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Right to the Hearth of 100,000 Homes in Dixie Barnaul PflflflflritHDI 35 OaOflGdJtD' ® qAJoarotr' itnjt'Q no m BIST HUMOR, MOVING PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE- That's Where Your Ad Goes in THE ATLANTA, GA, SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7, 1918. Copyright. 1918, by th« fltar Company. Or«*t Britain Pinches the Flesh. DF3fElTRER how wo anod to cltnf Ta m aVIaA aa MM- 3y T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist Qnmt RrltAin Right* Rwnud. WKATA BEAUT I PUL SET WHAT ARE THETj/Wl DEAR? FDRqiVE ME SIR,I.3/AASHED THE ECQ — To mother** skirt go wide, A * through a crowded thoroughfare She’d glide I plymou m KDCKS AHD SPANqiED ORPINQTbWS Kid* can’t elfng that way newaday* Since mother* wear tight skirts, ’Cause erery time a kldlet grab* It hart*. Discouraging the Deer. 1 1■fTFTIF! l* a certain guide In the Adirondack* who nurses a Keen aenao of humor with reference to gentlemen from the etty who reeort hither for "sport." On one occasion a Nsw York clubman Hatred this guide whether there were any deer thereabouts. Tlie guide affected an air of deep reflection, end then replied: “As I remember It, sir, there was a deer In this district some months ago, but the gentlemen from the city kept shooting and shooting at It, so that finally It was obliged to leave the county.” COOK. A RULUOA/^/rtfi’SS Appearances Are Deceitful. UUfHERl! are yon going, my pretty maldP ™ “I’m coming, not going, sir,” she said. “1 thought yoa were going, my pretty msM.* “That’s the fanlt of this paanler gown,” she nU A Short Acquaintance. rpHERE wsa recently In the employ of a Baltimore women a meat AfV ful cook In the person of a huge negreas from Richmond. fflte had not been with th« Balttmor# household more than a week when ahe an nounced that ahe was to be married In three or four days, and would have to leave. "You are going back home, then?” sighed the mist ream, for the servant was. Indeed, a valuable one. "No, ma’am, I ain’t gwlne back home; It's a Philadelphia gentleman.* "But,” pleaded the lady of the house, "you'vo been with me but a week." "I'se sorry, ma’am; bnt X don’t see how I kin help It. The gentleman wants the weditin' to b* on Thursday.” "Conldn't you get him to postpone It Just a little longer—until I can get another cook?” " ’Deed, ma’am, Td like to oblige yo’; but de fact la I ain’t well enough acquainted with the gentleman to ask him to do that.* ^TlHCENT /A,5Tor^\ Presents his Fiancee with a Rare Jewel. BRADY THE Baron owl eqc, CLUC Cluc; How \ Lovely, AHEqc, / rr cost Me /ASTOK ' place d But l don't m care m Oh, Bill! LIE HR’S an ode to the bills R1T1 Lowe owesi ** Owed bills Bill to friend and to foe owesi The bills high that Lowe owes Make Bill sigh with low “Oh’s”! For billows of Lowe bills Bill Lowe owes. Duck One on the “Cub.” A CHICAGO newspaper man tells of a "cub” reporter who had been as signed the task of reporting a sermon to be delivered at a church In the suburbs. Now, the "cub” arrived late, near the close of the sermon, and took a seat near the door. When opportunity offered bo aoked b1a neighbor, an elderly man: "What was the text of the sermon?” ” ’Who art thouf ” answered the old gentleman “Chicago reporter,” replied the "cub." just watch TPe fjoosE W/ves League * br/n^ this FELLOW 7t> Ms KNEES PtiSTirZ Capacity. T here was a young lady named Doris Peart, Who flashed Into fame as a chorus girl) One who tried, but In vain To fill her with champagne, Exclaimed, "Say, she must be a porous girl!” QEE HE MUST HAVE LOTS OF / A Christening Formula. CERTAIN clergyman of Providence, Rhode Island, was onoe asked by a woman of his parish how It was that he always managed, without using Jealous feelings among the mother*, to find words of praise for babies b# was called upon to christen. "It la very elmifle," said th» divine. ”T Just take the baby m my rock It to and fro. and say, This U INDEED a beby.’ ” LA^ /HA SAFE— TAK/HCMO A Real Optimist Is easy enough to be pleasant When nothing at all runs am Is* DoLtFAJ cqqs and THE price will come Dow* Funny Things You Hear—Here and There Copjrlcht, 1913. by W»r Ompsny. Orvst Brftai. Swml. A WOMAN In Tarry town cut a hole In her ^hus band’s trousers and got $10 he had held out” from his pay. Now let us hear the dear militants stand right up and demand "equal rights!” The first eugenic baby has been born In Oakland, Cal. It's ten to one she will grow up and marry a man named “Bill," who lx bow-legged, flat-chested, and flvo feet two. Coryrlxht, ISIS. by tb« Star Ompsny. Ormt Brftala Right* a smooth-Bhaven peach, a grape without appendicitis and a banana with a non-skidding akin. not come across with anything as rare as strictly fresh eggs, porterhouse steak, lamb chop* or a rib roaat of beef. (ew York hotel advertises that It Is to run n't music. T^here’s no novelty In this, the odd is. there is to be no orchestra there. A Lawrence (Kan.) professor declares that egga three year* old are edible. That's a strong statement But whether or not they are edible, they are being eaten every day by 999 out of every 1,000. The other one doesn't eat egga "WILSON BENDS STRONGLY WORDED STATB- JENT TO HUERTA." "WHITMAN AFTER MAN 'HIGHER UP.’" "CHRISTMAS WILL COME DECEMBER 25th THIS YEAR”-—and there’s as much news in this last headline as any of the others. "Women’s Spring Styles to Follow Natural Lines’ ssys a headline. From all appearances the styles followed woman’s natural Hues for years and caught up with them some time ago. The only way garments can follow them any closer will be for the woman to line them with liquid glue. Robbers fished for watches and got $2,500 worth from a Broadway store window. Must have been WATERburys. "Turpan.—General Portflongozaluellazla* moved with his troops to within three miles of Marmalu- kozon while General Dlazamtllan la encamped at PopacchatacllU. They expect to clash in the open country somewhere between Padreonmumulakula In Zlnduellarlos. The” But you know now what Sherman meant In his remark concerning war. Commissioner John I-awley, of the English branch of the Salvation Army, says long whiskers cure a bad temper. Most of ux had rather he a bit peevish. The Bummer home of George C. Boldt, proprietor of the Waldorf-Astoria, of New York, was robbed the other day. Of course, the robbers boldted. Now, If Mr. Boldt had had his home boldted "Drinkwnter vs. Drlnkwater” appears on the di vorce docket in Chicago in croax-libei. Each one claims the other one didn’t. . The American Pomolngic.il Society of Washington La diopiay a puckerles* peialtuiaon, V\ e »Lli lac* Mahogany, gold, silver, silks, diamonds and other trinket: were included among the Wilson wedding gills, out it is ItoLauJe that even Ui* eualuiifeol Uid "Great sexcltement over sale of Pankhurst Book," Is the way one New York paper made the announce ment read. We will wager nine to ten that the llnotyper did It with malice aforethought and th* proof reader hadn't the he ait to correct rk Bat the man worth while Is the man who can smile When he reads a bnm verse like this. The Dog and the Train. rpHE railway service In some of our Southern States has ever been a wih- 1 Ject 0 t Jest on the part of traveller from New York. "One day.” says a Gothamite, "I was waiting for a train at a place near Athens 'in Georgia. On* bonr, two hours, two hours and a half passed, but no train. Just as I was about to make arrangements for a vehicle' to drive mo to the next town, the station agent said: «I wouldn't go to that trouble, sir. That train’ll be along soon.” -What makes you think that?" I demanded. "•Well,’ said he, ‘I’m pretty certain It will. Here comes the conductor’s dog now.’ ” Advance Fashion Notes. S OME senatorial togas are being worn stained. Crepe effects will continue the rage in aviation circles. Manufacturers of food products will continue to wear diamonds. At receptions given by customs officials in honor of those returning from abroad, diamonds will be worn by the guests in the right shoe heel or in the hollow of a left upper bicuspid. Stripe effects will be worn by bank cashiers returning from Canada. Changeable effects will remain in vogue with cooks. Wash fabrics will not attain any degree of popularity in hobo circles. Salomes, serpentine dancers and other stage exponents of the poetry of motion will wear pleased expressions. Hempen scarfs about the neck will be noticeable at certain Southern exclusive functions