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m TTf) (|j||*||| >- A rrriiiiiiiiiiiiimi'mli .1, tim 4 r I =Zz > •- 1) 3 v <v. Up-to-Date Jokes When Professor Rokltanskt, of Vi enna. was asked 1# he had any sons he answered. "Four.” "And what professions have they chosen ?** "Two howl and two heal," was the laconic reply. A couple of his sons were public singers and the other two were doc tors Where have you been, Frank?" "In Manchester." "What were you doing there?" "I ran a photograph gallery." "Did you get anything to do?” "Well, I should say I did. I put out a sign, ‘Babies taken here,’ and next morning there were four of them left on the doorstep.” J The Man Held Her Tight in His Arms. Just Dogs 4 i'l* "J" OTHING is more like a man . ^ than a dog is." declared the candy store proprietor. "I’m just like a dog myself I even know what a dog is thinking more than half the time when I am watching him. "Yesterday I saw a dog a block and a half away. I knew at once that some thing was wrong with him. He bad a 'sneaky, uncomfortable look He hung his head. As I passed him the dog hailed me after the fashion of fellows o' the same guild and with the same jgrirti of comradeship: "Suddenly - ‘Danny!’ The word of re proof smote the air. Danny had known all the time that the woman who owned him was watching him, waiting for a chance to give him a rebuke. That’s why he had the famous hangdog ex pression. He knew that It was im possible for him to keep free from sooloing. I knew how he felt. "Some dogs are very particular not to speak to you until you have spoken to them first. There is a scraggy dog that comes to our house from time to time, visits for a few days, and then departs either to go home or to visit somewhere else We may not see him again for a month or six weeks ‘Must the other day he appeared at otir house The kids were playing on the porch and didn’t see him He saun tered into the yard in a casual sort of wa> and lay down on the lawn, watching the children with a very alert expres sion "Finally one of them saw him and cried, ‘Why. there's Pahs' That is our name for him, since we do not know his real name "At this greeting Babs tore up the porch steps and nearly wiggled himself Into a frazzle in his delight. I am like that. "A dog is very hitter in his hatred of flies, fleas, cats and firecrackers He hates lik« sin to have to get out of the way oof an automobile, and music and carpet dust nearly kill him Ha Is so like me In these things " Act Quickly Don't wait until you have Borne ail ment caused by poor digestion, biliousness, or by inactive bowels which may lead to a serious sickness. Immediate relief is afforded by that best corrective and preventive BEECHAM’S PILLS Sold •▼erjrwhere. la I>oxm, 10c., 25c. CHAPTER V. W HEN Jennie got home that nig-ht she told her boarding house keeper she was going out the next day—being Sunday— with Tom. They were going into the country and have dinner at some lit tle 1nn fhat Tom knew about. So the next morning she hurried out to w-here she was to meet THE MAN. He was waiting for her with a big touring car and a chauffeur to drive It. And Jennie, in her plain little white dress, couldn’t help but look in wide-eyed wonder at such luxury and grandeur, and could hardly realize that she was going to ride in it all day long. THE MAN helped her in, and was very' careful to arrange the robes "Just so," and explained to her ;t would never do for his little "pal” to get echllled. Oo-! Golly! Thought Jennie, this fa even better than the taxicab- and the cushions were so soft and "comfy," And so they rolled on and on, until early afternoon, when" they came to the quaintest looking little hotel that nestled in the trees by the side of the road. And THE MAN said they were going to have the daintiest luncheon that Jennie ever tasted The landlord bowed and smiled, and seemed very happy to see THE MAN, and ushered them into a private room, where the table was all set as if waiting for them. And everything had an air of being prearranged. But Jennie was so happy she didn't notice it, or the side glances of understanding between the landlord and THE MAN—as if he had been there many times before. THE MAN ordered cocktails, and it tasted so warm and nice to Jennie that she didn't soy no, when THE MAN asked her to have another one before they ate their luncheon. After the second one, Jennie felt so happy she wanted to sing and laugh both at the same time, and didn't quite real ize at first when THE MAN held her tight in his arms and was kissing her • • • • • An hour or two after Jennie ha«1 loft the house that morning: Tom came over for her to go out with him to spend Sunday as they both had be come accustomed to do. Jennie's boarding house friend was 'great’y surprised when she saw Tom—for Jennie had told her she was going out with Tom that day. Tom told her there had been no definite arrangement made, but had Just come over to call for Jennie the same as he had always done. And then Jennie’s friend realized for th? first time that the little girl had lied to her. —HAL COFFMAN (To Be Continued.) Well Versed. Ik>rd Duff or in delivered an address be fore the Greek class of the McGill Uni versity. about which a reporter wrote: "His I.ordship spoke to the class in the purest ancient Greek, without mis pronouncing a word or making the slightest grammatical solecism." "Good heavens!" remarked Sir Hector I Angevin to the late Sir John A Mac Donald, "how did the reporter know that?" "I told him,' was the Conservative statesman's answer. ‘‘But you don't know Greek." "True hut I know a little about poli tics." PLATES Made Same Day Delivered DR. E.G. GRIFFIN’S GATE CITY DENTAL ROOMS 24; Whitehall Street (Over Brown A Alien',) Gold Crowns S4—Bridge Work S4 All Work Guaranteed ftiim M. 17M S-"diM 51 The Canadian Parliament is one of the few Parliaments in the world where speeches in two languages are allowed. This, of course, is due to the large French and English ele ments in Canada. For instance, when the i anadlan House of Commons Is sitting in committee, should a French- Canadian start to address the House in French, you may see the English chairman retire from his seat and allow a French chairman to take his place In the same manner the offi cial English reporters cease work and a stafr of French shorthand writers begin. Owing to the frequency of weak excuses for leave of absence from work many employers have framed a special code of rules to govern days off The following are the regula tions of one firm: "1. One day off for funeral of any relative where death certificate is produced. 2. All mar riages and honeymoons to be ar ranged during annual holidays or not at all. 3 The burying of more than three uncles or aunts a year not ac cepted as an excuse for absence i For sickness where It is proved days off allowed." v The Kaiser has adopted a novel style of displaying the royal standard on his motor oars. A fla~ on which ate emblazoned the words, "God with us, will be painted on transparent glass, which will be electrically il luminated at night when he is in the car. so that it will be recognized a long way off. Wished He Hadn't. "You see." he exclaimed, as he showed her the wishbone of the Christmas tur key. "you take hold there and I take hold here Then we must both make a wish and pull, and when it breaks the one who has the bigger part of it will have his. or her wish gratified." "But 1 don't know what to wish for," she protested "Oh, you can think of something." he said "No, I can't." she replied. ‘1 can’t think of anything I want very much." "Well. I’ll wish for you!" he exclaimed "You really wish-for me?" she asked "Well, then, there's no use fooling with the old wishbone." she interrupted, with a glad smile. "You can have me." A Matter of Observation. Lexton Sake entered the room and critically examined the sur roundings. Then suddenly his eye lighted on the clew for which he sought. “Aha!" he exclaimed "It was from a hole somewhere in this room that the mouse emerged!” His companion opened his eyes wide in wonderment; then * "Your power of scent." he remark ed. "is positively marvelous, Blexton.” "Power of scent be bothered." re plied the great detective. "Can’t you see the heel-marks of a woman's shoe on this chair—eh?” She Forgot. The order which the comely young German woman handed in at the Post- office Savings Bank was made payable to Gretchen H. Schmidt, and she had signed it simply Gretchen Schmidt. The man at the counter called her hack to rectify the mistake just as she was turn ing away. "See. you have forgotten the ’H..’" he explained. The young woman looked at her re ceipt and then blushed a rosy red. "Ach! so I haf." she murmured, and wrote hurriedly: “ A « e -*•** • Copyright. UHI, by the H. K. Fly Com pany The play "Within the Law" is copyrighted by Mr. Veiller and this novelization of it its published by his permission. The American Play Com pany is the sole proprietor of the ex clusive rights of the representation and performance of "Within the Law" in all languages By MARVIN DANA from the Play by BAYARD VEILLER. TO-DAY ’S INSTALLMENT; At last Gilder was restored In £ meaure lo his self-possession. He spoke with the 8urene«s of a man of wealth confident that money will salve any wound. How much?" he asked, baldly. Mary smiled an Inscrutable smile. "Oh, I don’t need money," she said, carelessly. "Inspector Burke will tell you how easy It is for me to get it." Gilder looked at her with a newly dawning respect; then his shrewdness suggested a retort. Mary Laughed. "Do you want my son to learn what you are?" he said Mary laughed. There was some thing dreadful In that burst of spu rious amusement. ‘‘Why not?” she answered. "I’m -eady to tell him myself.” Then Gilder showed the true heart of him, in w'hich love for his boy was before all else. He found himself wholly at a loss before the woman’s unexpected reply. "But I don’t want him to know.” he stammered "Why, I’ve spared the hoy all his life. If he really loves you —it will ” At that moment the son himself en tered hurriedly from the hallway. In his eagerness he saw no one save the woman whom he loved. At his en trance Mary rose and moved back ward a step Involuntarily, In sheer surprise over his coming, even though she had known he must come—per haps from some other emotion, deep er, hidden as yet even from himself. The young man. with his wholesome face alight ith tenderness, went swiftly to her. while the other three men stood silent, motionless, abashed by the event. And Dick took Mary’s hand In a warm ciasp, pressing it ten derly "I didn't see father,” he said, hap pily, "but I left him a note on his desk at the office.” Then, somehow, the surcharged at mosphere penetrated his conscious ness, and he looked around to see his father standing grimly opposite him. But there was no change in his ex pression beyond a more radiant smile. "Hello, dad!” he cried, Joyously. ‘‘Then you got my note?” The voice of the older man came with a sinister force and saturnine. "No, Dick, I haven't had any note.” "Then, why ?” The young man broke off suddenly. He was become aware that here was something ma lignant, with a meaning beyond his present understanding, for he saw the inspector and Demarest, and he knew the two of them for what they were officially. A Pawn in the Game. "What are they doing here?" he de manded suspiciously, staring at the two. "Oh, never mind them,” Mary said. There was a malevolent gleam in h#r violet eyes. This was the recompense of which she had dreamed through soul-tearing ages. "Just tell your fa ther your news, Dick.” The young man had no comprehen sion of the fact that he was only a pawn in the game. He spoke with simple pride. "Dad, we’re married. Mary and 1 were married this morning.” Always, Mary stared with her eyes steadfast on the father. There was triumph in her gaze. This was the vengeance for which she had longed, for which she had plotted, the ven geance she had at last achieved. Here was her fruition, the period of her su premacy. Gilder himself seemed dazed by the brief sentence. "Say that again," he commanded. Mary rejoiced to make the knowl edge sure. "I married your son this morning,' she said, in a matter-of-fact tone. "I married him. Do you quite under stand. Mr. Gilder? I married him." In that insistence lay her ultimate compensation for untold misery. The father stood there wordless, unable to find speeceh against this calamity that had befallen him. It was Bifrke who offered a diver sion, a crude interruption after his own fashion. “It's a frame-up," he roared. He glared at the young man. "Tell your father it ain’t true. Why, do you know what she is? She’s done time.” He paused for an instant, then spoke in a voice that was brutally menacing. "And, by G , she’ll do it again!’’ The young man turned toward his bride. There was disbelief, hope, de spair. in^is face, which had grown older by years with the passing of the seconds. "It’s a lie, Mary,” he said. "Say it's a lie!” He seized her hand pas sionately. There was no quiver in her voice as she answered. She drew her band from his clasp and spoke evenly. "It’s the truth." "It’s the truth!” the young man re peated, incredulously. The Son Interrupted. "It 1s the truth," Mary said, firmly. "I have served three years \n prison." There was a silence of a minute that was like years. It was the father who broke it, and now his voice was become tremulous. "1 wanted to save you. Dick. That’s why 1 came.” The son interrupted him violently. "There’s a mistake—there must be. It was Demarest who gave an offi cial touch to the tragedy of the mo ment. "There's no mistake,” he said. There was authority in his statement, "There is. I tell you!" Dick cried, horrified by this conspiracy of defa mation. He turned his tortured face- to his bride of a day. "Mary." he said, huskily, ’*there is a mistake " Something in her face appalled him He was voiceless for a few terrible instants. Then he spoke again, more beseechingly. Say there’s a mistake." Mary preserved her poise Yes- she must not forget! This was the hour of her triumph. What mattered it that the honey of it was as ashes *n her mouth? She spoke with a sim plicity that admitted no denial. "It’s all quite true.'4 The man who had so loved her so trusted her. was overwhelmed by the revelation He stood trembling for a moment, tottered, almolt it seemed would have fallen, but presently steadied himself and sank supinely into a chair, where he sat in impotent suffering. To Be Continued To-morrow. Wonders of the Wonderful SUNDAY AMERICAN |<$n$n£n$!fot£j| Great Exclusive Features That Cannot Be Found in Any Other Sunday Newspaper Tom Powers, THE FAMOUS CARTOONIST, has some very funny pictures that will keep you laughing all week 0 A Jeff and Mutt Cartoon that is full of humor John Temple Graves Writes on this striking question, “Shall a Wife Obey?' The Newly Found Oldest Gospels^ and ffhal They Really Mean. Should Women’s Wages Be Fixed by Law. A Short Story by Rudyard Kipling. • • • • Woman Suffrage in Dixie. Book Reviews, by Edwin Markham and Roswell Field. A ' Proposes to SUSANNE Again A Remarkable Comic Section Happy Hooligan Howson Lott H vf s f,r s c Mr. Batch Has a Narrow Escape Jimmy — He Is At It Again Just Why a Pitcher Can Curve a Baseball. Why Every Woman Married for Six Years Ought to Go to Work. Coronium—A New Gas, Whose Power is So Great That a Balloon Filled With It the Size of a Baseball Would Raise an Elephant from the Ground. A Game of Polo That Cost $12,000 a Minute. Daring Train Robbers—Rem arkable Stories Told by Sophie Lyons. Why Blondes Must Be Abolished, by Edna Goodrich, the Beautiful Actress. May Irwin’s Recipes. Ruth St. Denis Tells How Dancing Develops a Beautiful Figure. Tango Tea Gowns, by Lucille, the World-Famous Dress maker. All These and Dozens of Other Great Features in The Sunday American A Newspaper For the Home With Something in It For Everybody THE Sunday American Is “The Market Place of the South” for Advertisers Order Your Copy Now Both Phones MAIN 8000 I tm