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A TTEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA. OA., SUNDAY. MAY 18, 1913. 3 CL CONUNDRUMS OF LIFE OopyrUfct, 1018. by th® 8t*r Oompany Ur®at Britiia RtfhU Rn*nrt By T. E. Powers, the ■■ Famous Cartoonist The Bachelor Envies the Married Man, and the Married Man- Well, the Less Said About It the Better HERE ARE THE BILLS YouVe qoT to pay To DAY-AND I NEED A NEW HAT The Rural Editor’s Scrap Basket Copyright, 1913, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved. O TE SNODGRASS Is'nt riding in his automobile these days on account of engine troc. Me A Southern engine knocked it all to smithereens the other afternoon. Nigger Knight says those Eng lish suffragettes are like a new brood of puppies, because they will do most anything for their dogma For the love of mother, have a heart, Mr. Knight. Gossip has ft that, the reason why the male residents of the town are wearing their hair so short these days Is because NIc Nicola, the barber, has secured a lady manicure right from At lanta for the Summer boarder trade, and the men tell their wives they have got to get their hair cut so they can stay longer In the tonsorial parlor. Ain't men the wretches. A word to the wives is sufficient. Hooks McCutcheon, the one- armed man, says he feels his mis fortune more than ever now that the manicure has come to town. Cheer up. Hooks, s'pose you had no arms at all? The baseball game on the va cant lot In front of the Com mercial House had to be post poned last Saturday, owing to the fact that Miller Whitney, the catcher, couldn’t get fyJs catch er's mitt. Mrs. Whitney had put the baby to sleep on the mitt as a pillow, and as the klddo didn't wake up till 6 o’clock, the game had to go over, because Mrs. Whitney wouldn’t have the child disturbed nohow, and ev erybody knows how determined Patience Whitney (nee Stubbs) Is. Our daily romance—The Yan kees won another game to-day. Nasty rumors have been clrcu- < lating in this vicinity about a certain druggist who is accused of cutting up old Inner tires from his automobile and selling them for porous plasters. It is said that criminal proceedings are about to be brought against said druggist. /f- ^ Hot Weather Would Be All Right i THE MORNING SMILE Wex Jones, Editor Vol. 4. Atlanta, Sunday, May 18, 1913. No. 23. The Cruise of the Cachalot A. Stirring Tale of Water Adven tures Along the Banks of the Chattachoochee.- HE Cachalot is a motor J'' boat. That is, It is a boat with a motor in it. The motor kind of spoiled the boat and the boat is too wabbly for the motor. Otherwise they get along nicely together. Wf> pushed t.h Cachalot out of th mud easily enough, but the crew had a harder job pull ing me out of it. As he got me aboard he fell into the mud himself and, being very tired, I decided to leave him there. A puff of wind came and drifted the Cachalot up on an other mudbank, where I spent the night. Although I was roughing it on the leather locker seats, the crew kicked loudly all night about the hardships of his lot. But then sailors are always beefing. (To Be Continued.) The Day’s Short Story, O LD gent in bleachers. Ball hit towards him. T will catch it.” Bang! Grady Hospital to have his nose altered and repaired. OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT. 1 Never stand in a draught or under a falling building. Fashion Hints Skirts will not be worn any longer this Summer; as a rule, from 7 a. m. to 11:30 p. m. Straw hats for men will be worn on the head except in windy weather, when they should be worn in the hand. Nothing is more appropriate for the water than a bathing suit. Girls, among the younger set especially, will be worn on the arm. During the Summer months every girl with big feet will wear white shoes. , * Many girls who don’t helieve in spungles will nevertheless be seen m freckles. Did You Know That-- One plate of scrambled eggs represents the work of twenty average hens for three months? Jenkins says that a cat may look at a king but a mouse puts it all over a cat when it comes to queens? Art is long but a piece of string is longer? Life is short but some pie crust is shorter? If you ran a motorcycle 100 miles you would be 99% miles behind at the finish? Unless, of course, you started 100 miles in front? Hay will burn as well as to bacco in a pipe and leaves no tobacco sineil? IN THE SMILE’S LETTER BOX PISCATORIAL. To the Editor—Is there any special w’ay of catching cat fish? H. COUGH MANN. (We suppose catfish could be caught by swim ming after them until they become exhausted, but the usual’ way is to get them on a rod and line.—Ed.) WE NEVER WEAR ’EM. To the Editor—Do you wear straw hats to keep the sun off or do you wear them because everybody else does? Do you wear a straw hat before a cer tain date? B. BRAUN. (W e never wear a straw hat. Come again.—Ed.) CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS. EXCHANGE—Will exchange a lot for lots if the lots are lots better than the lot; also will exchange lots for a lot, if,-the lot is lots better than the lots; also have several lots; will ex change the lot for a lot. LOT’S WIFE, (Smile Office.) SITUATION WANTED—Mos quito of great penetration would like position as steam drill. MOE SQUITO, Tybee. EXCHANGE—Will exchange kit ten for cat. If all goes well kitten will become cat later and new owner will not be out anything. N. J., Decatur. EXCHANGE—Automobile. one tire slightly punctured; other wise in perfect order. Will exchange for phonograph MUSICIAN (Smile Office) Billings Builds a Bungalow i. 1 . HL By Lewis Allen The First Attack: Sinking the Foundation. H ORACE BILLINGS built a corking bungalow (on paper). Then he showed It to Mrs. Billings. “H’mm,” remarked Mrs. Billings. It must be admitted this was rather non-committal on her part. ‘‘What’s this dump-cart doing in the front yard?" asked Mrs. Billings, looking at the plan her husband had drawn. ‘‘Dump-cart?” Billings looked at her pityingly. ‘‘Why, that’s a rho dodendron In fnll bloom.” "H’mm,” repeated Mrs. Billings. Billings sighed. Women are so unappreciative. “You see here’s the living room, beamed ceiling, open fireplace. We eat here. The kitchen opens off here. Then there’s a sleeping room on either end ” ‘•Blither end?” said Mrs. Billings. “Certainly,” he answered. "Why not?” "Why say ’either end’? Why not decide just which end and then put it there, and what’s " “For goodness sake, Grace, ‘either end’ means both ends——” “Why not say ’both ends’ then?” “See the wide veranda, and the bnllt-ln bookshelves. What do you think of It?” continued Billings, ignoring her comments. "H’mm,” responded his wife, with all the enthusiasm of a waiter re eeivlng a flve-oent tip. “Just you wait until I get It built. Then you’ll be the proudest, hap piest little woman in three States——” "Who’s going to build It for yon?” asked the practical Mrs. Billings; “and how can a woman be in three States at once and be happy?” “Well," replied Billings, flushing dangerously, “a woman can be in an argumnetative state, a talkative state and a state of impenetrable density, and then she will be happy. As to who will build it, you now behold architect, financier and builder. In other words, I am going to build it myself. I ” “You? Why, how ab~—” “Further than that,” he hurried on, “I have bought the land, the foun dation stones, and am going over this morning to put in the foundation —‘sink the foundation,’ they call it. Want to come out with me in the car?” Mrs! Billings thought she would like the ride. She also haft a hunch she would like to see her husband “sinking a foundation,” whatever that was. So she rode out with him. "This lot commands a splendid view of the country,” BlllingR ex plained, when they reached the spot. "See—there are my men,” and he pointed to a couple of sturdy citizens. Billings called his two workmen over, pointed out the corner stakes and began ot remove the sods. “Bring those foundation stones down here,” he ordered. "Better mak-a him oop high, on ds heel, she’s ” “Never mind the suggestions, Tony—Just you and Pasquale get. busy here.” ordered Billings, looking at hls wife out of the tail of his eye to see if she noted how well he could boss a gang of men. “No good,” timidly suggested Tony, jabbing the freshly opened earth with a stick. "Better ” “Put ’em there. I tell you,” ordered Billings: and with a grin Tony and his friend got the heavy stones into position. “But, Horace, all the other bungalows here set up on that ridge of land—ours will look so queer. Besides, I am sure you cannot build a bungalow. Tou are no carpenter ” “Pouft Anyone can build a bungalow. Carpenters would charge $250 for the work alone. Besides, It is classy to ” “Meesta Beelings! Meester Heelings! Comes quick!” shouted Tony. Billings hurried over to him. Mrs. Billings had another hunch, got out of the ear and followed. "Look a!” grinned Tony, pointing to the corner sites of the bungalow, where the sods had been removed. “Well, what about itf” asked Billings. "Da stone,” answered Tony. "Yes, the foundation stones belong there. Put ’em there,” he an swered curtly. “I put-a heem there.” “You what? Where are they?” “Sink-a out-a sight,” grinned Tony. “Oh—ah, yes, to be sure,” answered Billings, considerably flustered. “Merely an experiment as to the nature of the soil. Haul some more stones up there on the knoll, Tony, and to-morrow well make the foun dation——” “Oh, yes. I see now, Horace,” Mrs. Btlllngs said sweetly, but not so sweetly that tiie sarcasm failed to ooze from her words. “I see now. This is what you Called ‘sinking the foundation,’ ” and she laughed one of those hard, irritating, murder-inciting laughs. “Genius and ability were ever laughed at,” growled Billings, "hut you take a ride out here next week and see how much I have got done.” “If you have as good luck as you did to-day, yonr work will be out of sight,” laughed Mrs. Billings. Limericks at the Movies Oryprrlffit, 1018. by th® Star Qompany. A YOUNG man who** last name was Wl8ter Took a girl to the movies and kiater. Although 'twas quite dark, He for sure hi,t the mark, For she yelled in a loud voice, "Oh; Mieter.” A HENPECKED old man, so we’ve heard, Took in every show that occurred. When asked why, said he, “In the films that you see The women eay never a word." S AID a legitimate actor, “Gad- zooks! It’s like watching a lot of danged spooks; But folks don’t throw at the screen Ona* Britain !U»btn KmarrM Things that are passe and green, Like storage eggs, cabbage or cukes.” A YOUNG chap who’d ne’er seen ^ the ocean For the movie shows took a strange notion. Said he: “I declare. It’s like being there, To elt here and watch it In mo tion." A N OLD Dutchman would never unbuckle From his favorite game of pin ochle Till the picture shows’ lure Gave him fun, “chemic’ly pure.” And for hours he would sit there and chuckle