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Mothers Not‘Press Agents’ THE FIVE FRANKFORTERS A Nocclization oj the Successful Play of the Same Name Now Running in New York Their Married Life By DOROTHY DIX fOFTEN think that mothers are the ■ worm pr**s» agent* on earth, and that they <lo far more to queer their daughter*' fortunes than they do to boost them tactically every woman who ha^ girls is on a at ill hunt for husbands for them Khe wants to see them married off and settled in homes of their own, with their chopping tickets assured for life To this end she attempts to present her daughter# 4n an attractive light to the masculine eye, and 1t Is the blunders that she makes in this direction that are •so appalling and so pathetic, for nine times out of ten instead of casting a resy halo about the girl, mother suc ceeds in robbing her of whatever '•harms she has For Instance, the other dav I was at a dinner given in honor of a woman from the Middle West and her very ^-.ity and attractive daughter. There were several delightful young men pres ent who were Just beginning to get their >et well planted on the ladder of suc cess. and any one of whom would have been a good match for the girl, for they were all men with futures But mother calmly announced "Ma* hel told them all at home that she was going to New York in search of a millionaire, and that no pikers need ap ply." Possibly the speech was Intended as a jest, hut it was an expression of a desire so sordid, so mercenary, so vulgar that it fell like a wet blanket over the entire company, and. push it aaide as we might, none of us could see the girl as anything hut a miserable lit tle fortune hunter, willing to sell her self to the highest bidder Left Her Alone. "Thgt lets us out. doesn't it?" one of the young men said with a scarcely veiled sneer to the other men. "we can't qualify in the millionaire class by about $999.1*99.75 " Furthermore, not one of the voung men who was invited to the dinner to meet this girl paid her the slightest at tention while she was in the city, al though they would have liked her and been nice to her. and made her have a good time had it not been for her moth er's assertion that she whs in search of a husband with money. The girl's most malicious enemy could not have done her a worse turn than her mother did by her Idiotic speech Nor is this type of mother rare I have known hundreds of women mar ried to men in moderate circumstances who made no hones of proclaiming to any one they knew that they didn't in tend that their daughters should marry poor men and hrfve to work and econo mize as they had had to do A mother of this sort is as good a scarecrow to keep suitors away from her da lighters • s human ingenuity can invent. The man who has his own fortune to make certainly does not want to marry the daughter of a woman who had not the courage to do her part In assisting her husband, nor the affection to make her feel that it is h privilege to help hear the burdens of one you love, so the level-headed man. who wants a wife who will be a helpmate Instead of a hindrance, keeps away from girls that have been brought up by such a mother Nor does the man who has money yearn to marry a girl whose mother has taught her to look at his check hook be fore She looks at the man Even a mll- i t naire likes to think that he was mar ried for himself alone, and that the woman would have said "yei" just as luickly whether he had offered her a Harlem flat or a Fifth Avenue mansion. Another mother who Is a hoodoo to : daughters is the woman who brags bout how helpless her daughters are. and how tenderly she has reared them. "I never let Mamie he wakened In the morning I always let her sleep until 10 or 11 o'clock, until she feels like get ting up " "I always keep everything that is unpleasant from (lla/lys She’* such a sensitive nature I feel she must he shielded " "Sadie couldn't sew on button to save her life. I always do that for her. She really doesn't know how to hold a needle in her hand "Gwen dolyn has never put her foot inside of the kitchen scarcely. She couldn't boll water without scorching it. I don't want my daughters to work as long as I can keep them from it. There'll he plenty ! of time for them to learn to (rook and sew after they get married Insane Talk. These are familiar utterances of moth ers and daughters, and with daughters hat they are anxious to marry off. too. sn't that an insane line of talk to hand out as a recommendation for wives? As well had a clothing salesman say to a man. "Sir. I'd like to sell you this suit of clothes whitfT I ran conscientiously recommend to you as a nilsfll that you wHl regret taking If you do take it -to the longest day you live It’s true it’s pretty and good to look at. or at least It will he good to look at until It fades, which wljl be soon, but It’s utterly no iccount, and useless, and it will rip and 1 tear at the flrst strain, for it hasn’t got one thread of genuine wool in it. and it’s shoddy through and through, because the woman who made It made it that way." What inspires any woman to think j that a man that’s got sense enough to he out of a feeble-minded Institute would deliberately marry a girl who has been trained to he lazy, and selfish, and in- j competent, and worthless, and who is neurotic To hoot, passes comprehension But mothers go about advertising these disqualifications for wifehood in their daughters, and then are surprised Ite mise they have a lot of old maids left i >n their hands Another Mistake. Then there are the mothers who think that the way to catch husbands for their daughters is to pile finery they can't af ford on the girls’ hacks They think that attracts men. whereas it scares men off When a sensible man sees a poor 'girl dressed like a millionairess he sets her down as heartless, selfish and frivolous. He says to himself that Hhe’s working her poor old father to death to seet good clothes to flaunt herself about in, or she’s going in debt for them, or she's willing to starve the family to adorn herself, and none of that for him. thank you. He wants something in a wife with more to It than a fashion plate < if course mother means well. She's doing the best she can to boost daugh ter. hut she doesn’t understand her business as a press agent because it never seems to occur to her to say that Sallie is a nice, strong, healthy girl, W'ho knows how to work, and Isn't afraid of t, and is ready to help any young man that she falls In love with hustle for a fortune. Yet that's the dope that would <?«* with men By MABEL HERBERT URNER. H ELEN’S brown broadcloth suit, In which she had felt so well- groomed all winter, seemed suddenly shabby and dusty as she came out in the bright spring sun light. Although she had brushed it be fore starting out, she stooped over now and with her gloved hand shook the front of the skirt, and brushed one of Pussy Purrmew’a hairs from her sleeve. The things that look so well all winter are apt to look disconcert ingly shabby on the flrst bright spring day. And Helen felt uncom fortably shabby as she took the car at the corner and sat down in the only vacant seat by a woman 1n an assertively new light gray suit. As she took out her carfare, even her brown suede gloves looked con spicuously dark and dustr beside the fresh gray kids that held, with an air of superior daintiness, a gold* meshed bag. The air was quite chilly In spite of the brilliant sunlight, yet the brown suit seemed suddenly muen too warm and too heavy. The reali zation that spring is far advanced and that she has no spring clothes is a dismaying one to any woman Helen had started out to get the material for an afternoon gown, eomething in foulard or some soft summer silk. It would take her two weeks before she could get it made, and she needed it now. She left the car and hurried in to McCormick’s. The store was crowd ed. and the silk counter the most crowded of all. There was no chance of being waited on for some time. But Helen was glad of the opportunity to look over the many silks displayed on the counter and draped on skirt forms over the shelves. She had read and sgen enough of the new' spring "Jove!” cried Gustavus. “The sight of an angel flying through the air does improve t -.e prospect of heaven, and almost makes a chap wish he deserved But, alas! Madame, you must come down to earth and occupy yourself suitably here by sitting where I can look at you—without troubling myself to move. For I am extraordinarily comforta ble—considering the state of my bank account.” fabrics to know they were gayly col ored. but tn McCormick’s display to day the colorings were riotous. Had Nothing Else. Just why American women should wear barbaric hues because there has been a war In the* Balkans was not quite clear to Helen, and she had no Intention of making herself conspic uous for any such freakish fashion. FVut when the clerk was free to wait on her she found they had al most nothing in quiet colorings and j small designs. "Everything s large figured and bordered this season, he Informed her. "Then, haven’t you something from last season that is more quiet t - "We never carry anything over, haughtily, with a glance that im plied she must be a most peculiar person to want anything from last Daysey May me and Her Folks By FRANCES L GARSIDE T , HR vender of fruit who 1* a stu dent In that gentle art of duplic ity which Iihs for its object the sal*- to a purchaser of something which Is not as it seems, puts a rose-pink net over a basket of green peaches, and. lo. the net gives the fruit the tint of per fection tlie purchaser seeks, and he buys Perhaps those who are students in human nature will some day discover that the widow * veil in a similar man ner Covers the imperfections of the woman underneath It tones down that w'hich is immature and harsh, and throws the softening influence of sorrow over blemishes that would stand out in uncompromising unattractiveness were the woman a spinster Wouldn't Put It Off In no other wa> could Dayse> Mayme Appleton account for the manner In which meniare attracted bv widows The life insurance left by the Hear De parted may sometimes allure, but statis tics prove that men are not governed entirely by mercenary motives, the spinster with an inheritance of ten thousand dollars standing only half the Do You Want White Skin ? 1 DLJ£ wishing never yet * e;W.ge<3 an ugly com plexion Do something Find the remedy. There is a rem edy for every' evil. If you have a very dark. coarse, awarthy looking skin TRY Dr. Palmer’s Skin Whitener There Is no doubt whatever about ite marvelous whiten ing effect upon a dark, sallow complexion, and it makes the •kin soft and clear Of course you won't believe t ip unlerr you try It But one x wiL show you how easy it is to improve your complex- 25c postpaid anywhere tleod agent* wanted in every Write for terms- •hance to wed of the widow whose hus band netted her half ns much. It la as if the woman who marries gets the habit, and Daysey Mayme. who had hoped to be a widow In her next- reincarnation, concluded not to put it off that long; she would get the Imbit now All she needed was a veil and a grave; the former was within her means, ind the latter would cost nothing "There are always graves lying around unclaimed.” said Daysey Mayme. "I will go out to the cemetery and adopt one." All of which explains wh> Daysey Mayme Appleton passed through the vies of a cemetery one morning. Wear ing a widow's veil and carrying a basket •f plants and flowers ‘Grief Is so much more attractive when new." she murmured, selecting a rave only recently made, and weeping over n with one eye. and using the other like a real widow to gaze at a nan at work in the next plot. As a gentle tribute to the apinster- ood from which it had given her means of escape she planted a border of old uakl. and was putting in a row of bach elor's buttons down the middle when she felt a sudden grasp of her shoulder lat jerked her to her feet Gets Patched Up. "What do you mean, you brazen hing?" screamed a woman in her ears, "by planting flowers on m\ husband's grave? What was he to you?" shaking her between every word Tn the wet Us that followed when Day- t > Veing patched up in a lospltal. she told in her delirium of try- ng to plant flowers, though she planted -eeds of suspicion Instead, and raved of how the man in the next plot came • the aid of the real widow and took her i his arms. This seemed to hurt worse than the fractured head and broken ribs. •'There is no use t& a spinster ever trying to beat a widow to it." she moaned. What Has Gone Before. Having hacked heavily the peace of Europe Nathan Rothschild is discon certed lo find that Napoleon has burst forth again, and all the link er’s outpouring of gold for national development in England will he en dangered. The banker hastens to Waterloo There are the English, who have guaranteed to him that the peace of Europe shall be maintained. From a height above the field of bat tle Rothschild sees the whole of lt Rothschild sees that the wealth of the world lies In London, his for the taking if he can he first on the ground with the news of the battle He hurries to London, and next morning appeared on.the Exchange. That night he went to bed $10,000 000 richer. Seven years later a great banket- left Vienna, another Naples, another Paris and another London..and trav eled to a little old house in Jews' l.ane. in Frankfurt-am-Main. It was a gathering "»f the house of Rothschild. Perhaps some king was very hard pressed for money. "Lit tle Jacob" opposes Solomon's plan to marry Charlotte off to the Duke of Taunits. He is backed up by Frau Gudula. Now Go on With the Story, Castle of Neustadt—and pretty Char lotte, with her family millions, is a more dangerous rival than Madame Georges can ever dream of being. Bo, Evelyn, your smile of relief when the red-coated lackey announces "Count Eyhjenberg" little presages your feel ings at the drama In which you art* so soon to he called to take your part. (>f course, every one was all impa tience to hear Fehrenberg's news; for the State must soon meet large lia bilities,. and the treasury was in a sadly empty condition. But Fehren- berg’s first tidings were calculated to startle rather than to cheer. forget a pretty girl! "And the moth er- Frau Gudula. A very genuine old woman 1 admire her." Gustavus reflected a minute. Here was a position calling for a bit of clever diplomacy. ‘Dear Evelyn," he said, "you know that I am in great difficulties about money. Will you help me?" Evelyn’s great brown eyes grew lustrous. She had known that the coming of Fehrenberg would spell some good for her. "Gustavus, if I can help you "You can if you will overcome your one fault. Perhaps, dear, you were ess being applied to me. But T have watched the growth of a common democratic strain in this age with which I have no sympathy or pa tience. Oh, soon there will be no •lasses In this world. All barriers are being removed. And the horror of it all is that the barriers go flown it the hands of those rulers who should prefer to perish rather than sacrifice their privileges. For example—the Emperor in Vienna has lately enno bled a family of bankers. He has actually created barons from the Jews. Now. what do you say *o that?” season. . . . There was nothing to do but try some other shop, and Helen hurried over to Gordon’s. But the crowd around the silk counter here was even greater than at McCormick a riisnlav of colorings and de- Wbat Have You Done? horn a century too late You are “Lunch With Me TO-day. ’ By KATHRYN KEY •P.vright. 1.913, by the New York Even ing Journal Publishing Company l(> DAY'S INSTALLMENT. The Right Plac*. I’arson Do you know wits* boys go to when they smoke up little Bo> Yes: the alle> KODAKS FOR SALE BY All Jacobs’ Stores A> **Druggisti Generally, "Tfc* FiafoMftS asd Inlar*. Ina That Cm *c Praduwd 4 r 4i? man PUs# and p’.rta fUx* amateur supplied Quirk mall aerrice tnr #rt»a**-to-*r customers. Send for Cstslog and Price List. K. HAWKES CO. •gB# 14 WBttaHali SV Atlanta Qa. Evelyn was eighteen and a. Princess —and a very pretty girl, so one would naturally guess that her life was a matter of sunshine and roses, as she sat Idly on a great stone bench in the Garden of Hedges at Neustadt ('astle The golden sunlight filtered in cool shadows through the great box hedges that towered above the fountain of the little broken-armed Cupid, on the sun-flecked gra>s at the girl's feet lay the gold-haired owner of the castle, her handsome Noting cousin. Gustavus. the reigning Duke of Taunus. But that was only a temporary arrangement, and alas and alaek for Evelyn, Cupid of the broken arm had a clever left hand and a trusty bow ! So in the pretty Princess’ great brown eyes there was a wistful light because Gustavus’ position at her feet was a temporary affair, as she knew all too well. But the little Princess- believed in being happy while she might, and as the cousins sat there waiting for the return of Count Fehrenberg. who had gone to Frankfort to persuade the bankers there to bolster up the fallen fortunes of Duke and Duchy with a loan of 12.000.000 florins, the girl ex erted all her youthful charm, and tried to forget Madame St. George?, the favorite of the moment, who was merrily swinging against the back ground of green and gayly tormenting her "Court High Swinger,” Baron Seulberg ‘ You Must Come Down. Jove!" cried Gustavui. The sight of an angel flying through the air does improve the prospect of heaven, and almost makes a chap wish he de served— But. alas! Madame, you must conic down t<> earth and occupy > ourself suitably here by sitting where 1 can look at you—without troubling myself to move. For I am extraordinarily * -omfortable—consid- ering the state of my bank account This was added in a lower tone he raised dashingly tender eyes to he littl usin who f ried to accept ilralv i intru^’on of this ange* on her brief id\ 11. Better, she thought, ■ hnt Fehrenberg should return now dlacuss the details of tho-c t re- ma business arrangements trim (hat e Should nave to isten to ua’ complimenting 'that” m wn! v no lyn never gunaaed how Peh- herg's mirion was to terminate bar da> -drtam. jew • Lane is a far cry from the In eager impatience the Duke asked ‘What have you done. Fehrenberg?” Perhaps in his great wallet the Count had concealed vast stuns of money. Fehrenberg was so clever, nothing was impossible where he was con cerned. Fehrenberg answered; "I have In vited the Frankfort Jews to lunch with you to-day. And they are com ing.” There was a very expressive silence for a few moments. "They are coming here—to lunch— tO-day? HeAvbns!" The Duke strug gled to grasp the magnitude of this strange departure from the custom and feeling and precedent of centu rios Five Jews front Jews’ Lane to lunch with the reigning Duke of Tau nus! But royal blood must fit one to face any situation. "Seulberg." said the prince, "may 1 ask you to give orders to the steward to be ready for the caravan* when it arrives?" "And now. you poor devil. vou must have had a miserable time yesterday Tell me all about it." "1 was far front miserable. First the walk through Jew’s Lane was in teresting 1 met vStranger persons than 1 have ever encountered elsewhere." answered Fehrenberg thoughtfully. "And here our great court bankers have their home- here they always meet when they have important ventures to discuss 1 think they must consider us a mat ter of grave concern, or they would not have come from the four corners of Europe to consider us." He Has a Pretty Daughter. Gustavus laughed "You lay too much stress on the importance of saving a duchy, Fehrenberg. This family gathering would have been called in any case to discuss the new barony. Was Solomon from Vienna there, and what did hq have to say? I knew him he has a very pretty daughter." "He seems to be their leading spirit but he said very little, though his manner was cordial." “Oh. yes." said the duke, little dreaming that the man he was so idly discussing had already perfected plans for annexing a greater title than "barin." "Oh. yes. Solomon’s manners are so serenely easy and as sured that they almost appear to be good. But nothing matters so that we get what we want from them ” And Gustavus did not reckon how very much these clever bankers might want from him. "1 invited them here, so that we might the more easily get What we want’ from them. They will feel out of their element in Neustadt, and not quite sure of themselves perhaps In their own offices they have us at a disadvantage. But here who knows what may be accomplished ?’’ A Very Clever Prophecy. Which was. indeed, a very clever prophecy on the part of Count Feh renberg. "What we propose to accomplish. Fehrenberg. is to set these Jews to work at their proper* business- finan cing a reigning prince But you said you had invited the ladies of the family. How many are there?" "The pretty girl. \Vhtfm it pleased your highness to remember." As if. indeed. Gusta\us ever Svas pleased to very different from Georges,” ventured conservative, old-fashioned, maybe.” The girl’s bright face faded from a rose glow to a gray twilight of color, and Gustavus, who never failed in his perception of the feminine mood, added: "But that is, after all, the fashion 1 most admired." I Am Very Different. "But i Madame Evelyn. "And yet she Is delightful, too—in her way." "J could never amuse you as she does." mused the girl, but with world- old guile, she leaned very close, her white throat pulsing softly, her white arm close, close to Gustavus on the old gray stone bench. The duke glanced idly toward the swing where Madame St. Georges had found an other “court swinger" in Count Fehrenberg. Then he raised his cousin’s little pink palm and kissed it very gently "You could interest me as she could not. And T think you can do some thing for me that no one else at all could do. My Frankfort friends are going to put my money difficulties right for me. and you can help me greatly by being polite to them." “< >f course T will." said Evelyn, softly "That is so little to do for you. Gustavus "Thanks kind little cousin." Gus tavus kissed the little hand again. A Coach Has Arrived. "A traveling coach has just ar rived." called Fehrenberg. The duke smiled a bit cynically at the eager girl by his side. "The Frankforters! Your duties begin promptly, Evelyn!” But it was not the Frankforters at all. for instead of those simple folk, the lackey announced. "Their High nesses the Prince of Klausthal Agor- da. the Princess, the Canon of Rouen." Even Gustavus was shaken from his reserve ard from "kingly dig nity," and exclaimed in dismay That old High and Mighty and his retinue—to meet a family of bankers. What on earth will happen? T must go to them—” But it was too late for any diplo matic measures; for the garden was already taken possession of by a stately and magnificently attired man of 50, followed by a beautiful young woman in her early thirties, and by a black-robed canon. "My dear Gustavus." said the man. with much ceremony, “we were told you were in the garden, so we came to you quite without ceremony. You will forgive us?” "It is most kind of you." said GuC tavus. But he as visioning one of the least successful luncheons that had ever graced the haMs of Neustadt. Gustavus had found the situation sufficiently' embarrassing before it was so clearly defined, but this pra* tion and the sound of a postillion s horn just at the close of lt made him feel as if the power of words was a very inadequate thing. "You can imagine what we are coming to,” concluded the Prince with a flourish. "My imagination is thoroughly oc cupied with the anticipation of what is about to happen when those very barons of whom you speak so feel ingly appear upon the scene, as they will surely do at any moment. They have accepted an Invitation to lunch with me here to-day!” The Princess of Klausthal-Agorda rose in great agitation. Every little fluted ruffle on her traveling gown of soft gray taffeta was aflutter in in dignant amazement. To lose a throne and to be compelled to lunch with these Jewish bankers all in one day was too much for any pretty aristo crat. Join the bourgeoisie at one* and be done with it, she thought. Poor, guilty Feherenberg! "I fancy we heard their coach just now." h® said in tone of great deprecation. Gustavus addressed the agitated Princess: "I trust that you will not feel obliged to run away?” The Prince was quite equal to the occasion: "No! No! 1 have business deal ings with these people and intend to see them in Frankfort. I have never had the pleasure of meeting them— socially. But it will be convenient— and interesting to me—to see them no w—away from their natural sur roundings. We w'lll gladly stay to luncheon.” And there was nothing else for the wife of the Prince of Klausthal- Agorda to do; so she acquiesced with what grace she could summon. and the display of coloring! signs fully as spectacular. The counters were covered with a confusion of bolts, which the rushed salesmen had not had time to put back. As Helen glanced over these she started joyfully. H ® r ® Bt last was just what she * dull pastel blue foulard with a tiny Indistinct white figure. The bolt was underneath several others, but on the exposed end was marked the width and price— 42 in. $3 00.” It was more than Helen "’an*' ed to pay, but all the silks were high this spring, and she was so relieved to find something quiet amid this glaring effulgence of color that the words ”91x yards of this, please, hov ered on her lips. . She looked impatiently up and down the counter, but every clerk had a customer with two or three others waiting. Her chances were Just as good with the clerk nearest her. A woman who had been waiting for this same clerk now got up from the seat beside Helen with an audible: “Well. 1 can’t wait any longer.’ Helen quickly took the seat, glanc ing up at the clerk to remind him she was next. But the customer he was now serving, an excessively stout woman, with huge dangling pearl earrings, was plainly taking her time. "No this isn’t quite what I wanted,” as she held up a fold of green and red flowered foulard. "Haven’t you something else in these same shades but not quite so dark?” that clerk she would ha.v* -screamed But the clerk, with ah imperturbable face, took the bolt to the light, brought it back and gazed expressionless into space, while the woman began again to pull over all the other silks. •You didn’t show me that, did you?" pointing to a piece tha clerk next to them was showing. That’s taffeta, madarh You eatd you wanted only foulard." “Well, of course, if I can’t get trhaA I want in foulard I may have to talao taffeta. Let me see what you have, anyway.” By this time Helen felt that she herself wanted to shriek, yet with a perverse curiosity she was deter mined to see it through. With divine patience the clerk now brought out bolt after bolt of taffeta. When he finally said "That is all w# have in taffetas, madam.” she again went back to the foulards. To have room to show the taffetas he had put some of the foulards away. These he got out once more. “Well. I really don’t think any of those are exactly what I want. But you can give me a sample of thta And yes—I'll take one of thia, too. Oh, thank you.” And she walked off serenely. With the same expressionless face the clerk turned to Helen “I’ll take six yard® of this, please.** The astonishingly brisk curtness of Helen's voice was due both to her tenseness and to a perverse desira to emphasize the swiftness of her decision She hoped the other woman heard her. “Yea. madam,” in grateful appre ciation as he pulled out the bedt. But to Helen’s horror, when she saw the other end, she discovered that it had a six-inch border of glar ing greens and yellows. Was Thinking Fast. She gave a little gasp and stared at it in dismay. “Oh, wait, just a moment!” ae tha clerk started to measure it off. Was there a faint mockery In h!i glance as he looked up? "Have you anything like this with out r border?” Helen asked, Gmldlr. "No. madam; but I will #how you what we have ” Helen was thinking very faat. Sha had seen all the other 'silks as ha had shown them to that woman— and there was nothing among them. She could take this and cut the bor der off! The clerk had placed before her several bolts and was now watch ing her with the same lack of ex pression. Plainly he was expecting another siege. Perhaps it was* this that goaded Helen Into saying quick ly, almost defiantly: “No. you needn’t show me anything else. You may give me eight yards of this instead of six. I’ll cut off the border.” U . measured off the lengths and held the scissors for a moment, as though expecting her to stop him agartn. Then, with' a triumphant S'wish, he ran them through the silk. The two extra yards had cost her six dollars, but she had the silk she wanted. And after that woman had spent three-quarters of an hour and then taken only samples, lt w4e al most worth six dollars to be able ro say in two minutes: ’Til take eight yards of thla" When a moment later Helen paid for the silk and walked out of the shop, it was with a pleasing sense of conscious superiority. Cubist Models. ’’Well," said the artist's wife ‘Tn, glad on one account that Reginald has become a cubist.” Why is that?’* her friend asked. Is he making more money than he did while he was painting real pic tures?" • "No; he really isn’t making as much, but formerly he had to hire girls to act as his models. Noifr all he needs is a pile of kindling wood.” Primeval Reproach. Adam and Eve were leaving the Garden of Eden ’’It’s all your fault,” said Adam. “It isn’t, either,” replied Br«. “It’s your fault. You ought to h4ve had us put under civil service wb we couldn’t be turned out.” The Fat Woman. "Tve showed you everything we have, madam. answered the clerk with an unmistakable note of.wear!- HOWTHIS WOMAN FOUND HEALTH On the Way to Paris. "We arc on our way to Paris .o live there all the rest of our days.’ cried the Princess in great excitement “But we could not pass your castle without stopping to wish you good bye.” brief visit—for I have business to attend to in Frankfort this after noon. You s*ee. 1 have abdicated. I have seen too much to enjoy playing Vit being a King any longer on my etty throne. I was In Paris when hev got rid of their good Louis " But—” The Prince did not prdrose to stop to consider amazement at his move. "I am not afraid of the same proc- To Be Continued Monday. Up-to-Date Jokes Fellow Passenger—Pardon me; your necktie has been sticking out for some time. I refrained from telling you sooner because those young ladles seemed so much amused Farmer—Thankee; an’ the oil from that lamp has been dfoppin’ on that ight overcoat o’ yourn for the last ten minutes, but every one seemed so tickled hat I hated to spoil the fun. Murllla—Who is that gentleman you introduced me to a little time ago? 1 didn’t catch his name " Milllcent—That is the distinguished poet. Mr. Scrawler. Murllla—Indeed! Now I understand why he seemed hurt when he asked me who was my favorite poet and I replied "Shakespeare." ‘‘What has become of the big man who tsed to beat the bass drum?" asked the private of the drum major. "He left us about three months ago." "Good drummer, too. wasn't he?" "Yes. very good: but he got so fat that when he marched he couldn’t hit the drum in the middle.” “Well, let me see that piece with the purple figure again. No. that isn’t the one I meant,” as he drew out a bolt from a dozen or more others he had evidently been show ing her. “Didn’t you show me some thing with a purple figure on a red and orange ground? Yes. that’s it.” throwing an end of the silk over her arm and viewing it complacently. Helen gasped as she pictured this ponderously fat woman In a dress of that silk. “I suppose those colors are fast ? I expect to wear it at the seashore— you don't think the salt air would fade it?” The clerk gravely assured her that the colors were fast. "How wide is this? You said six yards would be enough, didn’t you?” "That’s 42 inches, madam. Six yards is what we usually sell, but perhaps,” apologetically, “you might require a trifle more.” "This light is so poor to judge colors by." after another ten minutes hesitation. “Could you take these to the window?” The colors were raw and glaring enough to be seen in any light, yet the clerk patiently took the three bolts out in the aisle. Helen kneNv now that her chances for being waited on would be better with any other clerk, but she w’a? curious to know just how much more of this clerk’s time this woman would have the presumption to take “Well, this isn't quite what I want —but T suppose I’ll take it." she mur mured at length, reluctantly. "You're quite sure you haven’t anything you haven’t shown me that I might like better?” "Madam. I’ve shown you every piece of foulard in stock,” helplessly. ‘Well, rix and a h$lf yards of this, then." in an injured tone that implied she had been hurried to her decision Helen gave a quite audible sigh of relief. The clerk measured off th< silk and took out his scissors "Oh. wait—just a moment! Before you cut it—just let me see this other piece again. I wonder after all if I wouldn't like this better? Yet I don’t quite like that striped effect. There was one here very much like this without that— Oh. here it is. Now, if 1 could see this in the light.” Helen knew that If she had been Would Not Give ’Lydia E. Pink- ham's Vegetable Compound for All Rest of Medicine in the World. TTtlca, Ohio.—"1 suffered everything from a female weakness after baby came. I had numb spells and was Another Case. 1 . r 4 / •» Th By BJ N ,N ." tat Fame the the flist garden co sons, dire Gardens, Of the i prepared there w’er bfougnt t wore tigt and white ieeds foui or bend I •kirts we tried to I and corse fibtain .soi heeled sh< They tc closing h with ring fore the s as if they They h the occas mad day dressing i To Regr A Chief an ordins worn by on moral the attire Ice and e waives, aspect of vulgar 1n as to cau calling of The gi behind a typewrite a duplica of the ga of wealtT her autoi business the neck, pumps as There is which th duces in l her stater The bla her way t • *f wealth The eig ered to ' clothes v high sod; supposed! as silly, j working the stree outside c women 01 Not So The "ft divine as arms an enough t hand to five hund search o look. P""* 1 many wc •uggestiv than of b The wc credited not poss dresses i hibits ma them. "That i in these cy. “Yo have an footed ar serve as the war the foolis An api having f he obtair Hous T TGLY c U ily fil the mark soften th< able; the crocks an a. thin kr lng wood beeswax, wood, ar • cracks w / ’ If your mud ban close—so When dr loosened penny, a brushed firmness, mud mar spots wtt pin ill! dizzy, had black jfg spots before my eves, my back ached and I was so weak I could hardly stand up. My face was yel low, even my fin ger nails were colorless and I had displacement. I took Lydia E- Pinkham’s Vege- To rem mix a th and with the mart by, tk er and the r Before old round afld fill w over the from ris *nts table Compound and now' I am stout, well and healthy. I can do all my own work and can walk to tow r n and back and not get tired. 1 would not give your Vegetable Compound for all the rest of the medicines in the world. I tried doctor’s medicines and they did me no good.”—Mrs. Mary Earlewine, R. F D. No. 3, Utica, Ohio. vo pre when coc oughly 01 lt w'ill U look like E Nebo, Ill.—"I was bothered four ten years with female troubles and the doctors (Ud not hplp me. 1 wae ro weak and nervous that I enuld not do my work and every month I had to spend a few day-s In bed. I read so many letters about Lydia E Pink- ham’s Vegetable Compound curing female trouble* that ? got a bottle of it. lt did me more good than any thing else I ever took and hffw it has cured me. I feel better than 1 haye for years, and tell everybody whgt- the Compound has done for jn*. t believe.I would not be living to-day hut for that.’’—Mrg. Hettle Green- street, .Nebo, nilnola. Canada, Eastern Feature! let. map 1824. Al