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TTEARST’R SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, GA„ RT'NDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1013. 7 E Can You Explain It? By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist THIS FEU.OW NEVER DID 4N HONEST DAYS WO Rk IN HISLIFE- Aho then he was BRoke- .c l HI5 FATHER LEFT HIM A, $1000.000, — HICH HE BLEW A^DVNoulo HAVE BEEN BuBTt 0” ISEtYouR'AUNf HASLCFt)/^ INTRATCA5E. NSU A $ IOOOOOO /\ QlVE US A x 1 BoTn-E if mis<;aah6 father maphtdico amo left hi* % 10,000,000 ft But hisAunt sussy DiEPaholeFT HIM A $ Iooo o»o HE IS STUL TRYI N <;-TO 5PEMD BUTTHE MONEY COAAFS I Fastfrthah he can BLOW it Whereas-- This chap WORKS 18 Hours a DAY ALL HIS LIFE WHEN HE HAD SAVED uf$2oo HE BOUQHT MININQ STOCK- ANPTHEN THE MINE FAILED AFTER TtH YEARS HE SAVED $100 WHICH HE Played on The red AFTER ten Tears he inherited <^500 - Bur THE HEXTDAT a car with out a number BUMPEP HIM IN THE NECK— AND °F COURSE |T CANE BUCK The c^ewtle mam IS STILL WORK.INC, ANP AFTER 6 MONTHS IN THE HOSPITAL, THE DOCTOR, OOT IT Cherry Valley Notes Ocpyrljftt, 1*13, br Rtar Company. Britain RlfkU RbmttH. r,rmi A FELLER told me this morn- in' that ■ city feller who wuz here ylsterday wuz the nerviest one he ever seen. He wen* Into Fuller’s umbrel store to we® for a rain shower too pass over. When we went to the picnic at Sugar Grove Friday, I hed to carry the water millon. When we got in the car what runs frum the rail road It wuz crowded and we hed to stand up. A fat womln was Jammed agin me. Purty soon ahe sed, over her shoulder, "Take your itomack out of my back, you old Bint lock. My what a gtomack yon bev got" Then she glv a heave back and squashed the millon. Ain't It fan to go to picnics? Reran* ft rained at the union picnic Thursday, all the young folks wnz drlv to the pervllllon, and to while erway the time they used my black and white vest for a checker board, ustn’ pins fer men. I done moat of the jumpin'. Boms of the gals must hev thought they wuz drivln' bean poles Into the ground, fer my chest looks like a tender morsel at a muskeeter picnic. Rome skallawag sllpt In a record, "Give Us Ernuther Drink, Bartender,” at the grafatone enter tainment at the church Saterday evenin'. Deacon Neefe sprained his knee hurrytn’ to git to the thing to shet It oft. Don't It make you maddern thunder when yew be waitin' on the depot platform for a train to hev your wife try to make a hair In your mustash lay down? I went to one of them variety shows when I wnz In the city last week, and when a gal cum out with her dress cut to nuthtn' at the top and less at the bottum I Jest couldn’t help feelln’ that she ought to be carryln’ a umbrel or sum- thin'. Hobb Nelson got so plalgged mad at a long woman's hat feather that kept ticklin' him In the ear when he wuz rldln’ In the bns to the fair grounds that he bit the <r Swatting the Fir Ha. Only On« Objection— THE MORNING SMILE Wex Jones, Editor Vol. TI. Oddities in and That's the One Raised by the Fly. J Atlanta, Sunday, September 14, 1913. No. 40. Life History of the American Clam EDITOR'S NOTE: Out. ffoose- cWf. after ru thing through Africa, i* writing the “Ufa hie lorV" of the African lion. Having once eaten an eeteamed dam ICC arc emboldened to tell all about the animtle- vX my previous book, "American | Game Trails,'' I did not refer to the clam, for the suf-. Sclent reason that It is Impossible to trail a clam ss the clam leaves no trail. Had this magnificent specimen of our native fauna been equipped with feet, It would doubtless leave footprints, and enough footprints form a trait. However, It la useises to discuss what might have been The clam Is easily the most dangerous of our native big game. The grizzly la a cream puff be side the clam, whose ferocity Is equalled only by his activity. Any hunter who has ever faced the whirlwind charge of a slightly wounded sum will never forget It. (To be continued.) OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT. Don't run for may"' ’f you A RDSLEY man named Flana gan changed his name to Fowler because the kids used to shout after him. “Oh. Mr. Flanagan, won’t v< rush the can again? Now the kids ghout. “Oh, Mr Fowler, won’t you rush the growler?” Labor-saving device: Canary in family of Ihomas Edison has in vented machine for shelling bird seed StabrigiU hbhennau c&ugiit a the News big horse mackerel In his net He is now hunting for a mackerel horse to make a team. Hay fever. Annoyed by the barking of a dog, a Marietta man moved to farm Here the chirping of the crickets kept him awake at night. Then he moved to a house boat, but the chatter of the clams drove him back to land Now- he thlnl.s of asking a whale to swallow him. IN THE SMILE'S LETTER BOX STORIES. O THE EDITOR—Is there such a thing as a new story? VINCENT BREESE. (We have, heard a lot of : stories, but never a new one.—Ed.) BIG GAME. TO THE EDITOR—Where Is the easiest place to find a buf falo? CITRON JOHN. (On a buffalo nickel—Ed.) A GOAK. TO THE EDITOR—Here Is a good one for you. A man who Is fond of going to bed early has the "hay fever.” Get it? P. URCELL NOBODY. TO THE EDITOR—Who in vents tbe new stories and Jokes? R. T. 8YMTH. Book Reviews. By a Literary Expert THE FOLLIES OF F ENEL LA. A nice book with a picture on the cover. SALSOMINE This book has 217 pages. IN SIBERIA. Consists of 2 covers enclosing numerous pages of print. Our Own Lecture Course A New Lecture Every Once in a While. » <»teW Britain lUgfeta "That’s all there Is to It, I say, and yet—what has It accomplished? What can It accomplish? Wbat Is there in this wide world that It cannot accomplish? . CopyUakt, ISIS, bj tb. Star Owspsoj The World's Greatest Mechanical Device— THE HAIRPIN! By PROF. W HEELZON COGGS. j ^w THANK you, I—I-—that’s better, one cannot talk amid such deafen- I ing applause. My subject to-night concerns the world's greatest * mechanical device. Jubal Invented the wheel by accident—be drank too much wine and his head went ’round and ’round. "Since then we have had other Inventions, such as steam engines and can openers, cotton gins and gin rickeys, steam derricks and slit skirts, and, I might go on enumerating them half the evening. "There Is the tslklng machine—mine Is at home with the children, she didn't feel like going out tonight—but of all the mechanical Inventions none can compare with the hairpin! "I come here prepared to prove thle statement. There are some who may believe the typesetting machine or the travelling crane or the automo bile Is a greater mechanical device than the hairpin. But not so! "The travelling crane needs a steam engine and seven men to operate it. The typesetting machine needs a gas stove and a profane man In his shirt sleeves with a cob pipe and a hunch of copy to operate It. "An automobile Is made up of some three thousands parts, and they are frequently parting, while it needs eight cents' worth of gasoline, which may be Rccured for 25 cents, and either a chauffeur or a human being to operate It. "And so It goes. Think of the common, ordinary mechanical device. Think of the sewing machine and the dollar watch. Who can stop one or run the other? Consider the great cloth weaving looms, If something were to break In one of them it would take a man two days to pick up the variolis parts that fall out! "But the hairpin! "There are no parts to get out of order! Consider for a moment the marvelous mind that conceived this wonderful piece of mechanism! Only one part in the entire machine! The inventor started with a bit of wire, ran It along a couple Inobes, then turned It around and ran It back again That’s all there Is to 1L "Can you unlock s door or try a cake in the oven to see if It is done, with an automobile? You know you cannot—there's no use arguing that point. But you can do these things with a hairpin. "Can you button a glove or a shoe, or clean a pipe, or fish s dime out of a crack In the floor, or rob baby’s hank, or fasten on your suspenders with s typesetting maohlne or a cash register or a travelling crane or a locomotive. Of course not, hut you can do those things with a hairpin. "Think of It—a mechanical device consisting of only one part, no extra parts to replace, no spark plug, or inner tubes, or extra driving rods, or flre-box linings, or fly-wheels, or pulleys, or broken sprocket wheels to replace In the hairpin. It Is all there always, and yet see what It will do. "You can bond It up and catch llsh with It; you can pry off the top of a milk bottle with it; you can pick the putty out of the gas Jet that as economical landlady Jabbed in with it; you can fasten a window catch or a door lock with it; you can mend baby's toy cart with it; you can clean a fountain pen with It; you can—-in short, Is there anything you cannot do with It? "What's that? Speak louder, please! A gentleman In the audience says yon cannot weave with it. He is a cloth manufacturer and peeved at what I Just said about looms. Did anyone In this audience ever make a little arrangement out of a spool and hairpins and knit worsted play- horse reins? Thanks—thanks—thanks—that will do, I see nearly every one in the audience has done that. "I say there is nothing you cannot do with the aid of a hairpin. There Is no other mechanical device that approaches It. First, It Is not com plicated, second, there are no parts to break and lose; third, It doe# not run down; fourth, It does not, need oiling; fifth. It Is cheap; sixth, 1t Is not taxable; seventh, a child can operate It; eighth. It needs no fuel to operate It. "Why, ladles and gentlemen, ae perfect Is the hairpin as a mechanical device that a woman may even keep her hair In place with It! "I thank you.” The Worst Jokes of the Week c DON'T BLAME US. -Bait. 1912, by tfce §ta«- iVnpuj. ( Y / HERE'S your pa, boy?” W/ 'He took an empty jug and went out to bring home a little bird." "The Idea! What kind of a bird?" "Well, he said, 'Find me that two-quart Jug, Sammy, and I'll bring home a little linnet,' ■’ Grwt Britain Ugfefs Rmmi ■ •' SOME ARE WORSE THAN OTHERS. DTYOWN in the cellar, dark, remote. ■*"' In stately grandeur stood the goat. Spied Johnnie’s moving pic, machine. And ate It all besides the screen. Remarked he then to Tige the Pup. "These moving pictures film me up.” WE TOOK EM AS THEY CAME. ((TKTHERE'S y#r boy Dinny now?" "It’s working out in Battle Creek he la, making breakfast food In a mush factory.” “Go wan. Wliui dove tb' like# av klm know about, muab-iuury ? H THIS ONE, FOR INSTANCE ((rnHAT new aute horn of yours la the worst ever I heard,” said Mlggs to Snlggs. "It gives me an earache every time I listen to It.” “Never mind a little thing like that,” responded Snlggs, oheerlly, "rw- member that Mil oaks from Uttie ache horns grow,”