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1 'IT /^-TrA aVt/ A 5IST HUMOR, MOVTNO PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE. ATLANTA, GA„ SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21, 191:1 “I-SEE BY l PAPERS By T. E. POWERS, “the Famous Cartoonist Copyright, 1913, by Star Company. Great Brit am Right* Reserved Mirandy on Christmas - - By Dorothy Dix “W r ELL, Sis Mirandy,” says Sis Araminty Chris'inastide is almos’ upon us. "Dat’s so,” I ’spons. “Whenever yer sees a woman wid a wild look in her eye, floppin up an' down de aisles of a departmen' store lak a chicken wid hit's haid cut off, or yer notices dat raos’ of yo' lady frien’s is dat worn out an nac rous dat dey jumps when yer speaks to ’em, an has de jineral appearance of havin’ jist been through a long spell of sickness, yer don t need nobody to tell yer dat Chris'mas is comin . ‘ Yes, Sis Araminty,” I goes on, "hit ain t no wonder to me dat reason topples on hit s throne, as Bro' Jinkins says, when we starts out to spend de money we can't, afford, buyin Chris - mas presents for dem as don't want em. I finds myself goin’ roun' in circles, a-trvin to decide whedder hit would be mos appropila'e .to persent my Aunt Matildy, what s been bed ridden for de las’ ten years wid a misery in het back, wid a safety razor or a umbrella an .. slight token of how i thought of her at ms blessed season." IJat's de true word," spons Sis Aramiti*. . ' hit. suttinly ant curious de way yer mind witnc at Chris'mas. All de balance of de yeah I •»" remember de tastes an' needs of my fneac.- an' my fambly, but when I starts out to buy a Chris’mas gift I dest loses my rabbit foot, an’ I cain’t recollect, to save nj.v life, whut a single soul laks. An’ for dat reason I dest pitches in to de bargain counter an’ fights wid de odder women over de fust thing I gits my hands on, an’ de pusson dat I sends hit to, wid my love, on Chris'mas mawnin’, spends de balance of de yeah hatin’ me, an’ hopin' dat I’ll git run over by a automobile, or somethin’, befo’ nex’ Chris’ mas.” “Hit’s my opinion,” says 1. “dat Chris'mas is de time dat all of yer enemies takes to git even wid yer, an’ to do de things dat dey don’t dast to do de balance of de yeah. I tell yer, Sis Araminty, dat when I sets down an’ looks at my Chris’mas gifts I am filled wid a deep dark suspicion. You needn’t tell me dat dat. cat of a Eudory Johnsing warn’t a castin’ asparagus on my figger, which is built after de pattern of a fedder bed instid of a telephone post, when she sent me one of dese heah fancy belts whut. I couldn’t much mo’ dan git aroun’ my arm, let alone my waist. “An’ l'se had my eye on dat flibberty-jibberly Gladys Maude Gwendolyn Jones, whut's always a-shinin’ 'round my ole man ike, sense she done sent me a Chris’mas gift of a pair of ole lady’s shoes de whilst she's got on dem jaybird-heel slippers. Lakwise l'se been wonderin’ ef Bro’ Jinkins was a promulgatin' anythin’ mo’ dan de compliments of de season when he -sent me on Chris'mas mawnin’ a book wid de entitlement of 'De Art of Silence, or How to Rule by Gen tleness,’ a well knowin' dat I is a lady whut is got de full use of my tongue, an' dat when me an’ Ike has any little fambly argyment I puts my faith in de rollin' pin an' de flatiron. ‘An’ furdermo’, Sis Araminty, his Chris’mas gift kind of shakes yo' faith in de husband of yo’ bosom. For why, I wants to know, does Ike. up an’ present me wid a new' cook stove an’ set of washin’ mbs, ef hit. warn’t a kind of a hint to me dat I warn’t a lady love no mo’, but dest a performer on dem instruments? I lay dat ef lie had a sent me a Chris’mas present of a cookin' stove an’ a wash tub as a Chris'mas gift befo’ we was married dere wouldn't haVe been no weddin’, an’ I would have busted dem over his haid.” “I ain’t a-tryin’ to account for de curious pe culiarities of husbands, which is de mos' rfndis- kivered nation of people dere is.” says Sis Ara minty, “but one of de strangest things 'bout, 'em is dat befo’ yer is married to one of ’em he can always remember dest whut yer would lak to have for a Chris'mas gift, an' lie’ll break his neck to git hit for ye, an’ after yer is married to him he never can tell to mind anything dat yer has spressified yerself as wantin’, an’ do onliest way dat yer can corkscrew a Chris'mas gift out of him at all is by remindin’ him ev'y mawnin’ for six months hefo’hand dat dey is gwine to celebrate Chris'mas on de 25th of December dis yeah. "By doin' dat, ef you yi got energy enough, yer can wuk him up tcMie pint wiiar a week befo’ Chris'mas he'll throw a dollar in yo’ lap, an' say for yer to go an' git yo'seif a Chris'mas present, dat he don’t know whut yer want, an’ dat yer couldn’t hire him to resk liis life in one of dem apartment sto’es." Sis Araminty,” says i, “I don’t know nothin' dat is mo’ calkilated to bust up love's young dream dan de way yo’ husband acts at Chris’ mas time. Why, heah I’ve been a discousin’ to ike lor de las’ six months on de subject of dese heah weepin’ wilier tedders, which I suttinly does hone after, hut yer reckon dat man is gwine to have gumption enough to take <gal hint dat I knocks him down wid ev’y mawnin' at breakfas', an' surprise me wid one of dem fod ders for a Chris’mas gif’? "N'awm. Hit's dollars to doughnuts dat he'll come smirkin’ in wid a red flannel petticoat in a set of union underwear fo’ my Chris'mas gif’, an’ den be mad becaze I don’t throw fits of gratitude, an’ say how was lie to know dat I wanted a weepin’ wilier fedder." "An' vet,” says Sis Araminty, who would do widout Chris'mas if dey could, no matter ef deir friends did send ’em embroidered whut-you-may call-’ettis dat dey don’t know de name of nor whut dey is for?" "Maybe so." I spons, "for 1 notices dot ev’y yeah at Chrisnias'time I swears off a-givin' or receivin' Chris'mas presents, an' dat 'bout dis time I begins to hant de sto'es, an’ run aroun’ wid de odder women a-lookin' for I-don’t-know- whut to give to 1-don't-know-who. But dere’s de Gawd's mercy in one thing—dal Chris'mas don't come but once a yeah.” The Sunday American Is Barred from the Atlanta Penitentiary because of Julian Hawthorne's great story in this issue, but it goes into The Homes of Dixie Get Your “Ad” Into It Make liui Yourself / —| - W hy Spend Money for Christmas Presents? Copyright, ISIS, by the Star Company. Great Britain Fights Reserved. E TRU8CAN BOOK MARK-—Something decidedly classy and all to the e-class and o-fay may be manufactured right at home First ven ture into the laundry and select one clothespin. This should he at pure, unadulterated wood. Having selected the clothespin, now gild tt, and when it is dry tie a ribbon around the neck. You can distinguish the neck as being on the opposite end from the two legs of the clothes pin. This will make g dainty present to give to some of your wealthy relatives. A DAINTY EGG HOLDER -Secure a small safe- a second-hand safe, such as is built into the wail of a bong tong apartment house for miladi’s jew'els will do. Line this safe with cotton batting and cover with velvet. Cover the outside with white enamel. It is now ready for use. This will make a splendid present for ary of your millionaire friends who may now and then invest in an egg and desire to keep it over night before serving it to the family. A RECHERCHE ASH TRAY—An ash tray should be in every home —in fact, two of them, one for the furnace down cellar and one for the den or smoking room. This tray is for the den. Secure a sardine can. Lav on the stove until the ragged edge melts off Now paint it a tobacco brown with a border of ashes of roses, and nail it at a corner of the card table. Whan the tray is full of ashes, all that is necessary to empty it is to remove the cards and other things on the table and tip the table upside down until the ashes fall out of the tray. A ROOMY PAPER RACK—Why be bothered with having papers scattered all about the house or your friend's house? Why not make them an attractive and roomy paper rack? This is very easy to make. FlrBt secure a barrel. Saw this open lengthwise. Cover this with tin foil. You can get enough tin foil from three thousand flfty-cent cigars to do this. Ornament the edges with brass-headed tacks and line the inside with plush or velvet or brocaded satin or any cheap material. Place the decorated half-barrel in the corner and use it for tossing papers into. One of these racks will hold almost an entire Sunday paper. A HANDY COAT AND HAT RACK—The ordinary hall racks are al- together too common. You can make a hat and coat rack of unusual pat- tern that will prove a novelty for the front hall of any home by follow ing these directions carefully. Secure of some contractor an old second hand wheelbarrow. Fasten this to the wall with the barrow side In. The two legs that stick out will provide a place for hanging several coats. Y'ou can lay your hats on the top of the barrow and stick your goloshes and gumshoes between the spokes of the barrow wheel. It would be best to either paint this with bronze or gilt or silver paint and decorate it with ribbons. KITCHEN CABINET—The trouble with most kitchen cabinets is that they will not hold enough. You can make a splendid kitchen cabinet In which to keep both provisions and other things, and by placing this cabinet inside the ice chest you will be able to preserve foods remark ably well. To go about this properly, order a case of beer and forget to return the case. For the benefit of every one—few people know this— it should be said there are twenty-four bottles in a case and twenty-four compartments in the case, each compartment being a square pigeon hole just the size of a beer bottle. It will be readily seen that such a com partment will be large enough to hold an ordinary $4 or $5 roaBt of beef or other meat. You can keep an egg in one compartment, the lamb chop in another, and the roast of beef in another, using the remaining com partments for various food stuffs.. Cover the case wdth some thick paint to hide the name of the brew ery, and the cabinet Is complete. A RARE PAPERWEIGHT—If you have any literary friends they will greatly appreciate a paper weight. If you are clever you can sneak into a coal yard some dark night or climb up on a locomotive tender and get a lump of coal without being caught and arrested for grand larceny. With this priceless lump of coal you have the nucleus of a rare and ex pensive paper weight. Wash the lump carefully and with gold paint put the monogram of the friend you are to give it to on one side. Do not cover with gold paint as it might be mistaken for a nugget of gold or something cheap like that instead of genuine coal. AIGRETTE DE LA GRATIN—To be able to give a friend a handsome aigrette is to be able to show considerable class at Yuletlde. Any one can make a'handsome aigrette with Just as many imported heron feath ers in it as there are in nine hundred out of every nine hundred and three aigrettes sold. First secure a small feather duster. Before removing the wooden handle hold it over the coals until all the tickle part of the feathers has been singed away. Now dip what’s left in a can of black enamel paint and shake, then dry. Remove the wooden handle and bind with velvet, and you will have a nandsome aigrette. ARTS AND CRAFTS SALT SHAKER—To be real classy, make an arts and crafts salt shaker. You can make any number of these for your friends at small cost. Save up your cigarette boxes. After remov ing the cigarettes and the loose debris that oozes out of the cigarettes under the general classification of "tobacco,” glue the box together so it will not open. On one side near the bottom make an opening over which you fasten a sw-inging flap. Now take silver paint and paint the box. With a knitting needle make a number of holes in the top edge. Fill the box with salt, and you will have an unnsualiy nnique salt shaker. A VARZE—Any one can afford to make a present of a vase, but a '■varze” is something else again. By following our instructions you can prepare a splendid varze at small cost. First begin to save up egg shells. One can never tell the difference between cold Btorage egg shells and fresh egg shells, since all the egg shells we ever get are of the former variety. Purchase at the ten-cent store a large plain vase. Now break the egg shells in small fragments and by means of liquid glue cover the ordinary vase with these egg shells after the manner of a crazy quilt pattern or a cutout puzzle. When this is finished you will have what is apparently a priielsso vturzje made of etg