Newspaper Page Text
VOL. XXVII. NO 23
AWFUL! AWFUL!
A wagon maker who had been
dumb for years, picked up a
hub and spoke. Yes, and a
blind carpenter reached out for
his plane and saw; and a deaf
farmer went, out to his Hock
aud he'jy; and a noseless fisher
manrifeaught a barrel of pike
and a 40-ton ele
phant inserted his trunk aud
flue; yes, a dog walked off with
his coat and pants; and just
last night we noticed a bed tick;
men in the woods saw
Ifche trees bark; another man
was astonished at seeing a horse
flv as he was passing the road.
—Ex.
Milwaukee Herald: “Have
you noticed the handsome ad
vertisement I had put on yon
der fence ?” inquired a mer
chant of one of his customers
recently.
“No,’' replied the latter, ‘but
if you will send the fence to
my house I w i 1 take pleasure
in reading it. I read newspa
pers and have no time to run
about and hunt up advertise
ments on street coiners.”
And the merchant scratched
the back of his head reflective
ly-
A farmer was driving a mule
in Southwest Georgia when a
storm came up and lightning
struck the animal.
The farmer never left his wa
gon but with a voice and whip
kept u ging the fallen mule to
rise. But the latter gave no
signs of life.
Then the farmer jumped from
his wagon, walked around the
auitna' two or three times and
then exclaimed in genuine as
tonishment:
‘‘That last streak o’ lightnin’
has ackchully killed that mule.
Who would ha’ thought it!”
A woman’s character is liken
ed unto a postage stamp. One
black mark ruins it. Man’s
like a treasury note; no matter
how many stains it has it will
pass at par. When a woman
falls from grace her character
is gen- rally mined forever. On
the other hand a man may
strnighten up and be received
into the best society again. All
of which is true —but being true
does not make it right.—Ex.
There is scarcely anything
pow-a-days that cannot be man
ufacted into a marketable pro
duct or converted into a salable
commodity,
Eead men’s bones may be
qhanged into potash, the hu
man hide is tanned for shoe
leather, the hitherto nearly
Useless cornstalk is l( se 4 in poo
ut| acting colferdamsoil, and
meal is made from the frisky
grusshopper.
For some years congealed
blood has entered Inrgely into
the manufacture of blood; and
now a firm in Holland qiakeg
bufton out of skiip milk.
Next wo expect to hear of
freezing looks being utilized iu
io« factories, and electric sto
rage batters being charged from
eyes that shot lightning glances
—Ex.
A NEW KISIwjF A HI.ESS
‘ l*G,
A commercial traveler who
was visiting with his uncle in
the country, su)s an exchange,
y*utj suddenly cajlod pp to say
grace, and, npt being accustom
ed to it, promptly tackled the
difficulty in the following words
t*\\ e kl*o\vMjJH the receipt of
your favor of tips date. Allow
||S to express opr grptatude fur
this expression of good will
Trusting that our house may
uieiit your confidence and that
we Utay have many good orders
'from you this fall, we are
youra." *
An old din ky was arrested for
stealing a silver dollar. The
dollar was found «n his person
sod produced in court.
FYou stole this money?’’ ask-
Bit the judge,
“Dat’s wh'it dey says, suh!”
“Well, what have you to say
lor yourself?”
“Well, suh, nuttiu’ much,
’ cptiu’dat l wuz driv ter it.”
Driven to it?"
“Yes, suh. You see, judge,
dat dollar had u bird on it, eu
it look so much like a game
Chicken dat 1 thought 1 wu* in
' a hen roos* en des nacbully
Jigged it I"
| ti I ]/*'*- Tab ales lainab gnu-
’ ' <•?
THE GWINNETT HERALD.
A FALSEHOOD NAILED.
John Smith was in Goldth
waite last week, so says the
Mountaineer.—Coleman Voice.
Well, it is a mistake. John
Smith was in Abilene that same
week —Taylor County News.
You’re another, he was here
and has been here for more
than a year.—Memphis News.
Brethren, there is a mistake
somewhere, for John Smith has
been in Childress for several
months past. —Childress Bud
get.
What stories! The Lord will
never forgive you, and the bad
man will get you sure. Why,
John Smith has been superin
tendent of the Vernon public
schools for the past two years,
and we walked and talked with
him yesterday. People, you
are wronn, John Smith is in
Vernon and is not going away.
—Vernon Hornet.
To correct any false impres
sions the editors may make on 4
the voters of this county, the
New Era will state they are ab
solutely untrue. John Smith
is in Groesbeck—he lives here—
and has been our county asses
sor of taxes for the past three
years. He takes the New Era
and pays promptly in cash.
John Smith is a Christian gen
tleman, a good officer and a
model citiaen. We think a
heap of John Smith.—Groes
beck New Era.
Wrong, wrong, all wrong;
and we fear that the whole gang
of you are heading for the land
of everlasting summer, where
the worm dieth not. John
Smith is a subscriber to the
Recorder, and has been a sub
scriber for years; and further,
he was never in Goldthwaite,
never saw Abilene, was never
about Memphis, never heard of
Childress, and so far as living
in Groesbeck is concerned, we
can prove that lie does not live
there. Be truthful,gentlemen;
be truthful. —Fairfield Record
er.
The number of Auaniases
connected with the Texas press
is something alarming. John
Smith lives in Huntsville, and
is the son of our esteemed citi
zen, Mr. Claude B. Smith. We
know he has never seen either
of the places named, hence
must conclude there are imjxis
"ters who are trying to palm off
as John.—Huutsville Item.
Guite a discrepency, gentle
men. To try to reconcile mat
ters, we went out seven miles
from Comanche to see John
Smith and showed him the
above statements about his
rumblings, ffe seemed very
much amused and stated that
he was at a loss to understand
why such reports got out about
him. He says he has not been
out of the county in six years.
—Comanche Chief.
Above clippings \yere all tu
ken from Texas papers, and
either Texas is fu|l of impost
ers who are trying to palm off
ua our cousin, John Smith, or
the Texas editors are the most
cheerful liars outside of the
land of everlasting summer.
John Smith is right Imfe i»
Georg lg —jjves fjfbift three
miles of YilU Hica. Juhll i 8
our cousin. He has uever been
in Texas, and wo can prove
that he never heard of these
little mm-diarM fmyns.
John wtH, no doubt, bring suit
against the lot of you for libel.
Gentlemen, the best thing you
can do is to take all hqck and
luimb|y bpg John to forgive
you for the slur you have cast
upon his phuracter by publish
ing tin- above falsehoods about
him. Do this, hrethreu, and
we vyill try so induce John to
let elm mutter drop where it is.
—Villa Hica Herald.
Ye generation of vipers I Why
do you seek thus to destroy the
reputation of one of Gwinnett’s
best citi»ens ? Why, John
Smith never heard of Villa
Rica, and us for living in Texas
he is as far from it as Andre is
front the North pole, You had
butter compromise this thing,
brethren, it you wish to avoid
a lawsuit,
The Worth County bocal has
‘got on to the curves’ of some
|m>ple. It says:
“If every mau who is able
would work 8 hours every day
and t) days every week and 53
week# in every year, the banner
of peace, contentment and pros
perity would soon be waving
over every home in these United
States.
— - 111 " "■ _ e ----
LAWRENCEVILLE, GEORGIA, TUESDAY, AUGUST I 7th 1897.
MISSIONARY COL
UMN.
[This column is devoted to
the missionary cause, and is ed
ited by the W. F. M. Society,
Lawrenceville auxiliary.]
EZRA AND ME AND THE BOARDS.
| Permission of the New York
Observer. J
We’re plain, old fashioned
folks, my husband and me, and
we’re getting along into years.
Ezra is past seventy, and I’m
so near it there ain’t any fun in
it; but we’re considerable smart
and independent yet, and so we
live in our snug little home in
stead of going to live with the
children as some folks would
do. The children are all mar
ried and settled, making a fight
for a living just as we used to
do, and they’re all steady go-to
meeting folks, I’m thankful to
say. and prosperous I guess.
lOnce I was going to have the
boys all Presidents and the girls
riding in coaches; but now I am
just thankful to have them good
plain, honest folks. There is
nothing like seventy years to
take the nonsense out of a
body.
Yes, we’re fixed so that we
doa’t need to worry if we’re
careful, and don’t go into ex
travagancies, like keeping two
fires or having a fit of sickness;
but we always pay our pew-rent
and help support the causes —
that’s the way we were both
brought up. But goodness me
how toe causes do grow and
multiply! Once there was only
foreign missions und home mis
sions and the Bible Society and
the Tract Society; but now
there’s the women’s boards, too
and the freed men and the old
ministers and the church exten
sion and the Sunday school and
Y. M. C. A., ana W. C. T. U.»
and land knows what. Of
course we couldn’t give only a
mite to the old Boars, and the
only way that we can do any
thing for Mil lliese new causes is
to keep crowding on a little
more load all the time, same as
the man who could carry an ox
by just beginning with it as a
calf.
Well, we were thinking and
talking a greut deal about the
debts of the Hoards, three years
ago this summer, and casting
about to see what we could do.
Of course I’ve always had mis
sionary eggs; every fifth egg is
my rule. If the old Jews gave
a tenth, pity the Christians
can’t give a fifth. And there’*
my cherry and apricot trees,
Some years they’ve helped me
out ever so much; but what was
it among the causes when each
wanted an extra effort, and de
served it, too? It’s the extras
that make the tfQubje always,
What was left for the debts?
On our mite-box it says:
“Freely ye have received," fin(|
I’m nos a stock or a stone not
to know that l have received
mercies enough I Just to be
well and breath is a pretty big
blessing, Kzra says. Rut it*
when he goes to tttjfcipg nbo.u 1
history fhaf Ezra gets real qbf
quent. Why, Will 1(0 QU by
the hour about what the early
Christum* went through, just
spread the gospel, and the way
they crept here and there with
their rolls of Scripture, even
acroHM the sea into Knglaud,
among'the awfullest heathen*,
that ever was, if Ripy w»» tur
ancestors, and about the Wald
enses, and the Huguenots and
the Cov’canters. | declare for
it, when Ezra gets to telliug
these stories, I feej so worked
up 1 am ashamed to think I‘ve
had my huupet dull# over at
all.
Iblt to go back about these
debts. When mother came to
live witli with us. she brought
the things that her mother gave
her when she was married.—an
old cherry desk, an eight-day
dock, and a spinning-wheel, if
you believe it—-a little cld
fashioned tlax wheel, spindle,
distaff, and all. We thought
thut was a big Joke, but you
will see. We put the wheel up
in the loft, and the children
used to play with it. Ai.d ut
ter mother died the young folks
used to get it down for tableaux
ami New England Kitchens,
and such things, and once Cora
Gillette, the banker's daughter,
asked my Eliza if we would sell
it, which, of course, Kliza
wouldn't listen to—sell grand
ma's wheel, indeed!
Talking about the deb: q “It
we had something that we could
sell,” says Ezra, and i just
laughed, but he fell to telling
about the early Christians liv
ing under ground and starving
to death, till I was sober enough
to cry. I always lie awake at
nights when anything troubles
me—foolishest thing in the
world to do—and 1 was lying
awake that night, and all at
once I thought of the wheel.
Of course I hated to part with
it, but what was that to be
thinking about at such a time
as this! So in the morning I
got down the wheel, and clean
ed it and oiled it and ruhed it
till it shone, and then I put on
my bonnet and went over to
Mrs. Gillette’s, who is such a
genuine lady that nobody is
is afraid of her, so I just told
her that I would like to sell
mother’s weel. Miss Gillette
was in the room and she joined
right in, ‘‘Of course we want it,
mamma,” says she; “do send
the man right o/er for it.”
“I think I’ll step over to
Mrs. Johnson’s and look at it
myself,” says her mother; and
so she came home with me, and
when we came in she she sat
down and we had a nice visit.
She said right away that she’d
take the wheel and give me ten
dollars -for it, which I thought
a real good price. Then she
says in her soft, beautiful way,
“Dear Mrs. Johnson, you are
not in any trouble, I hope, that
makes you anxious to sell this
wheel ?”
“No,” says I, “only those
Board debts - ”
“Whose debts ? What debts?’
says she in a kind of surprised,
invuiring voice
“Board debts,” says I; an I
upon my word I ha 1 to explain
it to her, although she is one of
our church members and a love
ly woman, but she never had
an Ezra for a husband. Well,
sin- understoi d, her great soft
eyes filled with tears, ami she
took out her purse. “Dear Mrs.
Johnson,’ ssys she, “1 didn’t
offer you half enough for that
wheel,’ and she just made me
take twenty dollars!
It’s always Mrs Gillette’s
way when she has been doing
anything generous to act as if!
it was nothing remarkable, and.
so she began to walk around the
room and to look at father’s
and mother’s pictures und the
old clock and the desk. “You
have a fortune in these quaint
old things,’ says she, “People
give a great, deal for them now
adays, but of course you will |
never part with them.’
“No, indeed,’ says I, und 1
felt almost hurt to have her
spunk of it; but shy fume and
took Roth iny hands in tier soft,
pretty ones, and kissed me, and
said that she was more grateful
to me thgn she pnqld fell, f«r
the whepl gnd for « lesson, and
then she weut away. poor
thing, she is Just crowded to
death with her big house, and
her help anc| he*' cqmpapy!
It's no Wfouder she hadn't
thought ghoqt the deh'a,
Wall, you should have sc«.u
Ezra when he came home and I
tu'.d him. “Twenty dollars]'
Puys he, “Who’d haye thought
we oniild give twenty dollars
toward the debts ¥‘ Hut we
did. 1 put it in my envelope
at our thank-offering meeting
this te*t, wht<*h K«'a found for
Use i
“Thou, 0 God, hast prepared
of thy goodmss for the poor."
Hut t here wasu gift of a hun
dred dollars that was taken
from another envelope, with
this verse;
I thank tine for thy written
word, my God,
For every sacred line;
Hut more 1 thank thee for thy
humblest saint,
Whoso duily life doth shine;
A living puge, most true, most
pure, most sweet,
Fresh from thy ha id divine.
This was Mrs. Gillette's, we
all knew, Of course she meant
Kara, Nobody ever thought of
calling me a saint!
Well, a yeur went by, and if
those blessed old Hourds wa'n't
just as bud off as ever! Some
says ttiey ain’t maun god right.
Kzra says how can they stop
spending when they get such
letters, not only fr nu mission
aries, but from converted heath
en ?
1 noticed Kzra looking ut the
desk, and 1 just felt in my boues
what was coming, It would
have to go, much us we sot by
it, and so it did. Mr. Gillette
came over himself aud gave us
twenty-five dollars for it. Of
course we missed it some, but
what's that when you think of
what you received ? Mrs. Gil
lette gave a hundred dollars to
Foreign Missions and a hundred
dollars to Home Missions last
year, and I am pretty sure that
the Boards are beholden to Ez
ra for a pretty good share of it,
but that's tlie last tiling that
he thinks of.
And now here is the same old
story ringing in our ears again
about the debts. There's one
one thing left. It did seem for
a while as if I could not part
with it. I was gazing at the
clock the other evening, and
says Ito Ezra, “What an heir
loom tins clock is!’
“ es, but the gospel is a heap
older and preciouser heirloom,
thanks to the missionaries who
brought it to England! 1 replied
Ezra.
I was lying awake that night,
and got to thinking how I had
be.ui tdessed by my godly moth
er and grandmother, und how
glad they would he to have the
old clock spread the gospel, and
then the queerest thii g hap
pened. The clock began t > tick:
“Free-ly ye-have re ceived,
free-ly ye-have re-eeived!‘
It's kept its going ever since
till I‘m most crazy. I told
Ezra of it this morning, and he
says may be if it wont over to
Mrs. Gillett's and stood on that
broad landing upon her stairs
it might keep on saying the
same thing until even Mr. Gil
lette, who never goes to church,
would hear it. Who knows ?
Mary 11. Field.
THE TRUeTiEMEDY.
W. M. Repine, editor Tiskil
| wa, 111., “Chief,” says: “We
won't keep house without Dr.
| King’s New Discovery for Con
sumption, Coughsjand Co ds.
Experimented with many oth-
I ers, hut never got the true rem
edy until we used Dr. King's
New Discovery. No other rem
dy car. take its place in cur
h me, as in it we have acertain
a id sure cure for Coughs, Colds,
Whooping Cough, etc.” It is
i lie to experiment, with other
r medies, even if they nreurgeri
o i you as just us good a« Dr.
King’s New Discovery. They
are not as good, because this!
remedy has a record of cures j
und besides is guurrauteed. It
n ;ver fails to satisfy. Trial
bottles free at A. M. Winn &
Son’s Drug Store.
THREE MONTHS BETWEEN
THEM.
Four months ago Mrs. Clar
ence Fitch, the wife of the audi
tor of the Cleveland Provision
company, left that city for East
Hartford,where she visited with
girlhood friends. A few weeks
later she gave birth to a healthy
baby girl. As soon as Mrs. Fitch
was able to travel she returned
to her home in Cleavland and
was apparently in the best of
health. On a recent Sunday
morning she gave birth to a
plump baby boy, there being jus
11 Weeks between tin. two events
Both ehiUHoi’ are in excellent
|\eulth.—Cleave laud Leader.
ONE AHEAD.
There is said to be one editor
jn beayen. How he got there is
nut known, but it is conjectured
that hg passed himself off as u
minister and stepped in uiicx*
pectedly. When the dodge wgs
discovered they searched the
regime of felicity in all their
length and breadth for h lawyer
to draw t he necessary papers for
hU ejection, but they could not
ttnd°ne, nod of course lie held
the fort.—Ex.
A pretty girl of sweet sixteen
In Pennsylvania reached for a
tloweraod a snake on the bough
bit her arm. She fainted, and
a young man found her, threw
water in her face, and was hys-
Iviicnlly told she had l«*en bit
ten by a rattle snake , He drew
away the poison with his lips,
and now there is the foundation
fur a thrilling romance. Hut af
ter they are married some crusty
old fellow will fell bur that u
rattlesnake cannot climb a bush
and then she w ill know that the
hlacksnake is harmless, Will
lb-re be a divorce? Hut John
has not told Hertha yet—Ex.
A william goat got in the acad
emy at Morgan not long since
and took up the st inly of geogra
phy. When lie was found he
had taken a liking to the wall
map —had eaten .Mexico, made
way with the gulf of Mexico und
ran out of the house with the
United States in his mouth.
It is suid that an editor in Tif
ton recently received a proposi
tion from a Chicago firm tliut
they would furnish him a new
patent fire escape for |l and
seme advert ising to be done la
ter on. The editor borrowed the
money and sent it along and in
a f cw days received a copy of the
New Testament, —Exchange,
There are 31)0,000 words in
the English language, and all
of them were used on Sunday
by a woman who discovered af
ter coming out of church that
her new hat was adorned with a
tug on which was written:
“Reduced to SB,OB.
A GRIM VIEW OF IT.
Iho death of an ossified man
in Tennessee is reported. He
died hard.—Chicago Tribune,
this is as bad as the man who
swallowed a thermometer and
and died by degrees; it suggests
also the case of a consumptive
undertaker who died a coffin.—
Medical Record. Theso re
mind us of a man who choked
while eating an apple and died
of appleplexy.—National Medi
cal Review. It was in a hotel
at St Louis that a Pike county
farmer blew out the gas and
died from gastritis.—Meyer
Brothers’ Druggist. Not any
worse than the man struck by
an engine; verdict, died from
locomotor at tacksia, —Montreal
Pharm. .Journ. Still worse the
caso of that pie-eat-ing dyspep
tic of Tit!is, for he died of pi
emia, superinduced by typhlitis.
—Medical Journal. The other
day a negro in Southern Geor
gia ate six wat melons. He
died of meloncholia.
LOVE IN*ALABAMA.
- “Yes,” said the village gos
sip, ‘John wuz always a-pestrin’
of Sue about marryin’ him, an’
she’d done told him ‘No,’ more
times’ll I could tell you.’
“You don’t say! ’
“Hit's true aspreachin’.Well
you know, John carries the
mail?’
“Yes, I’ve hearn tell he does. ’
“An’ las’ Wednesday wuz a
week Sue wuz a travelin’ along
with him, gom’ to town, when
John up an’ says, es she didn’t
make up to marry him he'd
made the hoss run down hill tell
all three of them wuz drowned
in the bottom of the river.’
“That’s what! Rut what do
you reckon Sue done?’
“Lord knows!’
“Caught John by the collar,
jerked him outeu the cart, grab
bed up a stick and lambasted
John with it tell he couldn’t |
stall’!’
“Laws a-massey 1”
“John took to his bed, whar
he laid for two weeks, an’ Sue!
got sorry for him, an’ missed
him, an' killed u beef to make [
stew for him, un now—what do
you recon?’
“I dunnol’
“She’s a-goin’to marry him!’
LUCK.
“Do you think there is any
luck in four leaf clover?’ asked
a young woman.
“Well replied Mr. Barker,
thoughtfully, “l can’t trace the
connection between any super
stition and actual occurrences.
Rut l knew a girl who was very
lucky son after she found a four,
leaf clover. ’
“Do tell tue about it,’
“There isn't much to tell.
While she was hunting the four
leaf clover she got her feet wet
and caught a cold, and every
body said she was lucky that
she didn’t die.’—Washington
star.
Advertising pays and we have
positive proof of it. A few days
ago there appeared an advertise
ment in a newspaper offering a
reward for un English terrier
dog.
Now for results.
Thu dog walked into Mr.
Stone s yard the next day, wag
ging his tail, lb-jug an intelli
gent, though unable to read, he
had doubtless heard soii.e nuu
read the advertisement, and at
once trotted off to relieve the
suspense us to his whereabouts.
Yes. advertising pays.—Ex.
A REAL BARGAIN.
“It’s a swindle,” she said.
“The idea of charging $1 for
that!”
“.Under the circumstances,
madam, returned the floor walk
er, who had been attracted to
the spot, “we will wake it $3.09
to you,”
“Ah,” she said, producing
her purse; 'that’s more like it.’
—Chicago post.
WHAT HE WANTED,
“The Hue will be three dol
lars and costs,” announced the
police magistrate.
“I’m am willing to make it
ten dollars and cost. Squire,”
said the scorcher, “if you'll
have it entered in the printed
record that 1 was going twenty
miles un hour and my machine
was Greased Lightning, geared
to 84.—Chico Tribune.
♦ •
Frank Stanton keeps up with
the educational progress of the
age. He says:
“These colleges,” said the
old man, "is the greatest tilings
in the world. Why, John’s
done larnt me ter play football,
and hanged if the old woman
ain’t u rulin' of a bicykile iu
britches.”
* .00 PER ANNUM. IN ADVANCE
HUMOROUS.
This club life will be the
death of me.
Who hit you on the head?
A policeman.
Willieboy—l’apa, what is an
easy thing?
I’apa—Ask your mother to
tell you about me.
How did Prof. Bildad's lec
ture on ether strike you?
Put me to sleep, of course.
First Boarder—l don't hear
this new man complaining any
more. Is lie satisfied?
Second Boarder—No; lie's
subdued.
Ned—l didn't know he could
run.
Ted—Why, my dear friend,
that man has lived in Subbubs
for ton years and has never
missed a train.
Mrs. Homer isn't at alt inter
ested in public affairs.
N >; she's the most insipid
creature. She permits home
affairs to nl>sorh all her time
and talk.
Smith—Our fool of a servant
tried to light the fire with kero
sene this morning.
Jones—Have you discharged
her?
Smith—We haven't found her
yet.
This is not a true Btory. Not
being a true story, it is of ne
cessity a fiction story. Being a
fiction story, it tells a lie. Any
thing that tells a lie should he
suppressed. That's why I shall
not write the story.
Elder Sister—Come, Clarence
take your powder like a man.
You never hear me making any
complaint about such a little
thing as that.
Clarence (sourly)—Neither
would I if I could daub it on
my face; it is swallerin* it that
I don't like.
Family Friend—l congratu
late you, my dear friend, on the
marriage of your daughter. 1 ;
see you are gradually getting
all the girls oil' your hands.
Old Olivehranch—Off my
hands—yes; hut the worst of it
is 1 have to still keep all their
husbands on their feet.
Mrs. Durham —Why do you
shun Horstley? I've noticed
several times now that you've
gone out of your way to avoid j
meeting him.
Mr. Durham—l’m suspicious
of him. lie's been so polite
and friendly of late that I ex-!
pect he's getting ready to try to j
borrow some money from mo.
WORDS OF WISDOM,
Who sings in grief prdcures
relief.
Ho loves thee well who makes
thee weep.
That which is lightly gained
is little valued.
A woman that marries for a
home pays big lent.
Some of our happies moments
are spent in air castles.
You can very often count your
friends by your dollars.
Only those can sing in the
dark who have a light in the
heart.
A man’s idea of a perfect wo
man is one who thinks he is per
fect.
There is no jewel in the world
so valuable as a chaste and vir
tuous woman.
Even in traveling in a thorny
path it may not he necessary to
step on all the thorns.
He who seeks after what is
impossible, ought in justice to
be denied what is possible.
Marrying a man to reform
him is equal to putting your
lingers into a lire to put it out.
When two souls have but a
single thought, they should stop
spooning and get married.
A man’s cynicism is bounded
on the north by his vanity and
on the south by his digestion.
When you say “I don't tare,*
t ry to see t hat your tone of voice
doesn't indicate that y >u do.
It is always a mystery to a •
woman why her lushmd does
not seem to pity old bachelors
more.
Life is like a nutmeg grater.
You have te rub up against the
rough side of it to accomplish
anything.
Ev-iry woman has an idea
that she can judge a man by
looking straight in his eyes—
hut can she?—The South-West.
FACTS AND FIUCRES.
The Vatican at Rome is the
largest palace that has ever
been erected. In length it is
1,21*0 feet, and in breadth I,OCX*
feet. It contains 4,422 rooms
The Brooklyn bridge gives
employment to a permanent
force of 77)1 men and women,
of whomeffbure policemen and
21d in the train department.
f?»
&AKIN* 5
POWDER
Absolutely
Celebrated for its great leavening
sarengtli and liealtbfulness. As
sures the food against alum and all
forms of adulteration common to
the cheap brands. Royal llakino
Powoick Company, Nkw York.
ADVERTISING Ts ASKING.
Every man must ask for buß
iuess before he can get it.
The more people ho asks the
more business he is likely to
get.
He must ask often and ask in
the right way.
Advertising is asking,
Advertising is simply saying
to a man or woman :
“Here is something good. It
is for sale. There is real econ
omy and satisfaction in buying
this good thing. Do you want
it ?”—Ex,
FREE PILLS .
Send your address to H. . E.
Bucklen A’ Co., Chicago, and get
a*free sample box of Dr. King’s
New Life Pills. A trial will con
vince you of their merits. These
pills are easy in action and are
particularly effective in the cure
of Constipation and Sick Head
ache. For Malaria and Liver
troubles they have been printed
invaluable. They are guaran
teed to he perfectly free from
every deleterious substance and
to he purely vegetable. They do
uot weaken by their action, hut
by giving tone to stomach and
bowels greatly invigorate the
system. Regular size 25c. per
box. Sold by A M. Winn &
Son Druggist.
TRUMPET CALLS.
Gorge the memory, and starve
the understanding.
When men look to the Lord,
there is no lack of work.
lirtter understand one theo
rem than learn a dozen.
Better freedom in bonds than
bonds in freedom.
They who wait to do great
things never do anything.
A man with two faces never
deeds but one pair of feet.
A crust with an appetite is
better than a feast without.
Pretend to know and you will
become an empty shell.
They who clamor for their
rights multiply their wrongs.
One truth in the life is better
than a hundred in the memory.
The wasted mental force
would do all the work of the
world.
When liquor goes iuto the
stomach, love gooes out of the
heart.
The “moderate” drinker nev
er touches it—one drink is ex
cess.
The Biggest debt in the world
is the Christian’s debt to the
heathen.
The true bone of contention
is generally found on the free
lunch counter.
Some men, if they prayed at
all, would say, “Give us this
day our dayly grog. ”
Success, 1 i-kte a lung-testing
machine, is valuable only as it
measures strength.
Man should be a little lower
than the angels and not a good
deal lower titan the beusts.
The only way to break com
pany with'Satair is for you to
do the breaking. He never will.
In the war at this aay, men
think more of the chances of
victory than the justice of the
cause.
Little boys are very much
like wheat. They are never
useful until they are thrashed.
Love is the greatest incentive
of all passions for noble effort.
There are lots of women who
have been disappointed in love
who are not old maids. They
are "married.
Why is a merchant who uev
jer advertises like the future?
Because you never know what
he has in store tor you.
HIS USUAL WAV.
She—lt’s funny, but all the
time I have*hnown Mr. Tigg he
never has paid me a compli
ment.
lie—Tigg never pays anybody
—Boston Transcript.