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JIKAKST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, GA„ SUNDAY. JUNE 1, 1913
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It Doesn’t Pay to Poke Fun at the Cause
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
Copyright, 1913, by tb« 8t*r Company. Gr**t Britain Right* Rcscrred.
This Week’s
News
5aY.' don't those suffragettes)
GET Your goat? —
darunq
WILL Vo0
A1ARRY ME?j
(HELP THE CAUSE?)/AH. GWAM
AH0 MIND
Youk 6A&IES
I pronounce You
MAN AND WIFE
GET A HORSE
and Ride
VOTES FOR,
WOMEN
B'
C«T*TrI*bt, 1913. by The Bur Company. OnU
Brltiln Rights Itsssrsed.
EN CURRIER Is the father
of another child, a son this
time. This makes eleven.
Ben dropped In to tell us about
It, and he promised to punch our
head If we called him a "happy
father,” hence our care In writing
the above as we did.
Miss Elvlry Smart, our popular
school teacher, who has been
studying a new-fangled study
called Eugenics, says she’s given
It up now because she’s going to
be married and no one could be
lieve In Eugenics and be married
at the same time.
Martin Perkins says the lee
crop Is going to be a failure this
year. He’s just got on to this
fact, but this Is pretty swift think
ing for Mart. He says a lot of
people will be healthier this Sum
mer because milkmen will have
to deliver fresh milk, having no
Ice to keep It on.
Deacon Medders has got him a
real handsome glass eye In the
city, which Is a great Improve
ment In his looks over the blaok
patch he used to wear. Yet, as he
can't close that artificial eye, he
doesn’t look very pious praying
with one eye open In church.
However, If Providence can stand
It, we poor mortals should be able
to.
The Widow Beamish has an
nounced her engagement to young
Silas Wiggins. We congratulate
her. Silas offers no explanations,
but sighs somewhat heavily and
declares It Is probably true If she
says so. He adds that no one
should blame him because ha
couldn’t help it.
Sammie Watson is home from
college for a couple of week*. He
wears dark clothes and plain haber
dashery and smokes a pipe, and
he took right hold and helped his
father work up the woodpile. If
we hadn’t seen Sammy's name in
the college catalogue we wouldn’t
have believed any college boy
could have acted so human.
sr-
i
Should
Worry
Over
JJ
THE MORNING SMILE
Wex Jones, Editor
(T
the
I Should
Worry
Craze.
FUNNY TALES FROM EVERYWHERE
VOL II.
Atlanta, Sunday, June 1, 1913.
No. 25.
Insult to
Japanese
Honorable Caucasians of Slightly
Mongolian Countenances
Deeply Offended.
A tOTBST has been lodged
jy the Japanese Ambas
sador against the use of-
the word "Japanned.”
If a -ray Is ’’Japanned’’ some
other word must be used to de
scribe it
Also the abbreviation "Jap”
must be aba. loned. Japalae
must be called Nipponalac.
Secretary Bryan has promised
; fix It up with the dictionary
vublisbers.
Suburban I lints.
Speaking of lawns, about the
easiest way to keep the grass
from growing long is to cut it
Bbort.
An unfailing way to -alse let
tuce is with a derrick
ra planting potatoes. It is ad
visable to separate them a little.
If all are planted In one spot,
they will not thrive so well, al
though they will be easier to
gather.
A good way to Induce robins
to remain on your lawn Is to hit
them with a charge of No. 6 shot.
A canary Is a pleasing addition
to the racket of a country home.
One of the best fences for a
■"'mitry I’ace Is a row of oox
: l-g.
Our Great
Serial Story
The Mistakes of Michael
His Preference.
A certain island in the West Indies
is liable to the periodical advent of
earthquakes. One year before the
season of these terrestrial disturb
ances, Mr. X., who lived in the danger
zone, sent his two sons to the home
of a brother in England, to secure
them from the impending havoc.
Evidently the quiet of the staid
| English household was disturbed by
the two young West Iudiaus, for the
returning mail steamer carried a mes
sage to Mr. X., hrief but emphatic:
“Here are your boys; send me the
earthquake.”
CHAPTER I.
The Shot in the Dark.
Student of Sociology! With all your wealth, you are not afraid of
the proletariat?
Mr. Pneurlch: No, we boil all our drinking water.
Oclciities in the News
Do You Know—
That Castro, of Venezuela, did
not invent Castoria.
Warm as it is in the tropics,
the Panama Canal can always In
dulge in a slide.
Montclair woman wants divorce
because husband comes home on
the same train every night Mo
notony is deadly, she says.
Japanese In New York Is angry
because he can’t own land in
California. He doesn’t want any
land and Isn’t quite sure where
California Is, but he's sore all the
same.
Westfield. N. J.. farmer arrest
ed as lunatic because he took
bn tli on Friday night.
j ill Vuiikei's lucre a $10 tine
for playing the bass drum after
10 p. m. or during the “cocktail
hour.” (Ote—The cocktail hour
Is from 4 p. m. to 6:30 p. m.
In Plainfield, N. J., roosters
are arrested If they crow. Per
haps the city fathers expect them
to sing like a canary.
Man In Wlssahickon took Ills
mind off toothache by holding
red-hot coal in bis mouth. Ills
wife might use him as a stove
In Winter.
In South Norwalk a farmer
named Powers kids his liens into
laying rge eggs by leaving a lot
"f old. whitewa bed -anuou balls
lying mound tile runs. ,
I T was bright sunlight.
Sunlight is always more or
less bright, differing In that
respect from a number of humor
ous writers.
However, It was bright sun
light, anyway.
A shot rang out.
(We headed this chapter, “The
Shot in the Dark" because that
sounds better; more mysterious,
so to speak. A shot in the sun
light is just as dangerous and
more likely to land the person at
whom it is fired, but in these rol
licking stories of adventure we
must have our duels in the
dark.)
Immediately after the shot
rang out, as we have told, a shrill
scream rent the silence.
(We don't know how much a
month the silence rents for, but
it's worth a lot of money.)
Immediately after the shrill
scream h- rented the silence, a
dull thud, as of a failing body,
was heard.
We leave you to think this
over, while we write
Not Thinking.
She Don’t you simply adore Ger
mans?
Ho (absently)—Yes; they are a
hardy, healthy race.
Certainly Not.
The teacher was intent on the les
son, and continued impressively:
“And vast swarms of flies descend
ed on the land and came Into the
houses of the Egyptians and covered
their clothing and their tables and
all tbefr food, but <emphatically)
there were no flies on the children of
Israel.”
A small boy from the rear of the
room Interrupted:
"Please, ma’am, there ain’t now,
either.”
Evidence.
Magistrate—When you arrested him, what was lie doing?
Constable—’E was ’aving a ’eated argument with a taxi driver, yer
worship.
Magistrate—But that doesn’t prove he was Intoxicated.
Constable—But there wasn’t no taxi driver, sir.
ner, poor old Jobson got It in the
small f his back. The owner of the
car jumped off to render assistance,
and the injured man was hurried to
the nearest doctor’s. But the case
was hopeless.
"Forgive me, old man,” said the
penitent motorist "Can I make any
reparation?”
"Yes,” he whispered. "Are you
married?” r
• s, '°- - -< * :,An U
“Engaged?” * , r||!! T| ■ y
“No.”
“Well, as you will be responsible
for making my wife a widow, will
you marry her?”
“Certainly,” replied the motorist,
with a catch In his voice. “And I
shall care for and protect her as
long as I live."
Jobson sank back with a sigh of
content, and murmured to himself:
“Revenge is sweet!"
(Continued next week.)
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HIN1
BY AN ENGLISH M. D.
Do not overeat* yourself it
summer.
•Ju y. (jvuiicut youis'-if
Frank.
Lady (to applicant for position of
gardener)—You are, of course, strict
ly sober ?
Applicant—Yes, mum, often.
Same Thing.
“Sanders, have another drink.” a
friend said, entering a bar where
Maolloot was just tossing off a glass
of whiskey.
“Na, na,” answered Sanders Mao-
Hoot. “I wanna hac anitlier, but ye
can pay for this if ye like.”
Yes, You Might.
Rudd—He slipped on the polished
floor and killed himself.
Judd-—Sort of a hardwood finish,
you might say.
—
Giles’ Mistake.
It was a proud moment for Farm
er Giles when, dressed in bis Sunday
best, he went to see fils sailor son !
on board his ship at Portsmouth. He
hail never before been so close to a
vessel liefore. anil ill Ills simplicity lie
marveled at the size. Just as he
caught hold of the two ropes which |
hung over the side to assist sailors to -
the deck he was somewhat surprised
to hear a clanging of bells—the eight
bells of seamen’s time. As be step
ped on deck he met the officer of the
watch. He saluted him and said,
timidly:
“I beg your pardon, sir. I’ve come
to see my son. Jack. But, ’pon my
word, I didn’t mean to ring so loud.”
Practical.
The handsome hospital nurse who
married an old wealthy man the other
day was very happy in her reply to
a friend who asked why she wedded
such a fossil.
“I thought I might as well be en
gaged in nursing one old man as a
dozen.”
man. Tbe third time It happened lie
said, quietly:
“Hadn’t you better stay here?”
Jobson’s Request.
Jobson and his wife were enjoy
ing a stroll along the quiet country
road. The footpath was extremely
narrow, and Jobson, of course, was
more off it than on. Thus, when
the motor car rushed round the cor-
Fresh Oub.
Reporter—I’ve a good piece of news
here this morning. I found a person,
who had been confined to one room
his entire life.
Editor—Good! Send it up. Who
is it?
Reporter—Wiiy, a three-days-ofd
baby down at our house.
The Reason Why.
The information editor received this
letter from a fresh youth:
“Kindly tell me why a girl always
closes her eyes wheu a fellow kisses
her.”
The editor replied:
“If you will send us your photq-.
graph we may be able to tell you the
reason.”
ATLANTIC BEACH HOTEL
Open for the season of 1913 on Saturday, May 31, under the management of Mr. Henry M. Stanford,
manager of the Tampa Bay Hotel.
Splendid service on the American and European plans by the finest staff of stewards, chefs and attend
ants in the United States.
The following rates will be in force:
AMERICAN PLAN
One person in ;i room, $21 a week and upward.
Two persons in one room, $25 a week and upward.
EUROPEAN PLAN
One dollar a day and upward, without private bath.
Two dollars a day and upward, with bath. , .
A special week-end rate of Five Dollars, including dinner Saturday evening and breakfast Monday
morning.
Special sea food dinner served every day, One Dollar. , .
The Atlantic Beach is without an equal a$ a resort hotel. Located on the finest beach in the world, with
splendid facilities for surf bathing and autornobiling. Table service unsurpassed and unattempted before
Rooms delightful and comfortable Cooling breezes. Good train service to Jacksonville, where close connec
tions are made from every point in the South.
Make your reservations now.
ATLANTIC BEACH HOTEL
Address Dept. M. Atlantic Beach, Florida