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Mothers Not ‘Press Agents’
By DOROTHY DIX
I OFTEN think that mother* are the
worst pres* agent* on earth, and
• that they do far more to queer their
dauthtarv fortune* than the> do to
hooat thecr
^rartlcaMy ever> woman who has girls
is on a still hunt for husband* for them
She want* to see them married ofT and
settled It home* of their own. with their
shopping tfcketa assured for life To
thia end »he attempts to present her
da'ifbters in an attractive light to the
masculine eye. and it la the blunders
that she makes In this direction that art*
so appalling and so pathetic, for nine
times out of ten instead of (-Bating a
rosy halo about the girl, mother sue-
eeda In robbing her of whatever
charms she has
For instance. the other da' I was
at a dinner given in honor of a woman
from the Middle West and her very
pretty and attractive daughter There
were several delightful young men pres
**nt who were just beginning to get their
feet well planted on the ladder of suc-
■ SRt. and any one of whom would have
h*en a good match for the girl, for they
were all men with futures
But mother calmly announced Ma
bel told them all at home that she
was going to New York in sehrch of a
millionaire, and that no pikers need ap
ply ‘ Possibly the speech was Intended
as a jest, but It was an expression of
a desire so sordid, so mercenary, so
vulgar that It fell like a wet blanket
over the entire company, and. push it
aside as we might, none of us could see
the girl a# anything but a miserable lit
tle fortune hunter, willing to sell her
self to the highest bidder
Left Her Alone
’‘That lots us out. doesn’t 117" one
of the young men sold with a scarcely
relied wneer to the other men. "we can t
qualify In the millionaire class bv about
im.wi.Tg ”
Furthermore, not one of the young
men who was invited to the dinner to
meet thia girl paid her the aligbteet at
tention while she was in the cltj'. al
though they would have liked her and
been nice to her, and made her have a
good time had it not been for ner moth
era assertion that she was In search
of a husnaod with money. The girl’s
moet malicious enemy could not have
done her a worse turn than her mother
did by her idiotic speech
Nor Is this type of mother rare !
have known hundreds of women mar
ried to men in moderate circumstances
who made no hones of proclaiming to
any one they knew that they didn’t In
tend that their daughters should marry
popr men and have to work and econo
mise as they had had to do. A mother
of-this sort Is as good a scarecrow to
keep suitors away from her daughters
as’human ingenuity can invent
The man who has his own fortune to
make certainly does not want to marry
the daughter of a woman who had not
the courage to do her part in assisting
her husband, nor the affection to make
her feel that It is a privilege to help
hear the burdens of one you love, so the
level-headed man. who wants a wife
who will be a helpmate instead of a
hindrance* keeps away from girls that
have been brought up by such a mother
Nor does the man who has money yearn
marry a girl whose mother has
night her to look at hi* check book be
fore she looks at the man Even a mil-
• •naire likes to think that he was tnar
f*d for
ntna n
lickly
imself Mint ic, and
j|«l have *aid “ve*
ether he had offer
enue
THE FIVE FRANKFORTERS
A Novelization o] the Successful Play of the
Same Name Now Running in New York
(I her a
Harlem flat or a Fifth Avenue mansion.
Another mother who is a hoodoo to
daughters Is the woman who brag*
’ >ut how helpless her daughter* are,
■ rfd how tenderly she ha* reared them
"l never let Mamie he wakened in the
morning. 1 always let her sleep until
10 or 11 o'clock, until she feels like get
ting up'' “I always keep everything
that is unpleasant from (iladys. She's
such a sensitive nature 1 feel site must
he shielded.” “Sadie couldn't new on a
button to save her life 1 always do that
for her She really doesn't know how
•o hold a needle In her hand “Owen
dolyn has never put her foot inside of
the kitchen scarcely. Sim couldn't holj
water without scorching it, 1 don't want
my daughters to work as long as I can
keep them from it There’ll he plenty I
of time for them to learn to cook and
sew after they get married “
Insane Talk.
These are familiar utterances of moth
ers and daughters, and with daughters!
V they are anxious to marry off, too.
' t that an insane line of talk to hand
out as a recommendation for wives 0 As
well had a clothing salesman say to h
man. “Sir, T'd like to sell you this suit
of clothes whigft I can conscientious^
recommend to you as a misfit that you
will regret taking if you do take it -to j
the longest day you live. It's true It’s
pretty and good to look at, or at least
It will be good to look at until It fades,
which will be soon, but it's utterly no
(ccoutit, and useless, and It will rip and
■ear at the first strain, for it hasn't got I
one thread of genuine wool in it, and IF*
shoddy through and through, because
the woman who made It made It that
way."
What inspires any woman to think
that a man that’s got sense enough to !
tie out of a feeble-minded Institute would
deliberately marry a girl who has been
trained to be lazy, and selfish, and 1n
competent, and worthless, arid who is
neurotic ro boot, passes comprehension
But mothers go about advertising these
lIsqualifJcalionH for wifehood in their
laughtcra. and then are surprised be
ans** they have a lot of old maids left
n their hands.
Another Mistake
Then there are the mothers who think
that the way to cutch husbands for their
daughters is to pile finery they can’t af
ford on the girls' hacks They think i
that attracts men. whereas It scares
men off When a sensible man sees a
jKior girl dressed like a millionairess he
sets her down as heartless, selfish and
frivolous He says to himself that she's
working her poor old fattier to death to
id good clothes to flaunt herself about
n, or she's going in debt for them, or
she s willing to atarve the family to
adorn herself, and none of that for him,
thank you. He wants something in a
wife with more to it than a fashion
plate.
< »f course mother means well. She's
doing the best she can to boost daugh
ter. but she doesn't understand her.
business as a press agent because It
never seem* to occur to her to say that
Sadie is a nice, strong, healthy girl, who
knows how to work, and isn't afraid of
i. and is ready lo help any young man
•hat she falls 1n love with hustle for a
fortune. Yet that's the dojie that would
to with men.
Their Married Life
By MABEL HERBERT URNER.
“Jove!” cried Gustavus. “The sight of an angel flying through the air does improve t.:e prospect of heaven, and
almost makes a chap wish he deserved But, alas! Madame, you must come down to etrth and occupy yourself
suitably here by sitting where I can look at you—without troubling myself to move. For I am extraordinarily comforta
ble—considering the state of my bank account.”
Daysey May me and Her Folks
By FRANCES L GARSIDE
r t-> HE vender of fruit who i* a stu-
| dent in that gentle art of duplle-
ity which ha* for its object the
*ntc is teimspr of something which
:* not as ft seems, puts a rose-pink net
over a basket of green peaches, and. lo,
the net gives the fruit the tint of per-
# e»ttr.n the purchaser seeks, and he
Perhaps those who are students
human nature will some day discover
that* the widow'’* veil in a similar man-
nef covers the imperfections of the
woman underneath It tones down that
which is immature and harsh, and
throws the softening influence of hoitow
«*ver blemishes that would stand out in
urrcompromising unattractivenes* were
ih* woman a spinster
Wouldn’t Put It Off
In no other way could Davaey Mayme
Appleton account for the manner in
which men are attracted by widows
The life insurance left by the Pear De
parted may aornetimea allure, but statis
tics prove that men are not governed
entirely by mercenary motives, the
spinster with an Inheritance of ten
thousand dollars standing only half the
chance to wed of the widow whose hus
band netted her half as much.
It ts as if the woman who marries
gets the habit, and Daysey Mayme, who
had hoped to be a widow- in her next
reincarnation, concluded not to put it
off that long she would get the habit
now. All she needed wus a veil and a
grave: the former was within her means,
tid the latter would cost nothing.
“There are always graves lying around
unclaimed." said Daysey Mayme. "1
will go out to the cemetery and adopt
one "
All of which explains why Daysey
Mayme Appleton passed through the
*tes of h cemetery one morning, wear
ing a widow's veil and carrying a basket
>f plants and Mower*
Grief is so much more attractive
when new." she murmured, selecting a
txave only recently made, and weeping
over it with one eye. and u*ing the
other like a real widow to gaze at a
.nan at work in the next plot.
As a gentle tribute to the spinster-
hk] from which it had given her means
of escape she planted a border of old
naid. and was putting In a row of bach-
dor's button* down the middle when
she felt a sudden grasp of her shoulder
'at jerked her to her feet. '
Do You W'ant
White Skin ?
I DLE wishing never yet
changed an ugly com
plexlon. Do something Find
the remedy. There Is a rem
edy for every evil if you
have a very dark. coaraa,
awarthy looking *k1n TRY
Dr. Palmer’s
Skin Whitener
There !• no doubt whatever
about It* marvelous whiten
ing eflfeot upon a dark, sallow
complexion end 1t mekee the
ekln soft and clear
Of eouree you won t believe
thl* unleer you try It But one
box will rhow you how eaey
It !» to Improve your complex
ion 25c poetpeifi anywhere
Good agents wanted in every
town. Write ter term*.
FOR SALE BY
All Jacobs’ Stores
And Druggist* Generally.
Gets Patched Up.
“What do you mean, you brazen
hing?" screamed a woman in her ears,
by planting flowers on my husband's
grave? What was he to you?” shaking
her between every word.
In the weeks that followed when Day-
-W Mayme *ss being patched up in a
:ospital. she told in her delirium of try-
ng to plant flowers, though she planted
*ee<is of suspicion instead, and raved
of how the man In the next plot came
. the aid of the real widow and took her
i his arms
This seemed to hurt worse than the
fractured head aud broken rib*
“There is no use in a spinster ever
trying to beat a widow to it." she
moaned.
The Right Place.
Parson--Do you kn<>
where little
boy* go to when they smoke?
Bo> -Yes up the alley.
KODAKS
Th* B««t Finishing «nd Enlarj.
ing That Can B* Produced ."
Fax man Pilau and mo>-
r*t«*e fUtck atratmr auprUc*.
Q■ k mali t* rric* for oul-of t-iwn runioni-tv
Send far Catalog sad Prioa List.
A. K. HAWKES CO.
14 Whitehall St., Atlanta Ga.
What Has Gone Before.
1 laving backed heavily the peace of
Europe Nathan Rothschild is discon
certed to find that Napoleon has
burst forth again, and all the bank
er's outpouring of gold for national
development In England will be en
dangered. The banker hastens to
Waterloo. There are the English,
who have guaranteed lo him that the
peace of Europe shall be maintained.
From a height above the field of bat
tle Rothschild sees the whdle of
Rothschild sees that the wealth of
the world lies in I^itidon. his for the
taking If he can he first on the
ground with the news of the battle
He hurries to London, and next
morning appeared on the Exchange.
That night he went to bed $10,000
000 richer.
Seven years later a great banker
left Vienna, another Naples, another
Paris and another London, and trav
eled to a little old house in Jews'
LUIfi, In Krankfort-am-Muin. It
was a gathering of the house of
Rothschild Perhaps some king was
very hard pressed for money “Lit
tle Jacob’’ opposes Solomon’s plan
to marry Charlotte off to the Duke
of Taunus. He Is hacked up by Frau
< iudula.
Now Go on With the Story.
By KATHRYN KEY.
Copyright, 1913, by the New York Even
ing Journal Publishing Company.
TO-1) A Y ’S IX ST A LLM KNT.
Evelyn w as eighteen and a Princess
— and a very pretty girl, so one would
naturally guess that her life was a
matter of sunshine and roses, as she
sat idly on a great atone bench in
the Gault n of Hedges at Neustadt
Castle. The golden sunlight filtered
in cool shadows through the great
box hedges that towered above the
fountain of the little broken-armed
Cupid; on the sun-flecked grass at
the girl's feet lay the gold-haired
owner of the castle, her handsome
young cousin, Gustavus, the reigning
Duke of Taunus. But that was only
a temporary arrangement, and alas
and alack for Evelyn, Cupid of the
broken arm had a clever left hand
and a trusty bow !
So in the pretty Princess' great
brown eyes there was a wistful light
because Gustavus’ position at her feet
was a temporary affair, as she knew
all too well.
But the little Princess believed In
being hgppy while she might, and as
the cousins sat there waiting for the
return of Count Fehrenberg. w ho had
gone to Frankfort lo persuade the
bankers there to bolster up the fallen
fortunes of Duke and Duchy with a
loan of 12.000,000 florins, the girl ex
erted all her youthful charm, and
tried to forget Madame St. Georges,
the favorite of the moment, who was
merrily swinging against the back
ground of green and gayly tormenting
her "Court High Swinger,” Baron
Seulberg
"You Must Come Down.”
“Jove!” cried Gustavus. “The sight
of an angel flying through the air
does improve the prospect of heaven,
and almost makes a chap wish he de*
served— But, alas! Madame, you
must come down to earth and occupy
yourself suitably here by sitting
when* l can look at you—without
troubling myself to move. For I am
extraordinarily corti fort able—conoid -
ering the state of my bank account.”
This was added in a lower tone as
he raised dashingly tender eyes to
the little cousin, who tried to accept
calmly tlie intrusion of this angel on
her brief idyll. Better she thought,
that Fehrenberg should return now
and dis uiss the details of those tire-
some business arrangements than that
she should have to listen to Gusta
vus' complimenting "that" woman!
And Evelyn never guessed how Feh-
renberg's mision was to «erminate her
day-dream.
Jew's Lane is SX# kum the
Castle of v Neustadt —and pretty Char
lotte, with her family millions, is a
more dangerous rival than Madame
Georges can ever dream of being. Bo,
Evelyn, your smile of relief wb.cn the
red-coated lackey announces "Count
Fehrenberg" little presages your feel
ings at the drama in which \ u are
so soon to be called to take your part.
Of course, every one was :ij impa
tience to hear Fehrenberg'* news; for
the State must soon meet large lia
bilities, and the treasury was in a
sadly empty condition. But Fehrcn-
herg’s first tidings wVre calculated to
rather
startle
than to cheer.
What. Have You Done?
In eager imj»atienee the Duke asked
"What have you done, Fehrenberg?"
Perhaps in his great wallet the Count
had concealed vast sums of money.
Fehrenberg was so clever, nothing
was impossible where he w«u> con
cerned.
Fehrenberg answered: "I have in
vited the Frankfort Jews to lunch
w ith you to-day. And they are com
ing.”
There was a very expressive silence
for a few moments.
“They are coming here—to lunch —
to-day? Heavens!” The Duke strug
gled to grasp the magnitude of this
strange departure from the custom
and feeling and precedent of oentu
ries. Five Jews from Jews’ Lane to
lunch with the reigning Duke of Tau
nus! But royal blood must fit one
to fare any situation.
“Seulberg.'' Said the prince, "may I
ask you to give orders to the steward
to be ready for the caravan when it
arrives?"
"And now. you poor devil, you
must have had a miserable time
yesterday. Tell me all about it."
”T was far from miserable. First
the walk through Jew’s I*anc was in
teresting. 1 met stranger persons
than I have , K over encountered
■Inewhere." answered Fehrenberg
thoughtfully. "And here our great
*ourt bankers have their home—
here they alw'ays meet when they
have important ventures to discuss.
1 think they must consider us a mat
ter of grave concern, or they would
iiut have come from the four corners
of Europe to consider us."
He Has a Pretty Daughter.
Gustavus laughed. “You lay too
much stress on the importance of
saving a duchy. Fehrenberg. This
family gathering would have been
called in any case to discuss the new
barony. Was Solomon from Vienna
there, and what did he have to say?
1 knew him—he has a very pretty
daughter."
"He seems to be their leading
spirit-—but he said very little, though
his manner was cordial.”
"Oh. yes." said the duke, little
dreaming that the man he was so
idly discussing had already perfected
plans for annexing a greater title
than "barin." “Oh. yes. Solomon’s
manners are so serenely easy and as
sured that they almost appear to be
good. But nothing matters so that
we get what we want from them."
And Gustavus did not reckon how r
very much these clever bankers might
want from him.
"1 invited them here, so that we
might the more easily get what we
want’ from them. They will feel out
of their element in Neustadt, and not
quite sure of themselves perhaps. In
their own offices they have us at a
disadvantage. But here who knows
what may be accomplished?"
A Very Clever Prophecy.
Which was, indeed, a very clever
prophecy on the part of Count Feh
renberg.
“What we propose to accomplish.
Fehrenberg, is to set these Jews to
work at their proper business finan
cing a reigning prince. But you said
you had invited the ladies of the
family. How many are there?”
"The pretty girl, whom it pleased
your highness to remember." As if.
indeed, Gustavus ever was pleased to
am very different from
St. Georges," ventured
forget a pretty girl! "And the moth
er Frau Gudula. A very genuine
old woman 1 admire her."
Gustavus reflected a minute. Here
was a position (‘ailing for a bit of
clever diplomacy.
"Dear Evelyn," he said, "you know
that 1 am in great difficulties about
money. Will you help me?”
Evelyn’s great brown eyes grew
lustrous. She had known that the
coming of Fehrenberg would spell
some good for her. "Gustavus, if I
can help you
"You can if you will overcome your j
one fault. Perhaps, dear, you were
born a century too late. You are
conservative, old-fashioned, maybe.”
The girl’s bright face faded from
rose glow to a gray twilight of color,
and Gustavus, who never failed in his
perception of the feminine mood,
added: "But that is, after all, the
fashion T most admired.”
I Am Very Different.
“But i
Madame
Evelyn.
"And yet she is delightful, too-—in
her wav. - ’
“T could never amuse you as she
does." mused the girl, but with world-
old guile, she leaned very close, her
white throat pulsing softly, her white
arm close, close to Gustavus on the
old gray stone bench. The duke
glanced idly toward the •-wing where
Madame St. Georges had found an
other “court swinger” in Count
Fehrenberg. Then he raised his
cousin’s little pink palm and kissed
it very gently.
"You could interest me as she could
not. And I think you can do some
thing for me that no one else at all
could do. My Frankfort friends are
going to put my money difficulties
right for me. and you can help me
greatly by being polite to them."
“Of course 1 will.” said Evelyn,
softly. "That is so little to do for
you. Gustavus.
"Thanks kind little cousin," Gus
tavus kissed the little hand again.
A Coach Has Arrived.
“A traveling coach has just ar
rived." called Fehrenberg.
The duke smiled a bit cynically at
the eager girl by his side. “The
Frankforters! Your duties begin
promptly, Evelyn!"
But it was not the FTankforters at
all. for instead of those simple folk,
the lackey announced. “Their High
nesses the Prince of Klausthal Agor-
<1a, the Princess, the Canon of
Rouen.”
Even Gustavus was shaken from
his reserve and from “kingly dig
nity." and exclaimed in dismay
“That old High and Mighty and his
retinue—to meet a family of bankers.
What on earth will happen? I must
go to them—”
But it was too late for any diplo
matic measures; for the garden was
already taken possession of by a
stately and magnificently attired man
of :>0, followed by a beautiful young
woman in her early thirties, and by a
black-robed canon.
"My dear Gustavus." said the man.
with much ceremony, "we were told
you were In the garden, so we came
to you quite without ceremony. You
will forgive ns?”
' It is most kind of you," said Guj?
tavus. But he as visioning «*ne of
the least successful luncheons that
had ever graced the halls of Neustadt.
On the Way to Paris.
“We are on our wav to Paris ,o
live there all the rest of our days."
(Tied the Princess in great excitement
"But we could not pass your castle
without stopping to wish you good
bye."
"A brief visit- for I have business
to attend to in Frankfort this after
noon. You see. I have abdicated. I
have seen too much to enjoy playing
at being a King any longer on my
petty throne. 1 was in Pari*? when
i thee got rid of their good Louis.”
“But—”
The Prince did not propose to atop
consider amazement at his move.
"1 am not afraid of the same proc
ess being applied to me. But I have
watched the growth of a common
democratic strain in this age with
which I have no sympathy or pa
tience. Oh, soon there will be no
classes In this world All barriers
are being removed. And the horror of
it ail is that the barriers go down At
the hands of those rulers who should
prefer to perish rather than sacrifice
their privileges. For example—the
Emperor in Vienna has lately enno
bled a family of bankers. He has
actually created barons from the
Jews. Now, what do you say *o
that?”
“Lunch With Me To-day.”
Gustavu# had found the situation
sufficiently embarrassing before it
was so clearly defined, but this ©ra
tion and the sound of a postillion a
horn just at the close of it made him
feel as if the power of w'ords w r as a
very inadequate thing.
"You can imagine what we are
coming to,” concluded the Prince
with a flourish.
"My imagination is thoroughly oc
cupied with the anticipation of what
is about to happen when those very
barons of whom you speak so feel
ingly appear upon the scene, as th*y
will surely do at any moment. They
have accepted an invitation to lunch
with me here to-day!"
The Princess of Klausthal-Agorda
rose in great agitation. Every little
fluted ruffle on her traveling gown of
soft gray taffeta was aflutter in in
dignant amazement. To lose a throne
and to be compelled to lunch with
these Jewish hankers all in one day
was too much for any pretty aristo
crat. Join the bourgeoisie at one*
and be done with It, she thought.
Poor, guilty Feherenberg! "I fancy
we heard their roach just now," he
said in tone of great deprecation.
Gustavus addressed the agitated
Princess: "I trust that you will not
feel obliged to run away?"
The Prince was quite equal to the
occasion:
“No! No! I have business deal
ings with these people and intend to
see them in Frankfort. I have never
had the pleasure of meeting them—
socially. But it will be convenient—
and interesting to me—to see them
now—away from their natural sur
roundings. We will gladly stay to
luncheon."
And there wa? nothing else for the
wife of the Prince of Klausthal-
Agorda to do: so she acquiesced with
w'hat grace she could summon.
To Be Continued Monday.
H ELEN’S brown broadcloth suit,
in which she had felt so well-
groomed all winter, seemed
suddenly shabby and dusty as she
came out In the bright spring sun
light.
Although she had brushed it 'be
fore starting out, she stooped over
now and with her gloved hand shook
the front of the skirt, and brushed
one of Pussy Purrmew’s hairs from
her sleeve.
The things that idok so well all
winter are apt to look disconcert
ingly shabby on the first brfglit
spring day. And Helen felt, uncom
fortably shabby as she took the car
at the corner and sat down in the
only vacant seat by a woman in an
assertively new light gray suit.
As she took out her carfare, even
her brown suede gloves looked con
spicuously dark and dusty beside th«
fresh gray kids that held, with an
air of superior daintiness, a go!d-
meshed bag.
The air was quite chilly in spite
of the brilliant sunlight, yet the
brown suit seemed suddenly muen
too warm and too heavy. The reali
zation that spring is far advanced
and tha't she has no spring clothes
is a dismaying one to any woman.
Helen had started out to get the
material for an afternoon gown,
something in foulard or some soft
summer silk. It would take her two
weeks before she could get it made,
and she needed it now.
She left the car and hurried 1n to
McCormick's. The store was crowd
ed. and the silk counter the most
crowded of all.
There was no chance of being
waited on for some time. But Helen
was glad of the opportunity to look
over the many silks displayed on the
counter and draped on skirt forms
over the shelves. She had read and
seen enough of the new spring
fabrics to know they were gayly col
ored. but in McCormick’s display to
day the colorings were riotous.
Had Nothing Else.
Just why American women should
wear barbaric hues because there has
been a war in the Balkans was not
quite clear to Helen, and she had no
intention of making he-stelf conspic
uous for anv such freakish fashion.
Put when the clerk was free to
wait on her she found they had ai-
small designs. "Everything's large
figured and bordered this season, be
informed her.
"Then haven’t you something from
last season that is more quiet? ^
“We never ^nrry anything over,
haughtily, with a glance that im
plied she must be a most peculiar
person to want anything from last
season.
There was nothing to do but try
some other shop, and Helen hurried
over to Gordon's. But the crowd
around the silk counter here was
even greater than at MeCormicdt.
and the display of colorings and de
signs fully as spectacular
The counters were covered with a
confusion of bolts, which the over-
rushed salesmen had not had time to
put back. As Helen glanced over
these she started joyfully. Here at
last was just what she wanted—a
dull pastel blue foulard with a tiny
indistinct white figure.
The bolt was underneath several
others, but on the exposed end was
marked the width and price—"42 in.
J3 no” It was more than Helen want
ed to pay, but all the silks were high
this spring, and she was so relieved
to And something quiet amid this
glaring effulgence of color that the
words "Six yards of this, please,” hov
ered on her lips.
She looked impatiently up and down
the counter, but every clerk had a
customer with two or three others
waiting. Her chances were just as
good with the clerk nearest her. A
woman who had been waiting for
this same clerk now got up from the
seat beside Helen with an audible.
“Well, I can't wait any longer.”
Helen quickly took the seat, glanc
ing up at the clerk to remind him she
was next. But the customer he was >
now serving, an excessively stout j
woman, with huge dangling pearl
Primeval Reproach.
Up-to-Date Jokes
Fellow Passenger—Pardon me; your
necktie has been sticking out for some
time. I refrained from telling you
sooner because those young ladies
seemed so much amused.
Farmer—Thankee; an’ the oil from
ihat lamp has been droppin’ on that
ight overcoat o' yourn for the last ten
minutes, but every one seemed so tiokled
hat I hated to spoil the fun.
• • •
Murilla—Who is that gentleman you
introduced me to a little time ago? I
didn't catch his name."
Milllcent—That is the distinguished
poet. Mr. Scrawler.
Murilla—Indeed! Now I understand
why he seemed hurt when he asked me
who was my favorite poet and I replied
"Shakespeare'■
• * •
“What has become of the big man who
used to beat the bass drum?" asked the
private of the drum major.
"He left us about three months ago.”
“Good drummer, too. wasn’t he?"
“Yes. very good; but he got so fat
that when he marched he couldn't hit
the drum in the middle.”
fipiH spells
that clerk she would have screameck
But the clerk, with an imperturbable
face, took the bolt to the light, brought
it back and gazed expressionless Into
space, while the woman began again
to pull over all the other silks.
"You didn’t show me that, did you?**
pointing to a piece the clerk next to
them was showing.
"That’s taffeta, madam You said
you wanted only foulard.”
"Well, of course, if I can’t get what
I want in foulard I may have to take
taffeta. Let rae see what you have,
anyway."
By this time Helen felt that she
herseir wanted to shriek, yet with a
perverse curiosity she was deter
mined to see It through.
With divine patience the clerk now
brought out bolt after bolt of taffeta.
When he finally said “That is all we
have in taffetas, madam." she again
went back to the foulards. To have
room to show the taffetas he had put
some of the foulards* away. These
he got out once more.
"Well. I really don’t think any of
those are exactly what I want. But
you can give me a sample of this.
And yes—I’ll take one of this, too. Oh,
thank you.”
And she walked off serenely.
With the same expressionless face
the clerk turned to Helen.
"I’ll take six yards of this, please.”
The astonishingly brisk curtness of
Helen's voice was due tooth to her
tenseness and to a perverse desire
to emphasize the swiftness of her
decision. She hoped the other woman
heard her.
"Yes. madam," in grateful appre
ciation as he pulled oqt the bolt.
But to Helen’s horror, when she
saw the other end, she discovered
that it had a six-inch border of glar
ing greens and yellows.
Was Thinking Fast.
She gave a little gasp and stared
at it in dlBraay.
"Oh, wait, just a moment!" as th»
clerk started to measure It oft.
Was there a faint mockery In his
glance as he looked up?
Have you .nything like this with
out. a border?” Helen asked, timidly.
“No. madam; but I will show you
what we have ”
Helen was thlnkln* very fast. Shs
had seen all the other Bilks as he
had shown them to that woman—-
and there was nothing among them.
...... _ She could take this and cut the d>or-
most nothing in quiet colorings and , der ofT! The clerk had placed before
her several bolts and was now watch
ing her with the same lack of ex
pression. Plainly he was expecting
another siege. Perhaps It was this
that goaded Helen into saying quick-
ly, almost defiantly:
“No. you needn't show me anything
else. You may give me eight yards
of this instead of six. I'll cut off
the border.”
He measured oft the lengths and
held the scissors for a moment, as
though expecting her to stop htra
again. Then, with a triumphant
®"'J«h, oe ran them through the silk.
The two extra yards had cost her
six dollars, but she had the silk ehe
wanted. And after that woman had
spent three-quarters of an hour and
then taken only samples. It was al
most worth six dollars to be able j
yardl n of W .hi’?' inUtPS: ” nl ,akp ei * ht
later Helen paid
for th* silk and walked out of the
shop, it was with a pleasing sense
of conscious superiority.
Cubist Models.
“Well,” said the artist's wife, “I'm
glad on one account that Reginald
has become a cubist."
“Why is that?” her friend asked.
Is he making more money than ho
did while he was painting real pic
tures?”
“No; he really isn't making as
much, but formerly he had to hire
girls to act as his models. Now all
he needs is a pile of kindling wood.”
HOWTHIS WOMAN
FOUND HEALTH
Would Not Give Lydia E. Pink-
ham’s Vegetable Compound
for All Rest of Medicine
in the World.
Adam and Eve were leaving tlio
Garden of Eden.
"It’s a!] your fault,” said Adam.
"It isn't, either," replied Eve.
■'H'S your fault. You ought to have
ear rings, war plainly taking her time. | ^idM turned ”
“No. this isn t quite what I wanted,
as frhe held up a fold of green and ^
red flowered foulard. “Haven’t you
something else in these Rame shades |
but not quite so dark?”
The Fat Woman.
“I’ve showed you, everything we
have, madam, answered the clerk
with an unmistakable note of weari- j
ness. |
“Well, let me see that piece with
the purple figure again. No, that
isn’t the one 1 meant,” as he drew j
out a bolt from a dozen or more
others he had evidently been show
ing her. "Didn’t you show me some
thing with a purple figure on a red
and orange ground? Yes. that’s it,”
throwing an end of the silk over her
arm and viewing it complacently.
Helen gasped as she pictured this ;
ponderously fat woman in a dress of
that silk.
"I suppose those colors are fast?!
I expect to wear it at the seashore—
vou don’t think the salt air would i
fade it?"
The clerk gravely assured her that ;
the colors were fast.
"How wide is this? You said six |
yards would be enough, didn’t you?"
“That’s 42 inches, madam. Six j
yards is what we usually sell, but
perhaps." apologetically, “you might
require a trifle more."
“This light is so poor to judge
colors by." after another ten minutes 1
hesitation. “Could you take these to
the window?"
The colors w ere raw and glaring
enough to be seen in any light, yet j
the clerk patiently took the three
bolts out in the aisle.
Helen knew now that her chances
for toeing waited on would be better
with any other clerk, but she was
curious to know just how much more
of this clerk’s time this woman would
have the presumption to take.
“Well, this isn’t quite what I want
—but I suppose I’ll take it.” she mur
Utica, Ohio.—‘T suffered everything
from a female weakness after baby
came. I had numb
and was
dizzy, had black
spots before my
eyes. my back
ached and I was
so weak I could
hardly stand up.
My face was yel
low, even my fin
ger nails were
colorless and I
had displacement.
I took Lydia E.
Pinkham’s Vege
table Compound and now I am stout,
well and healthy. I can do all my
own work and can walk to town and
back and not get tired. I would not
give your Vegetable Compound for
all the rest of the medicines in the
world. I tried doctor’s medicines and
they did me no good."—Mrs. Mary
Earlewine, R. F D. No. 3, Utica,
mured at length, reluctantly. “You’re Ohio,
quite sure you haven’t anything you
haven’t shown me that I might like
better?"
“Madam. I’ve shown you every piece
of foulard in stock," helplessly.
‘Well, fix and a half yards of this,
then.” in an injured tone that implied
she had been hurr’ed to her decision.
Helen gave a quite audible sign of
relief. The clerk measured off thf
silk and took out his scissors.
“Oh. wait—just a moment! Before
you cut it—just let me see this other
piece again. I wonder after all if I
wouldn’t like this better? Yet I don’t
quite like that skriped effect. There
was one here very much like this
without that— Oh. here It is. Now,
if I could see this in the light."
Helen knew that If she had been
Another Case
Nebo, III.—“I was bothered for ten
years with female troubles and tha
doctors did not help me. I was so
w eak and nervous that I could not do
my work and every' month I had to
spend a few days in bed. I read so
many letters about Lydia E. Pink-
ham’s Vegetable Compound curing
female trouble, that I got a bottle of
it. It did me more good than any
thing else 1 ever took and now it has
cured m». I feel better than I have
for years, and tell everybody what
the Compound has done for me. I
believe I would not be living to-dav
but for that."—Mrs. Hettie Green.-,
street, Neho, IDlnoia,