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'rrv^*ra: h'SiP! Li Li T? T7 Lsrif L. L~f . BIST HUMOR, MOVING * PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE. ERICAN w w — ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1913. YOU CAN TALK TO ALL OF DIXIE by simply mentioning the thing you need, or the thing you do not, in a Sunday American Want Ad Life’s a Funny Proposition _Man! By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist. b ° r ” u ° f ,ew d °" a By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist. CKrpmilM, 181*. *r Ut HU* Ltniiay Uemi Unuia K«%C» ■■»nw Some Days It’s Like This. Other Days It’s Like This. SAY OLP MAH VJHEKE IS TEn You OWE ME Ia\ sorry WE VYOAK. AMP VMt PONT. LIKE YouR 1 DOnY like you* I ^j)RCE 60 BEAT it J AftE You h, PRESENTS. Back, SUES qoNE Vs/ITH AMOTHEfC C,Uy: (WK?) , AH'! CANT sleep:, OnftjrUfbt. 1918. »/ U* 8u/ tVmpMiy Omul Britain RJcfeta FLMvnaA. AN that is born of woman is of few dollars and full of egoism. 2. He cometh forth like a flower but Is wilted by the higheostofliving and shriveled by rent and taxis. 3. If Headache followcth his thirst all the days of his life, 4. He hoppeth out of bed fifteen minutes late in the morn ing and flndeth neither his milkman nor paper boy have ar rived. 5. He liustleth for his train and misseth it by three-quarters or a minute. 6. He rusheth to his noonday lunch and choketh upon a fishbone in his chicken salad. 7. He crosseth (he street in the pride of his manhood and is tossed three blocks by a yellow honk-wagon. 8 Behold the man who cameth unto his office to pay a great bill dieth of apoplexy whilst he is at lunch. 9. Yea. even his stenographer leaveth her chewing gum in his desk chair by accident, and he needs must wear his raincoat home. 10. If What is man but the shuttlecock of fate walloped over the fence by the battledore of adversity? 11. Behold he gamereth in unto himself seven slmoleona in one day, the while his wife shoppeth and hath charged to him a bill for nine simoleons. 12. In his infancy he stubbrth his toe and waileth lustily, and in his maturity he acquireth the gout and curscth abomi nably. 13. ff Yea, his troubles do follow him In his young manhood and the first girl to whom he proposeth doth accept him. 14. And just as he saveth sufficient to purchase for his adorn ment an pair of white flannel trousers and an high straw lid with the how abaft, lo and behold, his wife’s relatives come and borroweth it from him! 15. Verily, what is man hut a stone-bruise upon the heel of existence? 16. Even is he but a freckle upon the face of Mtss Fortune, for when he polisheth his silk hat he nbsent-mindedly tumeth nbout and sitteth upon it, being therefore the man who putteth loss in gloss. 17. Nor tn his lexicon can there be found the word “luck,” for should he lay a wager upon a horse that animal dieth in the | home stretch, and should he hold four kings and add his watch unto his stack in the pot, verily another holdeth four aces. 18. jf He runneth for office, nor can any one guess what manner of man it was who cast the other vote for him. 19. Even will the letter carrier unwittingly drop the envelope addressed to him containing a check, but promptly deliver four duns. 20. He walketh in the street and a bulldog falleth upon him; ^ he walketh in the fields and an aviator falleth upon him; he hideth in the cellar for protection and the gas meter explodeth and hoisteth him through the floorings unto the third floor; even if he diveth into forty fathoms of water he bumpeth his ] hear "non a water-logged nlank. THE HOUSE HUNTERS By LEWIS ALLEN 4 < I T ELLO,” said Jenkinson when his wife entered his office, “I was I - 1 just going to send out for a ticket to the matinee; now 111 get two and take you along.” "Now, Jimmie Jenkinson, you know you promised to go house-hunting with me to-day,” exclaimed his wife, "and you’ve just got to go!” Jenkinson knew he had made no such promise, but he knew better than to argue with a woman. He also had a well-founded suspicion that siie was right—lie certainly had got to go. “Any particular object in moving?" he asked. “Why shouldn’t we move?” Mrs. Jenkinson demanded. "We will find something ever so much better for less money. Look, here’s an ’ad’ that offers a six-room apartment with a beautiful view of Piedmont Park foi fifty dollars." “What’s the rent?" “Fifty dollars.” At the apartment they walked up four flights. Thought these were elevator apartments," complained Jenkinson. “They are,” said the agent. "We have a freight elevator in the rear. “With the dumbwaiter that makes two elevators,’’ commented Jenkii son. The agent agreed »ithusiastically. “And now about that grand view of the park. All I can see is a be alley with a big wash out,” said Jenkinson. "Oh, the view is from the roof. On a clear day you can see quite a of the park.” The Jenkinsons went away from there. “tiucss you’d better call it off and go to the matinee,” suggested j kinson. • There’s a sign in there. Let’s take a look,” interrupted his wife. "Oh look, there’s a big butler’s pantry ” “That’s the library, ma’am,” explained the agent. Jenkinson laughed, but Mrs. Jenkinson failed to see the Joke. “Anyway, this is a nice, cool bedroom, and see this nice big closet ” 1811 tey th« Mm 'V-racmny Gwt Britain Rigttfa Rmmrrmi- "TTiiw is th# .lining room, and this," pointing to what Mrs. Jenkinson had thought to be a nice, big closet, "is the sleeping room.” wearily ex plained the agent. "Anyway, there’s a lovely fireplace in thle room” Again the agent Interrupted her. With a dextroua movement he pnlled out the fireplace and revealed a tiny gas stove. "This,” he said, "Is the kitchen.” “And the rent?” asked Jenkinson “Only eighty dollars," replied the agent. "I think,” said Mrs. Jenkinson, two minutes later, whex they were on the aldewalk. "that we will find Just what we want at the Eureka apart ments.” And so they took another long ride and arrived at the Eureka apartmenta. There were pretzels and corkscrews and flshworms chlsled all over the entrance for ornaments, the halls were done In tiled floors, and the place looked Inviting. The rooms were really good and the rent was reasonable. "Juat what we want. Jimmie, isn’t It?' gushed Mrs. Jenkinson "Whe-«-e-en I waltzzzz with you-u-u-u-u!” came in clear, vinegar- eruet soprano tones from across the hall The lady was singing It through her nose “Our neighbors seem musical.” commented Jenkinson. “Oh. yes. the people here are very refined and nice," agreed the agent, appearing a bit disturbed. “Well. Jimmie, 1 think this la what we want; now if you have a blank leasp handy” "ON the Mississippi, ON the Mississippi,” came the dulcet notes form a sort of mixed ale quartette In the adjoining apartment. "For goodess sake. Is this" "Oh. Juat one of those big hundred dollar talking machines," said the agent, talking rapidly of the beauties of the flat “flaw—aw—baw—aw—Hush mv little pickaauiuv ——i The aounu came from overhead. V" “That's another of those talking machines. I didn’t want you to think we would allow children In these exclusive apartments," the agent put in, hurriedly. "I’d Just as soon hear a real baby," said Mre. Jenklnaon. “Ah but babies eat the wall paper and scratch the woodwork; no, If you have children we couldn't let this place” "We have no children," snapped Mrs. Jenklnspn. “That’s all right, that’s all right; 1 was merely warning you" Mrs. Jenkinson hastened away from there, nor could she understand why Jenkinson should laugh so heartily. It was getting late. Mrs. Jenkinson bought an evening paper and looked through the advertisements. "Here’s a perfectly lovely place, six rooms, third floor, elevator, Janitor service, parquet floors, vacuum sweeper and everything," she exclaimed, reading the advertisement • “Well, where Is It?" grumbled Jenkinson, now tired and hungry and thirsty and peeved. “It doesn't say. We will have to call on the agent," she informed him, and so they went to the agent, showed him the advertisement, and asked him where that apartment was located “Very good apartment, rent only sixty dollars. Third floor. No. S7 Blanke street" "Great Mansions In the Skies!” yelled Jenkinson, "that's our OWN apartment, where we live now!" "Then you have given notice?" said the agent. Mrs. Jenkinson nodded. For once she was speechless for a moment "But how comes the rent to be sixty dollars? We are paying only fifty-five." said Jenkinson. "Oh, It Is such a good apartment we have decided to raise the rent." smiled the agent "Now we’ve GOT to move,” said Mrs. Jenkinson. Jimmie said something in reply. fjtvby. Jimmie Jenkinson!' gasped his wife. 21. The man for whom he went bond fleeth into Africa; the check he received) is returned unto him marked in glaring let ters across it’s face, “NO FUNDS;” his rent, insurance, lodge dues, coal bill and three notes falleth due upon the same day. 22. H The banister of life adown which he slideth is full of splinters, and the Hand of Fate leadeth him not but weareth brass knuckles and jabbeth him constantly. 23. Yea, verily, man that is born of woman is destined to bills and boils, toil and thirst, maiaria and matrimony. 24. And when the end cometh he cannot even enjoy the epi taph provided for him. and the flowers sent to garnish his ob sequies are by umtukc delivered to the home of his bitterest enemy,