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Vol. IV.
The Old-Fashioned School
ma’am.
How dear to my heart is the old-fashioned
schoolma’am,
When sad recollections present her to
view,
The way which she’d often we boys with a
rule lamm
Would make the whole future fearfully
blue.
And still in my farcy I feel my flesh tingle;
Time never can quite the sensation
destroy,
For when she got rattled she made the
house jingle —
The old-fashioned school ma’am I knew
when a boy.
The red-headed schoolma’am, the strong
muscled schoolma’am,
The argus-eyed schoolma’am I knew
when a boy.
If we dared crook a finger ’twas quickly
detected,
And followed at once with a punishment
dread,
Until all the boys in the school half
suspected
She could see just as welljwith the back
of her head.
There, then, was no use in our trying to fool
her,
She had an impression we couldn’t
destroy,
And so she would earnestly lay on the ruler—
The old-lashioned schoolma’am I knew
when a boy.
The red-headed school ma’am, the strong
muscled schoolma’am,
The argus-eyed schoolma’am I know
when a boy.
And yet, notwithstanding her constant en
deavor,
Our school days with sly, boyish pleasure
were fraught,
We always were into some mischief when
ever
We thought we could do without being
caught.
We threw paper wads and were noisy and
pranky,
And did everything which we could to
annoy;
No wonder that once in a while she was
cranky —
The old-fashioned school ma’am I knew
when a boy.
The boarded-round schoolma’am, the under
paid schoolma’am,
The much-abused schoolma’am I knew
when a boy.
The Engineer’s Story.
Which Caused Justice to Be Done to the
Extent of Nine Dollars.
In the smoking car, along with half
a dozen others of us, was an engineer
who was going down to Peoria, and
after a time the judge started to draw
him out by saying;
I presume you have had your share
of close shaves, along with other engin
eers?
“I have, sir,” was the reply.,
“Been in many smash ups?”
A. Imixiorous dare-devil—the very man to suit my purpose. Bulwkb.
OT7R. “G-EISr. JOSEPH E. JOHNSTON'S ’’ ISJTTMBER,.
“A full dozen, I guess.”
“Any particular adventure that
might be called wonderfid?”
“Why, yes, I did have one,” replied
the man after relighting his old cigar
stump. “I didn’t think it any great
shave myself, but the boys cracked it
up as something extra.”
“Let us hear about it,” said the
judge, as he passed him a Havana.
“Well, one day about three years
ago I was coming west with the light
ning express and was running to make
up lost time. Down here about twen
ty miles two roads cross, as you will
see, and there are a lot of switches
and side tracks. I had just whistled
for the crossing and put on the brakes
when the coupling between the tender
and the baggage car broke.”
“I see, I see,” murmured the judge.
“At the same moment something
went wrong with old No. 40, and
I could not shut off steam. She sprang
away like a flash, and as she struck
the crossing she left the track and
entered a meadow filled with stumps.”
“Good heavens!”
“She kept a straight course for about
forty rods, smashing the stumps every
second, and then leaped a ditch, struck
the rails of the D. and R. road, and
ATLANTA, CA., NOVEMBER I, 1889.
I • Mi
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GEN. JOSEPH E. JOHNSTON.
after a wabble or two settled down
and ran lor two miles.”
“Amazing! Amazing!”
“Then, at a crossing, she left the
rails, entered a cornfield, and, bearing
to the right, plowed her way across
the country until she came to our own
road again. She had a long jump to
make over a marsh, but she made it,
struck the rails, and way she went.”
“You —don’t —say —so! ”
“I was now behind my train, and
after a run of two miles I got control
of (he engine, ran up and coupled to
the palace car, and went into Ashton
pushing the train ahead of me.”
“Great Scott! And was no one
hurt?”
“Not a soul, and not a thing broken.
The superintendent played a mean
trick on me, though.”
“How?”
“Why, the farmer who owned the
meadow paid the company $lB for the
stumps I had knocked out for him,
while the cornfield man charged
$9 for damages. The superintendent
pocketed the balance of the money.”
“The scoundrel! And how much
are you paid a month ? ”
“Ninety dollars.”
“That’s for running on the road?”
“Yes.”
1 “And nothing for lying?”
I “Not a red.”
T “That’s an outrage. \ The" 1 superin
tendent is an old iiriend of mine, and
I’ll see that you get the $9 on the
stumpage and a salary of S2OO a month
as long as you live. It is such men
as you who make a line popular.” —
New Forfc Sun.
Send Us Those Gloves.
The Western Journalist gets off the
following, a la Hiawatha:
fcHe killed the noble Mudjokivis,
With the skin he made him mittens,
Made them with the fur side inside;
Made them with the skin side outside;
f£He, to get the warm side inside,
Put the inside skin outside;
fjQHe, to get the cold side outside,
..sPut the warm side fur side inside;
gs That’s why he put the fur side inside,
Why he put the skin side'outside,
“Why he turned them inside outside.
The above reminds us of a speech
made in a public meeting in which
those in front stood up, thus prevent
ing those in the rear seeing what was
going on. Said a chap in the rear:
“Mr. President, please make the peo
ple in the front part of the meeting sit
down, so that the people in the back
part of the meeting can see what is
going on in the front part of the meet
ing. As it is those standing up in
the front part of the meeting, keep
those in the back part of the meeting
from w r hat is going on in the
front part of the meeting, thus very
much inconveniencing those in the
back part of the meeting,” etc.
A girl who had got tired of single
blessedness wrote to her intended as
follows: “Dear Jim: cum rite off if
you are cornin’ at al, Ed Hilton is
insistin’ thet I shell hev him and
he hugs and kisses me so much that
I can’t hold out much longer.”
“Jim” at once started for the scene
of action, but he took the wrong route,
arriving in time to see “Ed” and the
girl made one. Had “Jim” taken the
W. &A. he would have arrived in
time to have had those “hugs and
kisses” transferred to himself.
Moral: Always travel via the W.
& A.
As you go over the W. & A. ask
the conductor to show you the great
“horse-shoe bend.”
NO. 21.