Newspaper Page Text
HBAIW1 S SITINIJAT A9U5KHJAIN, ATUflUMTA, HA., «l)i\L»AT, IM-A BIV1I1BA 14, IIU3.
7 E
Has It; Ever Happened to You?
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
*P9AJ»W>] nqapi imMfl l*«0 Xntiltnoorrig»qn Cq '*1*1 *nphxfd«>j
An Xmas
Alphabet
Oopyrlcht. t»13. by th. Star Comr*nT.
Great Britain Right. Itaaerred.
A Is for alrgun they gave llttls
“ Ned.
■p !• for bulldog ho wanted, Irv
■D stead;
C Is for candy devoured by
Dick,
TA Is for doctor—now guess who
" Is sick.
E ls Jack’s engine, with motor
and all.
Is for firemen who soon paid a
call;
besought.
Is the horrible hat that It
bought;
Is for Inkstand we all gave to
Dad,
Is for Joke—thought It an ash
tray he had;
la for kiss Bill gave May In the
hall,
Is for list ’twasn’t on It at
all! '
I, for money Dad spent every-
where,
IS for “Nix,” representing his
share;
la for oyster In our Christmas
stew, i
la for ptomaine—It near killed
us, too;
Is for Queenle who wanted a
pearl,
a the ruff she got—she’s a mad
girl!
la for stocking hung up for a
Joke,
la for tree that soon went up In
smoke;
Is for Uncle who gave us ad
vice,
is his V-spot that made It so
nice;
S for whiskers, with Santa’s
nip for v
attire.
X is for “cross” (for those whisk
ers caught Are!)
is for zest which we feel every
year
B efore, but not after the
Yule-tide “cheerl”
Do Your
Christmas
Shopping
Early
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
or,
Better,
Go
Abroad.
Vol. IV.
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, December 14, 1913.
No. 53.
Hints for the Farmerette
By
F. P. Pitzer
COOKING &
THE ARTS.
Why Not Brighten IJd Cook
Books and Make Them
Like the One Described?
“K
■ ITCHEN TAL.K” Is the
name of p, booklet Is
sued by the Queens
Borough Gas & Electric Com
pany. In the book are directions
for making sponga cake, roast
ing turkeys, and, scattered
through it, such plums as this:
“My turkey, ”tis of thee
Sweet bird of cranberry,
Of thee I sing.
I love thy breast and wings,
Backs, legs and other things,
I love thy good stuffings,
O, luscious bird.”
We have always contended
that cook bookE, as a class, are
too dull. As rending matter they
seldom, if evr. appeal to the
r tired business man.
Why not run it more like this?
'fbo words in brackets show the
tew idea:
VEAL CUTLETS.
Take one egg and beat it a
little (but not too cruelly, lest
the S. P. C. E. gets after you);
roll the cutlet in it (being care
ful not to roll it so much it will
get dizzy); then cover with rolled
crackers. Have a lump of butter
and lard mixed hot in a skillet
(by the way, ever hear this story?
Twt chorus girls shopping Says
one: “I don’t know what to buy
Hazel for Christmas.' Other re-
The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Eggs.
plies: "Why not buy her a
book?” First girl answers: “But
she’s got a book.’’), put lu the
meat and cook slowly.
• • *
Isn't that better than mere
dull instruction?
And in the department headed
■ Household Helps" why not in
tersperse a few lighter para
graphs?
The real “help”—Oysters
chopped and served in the gravy
of a particularly juicy porter
house steak are very delicious.
The interpolated “help”—An
oyster may be fresh without be
ing slangy.
Another “help”—To clean piano
keys, rub with alcohol.
Interpolation—To waste alco
hol, put it on a piano.
Our Weekly HeaPh Hint.
Don’t ’ick the paint off Christ
mas toys.
Did You Know That—
Imitation is the hardest form
of flattery.
Roasting a man affects him as
boiling does an egg—he gets
harder-hearted every minute.
When a man says, Oh, Heav
ens! he might just as well say:
Oh, my! O’Hooligan!
Omaha! Ohio!
Eaudevle! Au revoir!
A badger would make a great
burrow president!
There’s frequently a drop in
eggs, but never one in the price!
Christmas is coming and so is
our special gift number!
A philosopher is a man who
doesn’t get rattled, no matter
what happens to you.
IN THE SMILE'S
LETTER BOX
HENS AND EGGS.
TO THE EDITOR—I have 3
fresh hen’s eggs. What would
you advise doing with them?
MRS. HENRY BIRD PULLET.
Riverbank. Cal.
(Sorry to hear your
hens are fresh. Have
you tried turnipg the
hose on them. That
should sober them
down.—Ed.)
HATS AND EARS.
TO THE EDITOR—In some of
the late fashion papers 1 see
that women now wear a small
hat perched on one ear, like the
old Tommy Atkins caps. Why
do they do this?
JIM SM1THERS.
(It is obviously
Impossible to wear
one hat over one ear
and not slight the
other ear. Only
thing we can see for
them to do is to
wear two hats, one
over each ear.—Ed.)
ASSAULT AND BATTERY.
TO THE EDITOR—While med
itating on the mutability of hu
man affairs, I was struck with an
idea. If I knew who my scoun
drelly assailant was 1 should
have him arrested. I was going
to keep the idea as evidence,
but unfortunately I lost it
ROBERT O HOOLIGAN.
Cbpynght, 1013. by the Star Ca
I N response to the 50,000 letters sent out by Secretary of Agriculture
Houston to the wives of farmers, requesting suggestions as to what
the department can do to help them, several inquiries have been
received by Secreta'ry Houston which cannot be answered intelligently by
the talent in his office, and consequently be has forwarded them to the
City Life Section for reply. With the aid of the bucolic high brows hnd
suburban sages on our staff, we give the following excellent advice:
CONCERNING COWS.
Estelle Crosby of Echo Cottage, writes: “With what should I
•top a cross-eyed cow kicking?”
This question is rather involved. By all means do not use your body.
Our wife has not been able to wear an opera gown ever since she stooped
down behind a cow that had not been introduced to her, for the purpose
of picking up a pin for good luck. Of course you can saw the cow’s leys
off and thus put an end to her kicking, but the more humane way is to
make her stand ankle-deep in vinegar until her boot’s become soft, and
then you can permit her to kick you withjmpunity or anything else.
may. Great Britain Right* Rffrrfd.
raise on it are Plymouth Rocks and natural tombstones. A worm
couldn’t frisk around in that soil without having a Rand drill go
ahead of it. So, therefore, will you. kindly let me know how I
can stop my chickens from digging? I know, Mister Secretary,
that you must be a busy man candling seeds to see if the insides
are fertile or unfertile, but I trust you will give enough time to
my inquiry to answer it Intelligently.”
Tbere are many ways In which this annoyance can be remedied, and
a recitation of only a few of them will suffice.
1. Put boxing gloves on the feet of your hens. They couldn t dig a
hole in a plate of clam chowder with their legs so encased.
2. Sow your land with tacks, for thpre is nothing more annoying to
a biped than a punctured hoof.
3. By keeping your chicken coop full of dampness your feathered
friends will contract rheumatism. A chicken with rheumatism in its
pedal extremities feels about as much like digging as a man with hli
shoulders saturated with neuritis or some other exclamatory affliction.
Pearl Terpenning scribbles from Port Ewen: “While milking
our cow she continually switches her tail and disarranges my
hair. Hd6 can this be stopped?”
Take your ljair off while milking her. We admit it is annoying while
nestling against the warm port side of a cow, whistling a ragtime aria
and keeping time at your Job like a Swiss bell-ringer, to have a cow’s
fly-swatter bang you continually. Of course, the nuisance can be avoided
by tying a tombstone to the tail. Putting the tail in a straightjacket is
also effective.
Put Russell, the prominent architect of Mud Flats, asks:
“What can I do with two acres of frost-bitten corn?”
Consult a chiropodist.
Elsie Lane, of Greene County, Inquires: “Our cow’s hide
seems to be. about three sizes too large for it. How can I make
its hide fit better?”
Stanu bravely in pack of the cow, lean c»'-er, grab a few folds of the
surplus hide, place your right foot on the Lack leg of the cow and pull.
Keep on pulling until you have rolled the excess -nidermis down to the
edge of its tail. When this has been done soak the same in water until
it shrinks to the proper size. Then, again, maybe if you feed the beast
It might do some good.
Hazel Barber, of Tann e rsvllle, writes: “How can I make a
cow give twelve quarts of milk whose capacity is only six?”
By purchasing a healthy pump.
Mrs. G. Whittaker, of Cheese Hollow, Inquires: “I have about
one hundred chickens and they are wearing their legs short dig
ging for worms In my back yard. If they keep on they will be
waddling around like ducks.. ! do r.ct know what they are dig
gino 'n M> land lies on the site of a nount.iin that hasn’t got
env-gr. i»oil on it to our* a o-st.e in. The uiuy things we can
How They Marry— “Jane Burr
THE PREACHER
Copyright, 1913. by th* St*r Company Great Britain Rig'ht* Reserred.
T iE preacher sits down in his quiet study
And says: “I must mate with a woman,” says he:
“And what sort of woman shall my woman bo
Who’ll do all the things that are necessary?
She must be good, she must be pure;
She must know how to work—for sure:
She must be charitable, too,
And trusty as my Winter shoe;
She also must be most refined,
And plain and healthy, cull and kind.”
And though the community corners are blocked
With maids of this quality—people are shocked
To find the good reverend jelessly locked
To a girl all beri„boned arid ruffled and smocked.
She’s fresh as Summer morning light
And will not come to church for spite;
She’s pretty as a butterfly
With glints of devil In her eye.
He dreads the coming Sanhedrim—
Lut gollyf She looked good to hlml £