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THE OEOBGIAN’S HAGA ZWE PAGE Daysey Mayme and Her Folks Rv FRANCES L. GARSIDE. THE COURT KISS. r-rxHH ideal husband is one who is a yearning doormat. Lysander *- Jonh Appleton was a doormat, but his soul had long since ceased to v. irn. For this reason he fell short lt - the ideal and his wife was dissatis fied. She wanted him to tell her he loved ,-r. He paid her bills and thought he told her. She wanted no time table to cut short bis morning good-bye kiss. She longed to see him come home at night with j need increased by thoughts of the greeting kiss that awaited him. fie thought of the first train he could catch in the morning and of his dinner at night. He was not ideal. Mrs. Eysander John appealed to the courts. “My husband,” she sobbed to the judge, "no longer kisses me.” It was a grave offense. The sentence must match the crime. The court ruled that for the next seven years Mrs. Apt pieton must report daily that her hus band had kissed her at least twice in the 24 hours. "And if you fall,” said the court, looking grimly over its glasses, "your sentence will be doubled.” Eysander John began serving his time next morning. His wife was sew ing when he left the house, and he waited patiently while she took four pins and a needle from her mouth. Then he kissed her. To him the evening kiss tasted of the beans and onions and carrots she had been testing while getting dinner, but he said nothing. The next morning when he left she was doing her back hair and her mouth was full of hairpins. But he Is a law abiding citizen and carried out the court’s decree. The compulsory kissing had lasted a week when Mrs. Appleton appeared be fore the judge. "My husband.” she sobbed, "kissed me twice a day, but his kisses lack flavor. He kissed me like a hen peck ing at a pebble, alnd if he aims at my fps he is in such a hurry the kiss lands on my ear. "I don't want any more of your com pulsory kissing. I want the court's or der revoked.” That night when Eysander John learned that the court had dissolved him. he gave his wife a kiss that was voluntary. It lacked the dry, parchment taste of the court kiss, and smacked a little of the courtship kind. Mrs. Eysander John -gave a smile. Her husband was approaching the ideal! I I Up-to-Date Jokes i Jim—Nothing is better In time of ■ anger than presence of mind. George—Oh, think it over. What about absence of body? Nell —Oh. Jack, I wish you could have ''en Milly this afternoon. She liter ally threw herself at Jack Wright. Jack—Ah, well, she knew he was a good catch. Wise —What do you think? The cat 'as eaten every bit of the meal that 1 have just cooked! Husband—The poor thing! But never mind; I will get you another cat! “That was the spirit of your uncle that made that table’ stand, turn over end do such queer things." 'T am not surprise; he never did have good table manners.” Tired Mother (to* restless child) — Now, you sit still. I've brought you ten miles to enjoy this entertainment, and ■ou shall enjoy it. even if J have to pull '■very hair out of your head. "Is Mrs. Deßrick in?” asked the vis itor. calling at the home of the suffra gette leader. Vis?, mum,” said Norah. “She's in ">' six months, mum." An Irishman once entered into con- '■■ sation with an Englishman. The. Englishman. thinking to have u jok- I ■ ith his companion, asked: “How many I aits on a pig’,- face?” Begorra, sir." said Pai, "the next i time you shave you can count them.” I wonder what that man is doing up telegraph pole?” said Mrs. Mauby. , " hy, he must be after fruit," replied I husband. But what kind of fruit can he get up there?” Electric currents, of course!” Giles —Let me tell you. young man, mt I m SO years old today, and I don’t I ' ” r remember having told a He. I he Young Man —Well, you can’t ex- i ' ’ your memory to be very good at our age! Browne—l suppose you have been in II uiy a squall, captain? 1 aptain—Rather; 1 am the father of i' n children. Hite—But why must we walk? Bo our marriage you always took a taxi. Husband—l know. That's why we ■ve to walk now. So you've broken off your engage ent with Miss Sniarte?” asked the in quisitive friend. His victim shook his head. No," he replied; “1 didn’t break it she broke it off'.'" •No. answered the young man. en* mg the friend’s growing wondc But it is broken off. isn't it?” p.-r- Si ted the curious one. 1 >h. yes," explained the young man, i-tly “She told me what her dress utaker’s yearly bill was and I told her 't my Income was. Then our en keinent Just sagged in the middle and i-ently dissolved.” J The Hands That Rile the By Nell Brinkley 2# cz Witz W z - F 'W f JMk .gy < 4 A ,- KI ' ‘v ■ x <r~ ; " Pi / -"'Z ;7 / ' U ' Copyright. 1912, by the Star Company. Cynical Old Bachelors, Who Have Been Teased by Love and a Lady, Turn the Old Saying About When They Use li and Make It Read: ' '■ ‘‘The Hands That Rile the World.” BR.OADAX AY JONES .4 Bertrand Babcock Based on George M. Cohan’s Play Now Running in New York. TODAY’S INSTALLMENT. Broadway sprang to hts feet. He felt that in the presence of those kindlj- blue gray eyes he would do and dare great things. Their inspiration would lead him through Are. If there was a riot out there he would quell it, and let the eyes I and the smile reward him. I "What is it, judge?” he asked, prepar ing to roll up his sleeves. "Did you send a message out there by Higgins?" arfked Spotswood. "I did," said Jones, ready for anything. But the judge explained: "M ell. that’s what they’re cheering about The men are yelling and the boys are dancing. You’d think Bedlam had broken loose. They're hollering for you. Come on out and let ’em see you.” Broadway’s valor shriveled up just as the beauty of Mrs. Gerard’s had. His heroic poise and pose were gone in stantly. "No. no!" he exclaimed, “I couldn't—l just couldn't." The cheering was redoubled. "Listen!'' exclaimed the judge. "Go out, Broadway, and say a few words," said Mrs. Spotswood. “Yes. go and make a speech," supple mented the judge. "I can’t say anything. I never made a speech in my life,” groaned poor Broad way. Josie went .to Jackson with the speech he had written for her ear alone. “Read this to them,” she said with ex quisite drollery. Broadway clutched at the paper, and pushed by Spotswood and his wife ap proached the door leading out into the factory. At the door, still resisting, he turned his troubled eyes to Josie. The effect was instantaneous. In an Z>^"fofek dfl&lip «e» th E®sElh <\ v&sFwJaiir’ ®'- -^.v r^«i s^^'’SJß:::>•’ tH> n< -’“THitsoHALfAc: works )■ j !i, :; ra n r Os ly nb I JBf Pure. Fresh. vK Iff Economical. Guaranteed. Wk /•; / Always in the sanitary package. V \ W 16 full ounces to the pound and costs F;| lH no more. Ij| \, \ Best for Biscuits the mathieson alkali Vw< W WORKS, Saltville, Va. V VIW ff nnrl nil L encl “? ,he »‘>P» «“• from B < HIICI <lll 6 Ea(le-1 histle packarea, also V?. B B A, Money Order (or sumps) for wH W Z BWr 1 Pie*»« *«nd me, all vOOKlIllf. < h«rr»a prepaid, one set (& Ki • Rorera’ Guaranteed Genuine (4 B f Silver Plated Teaspoons These AL- B i spoons bear no advertising and B f their retail value is per dot. Miasor) Mrs Z State instant Broadway's figure stiffened itself, i as his arms lost their dejected slackness 1 and came vigorously out from his body. < He did not entirely abandon the speech 1 Josie had handed to him, but thrust it i into an Inner pocket, and strode with a determined air over tha threshold. "TROT ON YOUR VICTIM.” As' Mrs. Spotswood and the judge had | followed Broadway from the offices to hear with Josie his maiden speech, Clara Spotswood was left there alone. She was about to follow the others when her > brother, the fat and sulky Sammy, i showed in Wallace. At his manifest astonishment at seeing her. Clara giggled out: "You didn’t expect to see me here, did you?" “It’s an unexpected but a very great pleasure,” returned Wallace warmly. Clara went on in a matter-af-fact voice: "Mr. Jones will be back in a few mo- . ments He went out into the works to t make a speech.” ’Wallace made the motions of a young | woman about to faint. •’What?" he ejaculated, in real aston- I ish ment. "Yes; that's the crowd cheering him : now.” But Wallace's mind was now far away. He was beginning to think that life in the slackwater of Jonesville, with its lit tle village pleasures and occasional ex citements, was not without a certain charm. Sammy took advantage of the absorption of the young people in them selves to slip away. He wanted to hear Broadway's speech. Wallace sighed as he said: “Funny! I thought of you when I passed the drug store just now.” “Isn't it marvelous!" exclaimed the girl: “I’ve been thinking of you, too.” “You have?” with delight and wonder. "Yes; the chocolates were fine. I ate all of the box you gave me last night be- fore I went to bed. But you shouldn't be spending your money the way you do. Oh, Mr. Jones told me you were a regu lar spendthrift. He said you spent more than $25 one night." "Oh, did he tell you about that night?” Wallace’s tone implied to a Broadway observer that there never hail been a night when he was spending money that he had beep so immoderate. Clara shook her finger at him y p®oiit use Butter in "lour Kjtclien' 1 j /k&X T)? \? U J cnow wb y butter is so high? Housewives from years of hablt have come t 0 use more and more of it for particular cook- F mg—where they want something better than lard. It’s a wasteful O’ <z/l •* m babl t —highly expensive—and wholly unnecessary. |U|' ts i • V se butter on your table, where it belongs; discard it from your reffiM JJ kltc hen. The use of Cottolene in cooking, will give just as good | results as butter. Besides, two-thirds of a pound of Cottolene will go /ff ? jf as far as a pound of butter, and Cottolene costs no more than lard. IA z JI | Use more Cottolene and cut down your butter bill. j CrOttol | Makes Delicious Pastry Cottolene makes light, flaky, crisp pie-crust. It makes deliciously | cfc4 rM-M ten<^er doughnuts. For cake making Cottolene creams up 1 beautifully and gives the best obtainable results. Muffins, fritters, V. Wm ftAWI 5!? ort and all other pastry; are best made when made with I ; ‘4A Cottolene. It makes food rich but never greasy. ( M Cottolene is a vegetable product, and makes food that is healthful 1 X <*'. \ and digestible. IfcW « Try Thit Recipe: *< « , . /f V ONE EGG CAKE - Made onl Y b V W V 3 cup of Cottolene 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla THE N. K. FAIRBANK ffl Xjk 1 cup sugar 1 cup milk ’/ 2 teaspoon soda COMPANY ■ 1 teaspoon cream of tartar 2 cups flour VUMCANI ■<? » Kll j’ *he Cottolene and sugar to a light cream, add well beaten yolk of egg isl « a ’ ld vanilla, mix together the soda, cream of tartar and flour, stir it into -----r- 0.-- ua the creamed mixture, alternating with the milk. Add well beaten white * ~ W of egg last. Bake in shallow pan in moderate oven about one-half hour "jL W — J I I , /I < ‘X. I I Ayo. 3 ,V<. wy ) i r--"" 7 - ; “And you mustn't waste you money that way," she said. A laugh was ringing from his mouth as Sammy ran in. The two young people thought for a moment that the laugh was for them, Igit Sammy soon reassured them. “Gosh, what a bum speech Broadway made," he said. "I wish I could get a chance to make a speech. I bet I'd make some of 'em take a back seat. If ever I amount to anything, the first thing I am going to do is to make a speech about myself." Wallace laughed out: "You’ve got the right idea. Sammv.” “You het I've got the right idea.” re turned the fat boy. “I’ve got some darn good ideas if ever I get a chance to de velop them." "Stop talking about yourself, Sammy," said the sisterly Clara. Continued in Next Issue. Advice to the Lovelorn By BEATRICE FAIRFAX. TOO YOUNG TO KNOW. Dear Miss Fairfax: I am fifteen and as I was visiting a different state I met a boy about seventeen. I only met him once, and I received a postal from him later saying that he would like to correspond with rfte. So I am still corresponding with him. He said he thought it was love at first sight. It is getting serious. Judging from his letters, I think he is very nice. It would break my heart if I had to stop corresponding with him. ANXIOUS. A letter is a poor test of a man. Anv man can write an agreeable letter if he tries. Your little heart will break easi ly and often if you permit the end of a correspondence with a man you don’t know to fracture it. Don’t take this so seriously, my dear. Save you:- emotions for later and more vital experiences. ; BE PATIENT A LITTLE LONGER. Dear Miss Fairfax: I am a girl of seventeen and am considered by some persons pretty. About seven months ago I met a gentleman several years older than myself and for him 1 imme diately formed a great liking. I will not say love, because I know 1 am too young. He is very kind to me. but somehow I fee) that he re gards me as a child and therefore has no interest In me. I want him to respect and love me. KATIE. Some day he will realize that you are grown up, and I am sure that with this realization there will come an awaken ing of his love for you. He is a much liner man for regard ing you as a child than if he made violent love to one of your age. He respects yon now. If the love doesn’t come for several years, all the better for you. I I II ~CVBtSB || I ■ Up** ■ ■ A CUBE TO A .CUPFUL- I I "; '■ A'C UOFU LIN I N UT £ '