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4 CL HKARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA. GA., SUNDAY, MAY 4, 1913. The Red Corpuscle “A Magazine That Tingles After Tartar Sauce A Story of the Red-Blooded Side of the Department of Agriculture By Wellington Smack M. L. R. OoyjTkdit, 1V1H. by the btar (Jbopeny Mml Britain ltiguta ItaMTTed. The Fight in the Air Fiction* Around the Ripsnorters’ Campfire. deeert, the rath Intruder Into the faetneeaee of Oehkoeh—all ere Rlpenortere. F BW Atnerloane know of the greet reeearch work done In wild part* of the world by agente of the Department of Agriculture. How few know how Tartar aauee wee brought to the United SteteeI Jamea MacJInk waa one of the unknown agenta who went to Wale:, and after almaet Inored- Ible herdshlpe brought book the pair of Walah rabblta frjm which every Weleh rabbit In thla coun try la descended. MacJInk had to learn the Walah language and paaa himself off as Lloyd Llong- bow of Llangollen, a native of Wales who had lltved a llong time In Llaxlngton, before they would list him have one of the preoloue rodents. Another daring worker for the department was David Doughboy. It la to Doughboy's daring that America owes oanary seed. Doughboy stole a fast torpedo boat from the Navy Department, landed In the Canary Islands at night, loaded up with the seed from which they grow canaries and was back In the United States before any one knew he had gone. But the etory of the Tartar sauce la even more thrilling. Ae most people know, Tartary Is the most savage country in the world, but Willie O’HIcka cared naught for thet. His mission was to bring Tarter sauce back to the United States, and he did it. Twice he was shot, four times he was hanged and once he was drowned, but he never gave up the quest. So remember the name of Willie O’HIcke In future when you dally with steak and Tartar sauce. By Whyte 0. Chill, M. L. R. P AUL OBAN was a daring aviator, but even hit Iron nerve failed him when a great golden eagle sank Ita claws Into hla neck as he whizzed over the Rooky Mountains. How to get rid of the aerial monster? The easiest way appeared to he by falling suddenly the 2,000 feet. If the eagle did not relax Ita hold and fly away It would be killed amid the ruins of the ma chine. Of oouree, Oban would be killed, too, but he never bothered much about hie own fate. He had another plan. Throwing on full speed, he drove hie 'plane so rapidly, through the air that the Intense heat engendered by the friction set fire to the bird’s feathers and the emoke quickly suffocated It. CTKi* innidont occurred, hoi the bird urn* a »waltov\ not an ragle. Hence tee label It “/te non” Ancuranv above red blooa, even.—Ed.) U your blood red? Read the Red Corpuscle, it’s made for you. Is your blood pale and thin? Read the Red Cor puscle until your heart sends red blood boiling through your veins. T HE spread of the Legion of Rlpenortere has bean amaz ing. Already the famous button of ttie organization may be seen stuck with walrus fat to the fur coat of an Eskimo Rlpsnorter who Is swimming through the Ice floes In pursuit of a wounded bull whale. The traveller In the dense Jun gles of Central Africa may see the emblematic rhinoceros upon the breast of a ohlef engaged In landing a five-ton hlppopotamue with a trout rod. The passer-by may see It worn by a colonel at Oyster Bay as he drives a plough with one hand and writes an essay on the Dlk- Dlk with the other. On the wide reaches of the Amazon the diver who It about to oleave the muddy water to tackle, single-handed, the mighty boa conatHotor, may have the M. L. R. button hung around hla neck with a string of mahogany fibre. Indeed there It no spot on the globe where one may not find a wearer of the button. The daring pathfinder In Brooklyn, the wan dering adventurer in the Arabian Among tha latest names to be added to the list are: King Alfonso of Spain. Oaorgs Bernard 8haw. Viva la Rlpsnortl M.L.R. MEN LOOKING FOR FUN M l. R. BUTTON, NO. 8781— • Thirty years old. Bailer In whalers alnoa 1881. Harpoons whales alngla-handad. Can shake dice skilfully. Also good at cook ing flapjacks. Like to head proa- peotlng party In Arizona. M. L. R. BUTTON, NO. 834.— Professional rhinoceros hunter In Nigeria until ohaaad out by Colonial Government for burn ing a native village to gat light to read •'Punch'' by. Any Job combining gold and gore. M. L. R. BUTTON NO. 27—Ten years a tango tea dancer and still alive, showing strong consti tution. Would like light work as coal shoveller or Iron worker. M. L. R. BUTTON, NO. 639— Crossed the Amazon on foot twloa and a warn thrice across the Sahara. What Jobs have you? tr New Fables in Slang- ■By George Ade The Dream That Came Oat with Marh to Boot. Published by Permission of Cosmopolitan Magazine. (Copyrighted by the Internal.onal Magazine Co) O NCE there was a provincial Tradesman who gave hla Yokemate a Christmas Present It waa a kind of Dlnmis formerly exhibited on the What-Not In almost every polite Home. By peering through at the twin Photographs and working It like a Slide Trombone, one oould get rav ishing glimpses of Trafalgar Square, Lake Como, and the Birthplace of Bobby Burns. Nearly every evening the Tradesman would bnck np to the Student Lamp and put In a delirious half hour with the Views. While gazing up the Rue de Rlvoll or across the rlce-ris(idles at the snowy cap of Fuji, his Blood would became hot by tho old boyhood Desire to sell or roes the Blue to Foreign Paris. Thoae who saw him mowing the Lrwn little suspected that he was being Inwardly eaten by the Waader- lnst. The Tradesman, FMwln by name, and Ms Managing Director, Selena, formed the magic-lantern Habit away back In the days of Stoddard. They never missed a chance to take In Burton Holmes. Sitting In the dark ness, they would hold hands and sim ply eat those Colored Slides Selena belonged to a Club that was trying to get a aide-hold on the Art and Architecture of the Old World. She had a smouldering Ambition to ride a Camel In the Orient and then come home and put It all over a cer tain proud Hen who had apent six weeks in Europe She had to wait patiently until Edwin was threatened with a ner vous Break-Down. At last the Hap py Day arrived when the Specialist told him he must m.ake his choice between a long Bea Voyage and a slow ride to the Family Lot. Credit. Edwin did a little quick work with the Pencil and said they could either hurry on or else hie back to tho Home Town and begin Life all over again. Three weeks after saying good-by to Griddle Cakes (hey were In Naples, which they had seen plo- tured on so many Calendars. Once In a while they would venture from the Hotel to run foot-races with the yelping Lazzaroni or try to look at Vesuve without paying seven or eight members of the Camorra for the Privilege. After being chased back Into the Hotel, they would sit down and address Post-Cards by the Hour, telling how much they were enjoying their stay in Napoli, homo of Song and Laughter. Next we see them In Egypt, still addressing Post- Cards, and offering anything within reason for a good Cup of Coffee. A few days later they were curled up in a Cabin de Luxe about the size of a Telephone Booth, wait lng for the Ocean Greyhound to recover from an at tack of Hydrophobia. When they tottered down the Gang-Plank, after six days on the playful North Atlantic, tholr only Comfort was derived from the knowledge that, as goon as they had rested up, they could write home and quote the Second Offioer as saying it was the roughest Passage he had ever Known. After spending a few days In London, trying to pgt warm, they moved on to Paris, which they re membered long afterward on account of Napoleon’s Tomb and the price of Strawberries. Selena pulled her tail-grass French on a Hack- man, but there was nothing doing. He had taken It from » different Teacher. So they employed a Guide who knew all the Shops. If Selena happened to admire a Trinket or some outre Confection with I-ace slathered on it, a perfumed Apache In a Frock Coat would take Edwin into a side room, give him the sleeve across the Wind-Pipe, and bite a piece out of his Letter of Not that they would own up to being home-sick. No, indeedl They kept writing back that they enjoyed every minute of their sail up tho Nyc, and Edwin was holding up wonderfully, for an invalid. Not that they would own up to being Home-Sick. No. Indeed! They kept writing bacx that they en joyed every Minute spent among the Cemeteries and Ruins, or sailing up the Nile, and Edwin was holding up wonderfully, for an Invalid. Only, when either of them spoke of the Children, or Corned-Beef Hash, or the Canary, a long Silence would ensue, and then the Nervous Wreck would cheer her by computing that they would be in God's Country within four months, if they escaped Ship wreck, Sunstroke, and Bubonic Plague. While parboiling themselves down the Red Sea It began to soak In on them that, east of Suez, tlie Yank has about as much standing as the Ten Com mandments. The Congressman at home had assured them, on numerous occasions, that Columbia was the Jim of tile Ocean and the most upholstered portion of the entire Foot-Stool. Consequently, it was somewhat disconcerting to meet British Subjects who never had heard of Quin cy, Illinois, and who moved their Deck Chairs every time they were given a chance to hear about 1L General Grouch Says Oacffrjgbt. 1916, by tt* Star Onnparr Great Britain Ktghta R«*»rvf.i T HERE'S more danger of getting stung by a busybody than by a busy bee. Of course matches are made In heaven; they're not needed in the othor place. The same man who wouldn't hunt more than three minutes for a screwdriver with which to put on a screen door will tear around two hours hunting for a corkscrew. the craziest planet in the solar system. Men run quicker to aid a fallen horse than a fallen man because they know It isn’t the horse's fault. Poverty isn't the only thing coming In at the door that makes love fly out the window. Some men would have to give an excuse If they got home ahead of time. We begin to do right about the time we get too old to do wrong, but,we don’t begin to think right until they call In the lawyer and the minister. Woman is the natural "rib" roast. U everyone could do u he pleased Ujj, ^qld he Remember that every peach has a stony heart If all we had to cover us was our religion most of us would have to stay in the water. Did yon ever :: tic.- *I>a» 1'3 per cent of the pwtiuiuo In the rust cure t. .sUmtuir are mas .red. They would arrive In a New Town, fly to the Ho tel, unpack, go out and buy their colored Post-Cards, come back to the Dump (usually called the Grand Hotel Victoria), address Cards to all the Names on the list, then pack up, pay the Overcharges, and ride to the Railway Station, accompanied by a small regi ment of Bashi-Bazouks who were looking for Theirs. Selena was still buying Souvenirs, but doing It mechanically, as If In a Trance. They had been stung with so many Oriental Pho neys and stuck up so often that they had gone Yellow end lost their Nerve. When they saw an outstretched Mitt, they came zeross without a Whimper. Often, while riding in the dusty Cattle Cars and looking out at the parched Plains, they would think of the shaded Front Porch, only five minutes from Bar clay’s Drug Store, where they sold the Ice Cream Soda. Moaning feebly, they would return to the Italicized Guide Book. Eaoh day they would purchase a Newspaper about tho size of a Bed-Spread and search eagerly for American News. Onco In a while they would learn that Congress had met or another Colored Per- son had been burned at the Stake. It cheered them Immensely to know that the Land of the Free was still wiggling. , At Rangoon they met a locoed Countryman head ed In the opposite direction. He was a hard-faced Customer who was fighting the Climate with Gin and Bitters, but they fell upon him and wanted to Kiss him when they learned that he had once met Selena's Uncle at Colorado Springs. The., told him how to save time In getting across india, and he gave them a list of Places In China and Japan that might be dodged to advantage. Their principal Occupation, when not setting down Expressions of Delight on the Post-Cards, was to study Time-Tables and cable ahead for Reserva tions. The Invalid’s one desire was to get home and take a regular Bath before being laid out Hong Kong pleased them exceedingly because they learned, by consulting Mr. Mercator’s Projec tion, that they were on the Home Stretch and, with Luck in their favor, might live to see another Piece of Pie. As soon as they were on the Pacific and headed for a refined Vaudeville Show, they began to recover the brave Spirit of Travel and blow about what they had seen. The Towns and Temples and Tombs and Treas ures of Art w ere all Jumbled together, but by dally reference to Baedeker and Murray, they were en abled to find out where they had been and wliat they had seen with their own Eyes and how It im pressed them, at the time. Before touching at Honolulu they were real en thusiastic about India. They advised the awe stricken Listener who had not been all the way around to be sure and take In Penang and Johore, and. If necessary, they would give him Letters of Introduction.. They said It had been a wonderful Experience. Y’es, indeed. And broadening. Very. Then Edwin would wander to the front end of the Ship and want to climb out on the Bowsprit so sa to be in Frisco aN$d of anybody else He convalesced rapidly as they approached the Golden Gate, for he knew that in a few days he could unpack for good and gallop down to the office and not have to worry about Travelling. Two hours after lauding, Edwin saw a Porter House Steak and hurst Into tears. They sped eastward by the first Train, still busy with the little Red Books, for they knew they would have to answer a lot of Questions. “Shall we own up and tell them the Awful Truth?” asked Selena. • “Not on your Esoteric Buddhism," replied Edwin. “We never will be rewarded for our sufferings unless we convince the Neighbors that we had a run for our Money. It was a troubled Nightmare, In Spots, but when I lecture in the Church Parlor X am going to burn Joss Sticks and pull every variety of Bunk made famous by Sir Edwin Arnold and Lafcadlo Hearn.” On the following Tuesday, Selena appeared at the Club witlf her Mandarin Coat and the long Hindoo Ear-Rings. She had them frozen In the.ir Chairs. MORAL-’ Be it c er ’ard to Take, there Is no place 11 nu a..liviii u.\jam*. i Just for Fun 18X3, by tom Star Oirnpery. Ore*.*. Britain Bights Rsaerved. “Look Out for the Paint!” S HE—In Turkey a man never sees the face of his wife until after they are married. He—Great ScottI Do they use paint and pow der over there, too! “Going Down!” HERE was a young maid of sixteen, • Who took three baths a day to keep clean; She had washed quite away, When the drain pipe one day Gulped her down. She was neret more seen! Henry’s Value. I ATE yesterday afternoon Hen- *— 1 ry T. Oatmmn sought Judge Splnx for an injunction restrain ing the chickens at home. Ever since last Tuesday Henry’s ohick- ens have adopted toward Henry an exclusive attitude that amounts X a tb the “cut direct” They say kJ j they are the real aristocracy on taw- the farm because they are worth eleven and a half cents a pound while Henry wouldn’t fetch- ten. The neighbors are Inclined to side with the chickens. Mtrft Bound to Disagree. B ROWNE—I saw a funny thing In court to-day. The first panel drawn consisted of twelve Hebrews. Greene—Gee; That was sure some Jewry. “H A Failure. OW can I Induce a suffragette to believe that she doesn’t want to vote?!’ “Marry her.” "I’ve been married to her ten years.” “Then divorce her and give some one else a chance.” The Snique. A MAN with a vision oblique By accident Jostles a Grique; But each time that, he tries To explain his crossed eyes The Grique takes a crack at his hiquel The Office Girl Who Snickered Out Loud. O H, a rag and a bone and a hank of hair, and a shag- haired man with a ’phone stood there. Oh, a wag in the room had a pin on tho chair and the man so fat with the ’phone sat square on the seat but flopped and be gan to swear. And the rag and the bone and the hank of hair, chewed her gum, chewed the rag, and she giggled for fair. So the mutt with the fat shook her then and there, to the rag and the bone and the hank's despair. So she’s single yet, and a quiet wench Is the wife of the fat man on the bench. Now she who laughs last laughs the beet, but to he-haw wrongly proves no Jest; so grin with gusto when you can, but best at a joke than at some man. It’s a durn long lane ; that’s got no turn, and a book-keep girl's got her I wage to earn; and It’s no good sense to snicker at the boss, lest, maybe, a diamond ring’s her loss. So If in the office why giggle you must, buy a copy of Biff and snicker till you bust. Yon can read till i you're tired, till you’re tickled, till you wiggle, you can sit there for hours while you laugh, cry and giggle. And ?. neat glad-rag with her hair In a hank, may still win * chap with a book at the bank. sajMiMiMy . Toil In Darkness Stole a Genius’s Sight (Stirring Stork* of Great Musician*. No. 3.) A N old library, in old Germany, a forbidden book, a little lad ** who looked, and sighed, and hoped. For to him it was a book of wonder and white delight. His soul thrilled to the glory that it conjured up. It was a book of Music. One night the moonlight streamed through his room and it tempted him. He crept down stairs, and in the secret of the night took down the book. 1l> graven melodies stood out before him in a mist of sound. Night after moonlight night he came thus, bending, poring over it, copying its figured radiances that were immortal sound. And then one night his task was done. For six months he had worked, and he stood there riven by a triumph poignant as pain. The beauty of the book was his. He had wrung from it tho secret of its immortal message. Years afterwards that boy was great—and a rumor stirred the world regarding him. Men whispered his name. Great women prayed and wept, prayed and waited till the final day. Then the stolen moonlight hours laid their fingers upon him. Sebastian Bach was blind. • ••••• Have you a child who hums as he plays, who has the beginnings of musical talent—who might have even genius? ^ How can you know, till you’ve found out by giving him a chance with a few music lessons and a good piano? Beware of the kind of pianos that are ** good enough to practise on.** They deprave the musical taste. They have spoilt thousands of careers The ear, or rather the delicate brain cells that connect with it, get bad “sound habits,” like a boy who “ talkstough,” or an English cockneywith his misplaced *‘h.” Each is the victim of sound environment. Their sound judgments have been ruined, and they can *t come back• The HALLET & DAVIS PIANO develops a true musical taste through true sound—the one standard of the beautiful in music. If not tried too late, it can save the musical ear—perhaps a career. The great Franz Liszt and Johann Strauss recommended the Hallet & Davis Piano. Pope Pius X honored it . with a Papal medal. Give your boy a chance. And let us show you hoxv, and how vou can afford it too. That’s our business and we like it. We’ll calf on you if you like it Anyhow, fill out the attached coupon and send for catalog. Mail the coupon today—so you won’t put it off find forget. HALLET & DAVIS PIANO CO. (Established 1839) • 50 N. Pryor St., Atlanta. COUPON Send mo full information about Name— the Hallet 8c Davis Piano, and your Easy Buying Han. Address., N-9 A woman seldom tells a good story. 8he nerer i really good ones. Give Yourself a Chance A re-you sickly in any way? Are you below par? Then you are not living right. Yo«t are not getting what mipht be yours. Postpone ment. is the price of your birthright. Life has untold blessings if you will reach oat and grasp them. Great obstacles recede before the onrushing enthusiasm of the man or woman who is vigorous and happy. The world smiles when you are well. Health tinges everything with beauty. Strong words, you say—yet true. To the man or woman who will not be denied, who- demands the right of being healthy and happy, Nature—yes, and man—hold out new hope. The ebbing spark may be renewed. The sluggish blood stream may be quickened. The weakened nerves and muscles may be brought to new life and strength. And you wish to know what will do these things for you? Electricity. Electricity is Nature’s Greatest Health Builder When old Ben Franklin drew the spark down the silken cord, he brought to man a wondrous power—an agent to do his bidding and to strengthen the very vitals and sinews of the man who used it. The greatest achievement of the last decade has been to bring electricity to suffering humans in a form sate, convenient and economical. Many there are to-day, healthy and happy, who ascribe their well being to the curative, strengthening power of electricity. Be you young or old. male or female, there is new beauty, new life, new power, new happiness for you in this wonderful modern invention. The “Home” Health and Beauty Battery A few minutes each day will give wonderful results. Constitutional headaches grow less and finally disappear under the tonic effect of the elec tric current. * Lame backs and lumbago lose their terrors Rheumatism Is relieved. Neuralgia alike, and physical weaknesses of nearly every descrip tion. Thin faces and thin arms become plump. The skin becomes soft and velvety, free from unsightly eruptions. The electric current from the Home Battery, gentle or forcible, according to your require ments, stimulates and strengthens the whole system, giving Nature the power to so perform her function® a® to keep all parts hea thy. *■ O fin 311 complete In a handsome, sntln-llned box, wtth Hat® 1 TlCe 4*3Brush. Electrode, Sponge, Massage Roller. Metal Foot Plate, connecting cord for these accessories, and Instruction Manual, giving explicit directions for .all kinds of treatments. The Home Battery is complete in itself, no outilde battene® or connec tion®. nothing to got out of order, current easily regulated. W® use a standard dry cell which yon can easily renew when required. q ; | fTff . For a limited time only, we will give three extra dry OpCClal Verier . ce iis—practically a year's supply—free with eaoh bat tery upon receipt of coupon printed below. Vou will enjoy the delightful effect of the electrical current, whether you use thp battery for face massaging—with the electric hair brush to eorraet scalp troubles and promote beautiful liair^-as a general tonic treatment—or in anv of the many ways described in our Instruction Manual for specific need®. Life will take on new beauties when you feel the vital blood of health coursing strongly through your veins. Send Tn your order for tne ‘•Home 1 ’ Battery to-day. Don’t wait a minute, You can’t afford to delay. This is your opportunity to renew your strength and vigor, year op- ortunity to become physically fit, to step out from the weakling class, and ie a winner. Give yourself a chance. Act now. Only $5.00 for th« complete outfit — your passport to health. Western Merchandise & Supply Co. 326 West Madison St., Near Market St. CHICAGO Money Back—10. Day Trial Coupon This coupon, with 96.06, entitles you to one Homs Health and Beauty Bat tery, complete, (including three extra dry calls free) shipped prepaid. Try il ten days. If not entirely satisfied at the end of that time, your 96.00 will bt promptly refunded upon return o! machine. This offer Is mad# for a •united time only. Dm coupon to-day. Name. »»»« , * Address. * < res »»«»• &