Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

6 E TTEARST’R SUNDAY AMEUTGAN, ATLANTA, OA., SUNDAY. AUGUST 31, 1013. “Dan Cupida, De Boss of Love 5 * By Leo Carrillo, Favorite Vaudeville Comedian Copyright, iin*. tb« ^l*r Company. Utmi Hrltaln Rights BenerrrtL. D EES time I gonna tole you ’bout dls gran' teeng whatta everybod’ ketch In his system, later or so soon. What I gonna spring on you Is LOVE—da divine pagu! Everybod' getta da love some time, an' he break out lak da measles, only some time some peepla have tougha skin. Da boss of love Is a leetla angel, called Dan Cupida. Bo smarta littla geek you no know. He's gotta da Broadway wlsa guy beeta forta tousan ways, and belleva me, he's gotta trouble of hts own. Lova is a game much older dan da seven-up or pinochla. Dan Cupida lnventa da game, an’ causa all da troubla what we got In dees world to-day. One time, so long ago you forget, a skirta name Venus—she want da excite, so she get up da big six-day race on da foot. Everybod' run In dat race. All droppa out but two tougha guys—Achilles an' William Telia. Dey getta ready for da beega dash. Da one who wina da last sprint wlna da prize—a gold appla, heavy lak anyteengs. Venus, she putty wise, an’ she looka out for da doubla cross—no can trust nobod’. So she sen’ for a beeg duda call Paris. Paris, he’s a purty guy. Best looka fellow what you never see but terribla four-flusha. Venus she mak Paris da stakehold and Judga of da race. Paris, he's all puffa up, cause dees lob brings him rights to da front where all da girls can see him. He call up da two fast runners an' mak da beeg speech, and tella dem not to make troubla—no cheats. "Dees race to be on da levla an may da bests man win da golds ap,” he say. "Shoot It all—say whenu,” dey shonta to Paris. Now all dees time, Dan Cupida ees walkin’ round an' he's looka vet" wise. He keepa da eye on Paris an da golda ap He smoka da beeg cigar and he's gotta da twlnkla In da eye. Blmeby he stroll right up in front of Paris on da starta line. "Ona da mark!” call Paris. Achlll and William Telia set for da big spring, but Paris never say da word, ''Go!” Just as he’s gone say it, Dan Cupida shout, "Don't hit dat guy with dat cluba—fulls da big nalla!” Poor Paris falla for da bunk. He’s turn ’round so queeck da golda ap fall out his hand an' whata you teenk? Dan Cupida reach down an' grahba da gold ap n’ run lak anyteengs He’s mak a bullet look lak da fas' mall on da Erie. , How so fas' Dan run I dunno. ITe keep looka over da ghoul'. All da time he see big band of pawnbrokes what leada da chase. Dan Is littla fellow an’ soon he’s getta purty wlnda. He’s tak look again. Da pawnbrokes still leada. Dan say: "Whata da use—beesness ees beesness—I stoppa right now." Rig crowd rush up, and Dan he’s getta right down to da biz. Joosta hees getta da good propozeesh, Weelyum Telia he’s bust through da gang an' grabba Cupida by da throat , Cupida looka wise once more. "Lookn here, Weelyum, you pretty good skata. I'm gona go flfty-flff with you on da golda ap.” "Im from Weesconsln—you gotta give me da look,” say Tella. He’s try ketcha Dan’s goats but Dan only smile lak anyteeng. “Where ees Achilles?” say Dan. "On da Jobba." say a voice, an' Achlll elbow da pawnbrokes all over da lot. "Well, looka here, young fellow,” say Dan, "I gonna give you one chance to breaka even, too. As da thlnga stand, I gotta da golda ap. I gona keep him If I can, but I give you J “So Dan he’s j?etta rijfht on da job, an’ he’s been shoola—shoota —shoota—shoota all de time ever since.” da chance. Wo draw da straw, and da one who getta da shortest one must go stan’ un der da tree with da golda ap on da head. Da other two will shoota at da ap. Da one who hits da ap first will keep It for himself.’’ So Willie an’ Achlll say: "Dan, go so far what you lak, you doan look laka da crook. We tak your words.” So dey draw da straw. Achlll he's getta first pick an’ whatta you teenk? He’s pulla out da leetle one! ■'Sacramento Chincon!” yella Achlll, "Whatta bum luck!” So Wlllyum Tella an' Dan Ouplda dey draw da bow an’ arrow an' getta ready for da big turkey shoot. Dan he's have da big rep for da shoot with da bow an’ arrow. He say to Tella: "Go to It, Bill, I give you firsts chance." “Bill he's tak good aim an’ — Oh, chan go epangetto!—he MI8S!! Wlsa Dan! Doan he know Tella ees da bum shot? Everbod' he’s cheer when Dannie come up to da scratch. He so cool what I dunno. He’s tak da puff of da cigar an’ den he's lay him down on da grass. Then he’s tak slow aim- zip—he’s letta fly and hltta da—he's no hltta da ap—no he’s hltta poor Achlll right through da hearta! Some smarta peepla gone tell you Dan hltta Achlll In de gee stringa of his heela, but I putta you wlsa righta now. He hita Achlll right through da heart so sick I never see a man looka! He's squatta down an' holda his side. Venus she getta tip an’ shs come on da run queeok. She see Achlll with da harpoon In his alatta, so she kneel down an' holda him in her arms. Righta way ahe getta stuok on Achlll. Shs call on da gods to sava him an’ dey taka da tip an mak Achlll sit up lak a new man. Venus she so glada she call Dan over an’ say: "You mak me putty sore, Dan, but now dear Achlll he’s all fine and dan da, so I forglva you. In honor of dls teeng, I gonna mak you knight of da bow an’ arrow. Every time *pu ping anyone it will be a casa of— I’ll call It LOVA, for it was you, Dannie, whata made me fall for deesa guy here.” Den she putta da wreatha da spage tt ‘rerun’ Dan’s necka. So Dan he’s getta right on da Job, an he’s been shoota—shoota—Shoota—- shoota all da time ever since. You can tell when Dan has hltta da spot, because da fel low he hltta looka ver’ dopa an’ silly. When a fellow Is In lova you can tell righta way quick. He's always have da shine on da shoe, on da nails, on da hair, an’ a box chociatta under da arm. Da harpoon doan stick in da alatta but he’s dere. HASHIMURA TOGO—Domestic Scientist- By WALLACE IRWIN T HE Japanese boy-of-all-work finds that the usual pet name for American hus bands is “Don’t.” Published by Permission of GOOD HOUSEKEEPING MAGAZINE. H ON. MR.: At home of Mrs. Washington Fillups where 1 was employed as recently as 3 days of yore I obtain many chances to observe some ladles when they cull. One day Mrs. Oliver Hix approach & make ring ring in front door which 1 oped to permit her In. I notice she was displayed very sty lishly with calling-card appearance. Her goldy hair contained one (1) velvet hat of extreme blackness and her dress was all surrounded with fringes like a piano-cover or like that Indian costume of Hon. Buffalo Bill. "Are Mrs. Fillups to home?” she Inquire prldefully poking forth her name with card. "She are,” I report. "Yet I must go to see If she will acknowledge It” Hon. Mrs. Fillups were up In sewing-room mending sox with considerable darn. When I told her who was there she report, "Her again?" Then she dust off her nose, reorgan ize her hairpins and trot downward to where Mrs. Hlx waB. Kles-kisB heard. Joy shrieks. Conversations In soprano duet. It was my duty to massage off the mahogany furniture In dining-room annexed to parlor, so how could I avoid overhearing what they said? 1 did not attempt to do so, however much I tried. It was my duty to polish that furniture In dining-room, so there I was. If ladles can not keep their conversations hushed servants cannot make their ears behave. TMb Is human- natural. After dls-cnsslng toplcks like baby, coal bills & other luxuries, they commenced gossiping about some articles of furniture I could not understand. Their voices was so Interrupted I could not catch-all, but this Is what I heard: Mrs. Hlx say: "I permit mine to set In par lor when company comes. This Is most ostenta tious place." From this I thought she was talking about a piano. "1 move mine Into library every night after dinner," revoke Mrs. Fillups. "He are too smoky for parlor.” From that I supposed she was talking about a stove. "1 have had mine for ten continuous years," say Mrs. Hlx saddlshly, "and from experience I am sure they are all alike. No use to be neat and tidy when they are there. They will not stay put like other furniture. Set them In one place and you will find they have moved somewhere else. Dust seems to collect where- ever they stand. 7^ > ”1 have never seen one that could make a baby comfortable. Neither are they able to hold a newspaper without dropping It careless ly here & there," report Mrs. Hlx with saddish grone of despair. "And yet strange thing," Interject Mrs. Fil lups, "how useless home would seem If It did not contain one!” Mrs. Fillups and Mrs. Hix now make whisper with hissy voices. 1 could not hear, although both my ears stood endwise with excitement. I wish folks would not be so Becretlve when they have secrets! Copyright. IBIS, by the Stax Company. Great Britain Klshta Keserved. Pretty soonly Hon. Hlx Lady make uprising and depart off. More kiss-kiss ceremony. She go. Then she step back and say more. She go again, but come back for an encore. More conversations containing secretive talk. Ladies Is always thus-—they tell all the Important news In the postscript. Pretty soonly she was gone entirely. I step forth to Mrs. Fillups. "Do you not require that I should know all peculiarities about your furniture?” 1 ask It. "Absolutely everything," she outcry. All well then,” 1 renig. "There Is some thing I wish to know what. In recent con versation which I overheard accidently while standing at a key-hole, I hear you speak about one article of furniture which I am not familiar of. By the way you de scribe it, it sets In par lor like piano until it begins smoking like a stove; then you move it to library, where It holds baby like a cradle and supports a news paper like a table I When you set it any wheres It moves nerv ously from room to room, dropping dust like a elephant It is a failure at everything around the house, yet you say so that no home Is complete with out one. What kind of a connundrum are you talking about, please?" S’) "My husband,” report Mrs. Fillups, as she elope away. This husband belonging to Mrs. Fillups are quite a large gentleman. I am not 6Ure if hus band ooraes In regular sizes, but I should think Hon. Fillups was abut size 46. It are delicious ly difficult to housekeep him. Mrs. Fillups spend all day-long cleaning up after his departure and preparing for his next visitation. Her favorite pet name for him is "Don’t.” • When he encroach home by evening train she meets him on her door-mat with cheerful smiling. Yet she has got her watch eye open for his uncivilized ways. "Don’t track snow on rug, dearie. Don’t wear rubbers In house. DON’T leave them on front steps like a tenement.” Hon. Fillups are one of those husbands which begins to obey orders after the damage is done. "Darling, don’t leave it on sofa,” she report when he remove off hat & coat "Don’t lay cigars on mahogany table, & DON'T whistle In house.” When he make wash-hand ceremony she say, "Don’t dry your thumbs on clean towels!” "What are clean towels for?” he ask sad- dishly. "I hang them in bathroom to show company how extravagant we are with our laundry,” rejolnt Mrs. Fillups. "In this era of hard times towels are not made merely to be used.” Dinner Is served. At Hon. Table where they set there she resume conversation. "Don’t tip soup plate In eating it,” she report cow-cat- tishly. Don’t stand up while carving mutton. Don't eat salad with oyster fork!” When dinner Is completely finished Hon. Fillups promenade In direction of parlor. His teeth now contains one enlarged tobacco pipe of sunburned appearance. "Don't!!” holla Hon. Mrs. with ghost-voice. "The parlor must be saved from that pipe. I have prepared the library for your comfort, where you can set among the books you love and read the newspapers. There you can do what you like and feel homeful.’’ So he continue through the evening, setting In his cuff-sleeves, smudging his pipe and looking very misfit. Last Wednesday morning when he was de parting off for his office he says with hopes: “I shall bring college friend Charlie Stringer home for dinner, If convenient" "Don't!" she say continuously. "For why?” he ask out “Because,” she snigger. "Wednesday are Irish stew night, and we are scarce on this economical vegetable. Sifflcient for three are less than enough,” "Oh then!” he report "Charlie and me shall dine together at the Runabout Club, where hasty food can be obtained abundantly day and night." “Don’t!" besearoh Mrs. Fillups. Too late for reply. That evening by late P. M. that dinner plate for Mr. Fillups set lonesome. Mrs. Fillups re main by table weeping Into bill-of-fare. "Why do you weep?” I require at lengthly. "He will not return home for meals when I do everything for his comfort!” she sub. "Mrs. Madam, excuse my chivalry, but I must speak a lecture,” I say forth, "if yon would be less careful of his comfort, maybe he would be more comfortable. Many husbands quit home because It Is too beautiful. I realize that they do not know wbat Is best for them. They are cross-eyed in their Intelligence. Yet are It not better to permit them to be miserable In their own way, If this makes them happy? You must remember: Husbands should not bs furniture for their home—Home should be furniture for the Husband. 1 speak this be cause I saw It." "Elsewhere Is best place for such a wise ser vant!” snlb Mrs. Fillups leaping to her feets. Bo I project myself away feeling quite ab sorbed like a sponge. Hoping you are the same, Yours truly, HASHIMTTRA TOGO. Sparkles from the Diamond H i Does a Hen Cross the Road? 1KT ^..4; yy U Alt TWtrC JOMf J TXHO T*t GtfOCC *4 fl>GV ME TOl* THtlClMAN ' AMD TW11ICtHAW TOID Mr! tvWJT CdUPNT YOU, fEINE ZIMMERMAN Is a great admirer of Johnny Evers, his manager, and also of johnny’s gray matter. The Cub manager once faced Howard Camnitz in the batting box, and Howard came close to "beaning” the industrious Trojan. Frank Schulte warned Johnny not to stand so close to the plate. "Look out, Johnny; he'll crack you on the head.” Several other Chicago players warned Evers against being thumped on the head. Zimmerman blurted out from the bench: "Nevermind, Johnny; let him hit you on the head. If he does, I’U go out on the field and pick up some of your scattered brains and be the wisest player in the league.” B ALL players are unanimous In walk In the world- Fred Merkle la the latest member of the brig ade which is a unit In declaring that the longest stitch of ground Copyright. ISIS, by th« Star Company. ever covered is from the plate to the bench after striking out when a hit might have turned the tide of battle. Merkle struck out twice the other day, and when he returned to the bench the Becond time Matty taunted Fred by asking him If the walk wasn't the long est he ever took. Merkle agreed, and added: "That’s one time when a player doesn't know what to do with his hands and feet." rpHE ever popular Mike Donlin, one-time captain and star slugger of the champion Giants, like every sport notable, has a fa vorite yarn. This Is Mike’s: “Two negro convicts were dis cussing modern and anolent meth ods of exterminating murderers. One load of coal said: “‘I doan like that ol' time stunt of hangln' a guy; that’s rough neck work.’ “ ’Well, how'd you shuffle ’em off?’ Inquired the other. " Tut in favor of lectrick Ur—4 Britain tttghta It— rrral. chair. It woiks smooth like glass and neber musses you up.’ “‘No, it doan hurt much,’ re plied the other dark cloud. 'Only ruins yo; dat’s all.’ ” «Y C and when Quigley picked up th» small whlskbroom to dust off the plate, one disgusted “fan” yelled: "Use your head on it, Quigley.” “Don’t you do it,” yelled back another; “you'll scratch It.” r OD haven’t made a base hit in sixteen seasons!" roared a fan to old Billy Gilbert one day, when the score was 4 to 1 against the Giants and every base was occupied by a New York player. As an echo to the remark came the crack of Gilbert’s bat, and as the ball went over ths fence and Gilbert came in with the winning run, the tan was heard to exclaim in no uncertain tones: "Never again!” TJDRING Umpire Quigley’s stay ^ at Ebbet’s Field a few weeks ago, he gave some decisions which made him very unpopular with the crowd. On one occasion he de clared a runner out at third and deprived the Brooklyn team of a chance to score. The decision called forth a storm of protests and uncqmpUmantary remlrks. TALES TOLD BY OUR OWN JOKESMITHS The Object of It. Mrs. Crawford—I don’t see howl you could join such a club whemyoa don’t see the object of It Mrs. Crabshaw—You see, dear, 15 meets Mondays, and that’s the onl>. day In the week I had no plac» to go. t Consanguinity. "There seems to be a strange affinity between a darky and a chick en. 1 wonder why?” said Jones, "Naturally enough," replied Baown. “One Is descended from Ham»and the other from eggs.” ( Her Vendeta. Mrs. Tiptop—I am sorry yotWwerei not at my reception last eventog. Mrs. Highup (coldly)—I received, no invitation. Mrs. Tiptop (with affected anr- prise)—Indeed? It must have mis carried. I had among my guest* three foreign counts. Mrs. Highup—So that Is where they were? I desired to engage them last evening to wait at table at our card-party supper, but the employment agent told me theytwere out. Mad Wag. Teacher (reading aloud)—Hh» weary sentinel leaned on his gun and stole a few moments' sleep.” “I bet I know where he stole it from.” j "Where, Dotr S , "From his ‘nap'-sack." I A youth was forbidden the priv ilege of calling upon the daughter of a very prosperous farmer. Upon the pretext of "fixing'’ his automobile, he spent an hour or more at the farmer's gate. Calling the maid-ofr all-work, the farmer asked, “Why does that jackass linger so long?" The girl said: "Oh, sir, there la something wrong with the carbu reter." "That might be,” snapped the farmer, "but there Is nothing the matter with the prevaricatorf" Proximity Meant Safety, In spite of his well-known poor- marksmanship, a certain Englishman was invited to the country for a day’s shooting. The attendant in great disgust witnessed miss after- miss. “Dear me,” at last exclaimed the sportsman, "but the birds seem ex ceptionally strong on the wing this 1 year! ” “Not all of ’em, sir,” came the remark. “You’ve shot at the same bird this last dozen times. ’E’s fol- lering you about, sir.” "Why?” asked the sportsman. "I dunno, sir, I’m sure,” replied the man, “unless ’e’s ’anging round for safety.” A G(h)astly Mistake. “I’m going down to the gas comp a-- ny’s office to have a row,” he re marked. “Why, have they overcharged! you?” “I should think they have. My house was shut up all last quarter, and yet here’s a Mil half as large again as the previous quarter, ni see them hanged before I pay a penny of it. The robbers!" Four hours later they again met “Well,” the overcharged man was asked, “did you kick up a row down at the gas office?” "No, not exactly; I had Intended . to, but ” "They bluffed you?" “I wasn't exactly bluffed.* "You told ’em your house had been closed all the quarter?" “Yes; hut they Insisted that -fte> gas had been burned." "And you ” “Oh, I paid the bin, I happened to remember that when I got homo I found that four burners had been left alight and flaring away the whalw quarter, and so I paid.” pAT FLAHERTY’S return ball kept him in fast company a long time after he had nothing else. He would shoot the ball over, and it the batter missed it the catcher would fairly bullet the ball back to Pat, who would instantly return It before the bats man regained his balance from the previous swing. Once Flaherty threw to Larry Doyle, captain of the Giants. Larry missed and spun around like a top, Pat Immediately fired in his return ball. Doyle was still revolving, and, coming around for the third time, his bat met the ball and sent It soaring to deep field for a borne rua, scoring what ul timately proved the winning run. That blow almozt broke Pat’s heart and really started him on the road to the minors, . _____' Not Clear. At a trial in court when the wit ness In the box was being subjected to a merciless cross-examination, in answering one question the witness nodded. Whereupon the court stene ographer, who was crowding the limit to get it an and could not see the witness, at once demanded; “Answer that question," to which the witness replied! “I did answer It; I nodded my head.” The stenographer, without a mo< meat’s hesitation, came right back) with, "Well, I heard it rattle, but could not tell whether It was up and down or from side to side." They All Fall for ’Em, Wanted—Burly, beauty-proof India ! ridual to read meters In female Bern- t inaries. We haven’t made a nlokej Jin txa jfaftrg, J&g Gag