Newspaper Page Text
IVil and Humor.
Tito oilier day in New York :t
sharp looking little fellow said to his
twM-.lier, vci y abruptly, * Teacher, I
ain’t coming to school any mote.’
“ Not coining to school any more ?
why, what’s the matter ; don’t yon
like yottr teacher 1” “Oh, jitnini,
don’t I, tho’ i Hut I’m going hack
to the theatre." “ Back to the thea
tre 1” “Why, re*, I act, 1 does.’’
‘ You act; where ?" “ Yes, I’ve been
on the s age lots. I sin an old hand
at it. 1 was an angel to the Black
Crook and bullfrog down to tho
White Fawn, and 1 tell you what it
is, teacher, I'd a heap site rather he a
builfrog than an an angel any day.”
We read of a queor sort of mild
lynching in West Wyndham, V 11.
“ A seedy stranger,” as lie is desig
nat'd, made his uppearance in that
hamlet, and, by way of becoming
more pro-parous, stole a lot of tools
and clothing. Upon this the primi
live West Windhamites, instead of
taking the rogue before * justice,
tried him by a self constituted jury of
the cit : z*-ns, found him guilty, and
ordeiod him to run a gauntlet out of
town. For half a mile he passed
through parallel rows of citiaens,
who now horsewhipped him, and
anon kicked hini.
“Brick” Pomeroy is responsible for
the following on “ Brother Greely,”
but we don’t believo one word of it:
Horace Greclv sent to San Domingo ;
for fiftv peanut trees, to set out with
walnut trees on his farm in Winches
ter county. He lias a theory that
by grafting the peanut on the black i
walnut, something out of the ordi- ]
nary line of nuts can he produced.
On told being that peanuts grew on
root* in the ground, he looked dis
gnsted, and replied to his informant:
“Do you think Pin a fool, and can
be made to believe that nuts and
pertaiers aro the same thing?’’
“ Martha, my dear,” said a loving
husband to his spouse, who was sev
eral years his junior, “ what do you
sav to moving to the far West?”
“ Oh, I am delighted with the idea !
You recolioot when Mr. Morgan
moved out there he was as poor as
we are, and in three years ho died,
leaving his widow worth $ 100,000.”
A married man, somewhere or
other, is reported to have recently
terminated a long discussion with
an insurance agent who wanted him
to insure for $15,000 by the remark :
“ No, a widow with more than ten
thousand dollars would bo a danger
ous legacy to leave to prosperity.”
“ Don’t you think my son resem
bles me ?” asked an apothecary, as
he introduced his greasy-faced boy
to the witty I)r. 11. “ Yes,” replied
' the doctor, pretending to scan the
physiognomy of each : “ as, I
think I see your linimonts in his
con ntenance.”
A Yankee was walking wilh an
Irishman on the road to Now York,
and thinking to roast his companion,
said to him : “ Where would you
be now, Paddy, if the devil had his
due ?” “ Faith,” replied Paddy, *• I’d
be walking by myself to New York.”
Among the newest conundrums is,
“ what will the sixty odd papers,
who have in type full obituaries of
Mr. W. W. Corcoran, the distin
guished Washington philanthropist,
do, now that he is rapidly getting
well again J"
The Louisville Courier-Journal
ask*, if Mr. Toomba doesn’t like the
•* new departure,” why the deuce
doean’t he get up one of his own!
Ten cents’ worth of strychnine
would bo amply sufficient for the pur
pose.
An old lady gave this as her idea
of a gieat man: “One who is keep
ful of hi* clothes, don’t drink spirits,
kin read the Bible without spoiling
tho words, and sat a cold dinner on
a wash-day without grumbling.”
Tho World says : ** Mr. Groely is
generally understood to carry the
brains of tho Tribune with him in his
excursions.” It is notorious that Mr.
Greely carries but little luggage
when on his travels.
A New Orleans thief returned some
abstracted clothing that proved too
email and wrote the owner that he
would would wait on him to grow.
The town in Coos county, N. 11.,
named “ Success,” is a failure. Af
ter twenty years it has only five in
habitants.
Sleeves are tight, say the latest
London fashion*. So are the wear
ers, according to the latest London
scandals.
A Chicago paper says of a con tem
porary that it hae “ doubled its cir
culation. Another man takes a copy
now.”
A darkey who witnessed the ex
plosion of a shell for the first time
exclaimed : “See dar! hell hub laid
an egg."
An Ohio lyoeuiu is trying to cy
pher out, “ which is the oldest bat
tle cry, Erin go bragh or Indi go
blue P
Why do girls kiss each other and
men do not? Because girls have
nothing better to kis# and men have.
A quack doctor has invented a
medicine of such remarkable virtue
that it wiH cure a Ijhiu.
Wbat does a grocer do wilb all
his things before he sells them f
Gives them 3 weigh.
When, is a mother a father!
Wheu she’s a sigher.^,
LOOK mPAItE FOK HARVEST!
MAIiKW. JOHNSON,
BROAD STREET, ATLANTA, GEORGIA,
Is now receiving a fall supply of HARVESTING MACHINES, such us
Mowers and Reapers, I hreshers ami Separators,
Fan Mills luid Horse Powers, (.’rain Cradles, etc.
Also, Cider Mills, Churns, Feed Cutters, Smut Mills, und the celebrated
FAN AND FLY DRIVER,
which all should have.
Send (or price list. Address MARK W. JOHNSON,
ap 26~3m Broad Street, Atlanta, Gj.
Established 1858.
A Southern Institution, “Employing
Southern Tulent
MOORE’S
actual business college
CORNER WHITEHALL AND HUNTER STREETS,
ATLANTA, GA.
The Course of Instruction includes
BOOK-KEEPING,
In all its branches, taught thoroughly and
practically.
PENMANSHIP.
A rapid, free, and beautiful style. In
struction by a superior Penman.
COMMERCIAL CALCULATIONS.
The most rapid, concise, and improved
methods.
BUSINESS PRACTICES,
PARTNERSHIP SETTI.EMENTR, BUSINESS FORMS,
CORRESPONDENCE, COMMERCIAL I.AW, &C.
The accumulated advantage of sixteen
tears’ praitioal EXPERIENCE in busi
ness, and the important improvements
recently introduced, renders the course of
instruction at this Institution, unequalled.
Circulars mid qiecimciis of I’enmaship
furnished on application.
B. F. MOORE,
ap 26-3 m Principal, Box 227.
$lO 00.
NO HUMBUG!
NOTICE EXTRAORDINARY !
TO FARMERS AND GARDENERS !
A SOLUBLE FERTILIZER!
Manufacture your own manure at home,
and learn economy from the exfierience of
the past year. You can only prosper by
being independent; and to be independent
you must make what you consume. Ma
nure is no exception to the rule. Buy it,
and you will be poor; make it, and you
will be prosjieaous.
Mr. A. Smith, a scientific and practical
farmer, has deposited with me a receipt
for making a Soluble Fertilizer and Gen
eral Invigorator. It is founded upon the
most approved principles of the chemical
science, and was thoroughly tested by him
before offering it to the public. It differs
from ull other fertilizers in these essentials:
I. It is almost instantaneous in effect.
11. It is cheap, and can be mode at
home without hauling virgin soil or muck
land, which would pay better, if tended
where found.
111. Seed soaked in a solution of it, no
mole, bird oi worm will touch.
IV r . Cotton seed sou kid in it, and dried,
will escape worms, and produce a larger
pod.
V. If applied as directed, to fruit trees,
it wiil invigorate them and destroy the
worms.
VI. It hastens the growth of melons
and vegetables, and gives vigor to the
vines of the grape, etc.
Before offering the recipe for sale, 1
carefully compared it with the teachings
of Johnson, Porter, and other chemists,
and must say, I regard it a great inven
tion. Every farmer, gardeuer, or fruit
grower, should have it.
Send ten dollars to the undersigned,
in registered letter, or by money order,
and it will be sent by return post.
Oil. BEARCY,
mar 22-ts Griffin, Ga
DARBY’S
PROPHYLACTIC
FLUID.
This invaluable Family Medicine, for
purifying, cleansing, removing bad odors
in all kinds of sickness ; for burns, sores,
wounds, stings ; for Erysipelas, rheumat
ism, and all skin diseases; for catarrh, sore
mouth, sore throat, diptheria; for colic,
diarrhtea, cholera; as a wash to soften
and beautify the skin; to remove ink spots,
mildew, fruit stains ; taken internally os
well as applied externally ; so highly rec
ommended by all who have used it—is
for sale by all Druggists and Country
Merchants, and may be ordered directly
of the Darby Prophylactic Co., 161
William street, New York, or Dr. T. K.
Mitchell, laiwrenceville, Ga. sp!9-lyr
HR. T. G. JACOBS,
SURGEON DENTIST,
Being prepared to practice his profes
sion in all its Mhinchcs, informs the citi
■eos of Lawrenceville and vicinity that he
will be at bis office in Lawrenceville from
the sth to the 18th of each month. By
prompt attention to business, and reason
able prices, be hopes to secure a liberal
patronage.
fcajr* All work warranted. mar23!y
NOTICE.
I have a nick and wkll selected stock
of SPRING and SUMMER GOODS.
I will receive New Goods every mouth,
and will sell as good bargains as can be
bought in this place, fob cash.
R. N. ROBINSON.
Lawrenceville, Q«., April 12,1871.
ap 12~6m
DRY GOODS!
AT JOHN KEELY’S STORE,
ATLANTA, GEORGIA,
Will now be found a very large and
carefully selected stock, comprising in part,
DRESS GOODS, in every grade ;
SUMMER SHAWLS,
a very choice line of
WHITE GOODS,
LINENS, TABLE DAMASK*,
TOWELS, NAPKINS, etC., etc.
ALSO,
PARASOLS IN GREATjVARIETY
a beautiful lot of
LACE COLLARS
JUST RECEIVBD, IN ENGLISH THREAD,
MALTESE,
HONITON,
VALENCIENNES,
And other styles.
A large assortment of
GUIPURE LACES
just received, at snrpi isingly low prices.
BARGAINS
in Real Isima Points will be offered.
A FIRST CLASS SELECTION OF
ENGLISH HOSIERY
In every Lyle, shape, mid quality.
AI.SO,
JOUVN’S KID GLOVES,
IN ALL
COLORS AND SIZES.
®@u An examination of this stock is
earnestly solicited, as no tains have been
spared to make it attractive, ap 26 3m
GENERAL CONFERENCE EN
GRAVING.
Before the war, I sold this magnificent
and incomparable historical church pic
ture at $lO |kt copy. I now oiler it to
the friends of the church at $5 per copy,
and will allow $1.50 per copy commission,
to any who will undertake its sale ; or I
will sell it to clubs of five or more at
$15.50 per copy.
Every Methodist family in the South
ern States should have a copy of this
Itcautifu) and hallowed picture.’ Every
official board in every station in the
church ought (in my humble judgment)
to pocure a copy, frame it handsomely, and
hang it in the parsonage. I would say
the same of every Sabbath-school con
nected with the church: all should have
a copy neatly framed and hnng it in their
school-room. let ns remember and re
vere the memory of the great and gwod
men of the church, now dead, and whose
likenesses are on this picture. If my
friends will take hold and assist me to
sell a large number of copies of this
charming and attractive picture, they will
confer a great and lasting favor which
will be heartily reciprocated in any and
every way that I may be able to return
their kindness,
I have a recent letter from Bishop
Kavanaugh—he says, “If you can afford
to sell your beautiful picture on the terms
proposed, and make money by it you will
do a good thing for yourself, the church,
and the public. Reducing so fine a pic
ture to so low a price ought to put it in
every Methodist family who are in cir
cumstances to five in any tolerable com
fort."
At the time the war broke out, I had
in the hands of a number of »y friends in
the Southern States, books and engra
vings amounting in value, to upwards or
fourteeu thousand dollars ($14,000)
since the close of the wur I have only
realized of that large amount, aboat $40(1.
Those of my friends who still have any
portion of these books and engravings on
hand, will please advise ine of the fact, at
an early day. My address is Fost Of
fice Box 3,328, New York. ’
Wiixiam T. SiirrnsoN.
May 24-ts.
EASTMAN
BUSINESS COLLEGE.
A Southern School. I ax; at id at
Atlanta, Ga.
Patronize a Home Institution,
And the recognized head of all commer
cial or business schools for tbe practical,
useful education of young men, training
them for an active, successful life. Stu
dents are admitted every week day in the
year. For further particulars of tbe
course of study, terms, etc., address A. R
Eastman, Principal. ap 2C-3m
THE CONSTITUTIONALIST,
A DEMOCRATIC PAPER,
edited by
JAMES GARDNER, Esq.
PUBLISHED
Daily, Tri weekly, and Weekly,
AT AUGUSTA, GA.
Terms, Per Annum : Daily, sio •
Tri-weekly, $6 ; Weekly, $3.
Advertisements inserted at reason
able rates.
All business letters should be ad
dressed t 6 STOCKTON <fc CO.,
a P Proprietor*.
Mcßride & go.,
IMPORTERS i>P
EARTHENWARE,
TABLE AND
1
I
POCKET CUTLERY,
AND MANUFACTURER’S AGENTS FOR
SUverelated Wave.
TO MERCHANTS.
a®-We will duplicate any New York
assortment of Crockery, Cutlery or Glass
Ware.
gfct>’“We have assorted crates of best
IRONSTONE AND C. C. WARE,
of our own importation, packed to onr
order, and exactly suited to the wants of
country merchants, containing no high
priced dishes or tureens, or other hard
stock, but just such goods as those in
coustaut cash demand.
Uni' Wo sell these crates, for net cash,
for SBO, and guarantee entire satisfaction
to every purchaser.
Id-Will send lists on apptteution.
Gkantvillk, Ua., April 7,1871.
Messrs. Mcßride <k Co.,
Atlanta, Ga.:
We have jnst marked the Crockery,
etc. We are pleased with the bill. Al
low us to congratulate you on securing
such a good packer. Scarcely a piece
broken. Fill tho order for Cutlery at
lowest prices. Truly yours,
Garrett & Zellars.
june 21-6 m
SAVANNAH
MORNING NEWS.
The Savannah Morning News is now
in the 21st year of its existence, and is
acknowledged by the Press as one ol the
Leading Dailies in the South.
As a news gatherer, the Morning News
is energetic and enterprising—up with
the .times in every particular. It is care
fully and vigorously edited, and is em
phatically a journal of to-day.
In politics, it is earnestly and hope
fully Democratic, and is an unwavering
advocate and disciple of the principles
of ’76.
It is printed in the interests of the
people of the South, us Georgia, and of
Savannah.
The current local new* of Georgia
and Florida is made a speciality ; the
commercial department is full and relia
ble i and the general make up of the
paper is fresh, sparkling and piquant.
More reading matter is given in each
issue than is to be found in any other
daily journal South of Louisville or East
of New Orleans.
The Morning News has a circulation
equal to that of any newspaper printed
in Georgia, and double that of any other
Savaunah journal—thus affording one
of the best advertising mediums in the
country.
THE WEEKLY NEWS.
The Weekly News is a large, neatly
printed, carefully edited journal, each
issue containing an average of 30 columns
of reading matter.
It commends itself particularly to those
who do not enjoy the facilities of a daily
mail, and who desire to have the current
news of tbe day in a cheap, compact aod
reliable form.
The Weekly is made up with great
care and discrimination, and contains the
cream of the Daily Edition of the Morn
ing News. Its extremely low price, its
careful make-up, and the large and varied
amonnt of reading matter which it con
tains, commend it to all who desire a j
first-class family newspaper.
Tbe Weekly will be sent one year to
any address for $2 00; six months, $1 00.
THE TRI-WEEKLY NEWS.
The Tri-Weekly Morning News pre
sents all the best features of the Daily
and Y\ eekly editions, and is made up
with an eye to the wants of ‘.he farming
community of Middle, Southern and
Southwestern Georgia. It contains all
tbe Latest Commercial ami Telegraphic
Intelligence up to tbe hour of going to
press, ami the very large circulation to
which it has attained convinces us that
it fills a high place in public estimation.
Tbe Tri-Weekly News will be sent to
any address one year for $6 00; six
months, $3 00.
„ Money by the Southern Express
Company may be forwarded at our risk
and at our expense. Address,
J. 11. ESTILL,
june SI- ts Savaunah. Ga.
jggf
I ligkt
J. Wiun, Proprlttor. B. H. McDonald A Co.,Dru*sU&s i
* Om. tc, Ban Fnmctoco.Csl. ,»ud 84 Commsros 9*. ,».T. I
Bear Teat In* on y Ui thetr j
Wonderftal Curative Effect*. They are
not a rile Fancy Drink, made of Poor Ban,
Whiskey, Proof Spirit* and Reflue
Liquors, doetored, spiced and sweetened to please
the taste, called “Tonics,” “Appetizers,” “Restor
ers,” Ac., that lead the tippler on to drunkenness
and ruin, but are a time Medicine, made from the
native roots and herbs of California, free from all
Alcoholic Stimulants. They are the GREAT
BLOOD PURIFIER and A LIFE GIV
ING PRINCIPLE, a perfect Renovator and
Invigorator of tho System, carrying off all poisonous
matter and restoring the blood to a healthy condi
tion. No person can take these Bitters according to
directions, and remain long unwell, provided their
bones are not destroyed by mineral poison or other
means, and the vital organs wasted beyond the point
of repair. .
f They are a Gentle Purgative as well as
a Tonic, possessing also, tho peculiar merit of act*
ing as a powerful agent in relieving Congestion or
Inflammation of the Liver, and all the Visceral
Organs. —.
i FOR FEMALE COMPLAINTS, whether
In young or old, married or single, at the dawn of
womanhood or at the torn of life, these Tonic Bit
ters have no equal
For Inflammatory aad Chronic Rhea*
mutism and Gout, Dyspepsia or Indiges
tion, Hiltons, Remittent and Intermittent
Fevers, Diseases of the Blood, Liver, Kid
neys and Bladder, these Ritters have been
most successful Such Diseases are caused by
Vitiated Blood, which is generally produced by
derangement of the Digestive Organs,
/DYSPEPSIA or INDIGESTION, Head
ache, Pain in the Shoulders, Coughs, Tightness of the
Chest, Dizziness, Sour Eructations of the Btomach,
Bad Taste in the Mouth, Bilious Attacks, Palpitation
of the Heart, Inflammation of the Lungs, Pain in the
regions of the Kidneys, and a hundred other painful
symptoms are the offsprings of Dyspepsia.
r They invigorate the Stomach and stimulate the tor
pid Liver &nd Bowels, which render them of un
equaled efficacy in cleansing the blood of all impuri
ties, and imparting new life and vigor to the whole
system.
FOR SKIN DISEASES, Eruptions, Tetter,
Salt Rheum, Blotches, Spots, Pimples, Pustules, Bolls,
Carbuncles, Ring-worms, Scald Head, Sore Eyes,
Erysipelas, Itch, Scurfs, Discolorations of the Skin,
Humors and Diseases of the Skin, of whatever name
or nature are literally dug up and carried out of the
system in a short time by the use of these Bitters.
One bottle in such cases will convince the most In
credulous of their curative effects.
Cleanse the Vitiated Blood whenever you find Its
impurities bursting through the skin In Pimples,
Eruptions or Sores; cleanse it when you And it ob
structed and sluggish in the veins; cleans* it when
it is foul, and your feelings will tell you when. Keep
the blood pure, and tho health of the system will
{ fbllow.
I Fin, Tape and other Wonus, lurking in the
system of so many thousands, are effectually destroy
ed and removed. Says a distinguished physiologist,
there is scarcely an individual upon the face of the
earth whose body is exempt from the presence of
worms. It is not npon th.. healthy elements of the
body that worms exist, but upon the diseased humors
and slimy deposits that breed these living monsters
of disease. No system of Medicine, no vermifuges,
no anthelmintics, will free the system from worms
like these bitters.
BOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS AND DEALERS.
J. WALKER, Proprietor. R. H. MCDONALD * CO.,
Druggists and Gen. Agents, San Francisco, Califor
nia, and 32 and 34 Commerce Street, New York,
TWO GOOD MAGAZINES
FOli $3 00.
THE SOUTHERN FARM & HOME,
A FIRST-CLASS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE OF
Ag •iculture, Horticulture,
Domestic Economy and Literature.
Terms , $2 per annum , in advance.
Gen. Wm. M. Browne, Editor.
BURKE’S MAGAZINE
FOR BOYS AND GIRLS!
A Splendid Book for Young Folks.
Interesting Stories, Biography, History,
Science.
handsomely illustrated.
All adapted to suit the Youth.
Terms, $2 per annum, in advance.
T. A. Burke, Editor.
Both these elegant monthlies will be
sent for $3 to any address.
Specimen numbers sent on application
to J. W. BURKE & CO.,
ap 19-ts Macon, Ga.
1871~ ~ 1871
THE SOUTHERN
CHRISTIAN ADVOCATE.
E. H. MYERS, D. D., Editor.
THIRTY-FOURTH VOLUME.
This old and well established religious
family weekly is devoted to religion and
the Church ; to literature, science, art, the
news, the markets, advertisements, etc.
It is proposed to keep it equal to any
family newspaper in the country j being
all that a family that takes ones newspa
per can need, and also worthy of a place
with other newspapers, where several are
taken.
Terms : Three dollars for one year, in
advance.
The Ministers of the M. F,. Church,
South, are agents for the paper; but.any
person who will send six subscribers, and
$lB, shall hat ethe paper free one year.
Address, J. W. BURKE & CO.,
ap 12—ts Macon, Ga.
THE SOUTHERN
FARM ANH HOME.
GEN. WM. M. BROWNE, Editor.
TERMSI
Single copy one year $ 2 00
Three copies one year 5 00
Five copies one year 7 50
Farm ami Home and Daily Tele
graph ami Messenger one year. 11 00
Farm and Home and Weekly Tele
graph atid Messenger one year. 400
Farm and Home and Gwinnett
Atlas one year 3 50
invariably in advance. f
J. W. BURKE & 00.,
mar 29-ts Publishers, Macon, Ga.
THE WEEKLY *
1
GWINNETT ATLAS.
A PAPER FOR EVERYBODY.
PUBLISHED EVERT WEDNESDAY MORNING ,
-4$ **
AT LAWRENCEYILLE, GWINNETT CO., GA.,
By DENIS W. D. BOULLY, Editor and Proprietor.
lERMS Only $2.00 a year ; SI.OO for six months, or 60 cants far thrat
months, payabla in advance.
V
J
Any one furnishing us with fire snbscribers and SIO.OO, will reeeiv a
a copy of the paper free for oaa year.
jar Reasonable rates for JOB WORK and ADVERTISING!
jar Sand in your ORDERS.