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, ^ - *■ • ' •
Their Married Life .:
By MABEL HERBERT URNER.
The Brighter Side of Turkey Trotting
“W
J ITU no prices on the menu!”
repeated Helen In amaze
ment. "Then they can
Charge us anything they please?”
"That's the idea. Most of the smart
places in Paris never price their food.
They’re supposed to cater to people
who are concerned only with the qual
ity of the dishes not with the price
"But, Warren. WE don't want to k<>
to such a place! I’d be so worried
about what the check was going to be
I couldn't eat u thing "
"Well we're going to one right now for
dinner—Cafe D'Armenonville. One of the
show places in the Bois. Y'ou'll see more
fcmart Parisians there than you've .«• < n
yet. While we re over here we re go
ing to do Paris. What difference does a
few dollars make one way or the other?"
"But, dear, I'm not dressed for a pre
tentious place."
"Well, put on something light then
She saw him slip some money Into the
hand of the suave Frenchman, and a
moment later they were being seuted at
one of the few tables that had been
"reserved."
"Warren, I thought you didn't believe
in bribing head waiters?"
"Well, you've got to do it here. This
Is a show place, 1 tell you, and you've
got to come across. We'd have stood
I there all night without a table if 1
hadn't forked up."
Helen’s first concern was In the menu
- a large card with a fantastically dec
orated border of lobsters and crabs.
.She had hoped ull along that Warren
was wrong and that the prices would be
I given, but there was not a single figure.
I This bill of fare was to show only what
you could get—not what you would have
to pay for It.
"Oh, dear, Just order one or two
things' I'm not very hungry—and you
Anything will do. They don’t expect j had luncheon, didn’t you?"
Americans to dress much. They think But Warren only glowered at her, and
we all come from a sort of wild and | gave his order to the waiter by check-
woolly West. AH they want is our j Ing off with his pencil some of the
An Expert ’s Advice of How This Famous Dance Can Be Purged of All
. Objectionable. Features.
money.
"Well, I don't think we’ve got so
much," laughed Helen. "Not enough to
go to a place where they don't price
their food."
"Guess we can stand it for once. Hur
ry up—It’s almost 7."
dishes with the longest and, as Helen
thought, most expensive looking French
names.
"Now, see here," when the waiter had
gone, "this isn’t so bad as you think.
The theory of this Is that they charge
In proportion to what you order. For
A tittle later they left the hotel. Out- instance. If you only have a roast and a
side Warren raised his cane at a pass
ing taxi
Warren Determined.
"Of course we’ve got to have a cah,’^
impatiently, as Helen made her usual
protest. "It’s the only way you can
get to that place Now, you leave this
to me We’re going to Armenonville’s
to-night, end we’re going to do the
thing right. Hang the expense!"
When Warren started out in this spir
it Helen knew it was useless to try to
curb him. He was in the mood to spend
money—and he was going to spend it.
She leaned back in the cab with a sigh
of resignation.
But as this was Helen’s first drive
through the Champs Elysees, she soon
forgot everything else in the beauty of
the scene.
* Under the trees, along the drive, were
chairs and tables, mostly deserted now
But from the gay gowns of the few peo
ple who still lingered Helen could im
agine what it must have been an hour
earlier.
"I’ll not have the time, but you ought
to come out to the Bois some afternoon
for tea." suggested Warren. "Nothing
like it in the world. There’s Armenon
ville’s through there," pointing to a
mass of brilliant lights glimmering
through a grove of trees.
Cabs, taxies and victorias were lined
up three and four abreast in the wide
graveled driveways before this famous
rest a u rant.
"Bui we’re not going to keep this
taxi?" asked Helen anxiously, as they
waited their turn to draw up before the
entrance
"That’s Just what we’re going to do,"
snapped Warren. "We’ll not take any
chances of getting one when we’re
through.”
To order dinner from an unpriced
menu, and to feel that a taxi was in
dustriously ticking up the francs—the
evening held little prospect of* pleasure
for Helen.
Warren led the way through the spa
cious hallway to the garden beyond.
The place was like fairyland, with banks
of red geraniums, a gleaming fountain,
and ropes of colored lights festooned
through trees and shrubbery. There
must have been a hundred or more
tables on the lawn, yet all were taken,
and a group of people were waiting.
"You stay here." Warren strode off
determinedly after a head waiter.
Helen's gaze followed him anxiously
LIFE'S STRUGGLE
WITH ILLNESS
Miss Stewart Tells How She
Suffered from 16 to 45 years
old—How Finally Cured.
EUPHEMIA, OHIO. -"Because of
total ignorance of how to care for
myself when verging into woman- ;
hood, and from taking cold when go
ing to school, 1 suffered from a dis
placement, and each month I had se-
Vere%pains and nausea which always
meant a lay-off from work for two
to four days from the time I was
16 years old.
"I went to Kansas to live with my
sister, and while there a doctor tol l
me of the Pinkham remedies but I d1.1
not use them then as my faith in
patent medicine was limited. After,
my sister died 1 came home to Ohio
to live and that has been my home
for the last 18 years.
"The Change of Life came when 1 i
was 47 years old, and about this time
1 saw my physical condition plainly I
described in one of your advertise
ments. Then 1 began using Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, and
I ran not tell you or any one the
relief it gave me in the first three
months. It put me right where I
need not lay off every month, an!
during the last IS years I have n c
paid out two dollars to a doctor, and .
have been blessed with excellent
health for a woman of my age, and I
can thank Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege
table Compound for it
“Since the
I have been a maternity nurse, and
being wholly self-supporting I can
not overestimate the value of good .
health. I have now earned a com
fortable little honu* just by - win;
and nursing sin- e I w as 52 vars nM. j
I have recommended the C<>m; ound .o (
many with good results, as it is ■<-
ceilent to take before and child
birth.**—Miss Evelyn Adeli.t Stewart. '
Euphemia, Ohio.
If you want special advice write
to Lydia E Pinkham Medicine Co.
(confidential), L»nn. Maes. Your let
I be opened, read and an- I
rd by a woman and held in strict j
salad, you pay more proportionately for
those two dishes than you would if you
had four or five. That's fair enough."
"Well, if that’s their method, then
why don’t they put down the prices and
deduct a certain percentage when you
order a number of things? Wouldn’t
that he a good idea for any restaurant?
Think how much more people would
order if they felt they were getting a
discount."
"Huh! Sort of on the principle of
five cents apiece, six for a quarter!”
grinned Warren.
"But don’t you see people WOULD
order more," insisted Helen, growing en
thusiastic over her idea. "I’m sure any
of the big New York restaurants would
coin money on that plan."
"Better try to sell ’em the idea when
I you get back," scoffed Warren. "They
might pay you something for it.”
"Well, they might!” defiantly.
[ Just then a striking beauty, in a
clinging white gown and a drooping
leghorn hat with red popples, uwept by,
leaving a trail of perfume.
"Dear, some of the gowns ABE beau
tiful," mused Helen, now giving hersell
up to a study of the place
A Pretty Girl.
"Not a bad-looking girl over there in
yellow," commented Warren.
"I was just going to speak of her—
j that’s the most WONDERFUL gown!"
The girl was dark ami slender, with
j heavy brown hair drawn low into a sim
ple coil on her neck. Her dress was of
j pale yellow chiffon, with brown fringe;
her hat of the same chiffon was
wreathed with yellow-pctaled, brown
eyed daisies, and the streamers of
brown velvet ribbon were knotted un
der her chin
Most of the hats had either ties or
streamers, with the trimming placed at
some daring angle. While they must
have looked very extreme In the shop
windows, they were charming on the
women who wore them.
"After all, the French women DO
know how to wear their clothes."
"The ones you see here ought to,"
was Warren’s comment. "That’s about
their only Job."
"Dear, I haven't any idea what I’m
eating.'' Helen exclaimed suddenly.
"Well, it's good, isn’t it? That's
sweetbread with truffles and wine sauce,
en c&ssdrole one of their specialties
here. Only place in Paris you can get
it like this."
But to Helen the food was alwuys
secondary to the atmosphere of the
place and the people. And now she ab
sent-mindedly ate her dihner, intent
upon the scene about her.
"A woman never has any palate,"
grumbled Warren. "This dish is a work
of art. There's a smoothness and fla
vor to this sauce that you wouldn't get
anywhere else in the world. But you
: don’t appreciate it! A dinner like this
; is wasted on any woman ”
"Why, dear, that Isn’t fair," indlg-
1 nantly. "I think It’s delicious, and I’m
eating every bit of it."
A Treat.
"Oh. you’re eating it, but might as
well be eating corned beef bash In a
dairy lunch room. I tell you this is a
; treat! No wonder the chef who made
1 that sauce didn't want a price put on it.
j You can’t price a thing like that any
more than you can price a rare picture,"
enthused Warren, growing eloquent un
der the influence of the vintage wine.
Even Helen forgot her dread of the
check anti became enthusiastic when
the waiter served the fruits au cham
pagne It was a tall glass dish of cut
fruit, wonderful strawberries, cherries,
pineapples and peaches floating in an
iced syrup of blended wines and cor
dials.
When later the check was brought
face down on a plate, instinctively Hel
en leaned forward to see the total. But
Warren took it up quickly, glanced over
the Items, drew a crisp note from his
wallet and laid It over the check. Helen
was not familiar enough with French
money to know the amount of the note,
nor could she tell by the change re
turned.
‘‘Pear, how much was that check?"
unable to keep back the question.
"Well, I’ve paid it. haven’t I? And it
was a blamed good dinner. Now we’ll
have no harangues over expenses this
evening Come on let's see if we can
find that cab."
The cab! Helen had wholly forgotten
that the cab was waiting and they had
been there almost three hours!
Warren located their driver and in a
few moments they were whirling back
through the Champs Elysees, now more
beautiful than ever with the lights
gleaming through the dark trees, and
with every now and then a glimpse of
the Seine and its Jeweled bridges.
But the charm of all this was lost on
Helen She was not leaping back and
enjoying the beauty of the drive. In
stead she w»** sitting bolt upright,
every muscle strained, as she tensely
tried to figure out how much that din
ner and t^»e three hours’ wait of the
cab must, A*uvo cost.
Advice to the
Lovelorn
(Top picture) “This is a dance where shoulders count.”
(Bottom picture) “There should be a foot of space between partners.”
T
By LILIAN LAUFERTY.
aHE new school of turkey trot
ting has brought into existence
two groups of rabid partisans—
those who do the dance and know
how jolly is the dancing, and those
who look on and see how shocking Is
the prancing. And meanwhile turkey
trotting is so earnestly done that it
seems in a fair way to be done
death—and a fallow field for humor
ists will thus become sterile and bar
ren of little Jokes like the famous,
"She is more trotted against than
trotting."
In our age of specialization, tur
key trotting is not sufficiently spe
cialized, and every little freak step
that wriggles Its way Into life mas
querades under the one name or that
of some barnyard or menagerie rela -
tive. There is a brighter side to
turkey trotting; there is a possibility
of having It become a dance as weil
regulated as the two-step, and yet
free to express the true dancing joy-
of-living of the partners who merrily
whirl through its mazes.
For confirmation of this theory,
while in New York l went to Leon
Errol, the clever originator of "turk-
ish trottishness,” one of the features
of the Ziegfeld "Follies of 19111." and
with clever Stella Chatelaine, the
partner of dances and of life to help
him, Mr. Errol showed me how’ you
should and how you shouldn’t do the
"trot."
Correct Position.
"Here Is the correct position for
learning the trot." said Mr. Erroll, il
lustrating the while. "The girl places
her hands on the shoulders of h»:*
partner. The man places one hand
under the dbow of his partner and
i his bent elbow under her other arm.
j in this position ever” sway of a part
ner who knows the dance throws th»»
shoulders of the other partner into
the proper swing; not a wriggle or a
suggestive movement, but the sway-
in** to music that is the natural ex
pression used in all dances that are a
real expression of Joy set to music in
stead of conventional ballroom steps.
“If you want to see the art of danc
ing. naturally you go to see CJenee,
and you enjoy w ithout any thought of
spending years in trying to master th t «
art of dancing as she has done.
“But when you go to see the mod
ern. up-to-date dancing of the stage
you have a weather eye on learning to
do it. too —and springing a new step
at the next cabaret you favor. Here
are three things to remember about
stage dancing—it consists of tempo,
a trick step and a bit of acting to
catch the eve. In comedy dancing
like mine, the tempo is very quick —
whlrltngly rapid without n break tn
its movements, that f»lr1v pile up >n
top of one another. Then there is the
trick step worked out to be as differ
ent as possible, and flna n v the comic
element to make it po with the audi
ence.
Allow For Freedom.
"The amateur turkey trotter must
copy the first two ports of stage tur-
kev trotting, and avoid the acting iik^
grim death.
"Don’t play to the gallery—don’t do
an exaggerated step and fairly revel
in the idea that the people are looking
at you in admiring wonder. They are
probably wondering all right—how
you can be so vulgar or s«o foolish.
"Take a refined position that leaves
at least a foot of space between the
partners and allow for freedom of
motion. Holding your partner too
closely not only makes the dance sug
gestive, and gives too much chance to
the critical enemies of turkey trotting
to get in their work, but makes it
impossible for the amateur to dance
with the graceful free sway that .9
the chief beauty of turkey trotting.
“Then with a clear picture in your
mind of w’hat you want to do. work
out a s*tep. Sometimes Miss Chate
laine and I see little children dancing
to an organ grinder's tunes on the
streets—that suggests a step—and we
may spend as much as two hours* in
working out the one step.
"Turkey trotting demands a free
yet firm position that lets the part
ners work together; an absolute feel
ing for time, and ability to follow the
music without a break; the utmost
patience In working out a step, and
ability and imagination to work out
little trick steps that will add to the
mere sway that is the basis of all tur
key trotting and allied dances'.
"We must always keep in mind that
this is a dance in which shoulders
count. In the now* sedate waltz, the
position of arm-around-waist used to
be considered rather risque—well, you
don’t have to assume that position if
you are going to trot correctly. The
position I suggest—girl’s arms on
man’s shoulders, and man’s arms used
as levers under girl’s elbows, is staid,
respectable and guaranteed to pro
duce graceful rhythmical trotting.
“As in other departments of life,
and dancing." concluded Mr. Errjl,
“there is a right way and there is a
wrong way. But the right way to
turkey trot is pleasing to observe and
pleasing to do. If the amateur will
assume the position I teach and prac
tice one step at a time patiently and
in faithful effort to keep in perfect
rhythm with the music, he will soon
And himself able to do a modern
dance without a shade of vulgarity
and without a trace of amateurish ill-
at-easeness.”
1
Litt
e Bobbie’s .
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.
Pa
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
NOT WORTH YOUR WORRY.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am 18 and recently met a
young man about the same age.
He made quite an Impression
upon me and w*> have met by ap
pointment a few times. Last
w'eek I happened to misunder
stand a date the young man made
in his letter and disappointed him.
Now he is angry, and although I
tried to exnlaln the matter to
him, he will not believe my ex
cuse. I am quite heartbroken
over it. RAY.
Your humble attitude doesn't do
you credit. You did no wTong and
owed neither apology nor explanation.
Please, for your own sake, let the
matter end here, and if he attempts
to see you, refus'
THERE COULD BE NO OBJEC
TION.
Dear MIsb Fairfax:
I am 16, and have a friend two
years my senior. His birthday is
quite near and I w’ould like to
know if it Is proper for me to
send him a birthday card, so as
to let him know I think of him.
ANXIOUS.
A cordial little note, wishing him
many happy returns, will prove your
friendship.
You are so young; will you promise
me to regard no man as more than
a friend for a few years longer?
CERTAINLY NOT.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am deeply in love with a
young man 21 years old. T meet
him often and he gives me hints
that he loves me. but he also tells
me he hasn’t courage to propose.
Now please tell me how I should
act. Should I tell him that I love
him or not? HILDA.
The girl worth having is worth ask
ing for. Tell him so the next time
he hints. Also hint that there are
other men not quite so slow*. But
save your avowal of love until he
has earned It.
THE DIFFERENCE IMMATERIAL.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am in love with girl four
years my senior, which difference
in our ages seems to stand be
tween us. I have tried in every
was possible to convince her of
my love, but so far have not suc
ceeded. I do not believe I can ever
be happy without her. E.
You do not state your age. If you
are old enough to marry, her four
years seniority should be no bar.
I am convinced she refuses you be
cause she does not love you. Be per
sistent in your devotion, and if that
does not melt her heart, try giving
your atentlon to some other girl.
CERTAINLY.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am eighteen and am keeping
company with a young man for
the past year. Now this young
man’s folks live out of town and
invited me to their home. Should
I accept their invitation? A. B. S.
If the invitation is from his mother
I would have you accept by all
means. It will mean a great deal to
your future happiness to get on good
terms with them, and the visit may
give you an enlightening view of your
lover. I hope it will prove favor
able.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
, One Woman’s Story .
Ey VIRGINIA TERHUNE VAN DE WATER
"1 T TE got a other new’ white hired
YY gurl, her naim is Vera Ma sed
it is a pritty naim, but I think
it Is a funny naim fdr a hired gurl.
Hired gurls used to be called Bridget
& Nora & thav was good hired gurls.
too. But things is different now. The
last three hired gurls we had was
Marguerite & Sylvia & Belladonna, &
now we have Vera. She Is vary pritty.
Pa sed she had dreemy eyes & Ma
sed it was from sleeping too sound
that her eyes was dreemy.
Vera is ritelng a play. She wuddent
tell Pa & Ma that she was ritelng it,
but she toald me so I promised her
that I wuddent say a word to Pa &
Ma. The naim of the play is Alone
in Milledgeville, & it tells about a
butiful young gurl that fell in luv
with a keeper in the Milledgeville in
sane asilum. He was a vilyun. The
gurl goes to Milledgeville to see him
beekaus he had toald her that ne
owned a grate big estate. He took the
I gurl to the asilum & toald her that
I all the insane peepul thare was his
! servants. She beleeved him at first
land then the horribel truth dawns 1
on her. Then she sed in poetry to
the vilyun:
You hare me at pure merry here
Of that thare ain't no doubt:
I think I shall go bughouse, deer,
If you d</n't git me out.
rd rather be a peasant's bride
d house keep in a hut
Than wed a t hump in this here dump
tf get to be a nut.
Then Vera toald me that finished
the first act. The curtain goes down
wen she is reading them lines to the
vilyun. The second act Is the saim
as the first, in the asilum. One of the
pashunts thare isent crazy at all. he
Is a rich young man wlch Li beeins
kep in thare so his relatives can git
all his munny. He falls In luv with
the poor gurl wich is being held
thare by the vilyun & tells her that
they will find some way to escape.
She looked up into his eyes ree-
sited a other peece of poetry. Sh»
was all the time reesiting poetry ah
rote, Vera toald me. Vera sed tha
the longer the heroine stayed in th*
asilum the moar poetry nhe rote. Sh<
looked up into the eyes of the her*
& reesited.
Oh yes, I will tty away with you
And marry you for luv.
Yurc munny all can stay with you.
I have no use for it, duv.
But what if you mite be insane
i( not what you representt
Then to this place J wud return
rf be sorry l ever had went.
If you are reel]/ sane, my own.
Our lives will pleasant be.
But if sum nitc I 9 *d heer you groan
I'd hide away from thee
ft is a awful, haunting feer
To feer one's husband t# dippy,
i(- if I ever sec you thus
I'll jump in the Mississippi.
The last act isent finished yet, Vers
toald me. She is pritty smart for
a hired gurl. She says wen she git:
rich I can marry her wen I grov
up.
On Fancy’s Wings.
A sweet young thing in white flut
tered toward the aeroplane mechanic,
and resolutely took possession of him,
asking all those usual senseless ques
tions that now have become the com
mon lot of aviators and their assist
ants.
But this particular assistant—and
w'ho can wonder; was not the sweet
young thing in white a damsel quite
adorable? -strove bravely to satisfy
the curiosity of his fair inquirer; and
explained with remarkable clearness
the w'orking of a monoplane.
Still, there is a limit even to th
patience shown by susceptible mar
toward charming maid.
"Tell me," inquired the sw’eet younp
thing in w’hite, "what happens wher
your engine stops in th© air? Can’t
you come clown?"
"That’s just the trouble," sighe<
the mechanic, mastered by his sense
of the ridiculous. “D’you know*, then
are a dozen or so airmen now strand
ed above France. Their engines have
stopped; they cant get down, anr 1
they are starving to death!"
Later she learned the truth. S<
ended what might have been a ro
CHAPTER XV.
HERE is a numbing quality to
all sudden and great sorrow.
Psychologists tell us that the
mind is so dazed by the shock of grief
that it can not grasp the fearful truth
in all its details. Whatever causes this
partial insensibility, we are thankful
for it.
Mary Dan forth was like one stunned
during the days that followed her fath
er’s death. She listened in stony si
lence while the facts of his seizure
were related to her. He had come up
from the office, and after dinner dressed
to go to her graduation exercises, but
had dropped to the floor as he started
to leave the apartment, and in five
minutes stopped breathing. He had
never regained consciousness.
This was no time for subterfuges, and
Mrs. Danforth was soon made acquainted
with the state of affairs between her
daughter and Gordon Graig. She was
told that no formal engagement existed,
but that the pair loved each other and
were going to wait for each other until
such time as they were ready to mar
ry. The bereaved wife, made suddenly
old by the great sorrow* of her life,
clung to the young man, and sobbed
out her woe and her trust In him.
"I have found a son," she said at
last. "God bless you, dear boy!"
Craig bent his tall head to kiss her
pale cheek. "I shall try to be worthy
of your daughter," he whispered, "and
of your confidence in me."
He remained in New York for a week.
The changes in his business, of w'hich
he told Mary, would keep him from the
road hereafter, another , man having
been deputed to travel for his firm,
while he was to remain at the home of
fice.
"Hard times have hit us as well as
the rest of the world.” he acid regret
fully. "and matters do not look as
bright as they did. But I shall stick to
one job and shall hope for a salary that
will warrant my marrying in a year or
two. Heaven speed the time!"
And Mary was not ashamed to add a
sincere "Amen!” to this hope.
It was on the day after the funeral
that the mother and the daughter
learned that, added to the loss of hus
band and father, another trouble had
befallen them. Investigation of Mr.
Danforth’s affairs brought to light the
fact that his business was in a desper
ate condition and that he had lived right
up to his income. His lawyer told the
two women the painful truth that when
the funeral expenses were paid and a
few bills that Mr. Danforth had con
tracted were settled the pair would be
well-nigh penniless except for a small
life insurance the deceased had carried
in favor of his wife.-
"Your husband took that Western trip
on the chance of saving the day," the
lawyer explained to the widow. "He
hoped to put a business deal through out
there, but he failed. I think the disap
pointment. coupled with the dread of
what was before him, hastened his
death."
"He did it all for us," Mary told
Craig. "He lived just to make us hap
py. He wanted us to have a pretty
home and all that we wanted, and he
could not bear to tell us that we must
part with these things. Now I can see
why he was taken from us. It would
have broken his h'art had he lived to
I ’ see us lose w’hat v. > have been accus
tomed to."
Mary spoke firmly, yet gently. "I am
going to work, mother,” she asserted.
"No, do not look distressed at the idea!
It is what father would wish—what he
always told me 1 must be prepared to do
if the need arose."
"It will not be for long," Craig re
minded thp mother. "I hope that mat
ters will go so well with me that I car
come for you and Mary soon. Then we
three will have a little home of our
own."
"I could not accept it even from Gor
don," remarked Mrs Danforth later to
her daughter, “if I did not have that in
surance money of my own."
The daughter said nothing. She
could not bear to tell her unsophisticated
mother what a little way tlie money, of
w’hich she spoke so confidently, would
go. The income from it would not sup
port one woman, no matter how eco
nomical she might be, and the girl
.new the principal would be drawn upon
gradually until It was all gone. And
then?
"I will be able to support her my
self," she thought bravely. "She shall
use as little of her own money as pos
sible. I would not want her to be en
tirely dependent upon Gordon—even
hough he is willing to care for her. I
t get to work at once."
The place she secured was not a bril
liant one, but she had not expected that
it would be. She was engaged as ste-
nograpner and typewriter to a kindly,
middle-aged real estate agent. He had
a small office and her salary matched
the office. But what else could a be
ginner hope for?
Thus it came about that when Gor
don Craig turned his face westward
again he knew that the girl he loved
was the sole dependence of her widowed
mother. His heart ached when he re
membered that the pretty home must
be given up, and the handsome furniture
sold—except such pieces as the two
lonely women would need to furnish the
tiny fiat they would take in an unfash
ionable part of town. He longed to stay
and help them.
"But my job won’t wait for me!" he
mattered with a bitter sign. *Tf I were
only rich!"
Which exclamation is such a common
one that It is hardly worth recording.
Up-to-Date Jokes
Barber—Poor Jim has been sent to
an asylum.
Victim (in the chair)—Who is Jim?
“Jim is my twin brother, sir. Jim
has long- been brooding over the hard
times, an’ I suppose he finally got
crazy."
“Ts that so?"
"Yes. He and me has worked side
by side for years, and we were so
alike we couldn’t tell each other
apart. We both brooded, too. No
money in this business now'.”
“What’s the reason?"
"Prices too low. Unless a customer
takes a shampoo it doesn’t pay to
shave or hair-cut. Poor Jim! I
caught him trying to cut a custo
mer's throat because he refused a
shampoo, so I had to have the poor
fellow locked up. Makes me sad.
Sometimes I feel sorry I didn't let
him slash all he wanted to. It might
have saved his reason. Shampoo,
sir?"
“Yes!”
* • •
It was Pat's first day In the saw
mill, and his duties consisted of
working the circular saw. The fore
man directed him as to Its use, then
left him in order to attend to some
pressing matter. Having occasion,
however, to pass Pat’s way again, he
was somewhat annoyed to see him
standing idly surveying his hand.
“Well, what’s wrong?" he said
sharply.
“Sure and begorra I've lost a fin
ger,” replied Pat.
“How did it happen?" inquired the
foreman.
"Sure, I was Jlst doin' like this
when—bejabbers! There's anither one
off!”
• • •
The daughter of the house had Just
returned from a visit to her cousins,
during which she had become engaged
to a rising young man whom she had
met at the home of her relatives. To
her mother she was extolling the vir
tues of her intended.
"Oh. mother," she exclaimed, "he's
just grand! So square, so upright,
so highly polished. Why, even in his
notes there Is such a sympathetic tone
that sometimes I wonder if I am not
reading the music of the gods!”
"Mercy’s sake, child!" interrupted
mother, "are you talking about a
young man or a piano?”
• * *
“I want you to put up some wall
paper I have bought," said the coun
try clergyman, meeting the local
man-of-all-work. "When can you do
it?"
"Well, sir,” he exclaimed, "you see,
I’m rather busy just now. i hung
Mrs. S yesterday; I'm hanging
your church warden to-day; but, if
it’s convenient, I’ll drop round and
hang your reverence on Wednesday."
c;
Yii
Excused.
Bob—Will you take a ticket in this
raffle for a poor widow
Simp—Nix. I wouldn’t have an.\
use for a poor widow if 1 won.
$1,000
Reward
Offered
for every ounce of
adulteration or in
ferior grade cof
fee found in a
sealed can of Max
well House Blend.
Ask yovrr grocer for it.
Cheek Neal
Cof ee Co.
Nashville
Houston
Jacksonville
Low round trip fares
North and West
Commencing June let and daily thereafter round trip
ticket* over the Louisville & Nashville Railroad will
be sold at greatly reduced fares to all the principal
lake, mountain and sea shore resorts and to many of the larger
cities in the North and West. These tickets will be good
returning until October 31st, and bear liberal stop-over privi
leges. Round trip fares from Atlanta are
Cincinnati $19.50
Charlevoix 38.08
Chautauqua Lake Pts. 34.30
Chicago 30.00
Colorado Springs 47.40
Denver - 47.40
Detroit - 29.00
French Lick Springs 21.70
Indianapolis 22.80
Louisville ............ 18.00
Mackinac Island 39.50
Mammoth Cave $17.40
Marquette 45.70
Milwaukee. 31.75
Minneapolis 43.20
Niagara Falls 35.85
Petoskey . 38.08
Put In Bay 28.00
Salt Lake City 60.40
St. Louis ...... 25.60
Toronto 38.20
Yellowstone Park 67.60
These are bat ft few of the points. There are a groat many others and we will he pleased
to give fall information upon application. Proportionately low fares from other points
in Georgia.
Let Us Arrange Your Vacation Trip
CITY TICKET OFFICE
punvre ' Atlanta 178
4 Teach'St. FH0N£S i B«U - 1088 ATLANTA