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lmtSi U1MJ K Ijrl A .N V the 1 he on A Utile Kiri who had a live bantam pn-sented to her was disappointed at the smallness of the first egg laid by bird. Her Ideal egg was that of ostrich, a specimen of which was ,1 table in the drawing room. One day the ostrich egg was missing from its accustomed place. It was subse quently found near the spot where the bantam nested, and on it was stuck a piece of paper with the words: “Something like- tills, please. Keep on trying.” * * • The Goodleys once had a parrot. <>f course, it was a perfectly respectable bird, occasionally, hut on Sunday evenings, when Mr. Saintly paid iiis regular visits, it was deemed advis able to cover Polly with a cloth. Recently, howeer, Mr. Saintly took advantage of the half-holiday accru ing to him through the Shop Act, and made an extra call on a Wednesday. As he was ushered in Miss Mary Goodley dexterously threw the cloth over Polly's cage. Greetings over, there ensued the usual awkward pause, which was broken by a squeak from the covered cage: "Well, I'll be everlastingly said Polly, "this lias been a ing short week.” . * * * In a small country church, not long since, a little child was brought for ward for baptism. The young minis ter, taking the little one in his arms', spoke ,ia follows: “Beloved hearers, no one can fore tell the future of this little child. He may grow up to be a great astrono mer, like Fir Isaac Newton, or a great blessed,” thunder- labor leader like John Burns; and it is possible he might become Presi dent. Turning to the mother, he Inquired, “What is the name of the child?” “Mary Ann,” was the reply. Visitor (at the National Gallery): “Why, them’s the very pictures 1 saw here the day before yesterday.” Attendant (dryly): “Quite likely.” Visitor: “Then the landlord where I'm staying is wrong. He told me that the pictures was changed daily in till the leadin’ picture houses.” * * * “Razor comfortable?” No reply. “Shave you pretty close?” No reply. “D'you think Yale will win this year?” No reply. “Very Warm for November!” No reply. “Terrible lire in the city last night, wasn't it?” No reply. “Shampoo?” No reply. "Just a little bay rum?” Still no reply. And the barber sat down, greatly refreshed. He had just been shaving himself! * * * a recent duel the parties dis charged their pistols without effect, whereupon one of the seconds inter posed and proposed that the com batants should shake hands. To this the other, second objected as unneces- sa ry. “Their hands,” said he. “have been shaking for half an hour.” * * * Hoax: 1 thought you said that the man was a musician?” Joax: “Nonsense!” “You certainly toid me he wrote im lodies.” “1 told you he was a composer of heirs. He sells soothing syrup.” At First Countryman (seeing a letter box for the first time): "What’s that for, Tom?” Second Countryman: "T dunno: looks like a religious sort o’ thing.” First Countryman: “No, It can’t belong to no religious folk. Tt says, ‘No collections on Sundays.’ ” * * * He was one of those fresh young fellows, given to the use of stale elang. At the breakfast table, desir ing the milk, he exclaimed: "Chase the cow down this way, please.” “Here, Jane,” said the landlady, “take the cow down to where the calf la bawling.” The principal grocer of a small country town was chatting with sev eral customers when a discussion arose as to the wonderful sense of touch the blind have. "Here comes old blind Henry Per kins now.” said the grocer. “We’ll test him.” He took a scoopful of sugar and ex tended it to the old man. “Feel this, Henry,” he said, “and tell us what it is.” The biitni man put his hand in the scoop, pa/sed its contents through his ihrgers and said in a linn, confident tone, “sand.” * * * The Bishop was attending services at a small country church, and the young vicar, being very anxious to show the Bishop how well he could preach, let himself out, so to speak. His gestures were frequent and his voice often rose to a high pitch. At the close of the service the young theologian w-ent forward to welcome the Bishop, and incidentally to ask bow he liked the sermon. The Bishop’s reply was: “My dear young friend, do not- make the mis take of confusing perspiration with Inspiration.” A Scotsman had the misfortune to get arrested and sentenced. He was given a bucket of water, a brush and a cake of soap and told to wash his cell. So»e time later the warder Came in and saw the prisoner giving himself a thorough scouring. “Here!’’ he cried, “what are you Ccing? Didn’t I tell you to wash vour •ell**’ -are, an’ am I no’ wastin' masel’?’ surprised offender The Weekly Geor BRINGING UP FATHER I \!1 i dll 1 ! —ut- U1J ' ' r J, ALVU-i' ' 11 /Tie Trouble Is, Jeff Doesn’t Know One Snake / i XT' Cfct- IT NAN (Xf/Wr fir- « . ■ f - _ ' , rtT D06,hVY fAfcWCAA B^e HtuHti.'rnAT TH6 ves-res.^ -mr. H,VTeR '< THAT ^ r ^ its, IN JJVyWu'W ** 34 HOURS YM « WWW* syowach — - ^ It CAN RECOfcNCLt HlN\ BT YH6 LUkA9 IN Hrb Botr-f nvy T * g »-0CATeD ANO WITH TH ^> ** ft L CUT THC NNhJcC IN Tu^o and PAT Dot ^ NO P OcT Noiv Te. UBtfLATe Poor utycC a f»N' SsSi ' POLLY AND HER PALS