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THE OEORQIANS MAGAZINE PAGE
I Fables of the Wise
| Dame
By DOROTHY DIX.
ONCE upon a time there was a Man
who, by hustling early and late
and always being Johnny-on
the-Spot, succeeded in accumlating a
stack of Pelf that was an Eye Opener
even to Wall Street.
Except for his Talent for Divorcing
others from their Securities, the Man
wak quite an ordinary Creature, who
Preferred Corned Beef and Cabbage to
French Entree, and who desired no
other amusement than his Business af
forded. but his Wife was a Superior
Reing with Social Aspirations.
Unfortunately. Society did not seem
to miss' the lady’s Absence from it, and
I when she tried to break into the Four
I Hundred it gave her a welcome that
F was so much on the Fritz, that it con
[ gelled her Back Teeth.
L Now, among this Worthy Couple’s
[ Assets was a Daughter whn had grown
I up into a Peacherino. with a Willowy
I Figure, and Peroxide Hair, and Soulful
I Orbs, and when her. Mother observed
■ this she returned thanks to Heaven for
B all her Mercies, for she had a Hunch
I that through Daughter she could win
I out, and Get to Know all the People
I who Did Not Want to Know Her.
■ "This Frappe Society has gotten on
my Nerves," she remarked to herself,
I "but T opine that there is still another
I Dead-coming to me and that I shall yet
have these Head Liners on the Run.
■ Happily my Husttadd has'riot spent his
| Life in Doing his' Fellow Creatures in
I Vain, and it is up to us to take a Eu-
I ropean Corbnet out of SolTp, ahd break
I into the Closed Doors with it.”
* The Wise Dame's Scheme.
Thereupon she went to her Husband
» and thus addressed hiin: “I feel/' she
said, "that it is our Sacred Duty to
| give our Daughter al! the Broadening
i Influence of Foreign Travel and Educa
tion. and that I ought to make the Sac-
I riflce of buying my Paris’ Gowns in
I France instead of on Sixth Avenue.
' "Wherefore, i will take our Daughter
and go Abroad, and while I am'Con
scientiously Opposed to Husband Hunt-
. Ing, as a Rule, it.nvay chance that I may
’j run across a Coat-of-Arms that will be
' just as good as. New if Regilded."
Knowing the Duty of an American
Husband and 'Father, rhe Man consent
ed. and so the Lady.took her Daughter
and hiked across the Herring Pond,
where the Girl acquired a Foreign Ac-
I rent, and’was taught to be Ashamed of
Father because he was in Trade
l Mother trailed her Purse like an
Anise Seed Bag All across Europe, and
It was not long before a Pack of Hun
gry Fortune Hunters was on her Trail,
hut she was Wise to the Game and led
them a Chase, while she looked for the
Right One who would be worth the
Price. She did not Propose to Invest
her good Dollars in a Macaroni Title, or
a Shoddy Thing Made in Germany, and
that had,not been O. K.’d by the Al
ls manach de Gotha.
At last the Real Thing appeared on
F the Scene He was Guaranteed as a
Genuine Antique in the Aristocracy
Line, for the Newest Thing on his An
cestral Estate was the Fifth Mortgage.
The cool Calmness with which he ran
□ p Bills that lie never intended to Pay
was as Good as an Affidavit of Nobil
ity. while his Blase Air In standing off
Creditors betrayed how long his Fam
ily had been Familiar with the Busi
ness. He also possessed a Hyphenated
Name that was so long that it had to be
Handled on a Hook and Ladder Truck,
and only used 1n Sections.
Charmed By’Real Thing.
The Mother was -enchanted. "I opine,”
| she said to her Daughter, "that a Name
’ like thaT'trtn*b* a ’.Timmy with which
you can break into any American So
ciety, aricTTfiat as a Parlor Ornament
the Coupt-will be- a Bargain at Four
Figures.”
"But.” objected the Daughter. "I do
not care for him. He has weak Eyes,
and a Lisp, -and .he makes me Tired,
and I should like to have a Regular
Man for a Husband.’’
“Foolish One." cried the Mother, "any
Husband is liable to make you Weary,
but if you marry the Count you will
always have the Consolation of being
able to Contemplate your Visiting
Cards and ttie frest on your Station
ery with pleasure."
So the Giri was Married to the Count
In great Splendor, and all the Exclusive
set that had turned Mother down so
hard almost Broke their Necks trying
to get Invitations to the Weddings.
The Girl had not been Married long,
however, before she went to her Mother
and put up a Moan that she was not
Happy.
"T’nreasonable Child." said her Motn
er with aifeer. “what do you expect? Is
It not enough to know that you are
envied bv all of your old American
Friends because you Possess a Title?
No one who Marries for Love is En
vied, and I advise you to take- your
Medicine and try to look as if you en
joyed it, and that being a Countess was
a Picnic."
So the Countess went awa.v and Cul
tivated a Stage ■ Smile-that was only
Skin Deep, but when the other Rich
Americans went Abroad she Snubbed
them, and they respected her Greatly.
LI and when they returned they Bragged
f about how they used to know her when
I she was a Girl.
MdRAL: This Fable teaches that we
never know who has Really got a
Cinch, in. Life, and that we often Envy
the wrong One.
WE GIVE PERPETUAL CONTRACTS
ON DIAMONDS
In view of the fact that a great many of our customers,
after they have bought a diamond, decide that they wish a
larger one. we have arranged for them to return it at any
time in the future and get an allowance of the full purchase
price for it toward a larger one. By this plan it is possible
for one to eventually own as large a stone as they might wish,
and at the same time their payments be reduced to a mini
mum. As an example, on a $60.00 stone we would only re
quire $15.00 cash, and allow the purchaser to extend the re
maining $45.00 over a period of months best suited. After
this stone is paid for. which you have had the pleasure of
wearing in the meantime, we will allow you the full price of
$60.00 for it toward a larger one, and so on, making ex
changes as you so desire.
If it is not possible for you to visit our store, let us send
von a selection package from which you can choose as,satis
factorily as if you had visited our establishment.
FuGENE Vfl AYNES Go)
WHITEHALL *
jJust Because I Growled a Little Ry Xell Brinkley
j (WITH APOLOGIES TO THE DOG THAT “GROWLED A LITTLE.’’) ;
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That’s the way with a girl—she always ’spects love-affairs to run smooth as an auto speedway—always ’speets Love to smile and never frown—
and when he just once gets a spell, and growls a little at her,, she goes and puts him "in the cooler.,, Haven’t you heard ’em
say. “I won’t ever love any man again."— SELL BRIEKLEY.
HU L J NO. 6—SWEET NOTHINGS AND SENTIMENTAL WORDS TV, \/’ ‘ T \ „ \Y7 «.
unting a liusband set the widows heart a fluttering. tiy Virginia 1. Van De Water
T I THEN the quartet reached the
Vy' street a gentle rain had begun
to fall. Beatrice uttered a low
exclamation of consternation, remem
bering her dainty toilet, then cheeked
herself. It would not do for her to be
have as if she were afraid of spoiling
iter costume, new this spring, for that
might suggest to her admirer the idea
that she did not have many other such
gowns. ’ Every woman likes a possible
suitor to thing that even in the privacy
of her own home, and during her work
ing hours, she is well dressed and ap
pears as faultless in attire as when she
is with him in public. But Robert May
nard had not been a married man for
seven years before he became a wid
ower without learning a woman's
thoughts and fears about her clothes,
and he was quick to suggest a taxicab.
"The ladies' gowns will be ruined,"
he said to George Minor.
"George, with his , loving wife upon
his arm, was less considerate than the
widower.
"Nonsense! Helen and I have been
out in all kinds of weathers, and it
has not hurt her yet! Moreover, we
can take a crosstown car right here,
transfer to an uptown car. and go with
in three doors of our house. It is not
raining hard, anyway."
“Nevertheless." declared Robert ob
stinately, "I am going to take a cab
and will sea the ladies safely home."
Furthers Her Scheme.
But at this Helen came out boldly
In what seemed to be assent to her hus
band's verdict, but was really a fur
therance of her own match-making
schemes.
"I wish you WOULD take a taxi, Mr.
Maynard!" she exclaimed. "Beatrice's
light dress will spot dreadfully with
the rain. This dark one of mine won't
be hurt. and. as George has said, we
can go home in the ear without any
exposure, but Beatrice lives off the
car line."
Here Beatrice entered a gentle pro
test.
"Indeed, it will not hurt me to go
in the ear. too.” she began, but Rob
ert cheeked her.
"There is no use in argument." he
said, gently but fiirnfy. "for I am going
to take you- horn/ in a taxi,-
with a bow to Helen—»"our hostess
grants me her permission to do so.”
"You are doing me a favor in look
ing after our dear girl!" urged Helen
"Call up your cab at once, and you two
young people get off before it rains
any harder. We old ones are going to
trot right off now for our ear."
"We have had a lovely evening."
said Beatrice, kissing her friend, “and
1 thank you for it 1”
"So do I," began Robert, but as the
cros.-town car appeared at thi-s junc
ture, George hurried his wife away and
on board of it. catling back an apolbgy
for their hasty departure.
Drive Through Park,
Robert summoned the cab. placing
Beatrice in it. and seated himself by
her. aftv giving the driver the address
of her home and telling him to drive
uptown through Central Park.
."You don't mind, do you?" he asked
of the woman beside him. "It is much
quieter in the park than in the street,
although the route is longer. But there
is really no great hurry, is there?"
Beatlice reflected how good it was to
be in a position where one did not care
how fast the indicator hand went
around, nor how many dollars it ticked
off. When she hired a taxi for herself
she wondered if she would not get eye
strain before her destination was reach
ed from staring fearfully ahead of her
at that "moving finger" that never
paused.
"I. am in no hurry," she said, leaning
back comfortably, "although I do feel
like a naughty child staying out as
late as this. Fortunately my dear little
boy and girl are fast asleep and would
not know whether 1 got home at ten or
at two.”
Ta Ik of Children.
"Tell me about them,” said Robert.
“How old are they?"
Beatrice was glad to talk of the chil
dren and to give him the desired par-
After the Ba th )
f Air-Float Talcum Powder—bora- %
•< ted, perfumed—guaranteed pure.
*4 TALCUM PUFF COMPANY f
Ip Miners and Hanufartarerw, Bash Terminal Bldg,, *
/ BROOKLYN. NEW YORK
Talcum Ponder
ticulars about them, saying that Jean
was five and Jack seven, and going into
many details of their bright and win
ning ways as is the manner of devoted
mothers. It is doubtful if her listener
appreciated much what she told him.
although he laughed appreciatively at
the right times. He was watching her
animated face in the dim light, and
finding hers a very charming personal
ity. -At last she became conscious of
his gaze and checked her talk abruptly.
"I must bore you!" she exclaimed
apologetically. "I never thought how
much I was talking about two little
people whom you have never seen and
of whom you have never heard until
tonight.”
"Indeed you do not bore me!” pro
tested Maynard. "On the contrary, 1
am interested in children, although
(with a regretful note in his voice)
I have none of my own. If I had, I
would not be as lonely as I am now,
and my home would hold more charm
for me."
A Jealous Pang.
Beatrice had an involuntary thought
of self-congratulation that he had no
children. Evon now she was conscious
of a pang of jelousy toward the-woman
whom he had once loved, and she knew
that she would not he happy if she
Do YOU KriOW-
Anaemia can be successfully treated
by fruit diet, especially with bananas.
Goal to the amount of 750 tons has
been transferred from lighters to a
man-of-war in one hour and a half.
At the Fife Veron, Paris, a type
writing speed competition took place.
The French record was beaten by M.
I.egris, a typist of the C’ompagnle des
Messageries Fluviales, who did 203
words in a minute. The American
champion. Mr Wiese, who was present
at the competition, although he did not
officially take part in it. did 230 words
in a minute on the same machine.
Mr. J. A. Lander, a wealthy mftn.of
Yoakum. Texas, hit on a novo] method
of distributing his fortune among his
eight children. He arranged a lottery
with numbered tickets The numbers
corresponded with the number of some
part of his estate. The children drew
in turn the tickets from a hat. As
there were no blanks, every "drawing
represented a win of some sort.
Several towns in Norway and Swe
den have recently taken steps toward
the general introduction of electric
heating, to replace the use of stoves
burning coal or wood. Few buildings
in these places have central heating'
systems, and the tile stoves now gen
erally used could easily be adapted to
receive electric heaters The electric
current will be supplied b“ the public
plants, which are generally run by wa
ter power.
knew that he had living children, who
demanded his time and his affections.
But she spoke sympathetically, chiding
herself inwardly -for her narrow and
petty thoughts.
"You must be lonely indeed But for
my boy and girl 1 would often find life
too dreary to bear. But they make It
worth living."
Then she asked him If he w ould mind
telling her about himself, hie work and
his interest. He,-like all men and most
women, liked to talk of himself and his
affairs, and before long he was speak
ing of his dead wife, feeling perhaps
that in conversing of her to another
woman he was making some sort of
amende for having forgotten her for
most of the evening. Beatrice let him
talk on; in fact, she forced herself to
encourage him to do so. When at last
he stopped as they neared her door, she
thanked him for his confidence.
"You see, we have both suffered." she
reminded him: "so we can sympathize
with ea< h other.”
“Sweet Sympathy.”
As he helped her from the cab he
pressed her hand warmly.
Thank you for your sweet sympa
thy." he . murmured. "You would not
believe me if I tried to tell you hnw
much it has helped me."
He went w ith her to the door of her
apartment, but she, mindful of the
proprieties, ftarie him good-night there..
"It has been an almost perfect even
ing," she said, "and. I thank you for all
you have done to make it so."
"And I thank you for making it en
tirely perfect, for YOl' have made it
that to me—you and you only."
i Poor Helen and her theater tickets
at $2 each! But. after all. she might
have thought the game worth the can
dle had she known of this conversa
tion.)
“May I call soon and see you and get
acquainted with the kiddies?" Maynard
asked as he held Beatrice's hand for a
moment longer than was actually nec
essary.
"Certainly—but please let me know
beforehand when you are coming, that
I may be sure to be at home.” she sug
gested. And. with a bright nod and
smile, she went into her apartment,
closing the door softly, that the "kid
dies” might not be awakened
Her Big Fairy.
When she got into bed little Jean,
lying bgside her. stretched sleepily and
threw one arm about her mother's neck.
I was finking about you in my
dweams. niuvver.” muttered the little
girl "And I saw a nice big fairy
bwinging you home.”
"One did!" whispered Beatrice, kiss
ing the child. But Jean was too sleepy
to ask for an explanation.
CASTOR IA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
Bears the , zif y /V/i*. ' y"''
Signature of
c& Furniture Wives c&
({■|\ /TEN marry for fortune and i
I y/1 sometimes to please their <
fancy, but. much oftener s
than is suspected, they consider what
the world will say of it; how such a <
woman in their friends' eyes will look 1
at the head of the table. Hence we see <
so many insipid beauties made wives <
who could not have struck the particu. 1
larfancy of any man that had any fan- ]
cy at all; as many buy furniture and ,
pictures because they suit this or that
niche in their dining rooms. These I |
call FURNITURES WIVES." ,
—Charles Lamb.
"I am 25 and deeply in love with a '
girl two years my junior. As she is
rather stout (about 175 pounds), and I
am thin, my friends ridicule the match.
I have tried to forget her and break
off the engagement, because of this rid. '
ieule, but I C-An not do so. my affection !
being returned. What shall I do?"
It seems that Charles Lamb's words '
are as true in this generation as In his. 1
This man loves a woman, but because 1
of the criticisms of his friends would
give her up in exchange for a "furniture I
wife.”
Having conceded to his friends the
right to name her weight, he should I
concede more, and let thehi select her
complexion, her height and the color of 1
her hair. All these little questions could ■
be settled by a council of his friends,
all who come under that category be
ing willing to shoulder such respon- ,
slbllities
A "furniture wife” would simplify
courtship, and relieve it of many of its
uncertainties and pangs and expendi
tures of time and money.
It would also relieve the man of much
of its joys. And that word "relieve"
is used advisedly when In connection
with the sort of man who would be
contented with a "furniture wife.”
But if you. my dear man. are not that
kind, you need not let the difference in
weight worry you. The difference Is
easily adjusted.
There is a course of physical train
ing which, if followed faithfully, will
reduce the girl’s weight. There Is also
a course, entirely dissimilar, which, if
followed by you faithfully, will Increase
your weight
Make an Exchange.
Every pound she drops you will pick
up. and In this way you may hope to
attain the desired proportion. If she
perseveres, she will become sylphltke.
/J
anty M |ni£W|M LW
Ca/Fj drudge / A t”,
Anty Drudge Gives a Lesson in Spelling
Little Afnrj/—“F-E-L-S—N-A-P-T-H-A. What does
that spell, Anty?”
Anty Drudge— “To you, Dearie, it spells just
Fels-Naptha, the name of a soap. To your mother
and me it spells an easy way of washing clothes in
cool or lukewarm water, without boiling or hard
rubbing and with a saving of time, labor, bother,
discomfort and money. You’ll learn, some day,
my child, that it’s a very important word to the
housekeeper.”
The Biggest woman’s club in America
is the Anti-Drudgery Club.
It has more than a million members
now.
All that’s necessary to belong is to
use Fels-Naptha soap and quit drudging
on washday.
You'll have no more boiling ot
clothes, no bending over steamy suds, no
back-breaking rubbing on a washboard in
winter or summer,
You will be through with your wash
ing before you w'ould be w'dl started on
the old way.
And your clothes will be fresher,
cleaner, whiter and sweeter.
Fels-Naptha does it.
The rules of the club are to be found
in the directions for using Fels-Naptha
on the back of the red and green w rapper.
Follow them carefully and you’ll save
money as w 7 ell as hard work and bother.
Get a cake of Fels-Naptha and join
the club to-day.
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX
and. if you persevere, you -will add
every pound you need to give the right
symmetry to one of your height.
No girl would object to taking such a
course, which, in addition to improving
her looks, would be of inestimable ben
efit to her health. Undoubtedly in that
controlling passion where all women
have to please the men they love this
poor girl has bemoaned her excessive
weight many times.
But this is also true: I doubt if It
has occurred to her that her lover is a
pound too light!
When women love, they love beyond
criticism. Had her friends laughed at
her for loving a man so thin, her love
would have leaped up tn an angry' flame.
The maternal instinct, which is the
controlling motive in every' woman's
love, would have prompted her to
spring to his defense, and she would
have contended with all the might of
offended love that his weight was right
to an ounce; she svould not have it
changed a fraction o’s a pound, and
would affirm that, in comparison with
him. all other men are gross and beefy.
No “Furniture Husbands."
That is the difference between the
love of a man and the love of a woman.
Had Charleo Lamb investigated further
he might have added that there are no
such creatures as "furniture husbands."
No woman ever selected a husband
because he would look well at the head
of a table, or match the paper on her
parlor wall.
This girl who weighs too much will
feel hurt if you suggest her weight
doesn't suit you. Don’t do It!
Leave the matter of her weight out
of the question of your own. You have
no right to complain she is an otmea
too heavy as long as you are an ounce
too light! Take a course in physical
culture and stick to it faithfully. When
you have reached the desired figure on
the scales, tell her so
Love is quick to take a suggestion,
and I do not doubt for a moment that
she will be quick to respond. She will
tell you. without any further Intima
tion from you. that if physical culture
does so much for you. it will do as
much for her.
And she will take it as a means of
losing what you are trying to gain.
But, whatever you do, I beg of you
that you show yourself to be so much
of a man your friends will not dare to
select you a "furniture wife.” The hus
band of a "furniture wife" misses life's
greatest joy. and gets just what ha
deserves.