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sits tm mm & stmt
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i- Jones
Corner Commerce and Warehouse Sts. CQNYEBS. GA.
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ir"Dents for the NEW HOME Sewing Machine. BfsT’We keep all kinds of
SEWING MACHINE * NEEDLES.“©8
•
He adquarters For all School Books adopted by the Board
of School Commissioners ef’.his counly.
MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.
-Tbe Recent Improvements’Made in The
WHITE SEWI’G MACHINE !
ADI) MUCH TO THfl
ANY EXCELLENT QUiiL
ESof this
uper i o r Machine. m
---:o:- ilSiSi'jSSfk m |
It is an Espeial Favorite of Ladies, jgggSfc
Tat!os aud Others,
ho use them fir the many advantages V uj !
eypisess over o'her Sewing Machines,
EVERY WHITE MACHINE
Wom-nted for 5 years. "I# \
J. I) & T E SMITH. Dealers, - . A’ A
Wholesale ami Reiail
50 Broad St., Atlanta Georgia.
P. &D. M. ALMAND, Agents,
Conyers, Georgia.
Carriage Manufactory
J W InANGFOBD « i
Carriages,. Wagons, make. Bugies, MY
own
li WARRANTED T3 BE FIRST GLASS IH EVERY PARTICULAR.
Ikeep also a GOOD LINE of Western Carriages and Bug¬
gies which I sell LOW DOWN
jllipairing of Carriages, WigonS and Bugger, Fa.iH.ng and Tiimmin
Wl grades done on short notice.
■all kinds of furniture repaired asgood as new
I It should be re me ill be id that My establishment is
BN have now on hand the largest and best stock of waggons, of my own
ih bugies homemade atm of western build that 1 have evu came
l^aiit l bargains y u had better cal). All wh > owe me need for the work areear
. 11 ! H-quest to come forward and settle promptly. I money an.
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►’ So you will please settle promptly.
^QUARTERS UNDERTAKERS ROODS.
WPFINS and CASKETS of all grades.and sizes, an d COFFIN HARDWARE
*f everything tha is kept in a first class Undertaker.
'COFFINS DELIVERED ANYWHERE IN CITY OR COUNTY
fhankir ng for their liberal patronage in the past, I solioi
. ‘““atca my customers very done give satisfaction.
of the same, wiih theevCivilii ig wil he to
Most Resoectfur'-, J*. W. LANGFORD.
A combination of Pro
'S toxide of Iron, Peruvian
J ut^Pri’st^t^of virei
7 u,inaispensa
Power* it
^^S*S8Stt./PURIFIES " BJIV.J.L.TOWSSB.
Industry. “/^Sdder it
n,'YVfneJited by ita / Y nrtll //'a. most debilitat excellent ed vital remedy forces- for
and. Pub- the
1 : w ' lU And it
fcerti fespSs fry. v a I u e
neoes- Vi
I ' Properties. Get. 2, _________ _ ........
^ - *•’ 1882. ........ ST., ST. 1 0313
B 7 iss vr A OTT-Tt MEDICIHE CO., SI 3 H. UH - .
r,j
e onijcrs cchln
SUBSCRIPTION $1.25.
Volume VI.
“INDEPENDENT IN ALL THINGS.”
CONYERS, GEORGIA, MAY 25, 1883.
THE VIKING’S DEATH.
Down to the shore slow marched the mourn¬
ful throng,
Bearing within their midst the dying king,
And sadly rose and fell the plaintive song,
As ’mid the rocks the cortege moved along,
A song as of a people sorrowing.
Down through the gorge, where, huge on
either hand,
The stern cl ids raise their bare heads to the
sky;
Where nothing breaks the silence of the land,
Save fitful sound heard from the neighboring
strand,
Of Ocean’s moan, or lonely sea-bird s cry.
So to the waters edge t hey slowly passed,
And there laid down their load with tender
care,
Fearful lest each faint breath should be the
last,—
For life’s enfeebled tide was ebbing fast—
And it should be too late to grant his
prayer.
For he, their king, whose deeds dim legends
tell,
Had made with trembling lips this last
request:
That, rocked to hislast sleep on Ocean’sswell,
Lone ’raid the waves whose voice he loved so
well,
He might sail slowly to the fabled West.
So, near the shore a glorious galley lay.
Splendid with gems, and awnings, [fold on
fold,
Wondrous and rich in light of dying day,
Which lit with varied hues the sparkling
spray,
And shot the purple sails with threads of
gold.
On to the deck the aged king they bore,
And gently laid him op the silken bed ;
Placed near his hand the sword he ever wore,
With shield and crown, that on the distant
shore
He might still be a king among the dead.
The snow-white decks they strewed with
flowers bright,
And set the sails to catch the gentle wind,
And theD, ere changed the evening’s mystic
light
Into the glimmer of the starlit night,
The vessel left the shore and them behind.
The pale stars watched the galley glide all
night.
Wave-rocked, whereon the living, lone king
lay;
But when the sun uprose in lordly might,
Aud bade the world—aroused to life and
light—
Renew its toil—the king had pasted away.
“CHRIS-”
BY CATHIE CUTTER.
“Chris!" came floating faintly up the
broad staircase. And Chris, stepping to
the door asked,—
“What is it, Valerie ?”
“Run down to Farlan's, and get some
more of that lace ruffling, please.”
When Valerie Richards tacked her
“please" on last, she always meant to have
her own way. So Chris took down her linen
ulster, and donned her pretty shade hat,
with something of a sigh.
With the murcury up to—well. Jack said
twas up farther than he could count—the
prospect of a two miles’ walk over a hot,
dusty, country road does not seem particu¬
larly inviting.
“You must hurry, Chris,” as she passed
the sewing room, “for when Guy gets back
with Keith Falconer, I shall want you to
help me dress.
So obliging little Chris hurried. Half
way to the village she espied a phaeton
w hich she instinctively knew contained her
Cousin Guy and his chum, Keith Falconer,
For the good opinion of.this latter gentle
man, whom she had met a few times before,
she had already conceived quite a respect.
And as our little Chris had the good sense
to realize that the aforesaid good opinion of
mobt gentlemen is not usually heightened
by the {appearance of dusty, red faced
heroines, she tilted her hat down over her
face at the lowest angle, and, lowering her
SUB umbrella perilously near her nose, tried
to skulk by without being recognized.
Of near-sighted, absent-minded Cousin
Guy she had no fear, but with Mr. Falconer
it might be different. Any way she got by
and hurried along to Farlan’s, the great
commercial eporium’’of the little village.
Coming back, with head aching, blood
boiling, and eyes before which little black
specks seemed continually dancing, Chris
conceived the brilliant idea of slipping in
the back door, and up the back stairs, thus
avoiding observation. Which idea she im¬
mediately put into execution.
Now it so happened that Keith Falconer,
catching sight of the little dusty figure
slowly entering the side gate, became sud¬
denly convinced of the necessity of solving
in his own mind its identity with that of a
certain other little dusty figure which had
crossed his line of vision something more
.
1 Making^ts’excuses to the ladies, he
stepped lazily out of the long French win
dow tothe piazza. Once out of sigh* he
quickened his pace till he reached the back
door vine’grew which stood invitingly open. A grape
conveniently near, and, inwardly
blessing the hand that planted it, Mr Fal
coner ensconced himself comfortably in its
SLl ^
Chris ubbe’ries, coming slowly up through the
sb - had not seen this little stratogii
! PV pr shp heoarr.p
b a much more vigorous and
exDres8 J ive pantomime—Valeria at one of
wind . jwg w ,. v i n g her hand furious
I, Wkoning her to hurry.
Obeying . l ,- >s m,1 “ v , pi • T,
' ’
projec , ,
run; a wg ro
^ ,
.boot and she leli heav .y to e gro.n .
In an instant Keith a coner was “J
side; in another, he act raise c-r e g
orm, and, supporting ier with ms s g
arm, inquired anxiously if she were burL
h«
Then, of a sudden, she burst into tears,
and darted into tbe house.
Perhaps if Miss iValerie Richards had
been aware that tke sewing room window
was directly over the afore mentioned grape
vine, behind which Mr. Falconer had again
seated himself, with a somewhat disturbed
countenance, the greeting she gave Chris
might have been a trifle less shrill; her key
note pitched a trifle lower.
As it was, the young man’s reflections
pleasant or otherwise, were somewhat
abruptly checked by,—
"Where under the sun have you been all
this time? Here Watkins has been waiting
a whole half hour for the lace, and we began
to think you were wating for Farlan to send
to New York for it! Hurry now and help
her get, it, on, for you’ll have to do my hair
in an hour. Do for goodness’ sake get rid
of those red eyes, for you’ve got to play this
evening, if”—
Then Mr. Falconer, with a curious little
smile on his face, left his retreit, and re¬
traced his steps ^o the piazza.
Chris, coming out of the sewing-room]
met Jack in the upper hall. Jack, be it
known, was the only real "true blue” friend
that Chris had in the whole Richards fami¬
ly. Uncle Richards was too much immers¬
ed in business; Aunt Richards too much en¬
grossed in getting a rich husband for her
daughter; and the aforesaid daughter—Val¬
erie—too much takeu up with the same
idea. Absent minded, book loving Cousin
Guy knew there was a “Chris," for he had
occasionally noticed that industrious young
person dusting his books, and he had a
vague idea that she always put bis dressing
gown and slippers in the right place. If
questioned about her, however, I doubt if
he could have told whether she were eight
or eighteen.
So in all "the wide, wide world” Chris
reckoned only Jack as her one friend and
admirer.
“What is it, Chris? Has Val been nag¬
ging again?’’ as he noticed her red eyes,
flushed cheeks, and weary step.
"Oh, no, Jack,” hastily, “it isn’t any¬
thing!”
“Well, but it’s something! You wouldn’t
look all fagged out for nothing," he persist
ed.
"I only got a little tired walking,” she
answered evasively.
“Needn't tell me that!” and he snapped
his fingers derisively. “Or, if you did, Val
had a finger in the pie somehow. I’d like to
se“ a pie she didn’t have a finger in,” he
muttered. "Come ‘Chrissie, tel! a fellow all
it,” he added, suddenly changing his
And Chrissie does “tell a fellow all about
Sympathetic Jack listens, part, of the time
an imaginary Valerie a piece of his
mind, and then, in imagination, shaking
admiringly with Keith Falconer.
Chris remembers herself with a start..
"O Jack! I must help Watkins now," aud
leaves him.
“Yes ” he mutters wratbfully, “walk two
miles in the blazing sun, help Watkins til
tea time, then ring out Val, and afterward,
play quadrilles for the rest to dance two or
three hours! I don’t see what in thunder
makes girls so hateful to each other.”
Jack had no idea of being profane, but he
was of the opinion that it took strong words
to express strong indignation.
That evening Miss Valerie Richards found
Keith Falconer rather more indiffent to her
charms than was altogether pleasing to that
young lady. To all her witty remarks he
seemed insensible, and was once rude
enough to interrupt a brilliant sally with,—
“Are we to have the pleasure of seeing
cousin this evening? ’
your
“My cousin?” she asked, arching her jetty
brows in well-simulated surprise.
“I beg your pardon,” he answered, “I had
reference to Miss Eustace."
‘ Oh, you mean Chris! Why, I no more
think of calling her cousin that I would
vVatkins, my maid, Her father was only
papa’s half brother any way, and we’re only
keeping her till she can get a help r
chance.”
‘Indeedl”
The gentleman nodded rather too stiffly
to be entirely gallant, it must be confessed
A slight movement behind caused both to
turn. Chris, with a fierce little flush on
either cheek, stood waiting for them to
stand aside that she might pass.
“Oh, is it you?”
Miss Valerie didn’t care to conceal a cer
tain scornful emphasis.
“Pardon me 1” exclaimed Falconer, much
disturbed, for he knew she must have heard
that unkind remark a moment before. But
he managed to posses himself of the roll of
music, and, notwithstanding Miss Valerie's
Uhconcealed d.sgust at th.s proceeding
accompanied poor little Chris to the ptar.o
There, although he exerted himself to the
u ‘ raost t0 be agreeable-and no one could
°e more so when he chose-he could not
altogether banish the cloud from the pretty
face, or the pained look from the tender
brown eyes.
^ore than cnee he looked up to see
8lic ^ en tears *> ac k Oy a great effort,
aod P erba P s thhfact t0 « ether Witha 8troni!
I Phonal interest, made him more devoted
and tendei! y s° ll e"ous for the welfare of
; his little protege than suited the fair
\ Valerie.
But be that as it may, she fairly ground
ber teeth in rage, as Keith Falconer stood
turning Chris’ music, and once, when he
capped the climax by bringing her an ice,
wbo was peeping in the window, was
htard tQ dec i are ._
l ., tTwhoi riQ , mad gbe shook her
fist at caboodle of’em 1"
"Caboodle” was a word al! Jack’s own,
coined for the occasion.
After that quadrille he look her out to
walk on the piazza in the delicious moon¬
light, and made himself so pleasing, talking
with her so kindly and geDtly, and insisting
upon arranging the flecy Shetland shawl
about her shoulder to suit himself, that poor,
foolish Chris half wished that this moonlight
walk might last forever, and the morrow of
which she had such painful foreboding
never come.
The next morning Chris did not appear,
and Aunt Richards commenced severely, in
a general sort of way, about people who
would go wandering about moonlight even¬
ings. “If one must expect to be sick," and
so forth.
Valerie said very little, but that little
was so decidedly tinged with acidity no one
wanted to hear more.
Keith Falconer felt uncomfortably cub
prit-like, just as they intended he should;
but, contrary to their expectations, he un¬
derstood precisely with whom he had to
deal. Beside, he had a certain little scheme
in his own mind, which he meant in a
quietly determined way peculiar to himself,
to carry out. Therefore bis manner was
urbanity stself, and he seemed so delight¬
fully easy and indifferent n > one would
imagine that he ever took moonlight walks
or knew of any one who did.
Meantime, while one of the offenders was
pouring oil upon the trouble waters below,
the other, in a little chamber up three
flights. was industriously fashioning pale
blue satin'bows for a white muslin dress of
Valerie’s.
Nothing ha! been said to her about last
night’s escapade, and Chris felt almost
happy, even though she had been
working since daylight, and the memory of
the unkind words of the evening before
sometimes thrust itself upon her.
Valerie had come in early, and ordered
dress finished for the lawn party that
And for dear life, never won
in the least when Valeiie informed
her briskly that probably she wouldn’t have
time to finish the dress otherwise, and she
needn’t come down to breaKfast. Watkins
brought it up to her soon ; and toward noon
appeared with a mysterious white
tissue-paper parcel.
“How is this ?” he remarked, trying to
tvppear careless and indifferent, and making
a sublime failure throwing the parcel into
a chair.
A beautiful pale pink saslt, which Chris
had long coveted at Furlan’s, greeted her
delighted vision.
“O Jack I dear, Jack, it is for me ?” she
hugging him rapturously.
"Of course it’s for you; bow’d I look with
it on?” receiving her caress with good-na¬
patience. "Now try it on, and see
how it looks.”
So it was tried on and tied, looped and
in every conceivable, shape, admired
by Chris, and criticised by Jack, who wound
up with,—
“I’ll bet two cents you’ll look better’n the
whole kit of ’em this afternoon 1”
Soon after, betook its departure, and met
Valerie on the stairs just going up to Chris’s
loom.
Whether a good or evil genius took pos¬
session of the boy at this moment ’tis im¬
possible to relate, but lie tiptoed softly back
to the door, and, applying his ear to the
keyhole, listened diligently.
An hour afterward, Keith Falconer, re¬
turning from a gloomy and unsuccessful
fishing expedition Guy was busy on some
critscal review and couldn’t accompan
him—saw the lad seated at the foot, of the
long avenue of oaks near the road. A
fierce frown disfigured the usually frank,
boyish face, aud his lips were compressed
in a manner not altogether in keeping with
his youth.
"Mr. Falconer, I should like to speak with
you, he began abruptly.
“Very well, my boy, what is it?” Keith
asked encouragingly.
“It’s about Val - and”—after a moment's
pause’ “and Chris.”
Keith’s face suddenly glowed with in
terest.
“1 suppose it seems_sort of mean to you
for a fellow to be down on his own sister
and 1 hate being a tell-tale too—but when a
din tolls such lies as Val told Chris ibis
morning, about things you never said ; and
twists her about trying to attract a gentle
man’s attention, who doesn’t eare a straw
for her, and who’s just the same as engaged
to somebody else; and orders her not to stir
out of her room until after this gentleman
has gone; and stamps all ever her new
sash which somebody has just given her’’—
Here Jack’s lip quivers, and he pauses a
few moments.
Did your s.ster say all this to Miss
Chnstabel ? halconer asks gravely,
“Yes, she did.” answered Jack, recklessly,
“for I listened: 1 know that’s mean, too,
but 1 don’t care. And she made ma be
)i e ve Chris was sick with a cold,and couldn’t
come down, when all the time she was
working ou an old **ne gown of Val’s and
now she’s crying,’’
Jack breaks down ajjain.
For a few moments Ar. Falconer looks
deep ly thoughtful, then takes a sudden res
olution, and m ikes a confidant of Jack.
The lawn party passes off pleasantly, and
Valerie declares it a success.
From some distant shrubbery Jack alter
nft tely glares at her, smiles on Keith Fal
c -, Qf . r , arid then excutes a war dance for
b is own private delectation.
Of course Miss Valerie knows nothing of
thia and Mr Falconer is so amiably polite,
and 8eems so sublimely indifferent to the
fact of Chris’s absence, that this ambitious
C. W. WHITE, Publisher.
Number 10.
maiden confessed to herself that uijiht in the
solitude of her own chamber, that she musi
have been a little precipitate in supposing
he could care for a chit like Chris.
“But after all ’twas just as well to be on
tbe safe side ; men do take queer fancies
sometimes 1 Of course any such affair is
safely nipped in the bud now 1”
And this self-satisfied “nipper” crept to
bed. where she slept the sleep of the just.
The next morning after all the family
except Chris and Uncle Richards had as¬
sembled in the breakfast room, FaleonsrFt
fly the bomb shell straight into the enemy’s
camp.
“Jack, will you please be kind enough tc
ask Miss Cbristabel to step into the break¬
fast-room a few moments ? I shall bf
obliged to return to the city to-day, on the
next train if possible, and I should like to
speak with her before I go.”
In the consternation and surprise elicited
by the information that he was to leave so
soon, the oddity of his rt quest passed
uunoticed. Ail were clamorous for him to
remain, but, during Jack’s abscence, he
contrived to impress upon them the fact
that urgent business, whose nature lie couid
more fully explain in a short time, required
his immediate presence.
The numerous regrets were interrupted
by the entrance of Chris, whose pale face,
drooping eyes, and weary, listless step,
formed a strong contrast to Jack, coming
in behind her with an exhuberant appear¬
ance suggestive of walking on air.
Mr. Falconer turned to her instantly,
leaving Valerie in the midst of a very pretty,
pleading request that he remain.
“Miss Cbristabel, pardon me if what 1
to say seem abrupt or premature to
but indeed, 1 feel that 1 may have al
waited too long 1 I believe the strong¬
feeling of my life to be my Jove for you,
1 cannot leaie without asking you to
me as my wife. Will you go ?’’
The brown eyes, drooping before, were
open enough now, at this strange woo¬
ing, with a pleading, half hewildered look
scanning the faces of the little group assem
bled in the room.
Aunt Richards and Cousin Guy express
ed genuine surprise; Jack, beaming with
delight, was clapping his hands softly; and
Valerie—oneglanceat. her half averted face,
and the contemptous, scornful curve of her
lip, was sufficient. With a sudden graceful
accession of dignity. Chris held out one mite
of a hand,
"I will go,” she said, quietly.
"God bless you, my darling I And Keith
Falconer drew the trembling little figure
to his own broad breast, and gently
the rough curls
In his great happiness not, much room
was left for unkind thoflghls or harsh words,
but he couldn t resist the temptation ol a
parting shot.
“Your uncle gave his consent this morn
tug, and though, in Miss Valerie’s estima
lion, this may not prove a better change,
God willing, you shall never regret the
change.” «
Women Doctors.
“Why,” said Miss Chapman, ‘ of Pittsburgh,
„ don , , t diner , from the sterner members ,
we
of , our profession... , our methods , , of .. practice, j
We just prescribe for people and cure them
as they do,” with a significant nod toward |
a passing procession, following the result o< j
some brother’s practice. ‘‘I have been here I
over eight years and consider myself sue
cessful. The gentlemen of the profession f
could not be more courteous to their own j
sisters. I am a member of the Anatomical
Society of this city as well as of the County ,
and State Medical Societies. 1 have held
elective positions in all of them which is, 1
think, an indication of pretty fair treatment, I
fur a woman, at least. J
“1 had a bard time getting a start., per¬
haps not harder than the ordinary begin-'
ners in this and other professions, but it was i
discouraging. College and the dissecting
room are the worst features to be encoun
tered. The first four nights I was in the I
dissecting room I cried. The gentlemen!
limghid so much at our timidity. Then 1 j
heard one of them remark how becoming |
tears were to the profession, and I left them !
off. Ladies are not treated well in many
institutions whose charters compel their
admission. The faculty take that course ;
gentlemen to discourage will their attend attendance, what since they many call j
not a :
femine institution. i
“Any lady with good r.lucaiton . and , j
a a
mature mind, above feathers and lace, can j
succeed in the profession in this city if she j
perseveres I prescribe sometimes for gen¬ I
tlemen, but my practice is largely among
the ladies and children. Half of my prac- I
tice is amoug poor people who cannot pay j
Many physicians send patients to me whom j
they cannot treat from tbe fact that, a ;
proper diagnosis of the disease cminot be ;
obtained. Woman can understand woman, ,
and it often does a patient more good to I
talk to ber of spring bonnets andwiapsj
than if effected bv the medicine.”
A mas employed in Brush’s Electric
L'ght building, in Cincinnaiti, on Saturday
called out from- the top of the stairs on
the third floor to bring up a pail of water
and put out the fire. Everybody rushed ! j
up to see the fire, but no one brought the j
water, which would have extinguished it. ! ,
Before n°i the water could be got the build
ing was all in flames, the whole ueighoor j
hood threatened, and the city is in the
darknesi which the ordinary gas lamps
make visible. During the flood, which i
drowned out the gas works a few weeks !
since, the electric lights were the only
source of street illumination.
<© VtOSfr
CITY AND COUNTY ORGAN,
THE LARGEST CIRCULATION,
FINEST ADVERTISING MEDIUM.
Advertising Rates.
One column, one v.at JK»-*
O ne column, (lx month , *» 0*
One column, three months._,_____ MM
.
Bmall advertisement*, 10 cents a line.
Special Rates to General Advertisers.
ALL SORTS,
The provincial press—A cider mill.—
New York News. **t . .,
Government pastry—a mint spy.—New
York Advertiser,
Flash times—when the young man pro¬
poses.—Burlington Free Press,
The music of the rooster is not composed
of crow-bars.—Georgia Major.
The mosquito as a public singer draws
well, but never gives satisfaction.—Boston
Star.
Any raw recruit can write about face by
preparing an essay on Cheek.—New York
News.
Eva noticing a flock of chattering black¬
birds, said. —“Mamma I guess the’re having
a sewing ’ciety.’’
“You are a great coquette,” said a young
man to a Madison avenue young iady. "I
plead jilty," was her response.—Harlem
Times.
The aisle of a church is not the proper
place for a sexton with squeaky boots. He
should try some other kind of "ile.”—New
York Advertiser.
“I am going to turn over a new leaf,” as
the caterpillar remarked when he had suc¬
cessfully ruined the one he was on.—Balti¬
more Every Saturday,
What is the difference between the pass¬
ing of a full dressed lady and an eafran
ehised grub? One is a flutter by and the
other is a butterfly.—Boston Transcript.
The mill owner who turned the fire hose
npon some of his disorderly employes
explained his conduct by saying he was
only washing his hands.—Boston Cotnmar
cial Bulletin.
Teacher: “Can you tell me which is the
olfactory organ?" Pupil frankly answers.
“No, sir,” Teacher: "Correct.” Pupil
goes off in a brown study.—Boston Tran¬
script,
"The jack’s trumped,” said the card play¬
er as the train jolted uncomfortably. “And
the track’s jumped,’’said his partner, as they
rolled into the ditch.—Pittsburg Telegraph¬
Mi s. Spaggins was boasting of -her new
house, The windows, she said, were stained:
"That’s too bad; but won’t tnrpentiue or
benzine wash it. off?" asked the good Mrs,
Oldboy.—Burlington Hawkeye.
Mulchey says the statement that John
Roach’s ship is the first iron vessel launched
in America is a mistake, as Mrs. Mulcahy
frequently launches iron vessels at him.—
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
The profits on the sale of Arthur Sullivan a
.. Lost chord” have reached 1200,000. By
Saint Cecilia, an’ we had a chance, wo
wou ( ( j ] oge a whole woodyard for half the
money.—Burlington Hawkeye.
The fat Pittsburger who sat down upon
and flattened out a lot of tin measures at a
grocery store, the other eveuing, has gone to
Colorado to accept a position as a quartis
crusher.—Pittsburg Telegraph.
“Oh, dear," exclaimed Edith to her doll.
" l do wish y0U W0 “ ld sU StilL *
such an uneasy thing in my life. Why
don , t you act like grown people , afid .4 u. be .»-n still
^ fm . awhile .. Bllrlington H.wkeya.
Samuel Gunn was recently arraigned in
a local court for intoxication. When he
shot his breath at the judge the latter re*
marked that it was evidently a muzzle-odor
but he conldn’t permit a discharge.—Yonk
ers Gazette,
He stood before her holdihg both her
lu>n(lg in hia and he aake(} 80 ftt yi “Why am
, Hk(j ft railroa(1 tra j n ?” Because you never
get anythillg to eat y- “No, my own, it is
becauae ( hold two wrist8.”-Pittsburg Tel
ngraph.
‘Was at the club last night; had a bang up
dinuer, remarked I om. Ah! said Char¬
Ey, “then I suppose you have a fine head
ac ‘ le Ibis morning. A headache generally
follows a stuffed club, you know.-Boston
irauacript.
Jilifkins belongs to that class of mortals
never go to the same church two Sun
days ruuning. He was met by Fogg last
Sunday, who asked him if he didn’t think
steeple-chasing was a desertion of the Lord’s
day ,—Boston Transcript,
“I notice one thing about this hotel,” said
one drummer to another as the pair were
seated at dinner; “the people here under
^ ^ ^ of bread . maklDg .-- “So they
do,” was the response, “but they can’t he’p
it, you see; it’s inn-bread.—Yonkers G 1 -
zette.
To Borrow a Phrase-Jack: ’ Say, c.d
man, will you let, me take your hat and .op
noat to night; mine are looking a little the
worse for wear? Chum: Certainly you
can have them; but don t you call that taking
your partner s best and going it alone?
Harvard Lampoon.
’Mr. Jones, I think I will have to raise
hoard,” said One-bundred-and-twenty
ninth street boarding-house keeper to a gen
tlemau whose appetite seemed to increase
every day. “Ah, I thank you very much
for your kindness in raising my board. I
have been unable to raise it myself for some
time.”—Harlem Times.
An old head—The bead of navigation.
How to know a sail-maker—By the “cut at
his jib. A bug that still continues to
thrive—Humbug. I he soldier who was at
a los 3 lor something to write about, was
ordered to right about face. When are
certain persons who travel in France like
dissipated young men?-When the, are ou
Rouen.-Boston Traveller.