Newspaper Page Text
Eutorcd according to Act of Congress, in the year 1850,
in the Southern District of Georgia.]
MAJOR JONES’ COURTSHIP,
OR
Adventures of a Clmslmas-Eve:
A DOMESTIC COMEDY,
J*Y TWO ACTS.
By Major Joseph Jones.
Scene 111. —A Mood.
Enter Crotchett and Dr. Jones in haste.
Crotchett.- Whew! Thank Heaven,
we’ve escaped from that dweadful
Majaw. I’d rather encounter a wild
bear than have him hold of me
again. I do believe he’s broken
every finger I’ve got.
Dr. J. —What a terrible look he
had out of his eyes !
Crotchett. —Perfectly teruiffic; and
that dweadful groan made my heart
quake within me. Did y*ou e\cr
see such a remarkable phenome
non ? I can’t account for it on any
pwinciple of natural science.
Dr. J. —1 have often heard that
such experiments are dangerous
with persons of peculiar tempera
ments. But I never heard of such
a remarkable case of spasmodic
convulsions.
Crotchett.— Wliy, it was so sudden,
and so unaccountable. I had just
got him completely under the inllu
ence, and was about to make some
experiments for the amusement ot
the ladies, when suddenly the fel- :
low seized me by the wrists
with die gripe ofa vice, and—and—
you observed how lie looked out of
his eyes.
Dr. J. —l never saw such a look
from nnv human. 1 fear he’s a ma
niac for life. (A groan from with
out.) Hark! what’s that?
7
Eater Major Jones , looking wildly as .
before.
Crotchett. —It’s the Majaw ! Ugh !
Let’s fiv!
Dr. J.—Ugh! Oh! Run Crotch
ett, for your life !
[Exit Crotchett and Dr. J.
Major. —(Laughing.) —Ha ! ha !
There the}’ go, like rabits from a
woods afire! Well, I never did
believe in animal magnetism before.
But if it didn’t work well that time,
I’m no judge. I reckon that ani
mal won’t be try in it on anybody
about my size agin, in a burry.
The imperent cus, to be pokin
his dratted fingers about m3’ Mary’s
butiful face, the second time be ever
seed her in bis lile ; and then logo
and try to make a fool of me right
before my r eyes! It it hadn’t been
for fear of frightenin the galls too
bad, I’d jest let him went ahead
with his freenological experiments,
and when he touched my organ ot
knockdownativeness, I’d give him
astrikin illustration of his humbug
science, that he wouldn’t forget in
a hurry, I’ll be bound. But I didn’t
like the way Mary lowed the boini
nable fool to be so familiar with her
on such a short acquaintance. And
thar’s cousin Pete, lie’s tryin to
court round Miss Mary too. I must
put a stop to this whole business
right off. The fact is it aint safe to
leave a bird in the nest too long
after it’s big enough to fly. I went
to see Miss Mary this very evenin,
determined to ax her to be Mrs.
Jones before I left her, and it made
me monstrous mad to be interrupted
bv them bominable snipes. But no
matter, the coast is clear now, and
I’ll go back and explain the magnet
ism to ’em, and know my fate be
fore I quit the bouse. So courage,
Major, have a brave heart—
This night I’ll bring Miss Mary to the pint,
Or put my nose completely out of jint.
[Exit.
Scene IV. — Mrs. Stallings’ Parlor.
The women discovered.—A lightwood
knot blazing on the hearth.
Mrs. S. —Poor Joseph, I’m ’fraid
his brain is addled. That’s what
comes of tryin witchcraft and sich
nonsense. I never had no opinion
oi these new ologies and isms, as
they call ’em, and if anything serious
‘vas to happen to Joseph, I’d never
forgive myself for ’lowin that out
landish feller to cut his bominable
capers in my house. -
Mary. —Don’t be uneasy mother.
It was all a trick of Joseph’s, you
may depend on it, and Mr. Crotchett
got the worst of it. I saw the mis
chief was in Joseph as soon as he
came in the room, arid I was only
afraid something worse would hap
pen.
Caroline. —Yes, sister, and you
tried to play the mischief with him.
Mary. — I only tried to make him
jealous a little. (Aside.) But I’m
satisfied now, and will not punish
him any* more.
Mrs. S ■ —Well, I don’t want no
more sich projectin. ’Spose he was
never to git his senses agin.
Mary. — (Aside.) —I hope he is
just beginning to come to his senses.
But here he comes.
Enter Major. The women are startled.
Major. —Don’t be afraid galls.
It’s all over. The magnetism is
gone and l aint under the influence
any longer.
Mrs. S. — Then you aint crazy’,
Joseph ?
Major.—(With a side glance at
Mary.) —Well. I can't exactly say
about that, Mrs. Stallings; for I
aint certain that I have been in my*
right senses for the last month. But
I think 1 feel a little better than 1
did a while ago.
Caroline. —But, dear me, Joseph,
vou don’t know how frightful you
did look!
Major. —Oh, I caught that from
lookin so hard at Crotchett. Bet
it’s all over now, and 1 hope 1 look
better.
Mrs. S. —Well, good night, chil
dren ; and don’t have any more
such projects, whatever you do.
[Exit Mrs. S.
Mary takes a scat near the fire-place. j
The Major regards her timidly.
Caroline , (to Kesiah.) —Come, sis,
let us leave them together. I know
our room is more acceptable than
our company.
[Exit Caroline and Kesiah.
The Major looks embarrassed—
draws a chair to the opposite side of the
frc-placc. —Mary affects to be engaged
with her work-basket occasionally
steals a glance at the Major , who
evinces his embarrassment by wiping
the perspiration from his sace —shifting
his position—tyring his handkerchief
into knots round his Itgs—clearing his
O I
throat , c^V. —After a considerable
pause , the Major speaks —
Major. — Miss Mary !
Mary. —Dit 1 you speak?
Major. —No —yes —l—l jest said
Miss Mary’. (Aside.) How mon
i strous killin she does look !
Mary. —Well!
Major. — (Aside.) —How fai ritv 1
do feel! What upon ycuth shall
I say to her ?
Maru. —What did vou say?
Major. —Wl l y —I—T hey ’ ve go n e
and left us here all alone, he, he !
Mary. —Oh! If you’re afraid, I’ll
call ’em back again. (Aside.) Poor
fellow, how l do pity him !
Major. —Oh no, Miss Mary, don’t
trouble yourself, I thank you.
(Aside.) If I could jest git started
once, I’d feel better bimeby. I’ll
ax her about the Female College.
I spose you enjoyed yourself right
well down to Macon, Miss Mary’,
when you was gwine to school.
Mary. —Oh, yes. I passed the
time there very agreeably” indeed.
Major. —l’m very glad of it.
And I reckon you had plenty of
beaux, among them town chaps,
too.
Alary. —Yes, indeed.
Major. — (Aside.) — The mischief
you did ! Did you like any of'cm
very much, Miss Mary?
Mary. Oh, yes, very much.
Their society was so interesting and
instructive.
Major.—(Aside)— l’ll warrant them
town chaps has got lots of gab.
Alary. —There was Matthew Mat
ties, Philo Sopbyq and TrigO’Nom
etry, who were my constant com
panions. They were with me day
and night.
Alajor. — Why, Miss Mary! You
did’nt allow them Irishmen to come
in your room o’nights, did you ?
j Alary. —lrishmen ! What Irish
, men ?
Major. —Why, Matthew Matties,
and that Mr. O’Nometry.
Alary. —Bless your heart, they
were nothing but books —books on
the sciences.
Alajor. —Ob! nothing but books,
was they ! (Aside.) How much
better I do feel. Ah, Miss Mary,
you’re as full of your mischief as
ever. But 1 hope you’re as good
and and as kind as ever too, Miss
Mary, and that you won’t throw
away old friends for new ones.
(Alary turns aside and laughs.) (Aside)
I’ve broke the ice at last. Now, all
the cupids and venuses befriend
me.—Will you, Miss Mary ?
Alary. —Will l what?
The Alajor hitches up his chair and
spits in the fire.
Alajor. —Miss Mary ! Ob, if you
only-—Miss Mary. (Looks implo
ringly at her.)
Alary. —What ails y-ou, Joseph?
I hope you’re not going to have
another magnetic attack.
Alajor.—(Spitting in the fire)— No,
Miss M arv. But something worse
—the fact is—l feel—l don’t know
—Ah ! Miss Mary !
Alary. —Shall I call mother?
Alajor.— No,no —don’t call nobody.
(Spits.) Miss Marv, I want you to
tell me—my dear Miss Mary, I want
you to answer me one solemn ques
tion !
Mary. —One solemn question.—
(Aside.) Ob dear ! how he frightens
me !
Alajor —Yes,Miss Mary,a solemn
quest ion, that is to make me the hap
piest man or the most miserable
devil that ever lived on the face of
the ycath. (Spits.)
Mary. —Dear me, Joseph, what
can it be ?
Alajor.—(Spits.) (Aside.) Now for
it, at the risk of my r life. (Spits)
Miss Mary, will you— (Spits) —wont
you, Miss Mary— (Spits.) —wont
you be —( Spits on the fire and puts it
out suddenly.)
Alary. —Ob mercy ! (leaves the
room unperccived by the Major.)
Major. —My Lord, Miss Mary, I
didn’t go to do it. Jest tell me
whar to go, and I’ll git a light.—
(Attempts to blow up the chunk.) Its
out goo and. M iss Mary ! Miss Mary !
r-die must be gone herself to got
a light. (llesumes his scat.) Now
warnt that too cussed bad ! Jest
when I was comin to the pint—
when the word was on the tipeend
of iny tongue —to have the whole
business knocked in the head bv sich
abominable accident. But that's
always the way with me. Ther’s
everlastingly somethin a happen in
to upset all my calculations. But
wait till she comes with a light, and
I’ll begin again jest whar 1 left off.
Cus the luck, that’s what comes of
chewin so much tobacker. When
ever I gits agitated, (and I was agi
tated you may depend, for I feels
hot behind the ears yet,)—-when
ever I gits agitated, I spits like all
creation. 1 wonder why Mary
don’t come. (A laugh from the ad
joining room.) Thar’s them ouda
ciousgalls, up yet, laughin at me!
I’ll bet they've been peepin through
the key-hole and laughin all the
time. I wonder now if Mary has
gone off to bed and left me here all
alone. ( The girls are heard laughing
again.) Listen at ’em ! Mary aint
comill hack here to-night, that’s
plain enough. Well ding me if I
haint got myself into a pretty fix.
I’ll never hear the eend of this busi
ness, the longest day” I live. I won
der whar’smy hat—for theraint no
use in mv stavin here in the dark
m/ +S
ativ longer. Maybe if she know’d
I was gwine, she’d bring a light.
(Aloud.) Whar’s my hat? —(Tumbles
over a chair.) Cus the chair and the’
hat too. (Laugh from the girls.) I’ll
jest git out the best way 1 can with
out it. (Strikes his nose against a
door that is standing open.) Whew !
d—n the door! I’ve put my nose
out of jint, sure enough. (Passes out
of the door—a pause of a few seconds—
a crash of crockery is heard—cry of fe
male voices from the room op-positc—re
enter the Major.} I’ve played the
devil with the tea things —upsot the
tabic and smashed* the cups and
sassers all to flinders, VVhar in the
name of thunder is the way out?
(Finds the door on the opposite side' —
passes in—a pause of a Jew seconds —-
a loud scream from the females—re-entef
the Major.) Heavens and airth! that
was the galls bed room ! In the
name o’sense aint ther no way out?
(Passes out through the door in the
flat —a crash, is heard.)
Caroline , (from the bed-room.) —My
Lord ! there goes mother’s wheei!
Barf ing of Jogs heard without .
Major (without ) —Get out! —get
out! —call off your dogs ?
End oj’ Act L
A WOMAN OF SPIRIT.
The recent separation of Mr. and
Mrs. Lawrence out west, has called
up the following reminiscences of
a somewhat similar event in Bour
bon Cos., Kentucky, some years ago.
A voung man of family and for
tune, named Spires, married a beau
tiful girl named Steilh, and probably
loved her to madness. After the
end of a year, the wife became a
mother, and like all young mothers,
was proud of her infant’s unfolding
beauties. One day as she gazed
upon the cherub babe—and who
docs not love and worship babes ?
we wish we had a regiment of em !
—she said to tier husband—
“ Roland, dear, I think I shall
take the roan mare this evening,
bundle up little Harry, the darl
ing,” and here she half suffocated
the babe with a mother’s fond kisses
—“ and pay a short visit to mother.”
“You’d better not!” said Ro
land.
“And why,” inquired the wife.
“ Because I can’t accompany
50U.”
“Never mind, old Toby can go
with me.”
j
“ You’d better not go.”
“I think I had better go sir! and
go I shall; and if you do not like it
you may help yourself.”
“ Very well, madam ; go, and we I
shall see the end ot it.”
Immediately after dinner the old
roan mare was saddled, led up to the |
stile, and Toby, the slave, mounted j
on a sorrel Alley, was waiting to at- j
tend his mistress.
The wife, attired for the ride,
soon made her appearance at the
stile, ready to depart for her moth
er’s residence.
“ Roland,” said she, as she cast a
half supplicating glance at her hus
band, you will not, l am very sure,
let me mount my horse without your
assistance.”
The husband with a frown upon
his countenance, handed his lady
love to the saddle, but was silent.
“ Roland dear,” said the wife, “I
have left my whip behind, go and
get it, that’s a darling.”
The husband complied with the
request, and handing it to his wife,
rudely and impetuously exclaimed :
“ Take it and go ungrateful wo
man ! ”
The hasty manner in which the
whip was handed, frightened the
horse, and he started, nearly dis
lodging the lady.
With an air of indescribable scorn
and indignation, she curbed up the
animal, and giving her husband a
glance that was capable of piercing
a fortress of adamant, said—
“ Sir, you have dared to lift up
} r our hand against a woman ! una
bashed coward ! 1 bate—-1 despise
—I detest you! This day, this
hour, we part to meet no more ! ”
And then giving speed to her
charger, she dashed down the road
and was soon in the embrace of her
mother.
It was in vain that the husband
denied that he had raised his hand
against his wife. No apology, no
explanation would be listened to, or
accepted ; and though the lady was
sure he loved her, she never after
wards received his embrace, or ad
mitted him to her society.
“ Alas ! liow slight a cause can move
Dissensions betwixt hearts that love.”
Fine connexions are apt to plunge
you into a sea of extravagance, anti
then not to .throw you a rope to save
you from drowning.
FRIEND OpyTHE FAMILY.
E. J. PURSE, CITY PRINTER.
PROCEEDINGS OF COUNCIL.
Savamah. 28th March, 1850.
Council met.
Present His Honor R. Wayne, Mayor, Al
dermen Cohen, Lippman, Mallery, Screven,
Griffin, Walker, O’Byrne, Purse, Saussy and
Posey.
The Minutes of the last meeting were
read and confirmed. The Information and
Fine Dockets were read and confirmed.
The City of Savannah vs William B. Hale,
violating Fire Ordinance by puttingupa Stoop
&c., cor. of Jefferson and Congress streets.
Witness, the City Marshall.
The defendant appeared and submitted his
defence. On motion of Alderman Purse, the
above information was referred to the Com
mittee on tho Fire Department, with power
j to act.
Reports read and adopted.
Tiie Committee on Dry Culture, to whom
j was referred the proposition of tho Trustees
of the minor children of Joseph Stiles, [ire
sent the following Report:
The proposition of the Trustees is to sell
| to tile City the right, of wet culture in all that
I tract of land lying west of the C ty and south
of the Augusta Hoad, commonly known as
tho Springfield plantation.
Tiiis subject is one of much difficulty, and
your committee have bestowed upon it ail
the consideration which its importance de
mands. They respond very fully to the opin
ion expressed by the petitioners, that the dry
culture system has exercised a salutary in
fluence upon the health of tho City. Expe
rience has settled that question: It is no
longer an opinion limited to the Medical Fac
ulty, but pervades all classes of our citizens.
Convinced of its salutary influence, the City
Council has never ceased in its efforts to ex
tend the benefits of the system to every por
tion of the City, and it has succeeded in sur
rounding it by n considerable space of dry
culture land in every direction, except the
south west, where lie tho rico lands which
the Trustees propose to sell. Just ice tothnt
important portion of the City requires that it
should participate in the benefits of the dry
culture system. The interest of the City de
mands that her domain upon her southern
border, where improvements are so rapidly
extending, should not be exposed to tin; de
leterious influence of the malaria of these rice
fields. ■ The value of property will be en
hanced by promoting the purity of the air,
and thus improving the health of the locality
Upon the propriety, nay the necessity of
a change of culture, from wet to dry, of these
lands, there cannot be a difference of opinion ;
but the bost mode of effecting that object is a
question attended by difficulties which have
caused much anxious reflection on the part
of your committee. There are three ways
of abolishing rice culture upon the lands in
question : Ist, by enforcing the law, which
empowers the City Council to prohibit the
cultivation of rice within one mile of the City
limits. 2nd, by purchasing the right of wet
culture. 3rd, by buying tho lands in fee
simple.
The City Council has exhibited a decided
reluctance to adopt the first plan, and to en
force the power granted by the Legislature,
unaccompanied by compensation, to the pro
prietors. Justice to the citizen forbids its
adoption by a great, rich, and magnanimous
Corporation. This subject has b ‘en treated
with such power by the late Chairman of the
Dry Culture Committee, F. IS. Bartow, Esq.,
that your committee will not trespass upon
your time by a repetition of his unanswerable
arguments. They would, however, take
leave to add to the force of that report in it s
bearing upon this particular case, by calling
attention to tho fact that the proprietors of
these lands are minors, and should be dealt
with not only justly and equitably, but merci
fully. Apart from this consideration there
is one objection to tho adoption of the plan
which is insuperable. Prohibit the cultiva
tion of rice and you will render the land val
ueless; because in its present condition, and
with the limited means of the proprietors to
apply the necessary labor, dry culture cannot
be successfully pursued upon it.—The con
sequence of a prohibition would be an aban
donment of all cultivation, which in the
opinion of the committee would be as injuri
ous as the cultivation of rico in this particular
locality, on account of its difficult drainage.
To the second plan, viz : that of purchasing
the right of wot culture, which is the one
proposed by the petitioners, your committee
are equally adverse. The lands in question
are bounded north by the canal, east and
west by high land, and south by a continua
tion of the same swamp, of which these lands
form a part. The natural drainage is into
the Savannah River, by Musgrove Creek. —
By inspecting the accompanying Map of Mc-
Kinnon, you will perceive that the draining
of this land has been seriously impaired by
the Canal and Rail-Road having been built
across Musgrove Creek without a culvert at
the spot, which left tho proprietors but a
single drain and that an artificial one. Now
this canal may servo the purpose ol draining
the swamp behind the rice fields, but in heavy
rains niu9t be wholly inadequate to drain the
latter. Without a drain fur the field, sepa
rate from that of the swamp, it is impracti
cable successfully to pursue dry culture,
and it would involve an expense to make the
improvement which the Trustees do not tee I
authorized to incur. They have accordingly j
withdrawn the proposition to sell the right of i
wet culture, and have submitted another to i
the effect that they will poll the entire Spring- I
’ field Plantation containing OGO u cit .
per acre, and this brings us to th e **’ *.*
tion of the third mode of abolish,^ 081 ' 1
ture, viz : that of a purchase in
This your Committee believe
plan. Make the existing canal wid' 6 '*' 1
deeper, and dig another to gj Ve s ** 80( !
drainage for the field,are all the
necessary to fit the land for farms nT*'*
dens for which purposes it may bo ,T
geously sold, and the city thus be
ted. The Committee would riot recoil
the purchase of the entire tract,
the Rice land, which contains
acres, and that portion of high lar„j .
cent to the Ogechee Road, which
vicinity to the city, may be desirable p j *
ty for a variety of purposes.
The Committee offer the following rc
lions and recommend their passage CB ° lu ’
Resolved, That the Dry Culture C
mil tee be authorized to coinmuni Cntf>
the Trustees relative to the purchase “ ‘
portions of the Springfield Plantation^
have recommended in their reiam
„, r ,,r i. aud fu
report to Council. 0
Resolved. That the Dry Culture c un
mittee ascertain what will be the
cost of the necessary improvements to fit
Rico lands of the Springfield plantation
dry culture, and for this purpose they Ik
powered to employ the City Surveyor.
JAMES P. SCREVEN
J. R. SAUSSY,
JOHN F. POSEY.
The Street and Lane Committee f o re
relative to a sewer parallel to the canal
thro’Alderman Purse, Chairman, reported
verbally that the work was ordered nnd i a
progress. The committee appointed to make
arrangements for the removal of the p (IW( ]
Magazine, report that they have selectedr W(l
lots, GO by 130, at the eastern terminus of
Broughton street as the most suitable pl, tco
fur the same, and recommend that a bomb
proof building, 30 by 40 feet, be erected a,,,
drr the direction of the Committee on p u (,.
lie Buildings.
tugs. PURSE, >
K. D. WALKER,
Petitions.
The petition ofF. Rober for permission to
put up a temporary establishment far I tt
Cream on the the south side of the Square
lately built by Mr. Hodgson, Ac., was read,
and on motion of Alderman Sermon, secon. j
ded by Aid. Purse, referred to the Commit,
toe on Public Sales and City Lots, to report
thereon.
The petition of Matthew Hall McAllister
Esq., relative to the continuation of Liberty
Street through his Lots Nos. 3 and 4, by tho
Street nnd Lane Committee and City Sur
veyor in 1844, was read and on motion of Al
derman Mallery, referred to the Coiniaiitc#
on Streets and L ines.
Communications, Spc.
A communication from Wm. P. Bowit,
Esq., relative to the trees planted .in Plant*!
Bank Square, was read, and on motion of Ah
German Purse, seconded by Alderman Colw
was laid on the table for the present.
Joseph Ft*lr, City Treasurer, submitted hi
Report upon the Returns of City O/Ticersfor
February, 185 a .
Aid. Cohen stated that the City TreaFnrcr
reported “ that the draft of Scarlet, Execu
tor of the late Peter Massie, being the bal
ance of the legacy to the city for $5,400,bai
been paid, and that tho dividend on stock in
vestment, amounting to SB4, has also been
drawn,”—whereupon the following Resolu
tion, offered by Aid. Purse, seconded by Aid.
Cohen, was read and adopted,-to wit:
Resolved , That His Honor the Mayor b®
authorized to invest the above amounts.
Resolutions Read and Adopted.
By Alderman Purse, seconded by Aider
man Cohen—
Resolved , That the application of Jobs
Love for relief lrom double lax on one thn
lot No. 46, Carpenter’s Tithing, Deck’
Ward, be granted upon payment of singb
tax and costs.
By Alderman Purse seconded by Air
men Walker—
Resolved , That W. B. Hodgson, he
requested to sign a lease as tenant
the Mayor and Aldermen, for that p° !tion °
the South Common enclosed by I* ll " 85
Public Park, nnd that the Clerk ot
have the necessary papers executed.
By Aldermen Screven, seconded k v ‘
derman Walker— (
Resolved , That the dry culture c° ntrßC _
whose lands lieve been reported in b” ° r
be required to place them in proper con
previousto the next inspection; aiulth^ 1
neglect or refusal to comply with tin s rP< l
’ sition, the Mayor be authorizod to 1
suit upon the contracts which may h ave
violated.
Amount of Accounts passed s'-‘2W
Council adjourned.
EDWARD G. WILSON,
A delicate girl of 15 years [
hibiting herself in Pennsyh^
° i 3 . k’
She weighs only 450 pounds
as she increases at the rate
pound a week, she stands a t
chance of being fat yet.
: —„ o fthc
There is a living speciro en
pork species at Detroit which ‘ u ® j
1060 pounds. His girt is ?
inch, and measures from n °
tail, G feet 9 inches.
The public domain of 1 |
States embraces
cres.