Newspaper Page Text
For the Kiddies
After School
Give the kiddies Velva on bread, after school.
They’ll love it, because it’s good, because It’s
flavory. because It satisfies the hun
ger for sweets that every child has-
Besides. will do them good, because
it's nutritious.
bitlir
Chocolate Taffy
is that better syrup with the RED LABEL
—a clean, sanitary package that ought
to he on every pantry shelf. It's fine for
desserts and great for cake. It helps
wonderfully on griddle cakes, waffles
or hot biscuit In the green cans. too.
if you prefer It
C Both kinds 10 cents
U P- Send for the book
of Velva recipes.
■ t'rlun 11 Nothing to pay.
BbbaasfM PENICK 4, FORD. LU.
New Orleans. la
married life
the Third Year
Helen Finds That barren's Cousin Does
Not Appreciate Their Hospitality
By MABEL HERBERT URNER,
H ELEN dusted out the bureau
drawer she had just emptied,
and carefully fitted in the fresh
paper lining. Then she opened the
door of her crowded closet, trying to
decide how many hooks should be
cleared off.
To make room lor a guest’s clothes
in a crowded New York apartment Is
always a problem. And Alice was to
arrive that afternoon at 3:30. Helen
nad thought, of course, that Warren
would meet her, but at breakfast he
had curtly declared that he could not
spare the time.
“Why should any one meet her?”
he had demanded. “Why can't she
take a taxi and come up herself?”
But Helen had protested that for
the “looks of the thing” she would
have to meet her, if he could not.
Although Alice was Warren’s cousin,
Helen knew' that from the beginning
she would have to assume the bur
den of entertaining and looking after
her.
By 2 o’clock Helen's room, which
was to be Alice's while she stayed,
was in perfect order. The muslin
curtains had just come from the
laundry, there was a fresh counter
pane on the bed, a fresh scarf on the
bureau, and evemthe pincushion cover
had been done up and was run on
with new r ribbons. It was a dainty,
restful room. Surely, after the hor
rors and hardships of the Dayton
flood Alice would appreciate it!
The Clock Was Slow.
By the time Helen started to dress
to go to the station she was almost
Worn out. Then she found that the
clock was ten minutes slow and how
to hurry, which tired her more.
She reached the station just tlyee
minutes after half-past. What if the
train was already in and she should
miss Alice, after all?
“That 3:30 train from the West—is
it inn yet?” she asked, breathlessly,
of a guard.
“Forty-five minutes lat6,” pointing
to the bulletin board.
Forty-five minutes! To have to
wait here for three-quarters of an
hour! Resignedly she sank on one of
the benches in the main waiting room.
For a moment she closed her eyes
wearily and listened to the murmur
ous sounds of the great depot—the
shuffling of many feet, a hum of
voices and the hoarse shout of the
announcer calling off suburban towns.
A German woman with two chil
dren, one in her arms and one cling
ing to her skirts, took the seat next
to Helen, while th** man with her put
down a shabby, bulging bundle and
hurried off to get the tickets.
Helen smiled down at the child,
poorly clad and not over-clean, who
was reaching for the tassel of her
umbrella. The man came back, said
something in German as he took up
the bundle and they all started off
toward the gate. Helen looked after
them, wondering vaguely where they
were going.
Man With Foreign Labels.
Another couple came up, a young
woman in a smart gray tailored suit,
a small traveling hat and a black-
dotted face veil. Helen caught a
whiff of violets as she sat down be
side her. The man with a brown
derby and a brown spring overcoat
put down a suitcase covered with
foreign labels and hurried off to the
same ticket window’.
“Got plenty of time,” he announced,
coming back with his stick under his
arm and the tickets in his hand.
“Train’s just made up. No chair car
on."
It. is a varying crowd that passes
through any railroad station of a
large city, and Helen watched with
interest the different types ol travel
ers.
In the corner was a newsstand with
the gayly colored magazines and re
cent fiction attractively displayed. A
glass case of chocolates was w r ell pa
tronized. TI e number of people who
bought: chewing gum and candy be
fore they took their train was aston
ishing. All the penny-iri-the-slot
ma hines were doing a thriving busi
ness.
At length the minute hand of the
station clock pointed to ten minutes
after four—only five minutes more.
The *‘45 min. late” on the bulletin
board had not been changed, so evi
dently there had been no further de
lay. But it was ten minutes more be
fore the tram came in.
A a the announcer called. Western
Express arriving on track 22,” Helen
hurried over to the gate. Anxiously
she scanned the crowds as they
surged through.
It had been twm years since she
had seen Alice, and then only for one
afternoon. Would she know her
among all those people?
“Isn't this Cousin Helen?”
A German Idea of a Woman
Helen turned quickly to Kreet the
“ nd very well-dr*** ed
y imp jflrl who had touched her arm
Inquiringly. It was Helen who wan
somewhat disconcerted and confused
Alice was wholly at ease.
"Where Is Cousin Warren?" was
almost her first question.
‘‘Why, he was very" busy and
couldnt come," Helen found herself
apologizing.
i, that w<tan 't nice of him, was
it i thought, of course, he'd be here.
Oh, yes turning to the porter who
carried her suitcase and who now ap
proached suggestively. “You can Just
put that down.’’ Then as she glanced
*2 her Purse, "I haven’t anything less
than a dollar. Will you give him a '
quarter. Cousin Helen?”
Helen handed him a quarter, al
though she would never have given ,
a porter more than a dime for carry
ing a suitcase off the train. ' 1
“Now we'd better see about your/!
trunk," she suggested.
"Oh, I'm so tired. Can’t Cousin j
Warren get that to-morrow? I've
got enough things In here," nodding
toward the suitcase, "for to-night." 1
A Needless Trip.
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Helen hesitated. "That would mean
a needless trip for him in the morn
ing. 1 think we ought to see about it !
while we’re here.”
“Then I ought to have kept the
porter, that suitcase is so heavy to lug i
around.”
It was heavy, but Alice calmly let
Helen carry it. At the transfer desk
Helen paid the 75 cents charge for the I
delivery of the trunk, while Alice
looked on without protest.
Of course, she had intended to pay
it, and w’ould have insisted on doing ;
so, but somehow she felt a growing '
resentment that Alice should not even j
offer—that she should take everything 1
so for granted.
They made their w ay out of the sta- I
tion. Helen still carrying the suitcase |
and listening to Alice’s recital of how
long and tiresome the trip had been.
As she led the way over to take the
car at the corner, to her astonishment
Alice suggested quickly:
“Why, hadn’t we better take a taxi
with that suitcase? These cars look
so crowded.”
Helen felt her face flush, but she
answered flrmly: “These cars take us
even quicker than a taxi, and they go
almost to the door.”
This was not quite true, but it
w'ould take more than the calm assur
ance of Warren’s Dayton cousin to
make Helen take a taxi.
Suitcase vs. Purse.
7t w'as a pay-as-you-enter car and
He’en had an awkward time with the
suitcase while she tried to get the
money from her purse. Her flush
deepened at the frowning disapproval
of the other passengers, w’ho knocked
against or stumbled over the ifuitcaBe
as they passed.
“I thought we should have taken a
taxi,” murmured Alice, plainly an
noyed.
To this remark Helen made no an
swer. When they left the car Alice |
still did not offer to help with the
suitcase. And Helen carried it to the
door where the elevator boy ran for
ward to take it from her.
If she had expected Alice to com
ment on the imposing building and
more imposing entrance hall, she was
disappointed, for Alice vlew'ed It all
with calm indifference. Even when
Helen showed her Into the dainty bed
room she had fixed up with such care
Alice hardly glanced around.
"Oh, it was the most tiresome trip. ’
she complained again. “They couldn’t
get mo anything but an upper berth
and I didn’t sleep at all. I think I’ll
take a bath and lie light down,”
placing her dusty suitcase on Helen's
clean white counterpane as she un
strapped it.
‘i’ve emptied these two drawers for
you,” explained Helen, trying not to
notice the suitcase, “and this side of
the closet.”
Spoiled and Selfish.
When Helen drew’ down the blinds
and left her, she went into Warren’s
room to take off her own things. She
had often heard that Alice was spoiled
and selflsh: that Aunt Emma had hu
mored and waited on her always. But
surely a girl of 18 should be more ap
preciative of what Warren and she
were trying to do for her.
Her whole attitude was rather that
she was conferring a favor upon them
by her visit, instead of being indebted
for this refuge from the distressful
condition of her homo at Dayton.
“Oh, Cousin Helen!” Alice was call
ing from the bath room. “Haven't
you any almond meal? I never use
soap on my face.”
Helen coldly informed her that
they had no almond meal.
“Then I suppose this w’ill have to
do,” sniffling at the cake of toilet
soap. “But my skin's so delicate—I
have to be SO careful what I use.”
So this was what she would have to
put up with, Helen told herself indig
nantly. And Warren—would he put
up with it at all? W’ould he tolerate
the attitude of this self-assured young
woman—even if she were his cousin?
Helen was filled with misgivings. Al
ready she was beginning to wonder if
they had not been very unwise in ac
ceding to Aunt Emma’s request that
Alice should visit them.
The next few weeks were going to
be very difficult ones, and Helen felt
that her patience and hospitality
would be sorely taxed. She had al
ways tried to keep clear of any possi
ble complications with any of War
ren's family, but now she feared that
this visit might end in some unpleas
antness that would cause a general
family ill-feeling.
To Remove Hair.
H OW to permanently, not merely tem
porarily. remove a downy growth
of disfiguring superfluous hair. Is what
many women wish to know. It is a pity
oat It Is not more generally known that
pure powdered phemlnol, obtainable
from the druggist, may be used for this
purpose. It Is applied directly to the
objectionable hair. The recommended
treatment not only instantly removes
he hair, leaving no trace, but Is de
igned also to kill the roots completely,
' The natural allacite of orange blosaoms
makes a capital greaseless face cream
I It holds the powder perfectly, and the
i natural odor of this product Is. of
course, most delightful. Many of the
tartest women are now using It ex
clusively because it does not encourage
a growth of hair the face. The
annovlng body odor, sometimes result
ing from perspiration, can be instantly
I allied I"' the occasional application of
I powdered t white) pergot
This picture, published by a German artist, is
intended as a rebuke to frivolous women, who
waste time and crave false excesses.
The German artist wishes to impress upon
women the foolishness of the companions they
choose, and also to make them realize the debas
ing effect of alcohol. The woman says to the
monkey: “Poor little friend, you are lonely and
need a companion of your own kind. Just wait
until I drink two more glasses and I’ll be a
monkey like you.”
There ARE some such women in the world,
idle and dissipated, unfortunately. For one such
woman there are one hundred such men. The
wonder is that women are as good as they are,
and that in the face of injustice and dull monot
ony they maintain their character, and continue
to be the moral teachers of the world.
Do You Know--
The people of the Solomons (the
Cannibal Islands) are rapidly de
creasing in numbers. Dr. W. Thorold
Quaife, medical officer in the islands,
declares that the decrease in popula
tion is due to the fact that tribal
warfare has ceased and the natives
no longer kill one another. This war
fare used to keep the natives "fit”
and energetic. Now they have be
come lazy and inert, and the race is
fast deteriorating, and seems likely
to die out in course of time.
Grass or hay placed in a pipe for a
few days will cause it tQ smoke as
sweetly as when it was new.
A larger proportion of Russians
wear beards than of any other nation
in the world.
Antwerp, one of the four largest
ports in the world, is 53 miles from
the sea.
Memory, it has been ascertained, is I
stronger ia rummer than in winter
Woman and Her Ways
It keeps the woman pretty busy say
ing “Don’t” to the children, and re
marking to each other: “Now, Isn’t
that just like a man?’’
• * *
“I earn all i get” is the expression one
most often hears from a married
woman. •
* * *
The trouble is that after a woman la
married she begins to confuse the role
of guardian angel with that of de
tective.
* • •
When a young woman spends money
freely, two choruses go up: One in I
the voices of young women, “How
generous!’’ and one In the voices of
old women, "How foolish!”
* * »
No woman can manage a pathetic look
when her hat is on crooked.
* • *
When a woman has an undesirable
guest she can take her medicine with
a more pleased expression than any
body else on earth.
The Alp contain
glaciers over live mile
at least 230
in length. j
I The trouble is that no fine ever tells
a woman the truth about her husband,
and she thinks he can't speak it.
Every woman spoils her sons, and be
lieves her husband would have been
a better man If his mother hadn’t
spoiled him.
* * •
Compliment a girl in her mother’s pres
ence. and her mother will say: “Yes,
she Is a gool girl, I have tried to teach
her all 1 know.”
* • *
When a woman goes shopping, she
has a list of what she wants some
where about her person, and can nev
er find it.
The women have a doubtful way of
paying another woman a compliment.
“She is attractive,” they will say,
"from a man’s point of view.”
It is a rare wife who does not try to
show her authority over her husband
when other women are present.
* * *
Nothing pleases a woman quite so well
as to look so sweet some man wants
to kiss her. and then abuse him for
his impudence.
A woman does not want much in the
world, but she wants that on cut glass
with an engraved card tied to it.
What Qualities Should a
Woman Have
There Are Fewer Things That Gets on a -Man g Nerves
Quicker Than to Have to Keep Up a Continuous Perform
ance of Giving the Glad Hand to a Woman.
By DOROTHY DIX.
a woman
the ideal
W HAT qualities should
have to make her
wife?
Here's what u California preacher
thinks is necessary:
“The Ideal woman for a wife,” he
says, “should have the voice of Melba;
the talent of Paderewski; the figure
of Venus, the grace of a sylph; the
vivacity of a coryphee; eyes like the
soft glow of a moonlit eve; an alabaster
i complexion; the virtues of a nun; the
1 charm of Cleopatra; the meekness of
Moses; the patience of Job; the for
bearance of I-Azarus; the zeal of a
Trojan; the constancy of Caesar's wife:
i the capabilities of a charwoman: the
purse of Hetty Green, and hair of her
own.”
That’s some order for a wife, isn't
) it, and if men waited to find such u
paragon before committing matrimony
ihe old bach crop would be a record
breaker.
of course, as Mrs Harris would say.
"there ain’t no sich a person." but If
there were no man in the world woukl
want her. As it is. there is no other
earthly affliction worse than having to
live with even a “superior woman,”
and Heaven alone knows what the suf
ferings would be of a poor man tied to
a wife who was nothing but u bunch of
perfections.
Continuous Performan^ - Barred.
It’s all very well and highly enjoy
able to go to the opera and hear Melba
warble occasionally, or to listen to
Paderewski perform every tw T o or three
years, or to muse ujfon the fascinations
of Cleopatra, or to rubber at some
peach with an alabaster complexion as
she passes you on the street. Likewise
there are times when every man could
wish on to his wife the meekness of
Moses and the patience of Job, and the
silence of the tomb, but no man wants
a continuous performance of any of
these prize charms and virtues.
There must be times when Mr. Melba
feels that if Mrs. Melba utters another
squawk he will choke her, and when
Mrs. Paderewski has to sit on her hands
to keep from seizing an ax and split
ting the paino into kindling wood, and
it's a matter of history that Cleopatra’s
various husbands were fascinated to
death. Also there are times und sea
son* when a man wants his wife to
answer him back, and not sit up with
that patient, sanctified, forgiving air
that makes him want to throw Rome-
; thing in her direction.
No The one best bet Is that if this
preacher's ideal could be Incarnated she
would be an old maid. No man, in the
first place, would have the courage to
ask such a wonder creature to marry
him. Nor would he want to. He would
know that he would look like the great
original human shrimp and pinhead by
the side of such a queen, and it would
be fur from him to Institute such a com
parison.
What Man Appreciates.
Nor would the state of ecstatic ad
miration that he would always have
to be in appeal to him. There are few
things that get on a man’s nerves
quicker thun to have to keep up a con
tinuous performance of giving the glad
! hand to a woman, especially one who
is a mere wife. On the contrary, the
thing that mukes a real hit with the
masculine persuasion is for the process
, to be reversed, and for women to lead
the applause that celebrated their
achievements.
Hubby has a well developed affinity
for the spotlight himself, and wifey
gets into it at her peril. The best
! loved wives are not those who occupy
| the pedestal in their own homes-, but
I those who are discreet enough to elevate
husband to the throne, and who Indus
triously employ themselves by burning
incense before him.
And that's perfectly natural and hu-
| man. It is so much more soothing and
agreeable to be admired than It is to be
called on to admire that the attitude
of the wife to the husband in this re*
epect makes an infallible test of the
state of their domestic felicity so plain
that a blind person could* read it.
In those households where tlm wife
corrects her husband’s grammar and
manners, and sets him right in his po
litical statements, you can see the
shadow of divorce hovering in the back
ground, whereas the woman who pre
faces every statement with “John says”
presents a guarantee of connubial hap
piness that couldn’t bo any stronger if
it was backed up by the affidavits of
the entire community
Faults Real Charms.
The truth of the matter 1* that, while
a man may admire a woman for her
perfections, he loves her for her faults,
and when a husband lectures a wife
on her weaknesses, and derides her
for her follies, he uoesn't really want
her changed. In reality he likee her
faults because it makes him feel what
a great big, superior creature he is to
her.
When a man berates his wife, for in
stance, for her extravagance, and re
counts the number and prices of the
dresses and hats she has had a season
think not that he wants her to reform
and to buy only the cheap, serviceable
garments that she really needs Ninety-
nine times out of a hundred he doesn’t
want her to spend a penny less, or
have a single less dres* and hat.
lecture is only his way of bragging about
how well he dresses his wife, and what
luxuries he indulges her in.
Nor would the man who ridicules his
wife because she can’t keep her ac
counts straight, and gets cheated by
tradesmen and taken in by beggars,
have her changed. It’s her incompe
tence that appeals to his tenderness,
her softness of heart that he finds ador
able.
The Secret Is Out.
That’s the reason that the little fluffy
headed kitten of a woman, who can’t
put two and two together, can marry
all around the sune, sensible, practical
man, who never makes mistakes, or
has to be scoldod or petted. There’s
nothing in the perfect woman that fires
the masculine fancy. That’s the reason
why the women who are really fitted
to make the best wives never get a
chance to do It.
Just what qualities make a woman an
Ideal wife depends upon the taste of
the individual man. but, generally
speaking, if a woman doesn't nag, if
she is jolly and companionable, and
willing to give her husband a butler’s
privilege of a night off now’ and then,
she may' have a face homely* enough to
stop the clock, a figure like a feather
bed, make biscuits like armor plats,
and never make her allowance come
out even, and her husband will still go
about bragging that he drew the capital
prize in the matrimonial lottery.
Something Missing.
TT E was a dear old professor, very
1 1 learned and very absent-minded.
And the latter trait of his was constant
ly' getting him into hot water. This did
not worry him so much as the one fact
that he could never find his clothes in
the morning on getting up, having com
pletely forgotten where he had laid
them.
One memorable day, however, a bril
liant inspiration came to nim. He woukl
devise a clotnes plan. He did and it
ran something like this;
“C^at on third peg left-hand comer of
room, waistcoat and trousers on chair
by bed, collar on door handle, tie
through key of door, vest on floor by
window, cuffs on bedstead knobs, shirt
on portmanteau, socks on gas bracket,
boots outside door, professor in bed.”
This worked splendidly, and next
morning the dear old thing collected his
wardrobe with lightning rapidity, until
he came to the last item on his list. He
rushed to the bed, but it was empty.
Running his hand through his scanty
gray locks, he exclaimed, in deep de
spair: *
“There! Now the professor is lost.
I'm much afraid, after all, this plan is
no good!”
Up-to-Date Jokes
They’ were sitting side by side on the
sofa when the young author said:
‘Yes, I have a new volume in the
press.”
“How 1 envy that volume,” said the
roguish girl, blushing.
When he saw the point they were
both very happy.
Magistrate (to prisoner arrested for
assault)—You admit, then, that you
pulled your landlord’s nose?
Prisoner—Yes.
"Don’t you know that you had no
right to do that?"
"No, sir; If I had no right to pull his I
nose he would have had It put down In
the lease.”
“How is it that you arc always in
debt- You should be ashamed of your
self.”
j “Come, don't be too hard on a fellow.
You would be in debt if you were in my
place."
j “What place?”
"Able to git credit.**
Firft Critic Soberly has certainly
written a j>athetic story.
Second Critic— Yes. ho ought to give
j away a handkerchief with each copy.