ENCYCLOPEDIA.
A Statistical Volume of Facts and
Figures Containing Over 600 Pages.
OVER i,ooo TOPICS.
OVER 10,000 FACTS.
SPECIAL FEATURES:—
Vo 1 The census off nY '
1900- National
and State elec-
‘TcT^S- tioh returns.
Four centuries of
American prog-
ress. Political
record of 1900
(conventions
SSSjL* and platforms).
American ruTe in
the Philippines.
’ L— New govern- LLeT—A)
ments of Porto Rico and Ha
waii. Polar exploration in 1900.
Conclusion of the South African
war. Pan-American Exposition
of 1901. China—Its present con
dition and status among nations.
Roster of general officers of the
Regular U. S. Army, 17o9—1900.
Slip
Won by a Dead Man.
A valuable cup was won In a bl
cycle race in Australia by a man who
was dead when he passed the winning
post. The race took place at an “elec
tric light carnival,” so called, in the
presence of 10,000 spectators. In the
last lap James Somerville, a rider,
forged. to the front and secured such a
lead that his victory was assured.
When within 25 yards of the finish
he wm• seen to relax his hold on the
handle bars and lose his footing on the
* pedals. He did not fall from the ma
chine, however, and amid frantic
cheers dashed by the goal, winning
the race by half a wheel. As he pass
ed the finishing post he pitched for
ward and fell to the ground.
When be was picked up he was
found to be dead, and, what is more,
the doctors declared that death had
come to him when he was seen to Jose
his hold on the handle bars. It was a
dead body that had ridden the last 2P
yards of the race. ■
Just *s Advertised.
“But suppose,” one of the spectators
said, “the parachute should fail to open
after you have detached it from the
balloon—what then?”
“That wouldn’t stop me,” answered
the daring aeronaut. “I’d come right
on dowD.”—Chicago Tribune.
The Average Lawinit.
There is nothing more ridiculous than
the average lawsuit. Two men dispute
over a few dollars and go to law. Both
are sure to lose. Their neighbors are
dragged in as witnesses, and the costs
amount to 10 or 20 times the amount In
dispute. Frequently these lawsuits
ruin families and start quarrels that
last for years. Some men claim it is
“principle” that actuates them in these
lawsuits. It is bullheadedness, pure
and simple. It is nearly always easy
to “split the difference.”
Another bad feature about these law
suits is that the county is put to con
siderable expense, and men willing to
work are compelled to sit on the jury. :
Settle your disputes without going to
law. If the man with whom you are
disputing is not willing to “split the
difference,” he will probably accept a
proposition to leave it to three neigh
bors.—Atchison Globe.
Gainesville, Ga
THE BEST JOB WORK
A Political Register
Facts that every patriot
and voter ought to know.
Postpaid to any address
THE WORLD,
Pulitzer Bldg., Ne<w York.
in a map or China recently published
by, the Chin* Inland mission it is point
ed out that ft is wrong to speak of the
“Yang-tse Kiang river,” as kiang
means river.