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7**/ il ,/TA /A 1—. BEST HUMOR, MOV1NC PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE. SUN PlRICAN ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, JULY 27, 1913. Little FOR THE Cabinet By T. E. POWERS> the Famous Cartoonist Oopjnght, 1V13, by imMu Ccn^uy. Great Britain Rights Reserved. J I CANNOT LIVE. ON SUCH Y A S/AALL SALARY. ILL QO (Out on thc road THERE FoRE I MUST TALK iNORDERTo LI I/El - So. FELLOW CHALK TALKERS I'M HERE ToTELL SEC OF APICULTURE: Houston makinc, 5oth END.'' meet ~A little ^— OUT SIDE H PI WORK,- ! Sec, of LABor, WILSON MAKING A LITTLE PIN MONEY AFTER Hours AT TV qEN M c REYNOLDS Could TEACH The Turkey trot afteig Hours and KEEP THE WOLF^RONl THE DOOR. SEC OF THE INTERIOR lane . HE COULD decorate INTERIORS AFTER THE WHISTLE BLOW 5- $ 2 PER HouP^is 50/Mt Think;: 66 Who’s the Copyright. 1913, by the Star Company. Great Britain Right? Reserved. R *AY—Terry, I called a rehearsal for you and me this afternoon, and you didn’t show up. Where were you? TERRY—Looka here, guy; you can call as many rehearsals as you want, but you can’t call me. I’m too busy in the afternoons to monkey with you. RAY—Why, what are you so busy about? TERRY—Didn’t show up, didn't I? You better look out or I’ll show you up. Who are you, anyway? Don’t try to tell me RAY—No, I want you to tell me. I’m interested. How are you busy? TERRY—Well, I’m in the show business. I played “The Silver King” this afternoon. RAY—What part did you take? TERRY—I took the silver. RAY—You ought to be satisfied with that. TERRY—I was; but a little later I played the king, then some mean guy played the ace, and I lost all my silver. ray—When 1 couldn’t find you this afternoon I went over to the theatre to hear my brother sing a ditty. TERRY—Did he? RAY—Now don’t get funny or I’ll ruin your features. TERRY—Why don’t you go ahead and choke me? Then people will think we’re Dutch comedians. ray Say, Terry, my wife has been rather troublesome late.y. Now have you heard any new ways to make a woman stop talking” TERRY—I suppose you mean have 1 heard any new ga^st RAY—Oh, I didn’t meaD that; but as long as you mentioned It, go ahead. TERRY—Here’s one. How can you make ice water without Ice? RAY—It can’t be done. TERRY—Cinch. Skin an onion. That’ll make your eyes water, RAY—Do you believe in dreams? TERRY—Yes, if they’re sixteen or over. Next joke. RAY—What’s the difference between a Hebrew and a banana? TERRY—You can skin a banana. That’s slippin’ one over. RAY—I don’t like those three-for-a-nickel 'okes. TERRY—All right. Here’B a twenty-five-center: if the fare to Coney Island on the boat was a dollar, how would you get there for a quarter? RAY—Easy. Qo on the car. TERRY—No. I mean on the boat. RAY—How? TERRY—Go up on the quarter-deck. RAY—Is that the best you can do? TERRY—Say. it’s not my fault if we’re not getting laughs enough. I’m tired of being called rotten on accou it of your bum jokes. As for myself, I’m good, I am. Where would you be without me, hey? RAY—I don’t know, Terry. TERRY—Well. And I’m. tired of being shut up all the time, too. After this I’ll stay at the hotel hnd you’ll sleep In the trunk. Now I’ll give you one more chance. This is an old gag, but it gtla across if you pull it right. Ae the rooster said, it’s all in the way you pullet. RAY—I’m sorry. Terry. 1 apoiogiie. Ask ua the joke, and I’ll do in) best to please juu, How Ray Conlin, the Ventrilo quist, and His Wise Little Dummy Made ’Em Laugh in Vaudeville. TERRY—Well’ I’ll try you, you big bonebean. Now here’s the joke: Why is an old maid like a tomato? RAY—I don’t know, Terry. Why is an old maid like a tomah-to? TERRY—Tomah-to? Oh, you proud person. Gee, you’re getting stuck up since you’ve been making three dollars a week. How do you suppose I can crack the Joke when you say tomah-to? RAY—That’s the correct way to say it in keen society, Terry. TERRY—Oh, it is? And you think you can gum my joke because you think you’re in keen society, do you? Well, I’ll fool you. I’ll answer j it your way. Because an old maid can’t get anybody but a tomah-to can. * R..Y—Is that the reason? I thought 1* was because inasmuch as it | was impossible for her to lock her door with a wedlock, therefore It was , entirely unreasonable to expect her to be able to partake of connubial I bliss, to wit, the nuptials. TERRY—And they shot men like Rosenthal! RAY—Do you think we better give them the telephone joke? TERRY—We’ll have to get their number somehow. RAY—I’m afraid we can't. The phone’s broke. TERRY—Well, it’s got nothing on us. RAY—Thefe’s just one thing more. All good ventriloquists close the show by taking their dummies and going through tae audience. Come on, I we’ll do that. TERRY—Go through the audience? Not me. I’m no pickpocket.* What is this, anyway, a hoid-up? Just because you hold me up all the time I suppose you think the audience will stand for it. too. RAY— All right, if you insist on our remaining poor we ll go back to (he Lunch ami Judy suv-v, For a grand finish in the American-Georgian Pony Contest vote the - - - - RED LETTER BALLOT There are only a few days left for work, but the win ners can play for years News from the Summer Resorts By Our Own Staff of Correspondents Copyright, 1913, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved. WETHURST-BY-TH E-SEA. H ORTENSE MACGOWAN, who has been at the Idylwilde House for seven seasons trying to catch a rich husband, announces her en gagement to Col. MacBoodle, who is ninety-one years old. She has promised Mrs Simpkins, of the Idylwilde House, to come back next Sum mer, but she won’t promise as much for the Colonel. WEST AURORA. Major Stompklns has opened his camp on Aurora Lake, but won’t take any fishermen this season because he can’t. He forgot he stored some dynamite In the stove last Fall, and built up a fire in it. Fortunately he was out to the woodshed when the dynamite opened up the camp, and so he got out of It with only two broken legs. • ’I MYSTIC ISLAND. Professor Ervlngton Skinner has come up from the South and opened up his Hythought Colony. He Is pretty late, but we understand he was detained at Atlanta on Government affairs concerning the United States malls. Quite a lot of excitement happened over to the Hythought camp yes terday. A sudden squall blowed one of the tents into the water and Dr. Swam-eye Punjab Ofer Cush, as he callB himself, got tangled up in the guy ropes and was nearly drowned before your correspondent, who was out in a boaL rescued him. The Doc's long black hair come off in the water and- his own hair underneath it was short and kinky. We recog nised him st once as the man who was a porter up to the Crestville House last Summer. Dr. Swam-eye Punjab Ofer Cush, we are informed by Prof. Skinner, has been suddenly called back to India. FORDING. Miss Etta Schwartz and her sister, Miss Lena Schwartz, two pretty Spanish girls from Omaha, are stopping at the Smith Cottage. Doc Feeble has been very busy of late attending the younger gnesta at the Center House. Doc says one more green apple season will enable him to buy that automobile runabout he wants. FLAT HILL. The Wlnnlegeethumpett House Is so full of guests the proprietors. Bill and Joe Snodgrass, had to sleep on the dining-room tables all last week. Souvenir postcards at Baker’s Hardware Store, three cents each or three for ten cents.—Advt. Miss Hyacinth Snooks, who had the misfortune to lose her right eye when she fell off a hayrack day before yesterday, is able to be out now. Little Ben Honus found It and took it home with him, thinking It was a glass marble. His mother knew it belonged to Miss Snooks the moment she saw Ben playing with it. and made him take it back. SOUTH UTOPIA. Old Man Jepson, proprietor of the Jepson House, who would have married Melinda Babbitt a fortnight ago if she hadn't eloped with a mar ried boarder, was married last night to Jane Doolittle, who took Melin da’s place as waitress at the hotel. As soon as the boarder Beaeon is over they’re going up to Jane’s mother’s on their honeymoon To Let—By the day or hour, a horse and team suitable for ladies with rubber tires. Utopia Livery Stable.—Advt. Morris Levinsky, a Scotchman from Bronx, N. Y., has been hired to lay out a golf link near the Utopia Hotel. The Sootch know all about golf, which Is played with highballs. CHEBUNQ. Mrs. Elvira StebMns has three boarders at her home on the South Road. Charles R. Stebblns, of the Intervale farm, has enlarged his house and 1b taking in Summer boarders. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Stehbins, of this village, are expecting the Rob insons back again for the Summer. The Rev. Augustus Stebblns has gone to New York for his annual vacation. Miss MyTtle Stebblns was married last Tuesday to Clarence Parker Stebbins, a third cousin, who lives on the North Road. Doctor Stebbins was called to go to the Lower Mills last week to set the leg of little Eben Stebblns, who broke it by falling out of a tree. He was visiting his uncle, Horace Stebblns, at the time. We are informed that John J. Stebblna, of this town, has prepared a bill to be introduced in the Legislature to change the aame of Chebung to Stebblnsvllle. Mr. Stebbins is a lawyer and a blacksmith, besides being proprietor of the Stebbins House and maaufacturer of Stebblns’ Horse Liniment J i c i WOODY DALE. A man came up from the city laet week and brought three shade trees which he set out in front of the Woody Dale Inn. Counting the dead elm In front of the postoffice which was struck by lightning seven years ago, we now have eleven trees in this village Remember you can get gasoline, caramels, films, whetstonea, fish hooks, paper collar*, spectacles, maple syrup and postage stamps at the Bon-Tou Millinery Store, 16 Main street. Woody Dale.—Advt. E. EL Adams and wife are registered at the Woody Dale Ina. They also brought along their two months old son. LAKE PUNKESTBYGOSM. A teivible accident happened at Hotel de Neemie. Your correspond ent recorded the event of securing a mechanical piano for this hotel some weeks ago. But some thoughtless guest left her chewing gum attached to the roller some way and now the gum is all through the vitals of the piano and the thing plays ragtime when it oughtn’t. More strictly fresh canned goods at Wiggin’s general store.—Advt. We have learned what the Mr. Wilson's ► '.ness is. He is th# man who is stopping at the Lakeside Inn who tt-u your correspondent in a joking manner some time ago his business was minding his own. He's | » wuBumg uai&fiL ia iM