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MAJOR JONES’ MISCELLANIES.
WHAT MATE THE BABY CRY,
OR,
How The Chaverses Couldn't Go To
August!/.
Jimmy Chavers was a grate poli
ticianer, and nothin would do but
he must go down to Augusty to see
Mr. Clay, when he was thar in IS4-3.
But his wife wouldn’t hear no sich
arrangement thoatshe could go too ;
so all Jimmy had to do was jest to
pack up the whole family, consist in
ol himself, his wife Nancy, and her
babv, and the baby’s puppy-dog, a
travelin bag, anti a bandbox, and be
ready for the stage when it cum a
long. He spected nothin else but
the stage would be cram’d full, as
evry body was gwine to the city
and shore enuff when it cum, the
people’s.beds was stickin out of its
sides like chicken’s beds from a mar
ket wagon.
Evrv body but the driver sed ther
wasn’t no room. But as Mrs. Chav
ers had been to so much trubble to
trit reddv, and bad walked half a
r
mile to the road, she was termined
to go, if she could squeeze in any
wav. Mr. Chavers would been
monstrous glad if she and the baby
would stay home, but go she would,
and after two or three passengers
had crawled out and got on top with
the driver, the Chavers family bun
dled in, and squeezed down into the
middle seat.
“You don’t want that infernal
dog along, do you. Mr. Chavers ?”
ses the driver, when he was handin
in the travelin bag full of provisions
for the journey.
“Oh, no; cus the dog l —leave
that to home,” ses one of the pas
sengers.
Mr. Chavers didn’t say nothin,
but looked at bis wife, as much as
to say ther really wasn’t no room
for little Tip.
“ Yes, but he must go,” ses Mrs.
Chavers, “l couldn’t never think of
leaving Tip home, the baby’s so
much attached to it. Pore little fel
ler !”
Ittuek ’em some time to git stowed
away, the stage was so crowded.—
The bag was jammed down among
the passenger’s legs, and Mr. Cha
vers tuck the dog in his lap, while
Mrs. Chavers held the babv in hers.
When they were all ready, the dri
ver started his team and away they
went, but not very fast you may de
pend.
Little Gustus was bout ten months
old, as fat as a bar, and one of the j
best natured baby’s in the world :
and for a while he tugged away at
the ginger cake what he had in his
hand as quiet and contented as could
be.
Mrs. Chavers kept talkin to him j
all the time, showin him the cows i
and the horses, and the trees, teliin
him whose place that was, and
whar they was gwine, and who they
was gwine to see, jest as if the lit
tle feller understood a single word
u
she sed. Bimeby dab went the
ginger cake rile on one of the gen
tlemen’s clean white trouses.
“Hitytity,” ses Mrs. Chavers ;
‘ ; jest see what mama’s naughty boy
is done !”
Then she told Mr. Chavers to git
the ginger cake, for it was too much
to waste. In stoopin over and look
in for it. Tip’s tail got cramped up,
some how, and he sot up a yell like
his neck was broke, and snapped at
another gentleman’s leg; and be
fore the cake was found, the baby
got hold of one of the passenger’s
hats, and was crumplin it all into a
mush, fore his mother could git it
away from him.
The little feller wanted something
to p'ay with, so she let him have her
parasol. That tickled him mon
strous, and sot him jumpin and ca
perin so she couldn’t hardly hold
him in the stage. Then he begun
to crow and lay about him like he
was gwine lo brake the heads of
Wry body in the stage, and the fust
thing his mother fenow’d, whack he
t‘ek a old gentleman with specta
cles on vUe aside of the nose, in
spite of all \ds winkin and dodgin.
old man snapped his eves and
worked his jaws, but be didn’t say
nothin.
‘Oh, oh !’ ses Mrs. Chavers, ‘ baby
musn’t hurt the gentleman—dat’s
naughty tricks, so it is,’ ses she, grab
in hold of the parasol, and settin him
down in her lap.
Mr. Chavers looked over to it,
grinned, shook his bed, and sed :
‘ Little Gussy musn’t be bad
boy/
Then lie pulled at Tip’s tail a
wbilc, and tween grabbin hold of
his mother’s bonnet strings and kick
in his feet in the gentlemen’s laps,
and puttin evry thing he could git
hold of in his mouth, be kept his
father and mother both as bisy as
they could be to take care of him.
By this time the passengers began
to wish the Chavers family to the
mischief, and one crusty old bache
lor began to show signs of hidryfo
by very plain. He was one of the
alfiredest uglyest men, any time
that ever was seed in Georgy ; but
when he was in a bad humor, be was
enuffto skeer the very old Harr} r him
self, jest to look at him. With the
exception of his nose, what was
about two sizes too large, ther wasn’t
nothing very remarkable about his
featers : but ther was a sort of fre
zin, north-easter look about him that
was enuflf to stop the grass from
growin war bis shudder fell; and
what was the singularest thing in
the world, he looked like he’d been
ded bout twenty] years, and had j
jest lately been dug up.
The old bacheller never sed a j
word after the Chaverses cum in the j
stage, but jest sot and watched the
motions of the baby like he would
go into fits if it was to touch him.
Little Gustus begun to git mon- |
monstrous restless, and kept His 1
mother bissyer than ever, to keep 1
him out of mischief. Bimeby all at
once, be squalled out like he was
snake bit.
i Whush-h-h whush-h-h,’ ses its
mother, gatherin it up in her arms,
and tr3 T in to quiet it, while its father
looked over to it, and shuck the pup
py at it, and coaxed it, and talked
baby talk to it too.
But it was all no use—“Wah- ,
wah went the baby—“Wah !
ke-wah !—wall ah ! ”
“Oh ! what ails mama’s little dar
lin baby? Dony cy so, tweetest I
ittle pweshus,” ses its mother, danc- ;
ing it as well as she could on her
knee, and hoverin over it and kiss
in it with all her might.
“Wah-wah-ah !—ke-wah !” went
the baby.
“Jecmes,” ses its mother, “what
upon yeath can ail the baby? 1
never lieerd it cry so before.”
“Let me take it,” ses Mr. Cha
vers ; and then they swapped the
baby for the dog, and for a niinnit
little Gustus seemed to git better.
But before they got done wonderin
what made it do so, way it went
again worse’n ever.
“My Lord Nancy, what can ail
the child?” ses Mr. Chavers, after
tryin his best to please it. “Some
pin or something must hurt it,”
“Let me have the child,” ses
Mrs. Chavers lookin monstrous
’larmed.
She overhauled all its clothes,but
didn’t find no pins, and then she
tuck il and jumped it up and talked
to Itagin.
° •*
“Looky looky,” ses she, holdin it
up to the winder of tlie stage, and
drutnin on it with her hand —
“Looky—see de pretty geen teeses
and degeen gasses.”
“Walt! wah-ah!” squalls the
baby.
Oh, de pretty cow. See de
wheely roily roundy roundv, and
de horsy go trotty trotty —oh, de
pretty. Look, mama’s baby !” ses
Mrs. Chavers.
After a while little Gustus begun
to lower his kee a little. But he
was no sooner down in her lap,
than away he went agin as loud as
1 be could squall.
‘•Goodness gracious,’* ses Mrs.
Chavers, “what does ail the child?
It must have the collick.”
Then Mr. Chavers had to take it
f i!l she got the draps. In the botb
erment, Tip got into a tite place and
got his tale mashed, what made
him set up another terrible ki-eye,
and Mrs. Chavers spilled the par
ray gorrick all over the man with
the white trousers, tryin to pour
some out for the baby.
“Dear me,” ses Mrs. Chavers,
“the little feller must be sick, or be
wouldn’t take on so. It we can
jest git to Betsy Radkinses, I wont
go another step.”
By this time the baby had got
quiet agin.
“How far is it tn ltadkinses, driv
er?’ ses the ugly man.
‘Bout a mile,’ ses the driver.
‘Thank Heaven !’ ses the man
with the white trousers —then, after
waitin a little—‘that the baby is bet
ter.’
‘Pore ittle one —what was de
matter wid mudder’s ittle tweety
baby ?’ sed its mother, kissin and
huggin it up.
Little Gustus looked up in his
mother’s face through his tears
as pleasant and bright as a flower
gardin after a shower of rain, but
lie couldn’t tell what was the mat
ter.
‘Do it feel better now, mudder’s
ittle pweshus?’ ‘Pore ittle one,’
ses Mrs, Chavers ;and then she gin
it a grate big piece of hisses candy,
and went on talkin to it bout gwine
to see Mr. Clay.
Evry time the stage would jolt,
down would go the candy on some
body’s knee, and all of the passen
gers on the front seat would screw
and twist themselves about to keep
out of the way. By changin him
about, and standin him up, and rol
lin him over, and swappin him evry
now and then for the dog, and let
tin him pull the puppy’s cars and
tail, they had managed to git him in
a pretty good humor agin, and had
made up ther minds to go on to Au
gust} r . But jest as they got in sight
of Radkinses house, down went the
lasses candy and away went the
baby agin as loud ‘as it could
squall.
‘My Loid, Jeems, 1 really do
blieve the baby is spasmy. Mercy
on me! it jumps like it is fitly.
Dear me, what shall we do?’ ses
she, the baby rippin and squallin
and kickin like rath all the time.
Cbavers took it, and talked to it,
and jumped it, and his wife talked
to it, and shewed it the wheels ‘rollin
roundy, roundy, agin, but it was all
no use. It would stop for a niinnit
or so, til it could git its bretli, and
then away it would gc agin worse’n
ever.
By the time they got to Radkinses
Mrs. Chavers was almost skeered
out of her senses, and as soon as
the stage could he stopped, she got
out with the baby and run lo the
house, leavin Chavers to bring the
dog, and the bandbox, and the bun
dle.
Pore Chavers was tenibly skeer
ed himself, and seein the passengers
tuck so much interest in his family
affliction, advisin him to slop and
send for the doctor for it —with his
hart in his mouth and his e} T es
swim min in tears, he ax’d ’em if
any body know’d what was the mat
ter with it, and what was best to do
*
for it.
One sed one thing and one sed
another; but jest as the stage was
bout to start, the old bacheller stuck
his bed out and ses he to Chavers:
‘I say, Mister, do you want to see
what the baby cry’d at?” And
with that he gin Chavers one look
right full in the face that made him
speechless formore’n a minnit.
As soon as he cum too, he run rite
to the house and told his wife all
about it, and he ses to this day he
only wonders that his child wasn’t
ruined for life.
The baby was no more trouble
after it got out of the-stage, but the
Chaverscs was mortally put out
cause they couldn’t go to see Mr.
Clay. Mrs. Chavers ses she spcct
ed something was the matter all the
time, but Lord knows it never enter
ed her hed that any mortal man was
uglycnufFto skeer her baby into
fits.
ftlisdliiM}.
The London Correspondent of
the Evening Mirror tells a good sto
ry after Dickens. The latter intro
duced it at the Theatrical fund din
ner :
“ lie wanted to pay a compliment
to Webster4or adhering to the dram
a in good luck and bad luck, and
the way he set about it was this :
‘Yesterday,’ said Mr. Dickens, ‘1
.was told a story by a friend of mine
who belongs to a class remarkable
for their literal accuracy of narra
tive, and absence of all exaggera
tion in their descriptions —an Amer
ican sea captain. On his last voy
age home, the captain had on board
a young lady ol remarkable person
al attractions —a phrase I use as
one being entirely new, and one you
never meet with in the newspapers.
This young lady was loved intense
ly by five young gentlemen passen
gers, and in turn she was in love
with them all very ardently, but
without any particular preference
for either. Not knowing how to
make up her determination in this
dilemma, she consulted my friend
the captain. The captain being a
man of an original turn of mind,
says to the young lad}', ‘ Jump over
board, and marry the man who
jumps after you.* The young lady
struck with the idea, ancl being nat
urally fond of bathing, especially
in warm weather as it then was,
took the advice of the captain, who
had a boat ready manned in case of
accident. Accordingly next mor
ning, the five lovers being cn deck
and looking very devoutedly at the
young lady, she plunged tnto the
sea head foremost. Four of the
lovers immediately jumped in after
her. When the young lady and
her four lovers were got out again,
she says to the captain: ‘What
am 1 to do now, they are so wet ? ’
Says the captain, ‘Take the dry
one !’ and the young lady did, and
married him.”
“ This was received with screams
of laughter ; the way it was told,
almost in these very words, it was
ludicrous enough, undoubtedly.—
But to what do you suppose it was
apropos? ‘The way I would apply
this anecdote,’ continued Mr. Dick
ens, ‘is by reversing it, take th ewe/
one! Mr. Webster has boldly
plunged intoaseaof troubles in be
half of the drama, and kept it afloat
when others shrank from the at
tempt, therefore, I say, take the wet
one, and drink Mr. Webster’s good
health and prosperity.
“All Dickens said and did
throughout (he evening was reeeiv
ed with vast applause, such as is
bestowed on an old favorite only—
the remembrance of whose past ser
vices enhances the appreciation of
present exertions. Boz is begining
to show the effects of age already.
The crown of his head is becoming
denuded ofits once luxuriant cover
ing; the lines of bis mouth are fast
deepening ; his florid complexion as
suming a brick-dusty hue; and
though his slight figure and clastic
step forbid the least suspicion of
even a remote decrepitude, it would
seem that the volatile exuberance
of his fancy is as caretracing an es
sence as the exercise of far profoun
der thought.”
• The Boston Courier is authorized
to state that the report that Mr E.
Everett is engaged in the prepara
tion of a history of France, is with
out foundation.
It is said that Hiram Powers’s
statue ofEve, which has sometime
been expected in this country, for
Mr. Preston of South Carolina, has
hoen lost by a shipwreck off the
Spanish coast.
Letters have been received in Lon
don from Sloperton, says the Eve
ning Post, giving a most painful ac
count of the decaying health of the
poet Moore, wliose cleatli was dai
ly apprehended. For three months
Mr. Moore had not left his room,
and altogether bis condition was
considered hopeless.
THE MISER.
He seems to be shrivelled and
squeezed into a compass no bigger
than a nut shell which a squirrel
holds in his paws. His cheeks col
lapse, his stomach and spine ap
proach each other for want of nu
tritive diet, and his attenuated legs
have taken refuge in
‘‘The lean and slippered pantaloon.”
His heels are shod with iron to pre
vent the precious cow-skin from
wearing out, and his breeches are
leathery ; and for his old hat, boys
would not kick it in the streets. It
is so greasy and shocking bad, that
it would bring a higher price than
the best beaver, either as a curiosity
to hang up in a museum, or to put
upon a high pole to frighten hungry
crows. His finger nails are like
bird claws, and his arm trembles as
with the act of grabbing, and his
whole expression is hungry and
gluttonous, as if he were feeding
upon a basin full of gold eagles or
dollars. His cat is a mere shadow,
and puts one paw before another,
looking in the direction of her long
streaking tail, as if a small mouse
would frighten her away. His dog
is lean, snarling, and ferocious from
being ill-fed, and his cow appears
to be the victim of a perpetual born
distemper, a hanger on at the hay
scales, and with a thieving propen
sity for other men’s clover. Then
his house, his fences, his walls, his
garden, present a picturesque misery
which cannot be adequately descr K
bed. But to look upon cold, cheer
less gloom you must enter in. No
voice—no music—no laugh—no
cheerful aspect of wife, children, or
domestic*. A few lean sticks, no
thicker than crutches, are upon his
hearth, and two.or three dull, lack
lustre coals to heat his meagre soup,
causing to ascend above his chim
ney in the cold air, a thin blue, wiry
cork-screw curl ofsmoke. Twenty
times a day, walking upon tip-toe,
and looking about, he draws forth
his treasure. This for him is all
tlint can make life sweet, or death
bitter.”
Egyptian Characteristics. —A cu
rious race of people the Egyptians
must have been. The great cud of
life was death. They were no soon
er born than they thought about dy
ing. The whole nation seemed to
live in a sort of forcing pyramid.—
An Egyptian did not care so much
where he lodged, so long ns he kne\
where he was to be buried. His
greatest comfort was the idea of be
ing made a nice mummy of. His
card was an epitaph. Fie was wal
king about with a tombstone contin
ually in bis hand. In fact, the large
ness of the pyramid is a standing
proof, if proof be wanting, what a
set of tremendous undertakers the
Egyptians were. Their present
was the future. This may partial
ly account for their being so much
in advance of other nations. To
speak extravagantly, they seem to
calculate time with a dtath-watch,
which the} 7 wound up with a skele
ton key ! They made themselves,
in fact, so familiar with death, that
they invited him to all their wed
dings, anniversaries, pic-nics, and
grand dinners.— Punch.
The richest man of Boston, ac
cording to ibe tax-book, is Abbott
Lawrence, who pay a tax on one
million, or $1,032,400, exactly sev
en more persons pay taxes on more
than halt a million, as below—Rob
ert G. Shaw $529,000 ; David Sears
$7*52,000; Jonathan Philips, SGSS,-
000 ; Josiah Quincy, Jr., $619,000 ;
John Welles, $616,000; Thomas
Wiggleswortb, $556,090; John Bry
ant, $549,700. The tax of Nathan
Appleton is $495,000 ; I. James
Parker, $484,000.
Two rival piratical shilling edi
tions of the ‘ Sketch Book,’ 4 Tales
of a Traveller,’ and other books of
Washington Irving, the copyright
of which has been heretofore en
joyed by Murray, have been issued
in London.
The grandest aim of man— the
elevation of the standard of his race
physically and intellectually.
Letters from Granada state
the London Daily News,
great number of people are
ed in washing the sands fo Un j
the banks of the Darao. and tjjJ *
very considerable quantity of,, , 1
has already been found. The ?
of this river were known even
time of the Romans to contain
Several districts in the
of Granada have been found toe,
tain gold, and more than a hundred
localities have been registered
Granada, as one may supp ose • .
a state of great excitement, the* 111
habitants imagining their connin’
will soon become a second Calif
nia.
A Paris letter says, “Over a jj
France, under the new static\ Vv
at least one hundred pape rs
perish. This will throw u Vtl |Jf
dred poor authors out of employ
ment, a hundred printers will Y
charge so many men, and the p a .
per-makers will send their i riL ,
away in turn.”
The girls out West frequent],
ride a tame wolf to meeting, and it
is not unusual to meet a lady astride
of a domestic crocodile. A Wes
tern girl frequently sits down to tea
with a rattle-snake coiled up i n her
lap, the animal thrusting up his Lead
occasionally to take a view of |j le
company.
FRIEND OF The HE
E. J. PURSE, CITY PRINTER.
PROCEEDINGS OF COUNCIL.
SAVANNAH, May 13, ] 8,30.
Special Meeting. m
Council met.
Present Lis honor It. VuvnP,
Mayor; Aldermen Posey, Turner,
Cohen, Mallery, Screven, Griffin,
Camming, Saussy, and Walker.
His Honor the Mayor stated tbit
he had convened the Board fortlie
purpose of taking action relative to
the income tax.
Alderman Cohen, Chairman of
the Committee on Finance, submit
ted “an ordinance declaratory of
existing tax ordinances,” whirl)va
read the first and second times,and
then unanimously passed. Coun
cil adjourned.
EDWARD 0. WILSON,
Clerk of Council.
Beard of Health.
SAVANNAH, May 13 IS-50.
The Members appointed by lln
Honor the Mayor, on Thursday last,
met This Day, agreeably to pubic
notice.
On motion, William Duncan,
hsq., was called to the Chair, and
Edward G. W ilson, Esq., appoint
ed Secretary.
The Board went into an election
of officers, and upon counting c ■
the ballots, the following were sev
erally declared ejected, viz.*
Joseph S. Fay, Esq.j ChaiTman.
Hon. Edward J. Harden, Club
man pro. tern.; Dr. S. A. L Lam
rexce Secretary and Treasurer, j
Resolutions read and adopt I
E. G. Wilson, seconded .by OI
Verstille— I
Resolved- That llic Talcs of j
last Board of Health be adop^ l !
the Rules of this Board.
By P. M. Russel, seconded?
John J. Waver.
Resolved, That the Secrete? ■
this Board be authorized to pur. I
a book to keep the Minutes ■
Proceedings in.
Resolved , That he also I#
ized to have 500 Health Ortli' 11 I
and 250 Notices, also 150 cop I
Laws relative to the Board I
Rules this day adopted.
On motion, Resolved , -I L- I
Board meet every Wednesday* I
12 o’clock, M. ..fl
By E. G. Wilson, second I
A. L. Lamar— , 1
Resolved , That when
adjourns, it adjourns to
week, 12 o’clock, M.
The Board adjourned acc ( *
ly.
S. A. T. LAWRENCE, Sec’O;
Board of H tit