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Mothers Not ‘Press Agents
By DOROTHY DIX
1 OFTEN think that mother* are the
worst press agents on earth, and
• that they d<> far more to queer their
daughters’ fortunes than they do to
l'oort them
Practically every woman who has girls
,h on a still hunt for husbands for them.
She wants to see them married off and
settled in homes of their own. with their
shopping tickets assured for life To
this end she attempts to present her
daughters in an attractive light to the
masculine eye. and it is the blunders
that she makes in this direction that are
so appalling and so pathetic, for nine
times out of ten instead of casting a
rosy halo about tl,ie girl, mother suc
ceeds In robbing her of whatever
eharma she has
For instance, the other day I was
at a dinner given in honor of a woman
from the Middle West and her very
pretty and attractive daughter. There
were several delightful young men pres
ent who were Juat beginning to get their
feet well planted on the ladder of suc
cess, and any one of whom would have
bean a good match for the girl, for they
were all men with futures.
But mother calmly announced: “Ma
bel told them all at home that she
was going to New York in search of a
millionaire, and that no pikers need ap
ply " Possibly the speech was Intended
as a Jest, but It was an expression of
a desire so sordid, so mercenary, so
vulgar that It fell like a «wet blanket
over the entire company, and. push it
aside as we might, none of us could see
the girl as anything but a miserable lit
tle fortune hunter, willing to sell her
self to the highest bidder
Left Her Alone.
That lets us out. doesn’t It?" one
of the young men said with a scarcely
veiled sneer to the other men. “we can't
qualify in the millionaire class by about
$399,999 75."
Furthermore, not one of the young
men who was invited to the dinner to
meet this girl paid her the slightest at
tention while she was In the city, al
though they would have liked her and
been nice to her. and made her have a
good time had it not been for her moth
er's assertion that she was in search
of a husband with money. The girl’s
most malicious enemy could not have
• 'one her a worse turn than her mother
did by her idiotic speech.
Nor is this type of mother rare I
l ave known hundreds of women mar
ried to men in moderate circumstances
" ho made no bones of proclaiming to
any one they knew tiiat they didn’t in
tend that their daughters should marry
poor men and have to work and econo
mize as they had bad to do. A mother
of this sort is as good a scarecrow to
keep suitors away from her daughters
as human ingenuity can invent.
The man who has his owm fortune to
make certainly does not want to marry
the daughter of a woman who had not
the courage to do her part in assisting
her husband, nor the affection to make
her feef that it Is a privilege to help
bear the burdens of one you love, so the
level-headed man, who wants a wife
who will be a helpmate instead of a
hindrance, keeps away from girls that
lave been brought up by such a mother,
s'or does the man who has money yearn
■ > marry a girl whose mother has
aught her to look at his cheek hook be
fore she looks at the man. Even a mil -
aire likes to think that he was mar-
id
THE FIVE FRANKFORTERS
A Nocelizalion *.jf the Successful Play of ini.
Same Name Now Running in New York.
~~sl
| . .1 for himself alon
woman would have said ”ye«" just as
nekly whether he hud offered her a
latieni flat or a Fifth Avenue mansion.
I Another mother who is a hoodoo to
daughters is the woman who brags
I tout how helpless her daughters are.
| od how tenderly she has reared them.
1 never let Mamie he wakened in the
morning 1 Hlwm I^i her deep until
j '0 or 11 o’clock, until she feels like get
J ting up.” “I always keep everything
that Is unpleasant from Gladys. She’s
I uch a sensitive nature I feel she must
! be shielded." “Sadie couldn’t sew on a
button to save her life. I always do that
for her She really doesn’t know how
j o hold a needle in her hand.' - “Gwen
dolyn lias never put tier foot Inside of
I ihe kitchen scarcely. She couldn't boll
1 water without scorching It I don't want
oiy daughters to work as long as I can
keep them from It. There’ll be plenty •
1 f time for them to learn to cook and
I ew after they get married “
Insane Talk.
These are familiar utterances of moth-
I ers ftnd daughtera. and with daughters
* ijt they are anxious to marry off, too. j
t tiiat an Insane line of talk to hand
t "lit as a recommendation for wives? As
well had a clothing salesman say to a
man, “Sir, I’d like to sell you this suit
of clothes whig! I pan conscientiously
recommend to you as a misfit that you j
will regret taking If you do take it to
the longest day you live It’s true it's
pretty and good to look at, or at least j
t will be good to look at until it fades,
which will be soon, but It’s utterly no j
rcount, and useless, and It will rip and !
tear at the first strain, for it hasn't got
one thread of genuine wool in it, and It’s
dioddy through and through, because
the woman who made it made it that
way.”
What Inspires any woman to think !
hat a man that’s got sense enough to i
be out of a feeble-minded institute would
deliberately marry a girl who has been
trained to he lazy, and selfish, and In- j
competent, and worthless, and who Is j
'Mirotlc to hoot, passes comprehension
tut mothers go about advertising these
iis'iuallfications for wifehood In their:
laughters, and then are surprised be
use they have a lot of old maids lefi
n their hands.
Another Mistake.
Then there are the mothers who think
that the way to catch husbands for their
daughters is to pile finery they can’t af
ford on the girls’ hacks They think
that attracts men, whereas it scares
men off When a RenHlble man sees a
poor girl dressed like a millionairess he
sets her down as heartless, selfish and
frivolous Me says to himself tiiat she’s
working her poor old father to death to
•at good clothes to flaunt herself about
in, or she’s going in debt for them, or
she’s willing to starve the family to
adorn herself, and none of that for film,
thank you. He wants something in a
wife with more to It than a fashion
plate.
1 >f course mother means well. She’s
iolng the belt she can to boost daligh
ter, but she doesn’t understand her
business as a press agent because it
never seems to occur to her to say that
Sallle is a nice, strong, healthy girl, who
knows how to work, and Isn’t afraid of
, and is ready to help any young man
■hat she falls in love with hustle for a
fortune. Yet that’s the dope that would
50 with men
Daysey May me and Her Folks
Bv FRANCES I.. GARSIDF.
rp HE vender of fruit who Is a stu-
| dent in thai gentle art of duplic-
ity which has for its object the
eair tv r\ o»crv.iHser of something which
fs not as ft seetns. puts a rose pink net
^ over a basket of green peaches, and, lo,
the net gives the fruit the tint of per
fection the purchaser seeks, and he
»u>s
Perhaps those who are students in
human nature will some day discover
that the widow's veil In a similar man
ner covers the imperfections of the
woman underneath. It tones down that
"V, which is immature and harsh, and
throws the softening Influence of sorrow
over blemishes that would stand out in
uncompromising unattractiveness were
the woman a spinster.
Wouldn’t Put It Off.
In no other way could Paysey Mayme
Appleton account for the manner in
which men are attracted by widows
The life insurance left by the Pear De
parted may sometimes allure, hut statis
tics prove that men are not governed
t ntirely by mercenary motives, the
-pinster with an Inheritance of ten
thousand dollars standing only half the
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•banco to wed of the widow whose hus
band netted her half as much
It is as if the woman who marries
trets the habit, and Paysey Mayme. who
had hoped to he a widow in her next
reincarnation, concluded not to put it
off that long, she would get the habit
now. All she needed was a veil and a
grave, the former was within her means,
nd the latter would cost nothing
"There are always graves lying around
unclaimed,’’ said Paysey Mayme '1
will go out to the cemetery and adopt
one."
All of which explains why Daysey
Mayme Appleton passed through the
ttes of a cemetery one morning, wear
ing a widow’s veil and carrying a basket
I plants and flowers
“Grief is so much more attractive
when new. ' she murmured, selecting a
■ >\c only recently made, and weeping
over it with one eye, and using the
other like a real widow to gaze at a
man at work in the next plot.
As a gentle tribute to the splnster-
« mI from which It had given her means
of escape she planted a border of old
maid, and was putting in a row of bach
elor’s buttons down the middle when
she felt a sudden grasp of her shoulder
hut jerked her to tier feet.
Gets Patched Up.
“What do you mean, you brazen
| ling'.”' screamed a woman In her ears,
by planting flowers on tny husband's
crave” What win he to you?" shaking
her between every word.
In the weeks that followed when Day-
V Mayme was being patched up in a
ispltal, she told in her delirium of try-
c to plant flowers, though she planted
'•ds of suspicion instead, and raved
how the man in the next plot came
t o aid of the real widow and took her
This seemed to hurt worse than the
actured head and broken ribs.
“There is no use in a spinster ever
ving to beat a widow to it.” she
Parse
The Right Place.
i—D-
ou know where little
I hoys go to w hen they smoke?
I Boy Yes; up the alley
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siys
“Jove!” cried Gustavus. “The sight, of an angel flying through the air does improve ti’.e prospect of heaven, and
almost makes a chap wish he deserved But, alas! Madame, you must, come down to eerth ami occupy yourself
suitably here by sitting where I can look at you—without troubling myself to move. For I am extraordinarily comforta
ble—considering the state of my bank account.’’
What Has Gone Before.
Having hacked heavily the peace of
Europe Nathan Rothschild is discon
certed to find that Napoleon has
burst forth again, and all the bank
er’s outpouring of gold for national
development in England will be en
dangered. The banker hastens to
Waterloo. There are the English,
who have guaranteed to him that the
peace of Europe shall be maintained.
From a height above the field of bat
tle Rothschild sees flie whole of i*.
Rothschild sees that the wealth of
the world lies In London, his for the
taking if he can he first on the
ground with the news of the battle
He hurries to \ London, and next
morning appeared on the Exchange.
That night he went to bed $10,000
000 richer.
Seven years later n great banker
left Vienna, another Naples, another
1’arls and another London, and trav
eled to a little old house In Jews’
Lane, in Frankfort-am-Main. It
was a gathering of the house of
Rothschild. Perhaps some king was
\ pry hard pressed for monej * 141
tie Jacob" opposes Solomon's plan
to marry Charlotte off to the Duke
•of Tnunits. He Is hacked up by Frau
Gudilin.
Now Go on With the Story.
By KATHRYN KEY.
Copyright, 1913, by the New York Evert
ing Journal Publishing Company.
TO- n AY’S 1NSTALLM E N’T.
Evelyn was eighteen and a Princess
—and a
my
m
»tty girl, sc
one would
i.aturalh
gue
ss
that her
1 i f e w a s a
matter 0
f sun
shine and r<
see, as she
1 sat idly
on a
great ston
■ bench in
the Gar<
len <
f
Hedges a
Neustadt
t 'astle.
The
gi
ldcn sunli
gilt filtered
in cool
shade
UN
s through
the great
box bed
ges t
ha
t towered
above the
fountain
of
hi
little hr
>ken-a rmod
Cupid;
•n tii
e
sun-fiecke
d grass at
the girl’
S fee
t
lay the
gold-haired
owner of the castle, her handsome
young: cousin, Gustavus, the reigning
Duke of Taunus. But tiiat was only
a temporary arrangement, and alas
and alack for Evelyn, Cupid of the
broken arm had a clever left hand
and a trusty how!
So in the pretty Princess’ great
brown eyes there was a wistful light
because Gustavus’ position at her feet
was a temporary affair, as she knew
all too well.
But the little Princess believed tn
being happy while she might, and as
the cousins sat there waiting for the
return of Count Fehrenberg. who had
gone to Frankfort to persuade the
bankers there to bolster up the fallen
fortunes of Duke and Duchy with a
loan of 12.000.000 florins, the girl ex
erted all her youthful charm, and
tried to forget Madame St. Georges,
the favorite of the moment, who was
merrily swinging against the back
ground of green and gayly tormenting
her "Court High Swinger," Baron
Seulberg.
You Must Come Down.”
"Jove!’’ crjed Gustavus. "The sight
of an angel Hying through the air
does improve the prospect of heaven,
and almost makes a chap wish he de
served— But, alas! Madame, you
must come down to earth and occupy
yourself suitably here by sitting
where 1 can look at von without
troubling myself to move. FV>r 1 am
e x t ra ord inaHly t*om fort a ble—consId -
er ng the state of my bank account.’’
This was added in a lower tone as
j be raised dashingly tender eyes to
the little cousin, who tried to accept
| > almls the intrusion of this angel on
! her brief idyll. Better, she thought.
1 t hat Kehrenberg should return now
! and discuss the details of those tire-
:-■( me business arrangements than that
j she should have to listen to Gusta-
I vu v =‘ complimenting "that” woman!
: \nd Evelyn never guessed how Feh-
• r< nberg's mislon was to terminate her
| day-dream
Jew's Lane is crj from the
Castle of Noustadt and pretty Char- ;
lotte, with her family millions, is a
more dangerous rival than Madame
Georges can ever dream of being. Bo.
Evelyn, your smile of relief when the
red-coated lackey announces "Count
Fehrenberg" little presages your feel
ings at the drama in which \ u art 1
so soon to be called to take your part.
Of course, every one was all impa
tience to hear Fehrenberg's news; for
the State must soon meet large lia
bilities. and the treasury was in a
sadly empty condition. But Fehren-
berg’s first tidings were calculated to
startle rather than to cheer.
• • m
What Have You Done?
In eager Impatience the Duke asked
"What have you done. Fehrenberg?"
Perhaps in his great wallet the Count
had concealed vast sums of money.
Fehrenberg was so clever, nothing
was impossible where he was con
cerned.
Fehrenberg answered: "T have in
vited the Frankfort Jews to lunch
with you to-day. And they are com
ing.”
.There was a very expressive silence
for a few moments.
"They are* coming here—to lunch—
to-day? Heavens!” The Duke strug
gled to grasp the magnitude of this
strange departure from the custom
and feeling and precedent of oentu
rles. Five Jews from Jews' Lane to
•lunch with the reigning Duke of Tau
nus! But royal blood must fit one
to face any situation.
“Seulberg.” said the prince, "may T
ask you to give orders to the steward
to be ready for the caravan when it
arrives?”
"And now. you poor devil, you
must have had a miserable time
yesterday. 'Pell me all about it.”
"I was far from miserable. First
the walk through Jew’s Lane was in
teresting. I met stranger persons
than I have ever encountered
elsewhere,” answered Fehrenberg
thoughtfully. “And here our great
court bankers have their home—
here they always meet when they
have important ventures to discuss.
T think they must consider us a mut
ter of grave concern, or they would
not have come from the four corners
of Europe to consider us.”
He Has a Pretty Daughter.
Gustavus laughed. "You lay too
much stress on the importance of
saving a duchy, Fehrenberg. This
family gathering would have been
called in any case to discuss the new
barony. Was Solomon from Vienna
there, and what did be have to say?
1 knew him be has a very pretty
daughter."
"He seems to be their leading
spirit but he said very little, though
his manner was cordial."
"Oh, yes," said the duke, little
dreaming that the mar he was so
Idly discussing had already perfected
plans for annexing a greater title
than “barin." “Oh. yes, Solomon’s
manners are so serenely easy and as
sured that they almost appear to be
good. But nothing matters so that
we get what we want from them.”
And Gustavus did not reckon how-
very much these clever bankers might
want—from him.
”1 invited them here, so that we
might the more easily get ‘what we
want' from them. They will feel out
of their element in Neustadt, and not
quite sure of themselves perhaps. In
their own offices they have us at a
disadvantage. But here—who knows
what may be accomplished?"
A Very Clever Prophecy.
Which was. indeed, a very clever
prophecy on the part of Count Feh
renberg.
"What we propose to accomplish.
Fehrenberg. is to set these Jews to
work at their proper business—finan
cing a reigning prince But you said
you had invited the Indies of the
family. How many are there?"
"The pretty girl, whom it pleased
your, highness to remember." As if.
indeed, Gustavus ever was pleased to
forget a pretty girl! “And the moth
er Frau Gudula. A very genuine
old woman -1 admire her.”
Gustavus reflected a minute. Here
was a position calling for a bit of
clever diplomacy.
"Dear Evelyn,” he said, "you know
that I am in groat difficulties about
money. Will you help me?"
Evelyn’s great brown eyes grew
lustrous. She had known that the
coming of Fehrenberg would spell
some good for her. "Gustavus, if I
can help you ”
"You can if you will overcome your
one fault. Perhaps, dear, you were
born a century too late. You are
conservative, old-fashioned, maybe."
The girl’s bright face faded from a
rose glow to a gray twilight of color,
and Gustavus, who never failed in his
perception of the feminine mood,
added; "But that is, after all, the
fashion T most admired."
I Am Very Different.
"But I am very different from
Madame St. Georges," ventured
Evelyn.
"And yet she Is delightful, too—in
her way."
"I could never amuse you as she
does," mused the girl, but with world-
old guile, sbe leaned very close, her
white throat pulsing softly, her white
arm close, close to Gustavus on the
old gray stone bench. The duke
glanced idly toward the swing where
Madame St. Georges had found an
other "court swinger" in Count
Fehrenberg. Then he raised bis
cousinis little pink palm and kissed
it very gently.
"You could interest me as sbe could
not And T think you can do some
thing for me that no one else at all
could do. My Frankfort friends are
going to put my money difficulties
tight for me, and you can help me
greatly by being polite to them."
"Of course 1 will,” said Evelyn,
softly. "That is so little to do for
you. Gustavus.
"Thanks- - kind little cousin," Gus
tavus kissed the little hand again.
A Coach Has Arrived.
"A traveling coach has just ar
rived." called Fehrenberg.
The duke smiled a bit cynically at
the eager girl by his side. "The
Frankforters! Your duties begin
promptly, Evelyn!"
But it was not th* 1 Frankforters at
all. for instead of those simple folk,
the lackey announced. "Their High-,
nesses the Prince of Klausthal Agor-
da, the Princess, the Canon of
Rouen."
Even Gustavus was shaken from
his reserve and from "kingly dig
nity,” and exclaimed in dismay;
"That old High and Mighty and his
retinue to meet a family of banker-*
What on earth will happen? I must
po to them—”
But it was too late for any diplo-
measures; for the garden was
already taken possession of by a
stately and magnificently attired man
of 50. followed by a beautiful young
woman in her early thirties, and by a
black-robed canon.
"Mv dear Gustavus,” said the man.
with milch ceremony, "we were told
you were in the garden, so we came
to you quite without ceremony. You
will forgive us?”
Tt Is most kind of you,” said GuC
tavus. But he as visioning one of
the least successful luncheons that
had ever graced the halls of Neustadt.
On the Way to Paris.
' We are on our way to Paris o
live there all the rest of our days.”
cried the Princess in great excitement
"But we could not pass your castle
without stopping to wish you good
bye.”
"A brief visit—for T have business
to attend to in Frankfort this after
noon. Y T ou see, 1 have abdicated. I
have seen too much to enjoy playing
at being a King any longer on my
J petty throne. I was In Paris when
they got rid of their good Louis."
"But—"
The Prince did not propose to stop
I to consider amazement at his move.
"I am not afraid of the same proc-
I heir Married Life
By MABEL HERBERT URNER.
ess being applied to me. But I have
watched the growth of a common
democratic strain in this age with
which I have no sympathy or pa
tience. *Oh, soon there will be no
classes in this world. All barriers
are being removed. And the horror of
it all is that the barriers go down at
the hands of those rulers who should
prefer to perish rather than sacrifice
their privileges. For example—the
Emperor In Vienna has lately enno
bled a family of bankers. He has
actually created barons from the
Jews. Now, what do you say 'o
that?”
“Lunch With Me To-day.”
Gustavus had found the situation
sufficiently emba rrassing before It
was so clearly defined, but this on*"
tion and the sound of n postillions
horn just at the v close of It made him
feel as if the power of words was a
very Inadequate thing.
"You can imagine what wo are
coming to,” concluded the Prince
with a flourish.
"My Imagination Is thoroughly oc
cupied with the anticipation of what
Is about to happen when those very
barons of whom you speak so feel
ingly appear upon the scene, as th.?y
will'surely do at any moment. They
have accepted an invitation to lunch
with me here to-day!"
The Princess of Klausthal-Agorda
rose In great agitation. Every little
fluted ruffle op her traveling gown of
soft gray taffeta was aflutter in in
dignant amazement. To lose a throne
and to be compelled to lunch with
these Jewish bankers all In one day
was too much for any pretty aristo
crat. Join the bourgeoisie at once
and be done with it, she thought.
Poor, guilty Feherenberg! "I fancy
we heard their coach just now,” ho
said in tone of great deprecation.
Gustavus addressed the agitated
Princess: "1 trust that you will not
feel obliged to run away?”
The Prince was quite equal to the
occasion:
"No! No! I have business deal
ings with these people and intend to
see them in Frankfort. I have never
had the pleasure of meeting them—
socially. But it will be convenient—
and interesting to me—to see them
now—away from their natural sur
roundings. We will gladly stay to
luncheon.”
And there was nothing else for the
wife of the Prince of Klausthal-
Agorda to do: so she acquiesced with
what grace she could summon.
To Be Continued Monday.
Fellow Passenger—Pardon me; your
necktie has been sticking out for some
time. I refrained from telling you
sooner because those young ladies
seemed so much amused.
Farmer—Thankee; an’ the oil from
that lamp has been droppin’ on that
ight overcoat o’ yourn for the last ten
minutes, but every one seemed so tickled
bat I hated to spoil the fun.
• • •
Murllla—Who is that gentleman you
introduced me to a little time ago? I
didn’t catch his name."
Millicent—That is the distinguished
poet, Mr. Scrawler.
Murilla—Indeed! Now I understand
why he seemed hurt when he asked me
who was my favorite poet and I replied
"Shakespeare."
• * *
"What has become of the big man who
used to beat the bass drum?" asked the
private of the drum major.
"He left us about three months ago."
"Good drummer, too. wasn’t he?"
"Yes. very good; but he got so fat
that when be marched he couldn't hit
the drum In the middle."
H ELEN’S brown broadcloth «ult,
in which she had felt so well-
groomed all winter, seemed
suddenly shabby and dusty as she
came out in the bright spring sun
light.
Although she had brushed it be
fore starting out, she stooped over
now and with her gloved hand shook
the front of the skirt, and brushed
one of Pussy Purrmew’s hairs from
her sleeve.
The things that look so well all
winter are apt to look disconcert
ingly shabby on the first bright
spring day. And Helen felt uncom
fortably shabby as she took the car
at the corner and sat down in the
only vacant seat by a woman in an
assertively new light gray suit.
As she took out her carfare, even
her brown suede gloves looked con
spicuously dark and dusty beside the
fresh gray kids that held, with an
air of superior daintiness, a gold-
meshed bag.
The air was quite chilly In spite
of the brilliant sunlight, yet the
brown suit seemed suddenly much
too warm and too heavy. The reali
zation that spring is far advanced
and that she has no spring clothes
is a dismaying one to any woman
Helen had started out to get the
material for an afternoon gown,
something In foulard or some soft
summer silk. It would take her two
weeks before she could get it made,
and she needed it now.
She left the car and hurried in to
McCormick’s. The store was crowd
ed, and the silk counter the most
crowded of all.
There was no chance of being
waited on for some time. But Helen
was glad of the opportunity to look
over the many silks displayed on the
counter and draped on skirt forms
over the shelves. She had read and
seen enough of the new spring
fabrics to know they were gayly col
ored. but In McCormick’s display to
day the colorings were riotous.
Had Nothing Else.
Just why American women should
wear barbaric hues because there has
been a war in the Balkans was not
quite clear to Helen, and she had no
Intention of making herself consptc-
umf- for any such freakish fashion.
Rut when the clerk was free to
wait on her she found they had al
most nothing in quiet colorings and |
small designs. "Everything’s large
figurpd and bordered this season, he
informed her.
"Then haven’t you something from
last Beason that is more quiet?"
"We never carry anything over,
haughtily, with a glance that im
plied she must be a most peculiat
person to want anything from last
season. , , .
There was nothing to do but try
some other shop, and Helen hurried
over to Gordon's. But the crown
around the silk counter here was
even greater than at McCormicks
and the display of colorings and de
signs fully as spectacular
The counters were covered with a
confusion of bolts, which t_lae ove f"
rushed salesmen had not had time to
put bark. As Helen glanced over
these she started joyfully. Here at
last was just what she wanted—a
dull pastel blue foulard wtth a tiny
Indistinct white figure.
The bolt was underneath several
others, but on the exposed end was
marked the width and price—"42 In.
$3 no ” It was more than Helen want
ed to pav, but all the silks were high
this spring, and she was sb relieved
to And something quiet amid this
glaring effulgence of color that the
words “Six yards of this, please," hov
ered on her Ups.
She looked impatiently up and down
the counter, but every clerk had a
customer with two or three others
waiting. Her chances were just as
good with the clerk nearest her. A
woman who had been waiting for
this same clerk now got up from the
seat beside Helen with an audible^
"Well, I can't wait any longer."
Helen quioklv took the seat, glanc
ing up at the clerk to remind him she
was next. But the customer he was
now serving, an excessively stout |
woman, with huge dangling pearl 1
earrings, was plainly taking her time.
"No this isn't quite what I wanted,”
as she held up a fold of green and
red flowered foulard. "Haven’t you
something else In these same shades
but not quite so dark?"
The Fat Woman.
'Tve shower! you everything: we
have, madam. answered the. clerk
with an unmistakable note df weari
ness.
"Well, let me see that piece with
the purple figure again. No, that
isn’t the one I meant,” as he drew
out a bolt from a dozen or more
others he had evidently been show
ing her. "Didn’t you show me some
thing with a purple figure on a red
and orange ground? Yes. that’s it,”
throwing an end of the silk over her
arm and viewing It complacently.
Helen gasped ns she pictured this
ponderously fat woman In a dress of
that silk.
"I suppose those colors are fast?
I expect to wear It at the seashore—
you don’t think the salt air would
fade it?"
The clerk gravely assured her that
the colors were fast.
"How wide is this? You said six
yards would be enough, didn’t you?”
"That’s 42 inches, madam. Six
yards is what we usually sell, but
perhaps,” apologetically, "you might
require a trifle more.”
"This light is so poor to Judge
colors by.” after another ten minutes
hesitation. "Could you take these to
the window?”
The colors were raw and glaring
enough to be seen in any light. 5< 1
the clerk patiently took the thre^
bolts out in the aisle.
Helen knew now that her chances
for being waited on would be better
with any other clerk, but she was
curious to know just how much more
of this clerk’s time this woman would
have the presumption to take.
"Well, this isn’t quite what I want
—but I suppose I’ll take it,” she mur
mured at length, reluctantly. "You’re
quite sure you haven’t anything you
haven't shown me that T might like
better?”
“Madam. I’ve shown you every piece
of foulard In stock,” helplessly.
"Well, six and a half yards of this,
then." in an injured tone that Implied
6he had been hurried to her decision
Helen gave a quite audible sigh ol
relief. The clerk measured off th<
silk and took out his scissors.
“Oh, wait—just a moment! Before
you cut it—just let me see this other
piece again. I wonder after all if I
wouldn’t like this better? Yet I don’t
quite like that striped effect. There
was one here very much like this
without that— Oh. here.it is. Now.
if I could see this in the light."
1 Helen knew that if she had been
that clerk she would have screamed.
But the clerk, with an imperturbable
face, took the bolt to the light, brought
it back and gazed expressionless lute
space, while the woman began again
to pull over all the other silks.
"You didn't show me that, did you?"
pointing to a piece the clerk next to
them was showing.
"That’s taffeta, madam You said
you wanted only foulard."
"Well, of course, if I can’t get what
I want in foulard I may have to take
taffeta. Let ms see what you have,
anyway.”
By this time Helen felt that she
herself wanted to shriek, yet with a
perverse curiosity she was deter
mined to see it through.
With divine patience the clerk now
brought out bolt after bolt of taffeta.
When he finally said "That is all we
have in taffetas, madam,” she again
went back to the foulards. To have
room to show the taffetas he had put
some of the foulards away. These
he got out once more.
"Well, I really don’t think any of
those are exactly what I want. But
you can give me a sample of thla.
And yes—I’ll take one of this, too. Oh,
thank you.”
And she walked off serenely.
With the same expressionless face
the clerk turned to Helen
"I’ll take six yards of this, please."
The astonishingly brisk curtness 0!
Helen’s voioe was due both to her
tenseness and to a perverse desire
to emphasize the swiftness of her
decision. She hoped the other woman
heard her.
"Yes, madam,” In grateful appre
ciation as he pulled out the bolt.
But to Helen’s horror, when she
saw the other end, ehe discovered
that it had a six-inch border of glar
ing greens and yellows.
Was Thinking Fast.
She gave a little gasp and stared
at it in dismay.
“Oh, wait, just a moment!" ae th»
clerk started to measure It off.
M as there a faint mockery In hli
glance as he looked up?
“Have you anything like this with
out a border?" Helen asked, timidly.
‘No. madam; but I will show you
what we have "
Helen was thinking very fast. She
had seen all the other silks as he
had shown them to that tvomam-
and there was nothing among them.
She could take this and cut the bor
der off! The clerk had placed before
her several bolts and was now watch-
ing her with the same lack of ex
pression. Plainly he was expecting
another siege. Perhaps it wap this
that goaded Helen into saying quick-
ly, almost defiantly:
"No, you needn’t show me anything
else. You may give me eight’ yards
Of this instead of six. I’ll cut off
the border.”
u measur °d off the lengths and
hekl the scissors for a moment, as
though expecting her to stop him
again. 1 hen, with a triumphant
pwush, he ran them through the silk.
1 he two extra yards had cost her
six dollars, but she had the silk she
wanted. And after that woman had
spent three-quarters of an hour and
then taken only samples, it was al
most worth six dollars to be able >
say In two minutes: "I'll take eight
yards of this.” s
later Helen paid
for the silk and walked out of the
®,. p ‘ u . ' VHP "ith a pleasing sense
of conscious superiority.
Cubist Models.
“Well,” said the artist’s wife. Tut
glad on one account that Reginald
has become a cubist.”
“Why is that?’’ her friend asked.
-J® 110 making more money than he
old while he was painting real pic
tures?
“No; he really Isn’t making as
much, but formerly he had to hire
girls to act as his models. Now all
he needs is a pile of kindling wood.”
Primeval Reproach.
Adam and Eve were leaving the
Garden of Eden.
“It’s al] your fault,” said Adam.
"It Isn’t, either,” replied Eve.
‘ It’s your fault. You ought to have
had us put under civil service so we
couldn’t be turned out.”
HOWTOS WOMAN
FOUND HEALTH
Would Not Give Lydia E, Pink-
ham’s Vegetable Compound
for All Rest of Medicine
in the World.
Utica, Oh\o.—"I suffered everything
from a female weakness after baby
came. I had numb
spells and was
;| dizzy, had black
spots before my
eyes, my back
ached and I was
so weak I could
M hardly stand, up.
My face was yel
low, even my fin
ger nails were
colorless and I
had displacement.
I took Lydia E.
Pinkham’s Vege
table Compound and now I am stout,
well and healthy. I can do all my
own work and can walk to town and
back and not. get tired. I would not
give your Vegetable Compound for
all the rest of the medicines in the
world. I tried doctor’s medicines and
they did me no good.”—Mrs. Mary
Earle wine, R. F. D. No. 3, Utica,
Ohio.
Another Case.
Nebo, ill.—“I was bothered for ten
years with female troubles and the
doctors did not help me. I was so
weak and nervous that I could not do
my work and every month I had to
spend a few days in bed. I read so
rnqny letters about Lydia E. Pink-
ham's Vegetable Compound curing
female Iroublta that I got a bottle of
it. It did me more good than any
thing else I ever took and now it has
cured m». I feel better than T have
for years, and tell everybody what
the Compound has done for me. I
believe I would not be living to-day
but for that.”—Mrs. Hettle Gr*en-
atreet, Nebo, Illinois,