Newspaper Page Text
IIEARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, 0A„ SUNDAY, JUNE 1. 1913.
7 E
Doesn’t Pay to Poke Fun at
Cause
WOMEN ARE ENTITLED
To VOTE , WOMEN ARE
TNE EQUALS OF MEN.
(HAW!
HAW!,
5UFFRAQE
MEETINQ
Qooo
Speakinc
c
C
a peach:
i
i
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
Copyright, 1913. by th« Stir Oompanj. Great Britain Ki«bta Raaerratl.
(HELP The cause ?)//!«. Gwan
J/ AND MIND
Your BABIES
This Week’s
News
Say: Don't those 5uffracettes
GrET Your goat? ^
darlinq
WILL You '
MARRY ME?i
WHY
I Don't
Mind
■*s
I PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE
$t|
its
■A
m
mh
GET A HORSE
and Ride
VOTES FOR.
WOMEN
'ijiW
~u
S&TSAtQHTBNuP,
henrn
-i ^ ^
(I
I!
V
c
v »•!
B'
otnpany Orvaf
Britain Rlfhta Ktmtrrif.
|EN CURRIER is th« father
of another child, a non this
time. This make* eleven.
Ben dropped In to tell us about
It, and he promised to punch our
head if we called him a “happy
father,” hence our care In writing
the above as we did.
Mlsg Elvlry Smart, our popular
school teacher, who has been
studying a new-fangled study
called Eugenics, says she's given
It up now because she’s going to
be married and no one could be
lieve In Eugenics and be married
at the same time.
Martin Perkins says the Ice
crop Is going to be a failure this
year. He’s Just got on to this
fact, but this Is pretty swift think
ing for Mart. He says a lot of
people will be healthier this Sum
mer because milkmen will have
to deliver fresh milk, having no
Ice to keep it on.
Deacon Medders has got him a
real handsome glass eye In the
city, which Is a great Improve
ment in hts looks over the black
patch he used to wear. Yet, as he
can’t close that artltlclal eye, he
doesn’t look very pious praying
with one eye open In ohurch.
However, If Providence can stand
it, we poor mortals should be able
to.
The Widow Beamish has an
nounced her engagement to young
Silas Wiggins. We congratulate
her. Silas offers no explanations,
but sighs somewhat heavily and
declares It Is probably true If she
says so. He adds that no one
should blame him because he
couldn’t help It.
Sammle Watson Is home from
college for a couple of weeks. He
wears dark clothes and plain haber
dashery and smokes a pipe, and
he took right hold and helped his
father work up the woodpile. If
we hadn't seen Sammy's name In
the college catalogue we wouldn’t
have believed any college boy
could have acted so human.
fr~-
V-
i
Should
Worry
Over
J)
THE MORNING SMILE
Wex Jones, Editor
if-
the
1 Should
Worry
Craze.
FUNNY TALES FROM EVERYWHERE
VOL II.
Atlanta, Sunday, June 1, 1913.
No. 25.
Insult to
Japanese
Honorable Caucasians of Slightly
Mongolian Countenances
Deeply Offended.
A ‘POTEST tins been lodged
jj the Japanese Ambas
sador agalnsg the use of
the word “Japanned.’’
If a .ray !s "Japanned” some
other word must be used to de
scribe it.
Also the abbreviation "Jap"
must be aba. oiled. Japalac
must be called Nipponalac.
Secretary Bryan has promised
to fix it. up with the dictionary
publishers.
<R
Suburban Hints.
Speaking of lawns, about the
easiest way to keep the grass
from growing long is to cut It
short.
An unfailing way to -alse let
tuce is with a derrick
In planting potatoes, it is ad
visable to separate them a little.
If all are planted in one spot,
they will not thrive so well, al
though they will be easier to
gather.
A good way to Induce robins
to remain on your lawn is to hit
them with a charge of No. 6 shot.
A canary is a pleasing addition
to the racket of a country home.
On« of the best fences for u
ountvy place is a row of oox
Our Great
Serial Story
The Mistakes of Michael
CHAPTER I.
The Shot in the Dark.
0
I
Student of Sociology! With all your wealth, you are not afraid of
the proletariat?
Mr. Pneurich: No, we boil all our drinking water.
Oddities in the News
Do You Know—
That Castro, of Venezuela, did
not invent Castoria.
Warm as it is in the tropics,
the Panama Canal can always In
dulge In a slide.
Montclair woman wants divorce
because husband comes home on
the same train every night Mo
notony is deadly, she says.
Japanese in New York is angry
because he can’t own land In
California. He doesn’t want any
land and isn’t quite sure where
California is. but he’s sore all the
same.
Westfield, N. .1.. farmer arrest
ed as lunatic because he took
bath on Friday night.
In Yonkers Lucre is a $10 tine
for playing the bass drum after
10 p. m. or during the “cocktail
hour." . Tote-—The cocktail hour
Is from 4 p. m. to 0:30 p. m.
In Plainfield, N. J., roosters
are arrested If they crow. Per
haps the city fathers expect them
to sing like a canary.
Man in Wissahickon took his
mind oft toothache by holding
red-hot coal in his mouth. His
wife might use film as a stove
in Winter.
In South Norwalk a farmer
named Powers kids his hens into
laying .rge eggs by leaving a lot
of old. whitewashed i-annon balls
lying around the runs.
T was bright sunlight.
Sunlight is always more or
less bright, differing in that
respect from a number of humor
ous writers.
However, it was bright sun
light, anyway.
A shot raug out.
(We headed this chapter, “The
Shot in the Dark" because that
sounds better; more mysterious,
so to speak. A shot in the sun
light is just as dangerous and
more likely to land the person at
whom it is fired, but in these rol
licking si tries of adventure we
must have our duels in the
dark.)
Immediately after the shot
rang out, as we have told, a shrill
scream rent the silence.
(We don’t know how much a
month the silence rents for, but
it’s worth a lot of money.)
Immediately after the shrill
scream b- rented the silence, a
dull thud, as of a falling body,
was heard.
We leave you to think this
over, while we write
(Continued next week.)
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT
BY AN ENGLISH M. D.
Do not overeat* yourself 1r
summer.
•hi:,. Old Unit tfjuitSi.it
His Preference.
A certain island in the West Indies
is liable to the periodical advent of
earthquakes. One year before the
season of these terrestrial disturb
ances. Mr. X.. who lived in the danger
zone, sent his two sons to the home
of a brother in England, to secure
them from the impending havoc.
Evidently the quiet of the staid
English household was disturbed by
the two young West Indians, for the
returning mail steamer carried a mes
sage to Mr. X., brief but emphatic:
“Here are your boys; send me the
earthquake.”
Evidence.
Not Thinking.
She —Don’t you simply adore tier-
mans?
He (absently)—Yes; they are a
hardy, healthy race.
Certainly Not.
The teacher was intent on the les
son, and continued impressively:
“And vast swarms of flies descend
ed on the land and came into the
houses of the Egyptians and covered
their clothing and their tables and
all their food, but (emphatically)
there were no flies on the children of
Israel.”
A small boy from the rear of the
room Interrupted:
“Please, ma’am, there ain’t now,
either.”
Frank,
Lady (to applicant for position of
gardener)—You are, of course, strict
ly sober?
Applicant—Yes, mum, often.
Same Thing.
“Sanders, have another drink,” a
friend said, entering a bar where
MacHoot was just tossing off a glass
of whiskey.
“Na, na,” answered Sanders Mac-
Hoot. “I wanna lme anither, but ye
can pay for this if ye like.”
II
/
ner, poor old Jobson got It In the
small f his back. The owner of the
car Jumped off to render assistance,
and the Injured man was hurried to
the nearest doctor’s. But the case
was hopeless.
“Forgive me, old man,” said the *
penitent motorist, "Can I make anyj
reparation?” to
“Yes,” he whispered. "Are yotint
married?” ,,
“No." . Lfeftiiwr.ii}*,.
"Engaged?”
“No.” was
“Vl’ell. as you wifi be responsibh is
for making my wife a widow, wi for
you marry her?” hlg
“Certainly," replied the motorlst,i n -
with a catch In his voice, “And brt
shall care for and protect her a»
long as I live.”
• . r-
Jobson sank back with a sigh of-
content, and murmured to himself:
- e |
“Revenge Is sweet?"
Magistrate—When you arrested him, what was he doing?
Constable—’E was ’aving a ’eated argument with a taxi driver, yer
worship.
Magistrate—But that doesn’t prove he was Intoxicated.
Constable—But there wasn’t no taxi driver, sir.
the deck he was somewhat surprised
to hear a clanging of hells—the eight
hells of seamen’s time. As he step
ped on deck he met the officer of the
watch. He saluted him and said,
timidly:
“I beg your pardon, sir. I’ve come
to see my son, Jack. But, ’pon my
word, I didn’t mean to ring so loud.”
Practical.
The handsome hospital nurse who
married an old wealthy man the other
day was very happy in her reply to
a friend who asked why she wedded
such a fossil.
“I thought I might as well be en
gaged in nursing one old man as a
dozen.”
man. The third time It happened he
said, quietly:
“Hadn’t you better stay here?”
Jobson's Request.
Jobson and his wife were enjoy
ing a stroll along the quiet country
road. The footpath was extremely
narrow, and Jobson, of course, was
more off it than on. Thus, when
the motor car rushed round the cor-
Fresh Cub.
Reporter—I’ve a good piece of new*
here this morning. I found a person
who had been confined to one room
his entire life.
Editor—Good ! Send it up. Wh»
is it?
Reporter—Why, a three-days-old
baby down at our house.
The Reason Why,
The Information editor received thl$
letter from a fresh youth:
“Kindly tell me why a girl always
closes her eyes when a fellow kisses
her.”
The editor replied:
“If you will send us your photo*
graph we may be able to tell you the
reason.”
Yes, You Might.
Rudd—He slipped on the polished
floor and killed himself.
Judd—Sort of a hardwood finish,
you might say.
Giles’ Mistake.
It was a proud moment for Farm
er Giles when, dressed in his Sunday
best, he went to see his sailor son
on hoard his ship at Portsmouth. He
had never before been so close to a
vessel liefore. find in his simplicity he
| marveled at the size. Just as he
caught hold of the two ropes which
! hung over the side to assist sailors to
ATLANTIC BEACH HOTEL
Open for the season of 1913 on Saturday, May 31, under the management of Mr. Henry M. Stanford,
manager of the Tampa Bay Hotel.
Splendid service on the American and European plans by the finest staff of stewards, chefs and attend
ants in the United States.
The following rates will he In force:
AMERICAN PLAN
One person in a room. $21 a week and upward.
Two persons in one room, $35 a week and upward.
EUROPEAN PLAN
One dollar a day and upward, without private bath.
Two dollars a day and upward, with bath , _ . , , . .
A special week-end rate of Five Dollars, including dinner Saturday evening and breakfast Monday
morning.
Special sea food dinner served every day. One Dollar. _ , . ,,
The Atlantic Beach is without an equal a* a resort, hotel. Located on the finest beach in the world, with
splendid facilities for surf bathing and automobiling. Table service unsurpassed and unattempted before.
Rooms delightful and comfortable Cooling breezes. Good train service to Jacksonville, where close connec
tions are made from every point in the South.
Make your reservations now.
ATLANTIC BEACH HOTEL
Address Dept. M. Atlantic Beach. Florida