Newspaper Page Text
♦ •
GEORGIA CRACKER, SATURDAY,
JANUARY 11, 1902
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
A Number of Bright Sayings From the
.Talk of Youngsters.*'
“Mamma," said little Willie as lie
watched her transforming one of his
father’s old coats into a new one for
himself, “is that: what they call a
cutaway coat ?"
One day little Ethel was watching
her father grating horseradish when
she suddenly exclaimed: “I can't
watch you any longer, papa. It
makes my eyes sweat."
Much to the astonishment of her
mother, a little four-year-old miss
recently concluded her evening pray
er as follows: “Please, Lord, make
me a good girl, and if at first you
don't succeed try, try again."
Mamma-—-Now, Willie, here's your
medicine and here's the dime your
papa left to pay you for taking it.
Willie (aged five)-—Mamma, you
take the medicine, and I'll give you
half the money.
“Mamma," said small Tommy,
“hasn't papa got a queer idea of
heaven ?" "
‘‘I’m sure I don't know, dear," re
plied his mother. “Why do you
think he has?"
“Because," answered Tommy, “he
said the two weeks you spent at
grandma's seemed like heaven to
him."—Chicago News.
MUTUAL P1TY=
FOR THE LITTLE ONES,
CONDENSED STORIES,
Mark Twain's humor is not quite
understood by the British working
man. Andrew Lang in a current
English magazine article tells how
It seems
Lloyd Saw the Toad Pull His Skin
Over His Head.
Lloyd was fond of all the creation
that lived in the garden, from the
robins high up in the apple tree to
the little ants which built, their
homes hot the gravel walks. He was*
always careful not to hurt any of
them, but he thought some of them
more interesting than others. There
was a toad which he called his, and
he fed it with crumbs* every day.
He liked to watch it as it hopped
about among the plants, darting
out its bright red tongue to catch
any small insects whict^came in its
way. ' : ' \ ' L;'. •
- One day Lloyd ran to his mother
in great excitement.
“My toad is trying to get his skin
off !" he cried.
It was true, and when Lloyd and
his mother reached the toad they
saw him pulling his skin over his
head in much the way that a little
girl would-take off her high necked,
long sleeved apron, onty it was hard
er work for him to* do. But he tug
ged away with his fore feet until he
was free, and then what a bright
new coat he displayed!
Lloyd was delighted, and he ask
ed many questions about toads and
the way in which they changed their
coats, and after that he was more
fond of his toad than ever.—Emma
C. Dowd in Our Little "Ones.
The Bottle of Perfume, the Carpet
Sweeper and the Jury. -"-A.
The essence of hospitality is Mr.
Hank Smith of Michigan when his
constituents come to town. He
guides them about the capitol, in
troduces them to the notables in
public life, presents them at the
White House and sees to it that
they receive favorable mention in
the newspapers. But a fond lover
Of a good story is this one of the
three Smiths from Michigan, and
when he was going the rounds the
other day . with Mr. John E. Bird of
Adrian, a leader at the bar in those
parts, he could not forego a remi
niscence.
“Bird and I were once opposing
counsel in a suit growing out of
alienation of affect on," said Mr.
Smith. “He was attorney for the
accused and I for the aggrieved. It
developed that the defendant had
sent a sweet bottle of perfume to
my client's wife, and in the course
of the trial I examined him very
closely about that little memento.
The defendant assured me he had
been buying several Christmas gifts
and, seeing the beautiful bottle of
perfume, bethought himself to pur
chase it for the wife of my client.
“ ‘And did you also think to buy
something as a Christmas gift for'
your own wife ?' I asked him.
“ ‘Yes.'
“ ‘What was it F
“ ‘A carpet sweeper/ responded
the defendant. \
“Up to that time the case had
been going in favor of my friend
Bird," continued Mr. Smithy*“but
with that response I saw him slide
down in his chair."
“And what was the (^itcome ?"
Mr. Smith was asked.
“That carpet sweeper turned the
jury in my favor/' he replied^ ‘‘and
cost the defendant, who had pur
chased it, exactly $2,000."
he jmfede this discovery,
that he had lent a copy of “Ivan-
hoe" to tho workingman, Who duly
returned it with the candid remark
that he hadn't read it through be
cause there were so many characters
he. couldn't remember them alii The
workman then offered to lend Mr.
Lang a book which he said he was
sure he would like. This proved to
be a volume of alleged “Wit and
Humor," which, so far from amus
ing: him, called Mr. Lang to feel
sad and discouraged., Mr. Lang in
his turn then read aloud to the
workingman what he considered a
Very choice extract from one of
Mark Twain's best books. But the
workingman smiled in a wintry, per
functory way, and Mr. Lang knew
that the man, whom he pitied, pit
ied him. So they parted in mutual
commiseration.
^CT FEBRUARY 24th
'*' ioUTHWARD
Daily :
Lyork, P R R
LdeIphia,PR
Liimore, P RR
Fashnrg-ton, P R,
Uffloud. S A E
[jetersbuig,
<(
brlina
eaderson f (
ileigh
,utbe: u Pines
imlet
Lvork,NYP&N| f7 55 a w
liladelpbia “ ! 10 20 am
LYork, O D S S Co | f3 00 pm
[ltimore, B S P Co }
Lh’tou, N& WSB|
Etsmouth.S ADRyl 9 00 pm
Eldon “ | 1133 p m
Erlina “ ! 12 55 a m
bdersoi “ i 120 am
[jeigh “ ! 302 am
iuthern Pines “ J 5 18 am
imlet “ 1 6 45 am
ilmington “ j
larlotte “ ! 951 an
tester ** ! 10 08 an
eenwood ■' i 12 07 p m
The Canals on Mars.
The so called “canals" on Mars,
discredited as such of late years,
are, according to Sir Robert, canals
after all. He says that they are not
the work of nature, because nature
does not work on straight lines.
These canals, with the assured ex
istence of arctic and tropical re
gions, Sir Robert says, are indica
tions that human life is existent on
Mars. No permanent water and no
river can be discerned in Mars.
What astronomers see are straight
lines, or, rather, lines falling in
straight circles along the globe.
These are undoubtedly canals in a
great state of development. It is
not known that these canals carried
off the ice and snow that melted
during the summer season, but it is
a fact that the observation of the
canals is clearer at the season of
the year when it may be assumed
that the snow and ice .are melting.
lanta X
gusta, C & W C
aeon, C of Ga
antg’m’rv A & W P
Dbile, L & N
Orleans, L & N
ishville N C& St I,
mtphis
The Worm Turns.
KOTiCI
Of rice nouBS
6 to 5
Tops and Top Spinning.
Top spinning is one of the oldest
games in the world. It has been
played for thousands of years, and
there are few even of the savage na
tions of Asia and Africa who don't
play the game with some sort of
top. Long before Columbus sailed
for America *the Indians knew a
good deal about'tops and top spin-
NORTHWARD
l Daily \
! No 402 |
NC <a StDJ 100pm {
! 10 55 p m J
eans, D & N \ 7 45pm J.
. & N J 12 20a m|
l’ryA&WPi 6 20am J
- ofGa J 8 00am j
C&WC { 9 40 arm {.
tSALRy { 12 00 n’n \
t 2 48pm J
od “ | 450pm ;
! 6 43pm |
i* “ 1 6 30pm j
ton, “ J 3 30pm |
“ | 9 50pm {
Pines, “ ( 10 55 p m J
" { 1 00 a m { 11 30 am
on‘ " J 2 27am J 100 pm
SAD Ry J 310am j 2 00 pm
“ ! 4 20am { 310 pm
ith, “ { 7 00 Am! 550 pm
Daily
No 38
8 45 p m
9 30am
She Owed Grimm a Thaler.
I heard an interesting anecdote
of Jacob Grimm the other day. One
of the prettiest fairy tales ends with
the words “whoever refuses to be
lieve this story owes me a thaler/'
One winter morning a little Jew
ish girl rang the doorbell in Berlin
and asked the servant if Herr Pro
fessor Jacob Grimm was at home.
When informed that he was not,
she said politely :
“Will you please hand him this
thaler when he returns ?"
The servant took the coin, glanc
ed at it curiously and inquired who
sent it and what it was for.
“I owe him the money myself,”
said the little girl.
“Why, what fof ?”
“Because I don't believe the story
about the wolf."—Chicago Record-
Herald.
How He Loved Her.
A negro man went into Mr. E/s
office for the purpose of instituting
a divorce suit against his wife. Mr.
E. proceeded to question him as tq
his grounds for complaint. Notic
ing that the man's voice failed him,
Mr. E. looked up from his papers
and saw that big tears were running
down over the cheeks of the appli
cant for divorce.
“Why,” said the lawyer, “you
seem to care a great deal for your
wife. Did. you love her ?"
“Love her, sir ? I jest analyzed
her!"
• This was more than professional
dignity could withstand, and Mr. E.
laughed until the negro, offended,
carried his ease elsewhere.—Short
Stories.
Fame Is Fleeting. *
Berry Wall drifted into a cafe of
“See here, Jones! How do you
account for the fact that you were
late in getting to the office this
morning?"
“I don't-account for it at all. I've
succeeded in getting another job."
Turned Down. *
“Of course,” said Miss Goldrox's
lover, “I realize that your daughter
is an heiress, but I assure you that
I would be just as anxious to marry
if she were a pauper.”
“That settles you," replied her
father. “We don't want any such
fool as that an the family."—Phila
delphia Press.
One of the Drawbacks.
“I wish 1 wasn't a hoy for about
half an hour," he said as he looked
out at the snow.
“Why?” they asked.
“Because," he .answered, “girls
don't have to shovel the snow off
the walks, and in half an hour, it'll
all be done."—Chicago Post.
The Model Farm.
“Does your son know much about
farming?”
“I should say he does," answered
Farmer Corntossel/ “He says he
Pallet. * 9 40 pm ; 9 20am
So'thern Pines, V j 10 32 p m { 10 09 am
Raleigh, « j 12 28 a m , f 1207 pm
Henderson, " J 144 a m | 127pm
Korina, “ J 210am j 215pm
Petersburg' “ j 4 09 a m } 4 43. pm
Richmond. “ J 4 56am | 535pm
Washington, P R R J 8 45 a m J 9 30 pm
Baltimore, P R R J 10 03 a m { 11 25 pm
Philadelphia, PRR • 12 27 p m j 256 am
New York, PRR | 315pm j 6-30 am
)te-fDaily Except Sunday,:
iiaesville, Jefferson and Southern trains
:e connection at Winder with Seaboard Air-
: Railway to and from all ooints North,
-• South and Southwest—Vestibuled limited
time editor. As Wall came in.and
the attention of the men was cen
tered on him the editor said after
the momentary silence the coat had
caused: - • <
“Fame is surely fleeting. There
is Berry Wall with an overcoat that
would have been worth three-quar
ters of a column in any newspaper-
ten years ago, and it probably won't
THREE QUEER TOPS.
ning. The Sioux whittled them out
of bits of wood, something like the
one shown in the picture. In Cey
lon, Siam and China nearly all the
tops are so fixed that they whistle
or sing when they spin. The or
dinary top used by the American
boy is probably the most popular
in the world. It is extensively used
in England and in all of her colo
nies, The German top Is larger and
more expensive, and the French top
is quite different in shape. None of
them will stand the pegging and
battering of the stubby little Ameri
can top. . ,
Central Time.
get even a paragraph now.
6. J & s. RAILROAD
Turned the Tables.
A certain society woman in New
York who had taken offense at Har
ry Lehr on some trivial ground un
dertook to humiliate" him in the
fashionable
Irival and departure of train}
AT GA1NESVII.EE, GA.
Schedule in effect jan 20, 1901.
[Eastern Standard (75th (Meridian) Time,
to, 82 leaves 7:17 a. m. for Social Oirc
fo. 81 leaves 12,30 t>. m. for Winder,
to-86 leaves 3:00 p. m. for Jefferson and So
l Circle.
*o. 8b leaves 7,55 p. m. for Jefferson.
87 arrives/rom Jefferson 8,18 a. m '
^•85. arrives from Social Circle *1,37 a. ? m.
83 ar rives from Social Circle 4,35 p. m.
«o. 81 arrives from Social Circle 8,37 p. m.
SUNDAY TRAINS.
f° 92, eaves 7,35 a. m. for Social Circle.;
'. 0 ' 98 leaves 3.40p. m. for Soclai Circ
/ 98 leave s 4.-00 p. m. for Jefferson.
P<99arrives8:45 a. m. from JeSerson.
0 Jj arrives 50:20 a.m. from Social Circle
^°' 91 arnves 2, 45 p. m. from Social Circle.
, _ Connections.
*°i 82 connects at Winder^,30 a. m. for Ath
“arriving Athens 10.11 a. m.
*?■ 82 conQecLs Social Circle with Ga. R, E
“gusta 10-26 a. m For AtlantaT1.55 a. m
ve Augusta 2.25 p. m.: Arrive Atlanta 135
presence oi some
friends. She waited for her oppor
tunity and then remarked, with a
sneer:
“Mr. Lehr, will you please send a
case of wine to our house ? We. are
all anxious to help you along, you
know.”
“Same as last ?" queried Mr. Lehr
calmly.
Turned the Laugh on Twain.
Sir Wemyss Reid, who has just
returned from America, has had a
friendly bout with Mark Twain over
the dinner table and come off vic
torious. *
Mark Twain was chaffing Sir We-
myss on the vagaries of English
pronunciation. “You spell a name
B-e-a-u-c-h-a-m-p and pronounce it
Marchbanks," he said.
“And you do precisely the same'
Hiing," replied Sir Wemyss.
* “What do you mean?" asked Mark
Twain.
“ Wel£ you spell your name
C-l-e-m-e-n-s and you pronounce it
Twain."—-London Chronicle.
“If you please."
The squire of dames turned to his
valet. “Make a note of some wine
for Mrs. X.," he said. “One dozen
sherry—dollar ninety-five."
New Use For the Thermometer.
The thermometer always hung
outside the porch door in summer
and in the family sitting room in
winter. The rise and fall of the
mercury had never been explained
Who Owns the Beard?
Three friends of a Russian living
at Marienburg gave him a hundred
marks, to shave off his beard..* But
his wife interfered .with a police no
tice to the effect that she claimed
part proprietorship.- The three
friends are now suing the husband
fornonperformance of his contract.
Mice as Life Savers.
Mice will hereafter be part of the
equipment of the submarine boat
Fulton on her trips below the sur
face of the water. They are expect
ed to protect the crew from asphyx
iation by detecting gas, by which
they are affected twenty times more
quickly than men. They are expect
ed to give warning of its presence.
This gas comes from the fumes of
the engine. Half a dozen white
mice have been seemed.
, * ^ c °nnects at Winder for Athens’. ;and
■^ a2 .ie P, m.; arrive Athens 2.50 p. m.; ar
Atlanta 3.00 p. m.
84 connects at Social Circle for Augusta a
: arrive Augustaj9.25 p. m. . ’
connects at Social-Circle for Atlati t
P- *•; arrive Atlanta 9.20 P .
Samuel C, Dunlap,
to the small hoy of the family, who
regarded the instrument with great
respect as a generator of heat next
in importance to the sun. One ;cold
day in March he rushed in from the
barn and demanded:
“Ma, gimme the thermometer
•quick!"
“What on earth do yon want of
the thermometer ?"
“I want to hang it up in the
sheep pen; the new lambs are shiv
erin' dreadful.”
Her Idol Smashed.
Rudyard Kipling tells this story
against himself: He had been pre-
Kodol Dyspepsia Ci
Digests what you eats
900
p
m
1133
p
m
12 55
a
m
120
a
m
3 02
a
m
5 18
a
m
6 45
a
m