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By WILLIAM F. KIRK. EORGE,” said the Manicure I •» Lady, “I ain’t felt so romantic as I have this forenoon for a long time. I don’t suppose barbers ever feels very tender like and pensive ex cept when some Joe with a hard beard gets shaved twice over and gives them no tip. But it is different with me, George. You wouldn’t believe it, would you, if I told you I can hear robbins whistling for rain and doves cooing for their mates even if I am sitting at a manicure table right down here in the heart of the Tenderloin. The way I feel this morning there is a golden haze around the sun and purple edges to all them clouds that floats fleecy-like over head.” “What’s all this about?” the head bar ber wanted to know. “It must be ro mance or hop. 1 never heard you get gushy before. You look kinda pale, too, 1-Ciddo. You had better try going to bed early and gitting up early for a week, and eat plenty of celery to keep your nerves good.” “Well, George, I might as well tell you that I do feel kinder romantic this forenoon, the first time since that fel low over in Decatur proposed to me and shattered love’s dream by copping one of Sister Marne’s rings off from the dresser and never returning to our hum ble abode. That was years ago, George, and just as the scar was healing over, here I go and get sentimental again.” “Who is it this time?” asked the Head Barber. In Love With a Book. “It ain’t no fellow,” answered the Manicure Lady. “It’s a book that I was reading last, nigjit. Brother Wilfred was reading it down at the Carnegie Library and when nobody was looking be stuck it under his coat and mooched home with it. It was worth the risk, George. It’s one of the grandest books I have ever saw*. The name of it is Famous Loves of History.’ It tells all about Napoleon and Josephine and about a young fellow named Paris that fell in love with a girl named Helen that used to live in Troy, N. Y., and it tells about Anthony and Cleopatra and how Mr. An thony lost the Roman Umpire by staying in Egypt so long that his wife had to go to Reno or some place like that to get a divorce.” “I never was much on those ro mances,’’ said the Head Barber. “The way butter and eggs is selling now, it takes all the mental 'rithmetic to keep Mary and the children. When you goi to live four flights up without no ele vator and git most of your eatables at a delicatessen store, love’s young dream gits kinda frazzled around the edges.” “But just the same,” insisted the Manicure Lady, “I think that a girl or a gent can forgit their surroundings when they set down with the book like that ‘Famous Loves’ book. Gee. George, when I was reading about that brave >oung Paris stealing a King’s w ife awaj and taking her up-State to Troy, it made me wish that some fellow wuuld come down from the Blue Ridge and kidnap me away from my father's roof Of course it would hurt the old gent a lot. because with my earning capacity, I am the only pillar up home on which they lean on. The old gent wouldn’t care if somebody came along and kid naped Brother Wilfred, because the poor boy is as far from a job as he has ever been in all his bright young ca reer. It was only last night he nicked father’s bank roll for a case note, the last one he will get for some time, as the old gent has sworn off getting mel low.” •T don't see anything very romantic about stealing the King’s wife or an\ other man’s wife,” said the head barber. Wanted to Be “Stole.” “Don’t you?” said the Manicure Lady. "Gee. I think it must have been simply grand to have lived in them days and to have been stole by some guy with a little nerve like that Paris fellow. And the book told about Romeo and Juliet. “I was thinking. George, that it 1 could have a handsome young follow like Romeo put a ladder up against our front porch and whisper words of love ’ no 1 would accept his proposal of mairiagi and beat down the ladder with him quick before the porch broke. “Napoleon and Josephine had an awful sweet love, so the book says. Th< story tells how much that great general loved his queen and how much she loved him until things commenced breaking bad for him and he lost out in that awful retreat from Waterloo and the battle of Bunker Mill. <»r whatever was the name of that tight ho lost : Duke Wellington and his German s<*i- dlers. There ain’t no love like that ia more. George. When a young fellow- wants to get married nowadays he starts saving up mntil he has mon»\\ enough to buy a lrouse and lot in West End and -when he proposes and gels turned down he takes the money and loses it playing poker. There ain't even such love as our fathers and mothers used to have. “Every once and a while when the old gent comes home from lodge with his feet well apart and a kinda balmy look on his map 1 can hear him remind ing mother of how they used to walk along them lilac-bordered lanes, plight ing their troth ■ over and over again Nobody plights no troths nowadays. George, until the young girl’s folks has got a report on the young gent from Duns and Bradstreets. “The more I think about them beau tiful old Romances which can never b. no more, the more 1 wisht I had lived then instead of now.” “Tf you're going to keep on harping ihe way you started out this morning,’ said the Mead Barber, “it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you had lived then in stead of now, just so I didn't have to live then, too, and be in the same shop with you. Here comes the nervous cus tomer that never likes to hear women alk. Humor him, Kid, humor him. ’ SPRINGTIME Copyright. 191U, by Journal-Amer- ioan-Kxa miner. By Nell Brinkley What the Newly , Wed Should Know FIRST: —Le am to Cook This is the first of a series of articles prepared bv Mar garet Hubbard Ayer, who has been commissioned by The Geor gian to discuss the problems of newly married people with experts in various departments of household economy. '.m 11 By MARGARET HUBBARD AYER. “Just Saij” HORLICK’S It Means Original and Genuine MALTED MILK The Food-diink for All Ages. More healthful than Tea or Coffee. Agrees with the weakest digestion. Delicious, invigorating & nutritious. Rich milk, malted grain, powder form. A quick lunch prepared in a minule. Take nosubstitute. Ask fcrHORLICK’S Others are imitations. Daysey Mayme And Her Foiks By FRANCES L. GARSIDE. U tHEN Lvsander John Appleton was a young man, and unat tached, he found life very gay. He was invited to all the parties, j and he took every new girl who came 1 to his town out to look at the moon. Me was so popular that the third time j he mot a girl she would pick the lint ; off his coat. Then he became engaged, and his popularity became like that of a cold j buckwheat cake. Then ho got married, and the only ; envelopes he received in a woman’s ; hand were sent by the girl book keepers in the employ of the grocer | and the butcher. His wife did not forget his exist - | ence, remembering it dutifully when Mhere was one more guest than the I game >f cards required, or when she had a guest who was very hard of 1 hearing. Occasionally, too. she would ask | him to escort one <»f her kin home. His duties as Kin Commissioner- | General only tended to increase his unpopularity. A decision that when | a woman’s kin guest goes home her husband has a right to see what she j is taking in her trunk made him so ■ unpopular among the women that thereafter every invitation Mrs. Ly- ! sander John Appleton received care- j fully excluded her husband. All of this explains his joy the j o t her evening when a special messen- ! ger appeared at the door with an in vitation for him! lie was not completely forgotten! I At last he was to have another taste of society, so steadfastly forbidden the father of a family. ^ “What is the invitation to?” asked ! his wife. But he was so excited in j looking for his ties where his socks were kept, and his gloves in his hand- j kerchief box, he did not reply. He hummed gayly, and he whistled | right merrily, stopping between turn s ! to tell his wife he would be gone all night. "Gone all night!” How strangely sweet the words sounded! He re- | peated them exultantly. He would be gone all night! No one need sit I up for him! What reckless freedom the words implied! He whistled louder and more mer rily. He was wildly excited over the welcome change that was coming into I the monotony of his life as a married man. Then, as he started out the door , with the step and bearing of a man half his years, he told his wife where ; he was going. True, it was an invitation to sit up with the dead, but it was the first j invitation of any kind he had received in seventeen years! Are You h ELLA WHEELER appy? If . WILCOX Tells T Not, Wl low to Gain iy Not? Joys of Life The Retort Courteous. Sharpson—Phlatz, wnat makes your nose so red? Phlatz—It glows with pride because it never pokes itself into other peo ple’s business. After Effects. Banks-- 1 don’t mind the influenza itself so much—it’s the after effects 1’in afraid of. Riners—The after effects is what ails me. I’m still dodging the doctor lor $25, . .A I T’S springtime in Atlanta. Out of the back-swung door of her car Miss Atlanta, who is a woman most thoroughbred and fair, steps to the gray curb. She is garbed in all the grotesquerie of looped skirt. Elizabeth frill, tortured cockade and sack coat with the belt at the hips, and a riot of tender flowers from those shops with the extra shiny win dows and the sweet-smelly door ways. It’s springtime in the far South west. Tliu sea is as bide as the aquamarine that rests in the hollow at the root of your sweet heart’s throat. Over all the val leys and hills it casts a dreamy light. The far islands lie like a dream on the that sweep tc horizon, he sea The hills ivid with lovely uplands of green bar ley and ablaze w ith seas of golden poppies. All this—peach blossom and almond and orange—and the girl in bathing togs, with the sea water pearling her hair—tells you that it’s springtime in the air far ■ Southwest. As for spring in a fellow's heart. Lay your ear close and listen to the little chap w-ho’s singing inside! Up-to-Date Jokes By ELLA WHEELER WILCOX. Copyright. 1913, by Star Publishing Co. Y OU m these to ge OU men and women who read ese lines, what are you doing get the best out of the short life you are liging? I know what you are striving for, most of you men (American men), it is wealth and power. And you do not want these things so much for yourselves as for tire wives and children who bear your names. But, good sir, are you not making a mistake to so utterly absorb yourself in business? If you really live to make your dear ones happy, would you not attain the result sooner by giving them a little more of your time and attention as you go along? I have talked with hundreds—-yes, thousands—of wives of ambitious men, and the universal complaint is: “Oh, if my husband was not so tied down to his business—if he could only give a lit tle more time to his family take a feA' weeks now and then for recreation with us. or even a day’s outing now and then, how happy we would be. But he is so busy all the time and so tired and nervous.” Does it pay? And you, madam, are you making your husband realize that you would rather hate more of his leisure than more of his riches? or are you conr- plaining that you do not live as well as your neighbors, and urging him on to renewed efforts by your petty nagging and restless discontent? Many a woman, instead of being the helpmate and comfort to her husb&nd God intended her to be, is the whip that drives him like a tired horse to overtax his strength. Ask yourself if you are one of these? There have been hard times for men in the last ten years. Have you made your husband feel that you sympathized with him in the difficulties that he has encountered in these days of trusts and monopolies? Have you been ready to take a philo sophical and cheerful view of the econ omies and deprivations forced upon you, or have you been despondent, complain ing or rebellious, or by a martyr-like air added to the mortification of your troubled husband? Have you tried to brace up his dis couraged moods by your optimism, and to turn the temporary tragedy into a laughing jest? or have you driven him to the verge of despair and suicide by your half-concealed contempt at his failures? And you. sir. have you made your wife realize during these years of hard strug gle that she Is the dearest thing in the world to you, and that you appreciate her economies, and that her sympathy and companionship are more to you than all the honors the world could offer you would be without her? Or have you left her to guess this to be the fact, that while you plunged deeper and deeper into business and rarely spoke to her unless it was to find fault and. complain of small delinquen cies, with no word of praise for great virtues? Answer these questions silently to yourself and then ask yourself what makes life,worth living. Is it not, first of all, a peaceful, love- warmed home companionship with dear ones, and the giving and receiving of simple pleasures and of sympathy and affection? What use will a fortune be if you lose those joys out of life? Would it not be wise to obtain and retain the best things as you go along? The end of the journey is not far—and the only thing you can take across is Love. A fool and his money are soon mar ried. Few women have to take lessons in painting. Peace hath her victories, but we gen erally have to fight hard for them. A girl never reads i wondering if she isn’t the heroine. novel without i good bit like THE SUN AND THE BOY By WILLIAM F. KIRK. ^ must be a wonderful. wonderful Sun ’ | Said the Little Blind Boy one day "My father told me you were easy to see ’Till the stars come to twinkle and play. I wish I could know how you look when you glow Just after the day has, begun; Do you think I’ll be bigger than you when I grow? Said the Little Blind Boy to the Sun. "You must be a beautiful, beautiful child.’ said the Sun through its dazzling glare: "But 1 am blind, too, and I can not see you. Although I’m sure you are there. Don’t cry, little lad, and don’t try little lad To grasp unattainable joy; Perhaps we’ll be peers after billions of years,' v Said the Sun to the Little Blind Boy. You can sometimes flatter a woman by telling her you don’t. Time and tide wait for no man, but you can’t make a woman believe it when she is putting on her hat. When a girl is proverbially fond of lobsters, she generally goes out to sup per with one. Nearly every girl at some time has made some fellow- happy by refusing to marry him. Many a fellow -who has told a girl she was good enough to eat has been obliged to swallow his own words. The good die young, or if they don’t they grow up to be mighty homely. With some women the tragedy of mar ried life begins with the first scratch on the parlor furniture. How To Do It. 117HENEVER I get an umbrella,” said the prudent person, “I pul my name on it.” “So I do,” answered the man with out a conscience. “The person who used to own it isn’t so likely to iden tify it.” She Might Have Been. Little Visitor <pointing to a large oil portrait) Whose picture is that? Little Hostess—She was my mamma’s great aunt. 1 never heard much about her, but guess she was a school teacher Little Visitor—Why? Little Hostess—how her eyes fol low us about? . T HE COOK—Ol’m sorry, mum. but the walkin’ diligate av th’ Su prattle Ordher av Cooks hov ordered me to throw up me job. The Mistress (tearfully) -Oh, Norah! What have I done? The Cook—Nawthin’, mum; but your foolish husband got shaved in a non union barber shop th’ day before yis- terday. * * * “Would you die for me?” she asked, sentimentally. “Now, look here,” he returned 1n his matter-of-fact way, “are we supposed to be planning a cheap novel or a wedding?” * * * Mrs, Flubdub—My husband goes out every evening for a little constitutional. Does yours? Mrs. Guzzler—No; my husband al ways keeps it in the house. * * * Commercial: “If a %ian has an In come of two million dollars a year, what is his principal?” Cynic: “A man with such an in come usually has no principle.” I EARN to cook, as a matter of honesty, if for no other rea son. According to Miss Wilhelmina Clement, past mistress in the culina*y art. the. wife who can’t cook or su perintend the housekeeping takes her husband s pay envelope on false pre tenses. She does not know her business. Miss Clement has been teaching brides their business for some time, and in her immaculately clean kitch en. from which a class of bride pupils had just departed, she explained why a knowledge of cooking was one of the most important assets which a young woman brings to the matrimo nial partnership. Miss Clement is of Dutch descent and is "Mrs.” in private life. In her white frock and pretty Dutch cap she is good to look at. Reciprocity Expected. “When a couple marry,” said Miss Clement, “the girl expects her hus band to hand her over most of his salary, and he, in turn, expects that her management of that money will make it go twice as far as it did be fore their marriage. "It’s his business to earn the money. It’s hers to spend it wisely. One part is as important as the other. "Now, she would fetl she had be en cheated if she found, after marriage, that he was incapable of earning the bread and butter, and he has a right to feel that he has been defrauded if she doesn't know- how- to cook the food that his money buys. "The foundation of all home life is the kitchen. People live in hotels and boarding houses, but these are not called ‘home/ "A home is a place where the hearth fire burns for you and yours alone, even if the hearth fire is a gas range. Don’t Be a. Cheat. "Tlie girl who marries for a home and does not know- her part of the business of making that home is cheating. She -can not know her busi ness unless she knows how to cook. "In very well-to-do homes the wife may not want to do the cooking per sonally, but unless she knows some thing about cooking she can not direct her helper or understand whether or not her family Is getting proper nour ishment. , “Correct feeding is becoming a sci ence, and we are all awakening to the fact that it* is as important to com bine food properly for the adult as It is for tlie baby. "Men wild are well fed, properly nouri9hed, are less inclined to drink. It's poor cooking as much as anything that sends men to the saloons. "No woman need think that she is too intellectual to bother with cook ing. Cooking is a sc ience as well as an art. and one can go on learning forever. "The bride who has a good foun dation of culinary knowledge and takes an interest in cooking will find no end of possibilities to it. Don’t Neglect the Scraps. "Right in her own kitchen she can join the great movement to reduce the high cost of living. She can use up every scrap of left-over material. And let me tell you that it is the clever cook alone who can make left over food tasty and w-ho never wastes anything. "It is the bride’s business to insist, on standard goods, not taking poorer substitutes. In the end it alw-ays pays to get the best materials and cut down in some other way—not having so many different dishes per haps. "The smaller the income the more intelligence it takes on the part of tlie bride to manage her share of the domestic partnership, and the more she needs to study and plan her daily bill of fares. "Every girl who is going to fy* pnar- ried should take a course of cooking lessons unless a very wise mother has taught her already-. Unfortunately, such mothers are rare nowadays. 11* she already knows how to cook ordi narily well, she ought to go on learn ing and trying new dishes by herself. "In the average home there is an appalling lack of variety in the bill of fare, and that is why men, especially, are so glad to get a meal at a good restaurant. A man’s stomach craves variety, and the hard -working man is certainly entitled to a good mea! properly balanced in food values and dainty service. Has Right to Complain. “A man comes home after a hhrd day's work and sees the settle old things served on a soiled ek>th. Some times he sees delicatessen food hastily bought just before dinner. I think 1 he has a right to comp! tin, apd generally he does, if he is easy-going he says nothing, but after a while he' grows ■grouchy.’ "There are more grouches caused by bad cooking than by bad luck. "Don t be satisfied if you can do plain horn.- cooking. The man of to day, and his wife and children, too. have acquired a taste for foreign dishes, and that is what the restau rants thrive on. You can learn to make chop suey or Italian spaghetti yourself. They are not mysteries, but no one can learn them unless thev are willing to take time and thought and pains. "The health and comfort of tlie fam ily depend largely on the wife's knowledgi of cooking, if she does not know her business the matrimo nial venture will not be the success she might have made it.” Answer Wanted. A LEARNED professor at 4>ne of the ** large public schools was explaining to his class how the. identity of a thing might remain, even with the loss of its parts. "Here,” he said, "is this pen knife. Now. suppose I lose this blade and replace it with a new one—you see it has two blades—is it still the same knife ?” "Yes, yes!” cried the class. “And suppose,” he said, "I lose the second blade and replace it with a new one—is it still the same knife?” "Oh yes,” said the class. "Now,” said the professor, triumph-' antly, "suppose I lose the handle and have a new one made—is it still the same knife?” "Certainly!” roared the class. t But here a youth arose—one of th« clear-headed kind. “Professor/’ said he. “suppose I should find those two blades and that handle and put th'em together again—what knife would that be?” The professor’s answer is not record ed. 44' 9 |v\W ftWl fH |!: o'™** 4 Cottolene is better than butter or lard for frying because it can be heated about 100 degrees higher without burning or smoking. This extreme heat instantly cooks the outer surface, and forms a crust which prevents the absorption of fat. Fry fish with Cottolene and it will never be greasy, but crisp and appetizing enough to make your mouth ^ water. Cottolene is more economical than lard; costs no more, and goes one-third farther than either butter or lard. You are not practicing economy if you are not using Cottolene in your kitchen. ( Made only by THE N.K.FAiRBANK COMPANY