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II / i ft E TIE AH ST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA. HA.. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21. 1013. Jeff as a Terror When He Gets Started By “Bud” Fisher Copyright. 1913. by the Star Company. Grqp Hrltaln Rights K^urved ^tJoo HOO ' i>AY MUTT K &UY DOW 5TKJEET OUi»T Kir Mb tW TK6 feYC YlUtD OF GUTi IMPOSlMt ON YOU OUJ.T ftt<Aui£ rou'Rt LlTTLe. I'LL, do Down fSNC) t„^ t (, uyi l<eNj oFF rH6 mnd of a pai J- fm > flu *£• MUTT'i A EILfcTTY GOOD OLD FR.I6ND AT THAT. HE. 6EfVTS Mfe uP 1 ?>UT HF WON'T LET AMTBOOT ] tube do it. SAY! you nrrot simp you OOdnr S lo L.E AS.MAM6D OF YOUH56LF. THAT fcuY ' AIN'T A% OK. AS> YOU Ag.6.. NOW TOO do l out YOL»ft.»fcLF And Get that (Sink ALONeo'L.' NtMfeP s— DAk-LfcN '-HIS J <£• DOOR- Afe« THe LITYve GINR UjHO hit JCFF l-bNl'T HALFAi 5'fc AS himself. ud Get pinched p ok Mup-oe*. IF T ’D HIT HIM. JfcFF Ia/ILL. e>EftT him EASY ln/eLl, 1 CERTAINLY Got euest with him. T'U SET HE NEyEEL f m/WAT DID 1 CAUGHT a moth ) And threw it Xoas Fun irom HEARST’S MAGAZINE Reprinted by Permission from the Current (December) Number of HEARST’S MAGAZINE E WOLF DE WOLF HOPI’EH. la to Laugh. HOPPER nays this Is true: "A man excit edly rushed Into the office of a dentist ’ Do you give gas here?’ cried he. “ ‘Certainly,’ re plied the dentist “ ’Does It put one to sleep?' " ’Yes,’ said the dentist. “ ‘Could you break his Jaw or blacken his eyes and he wouldn’t feel It?* “ 'He would certainly know it nothing of it.’ ”’How long would he sleep T “ ‘Probably about a minute.’ re plied the dentist. " ‘Well, I guess that would he long enough,’ eahl the man. 'Have you got it all remly?’ “ ‘Certainly; tnke a seat and let me see that tooth.' “ ’Tooth nothing!' cried the man. removing his coat, 'I want a poroua plaster pulled off my back.’ ’’ A ugustus thomas looked thoughtful as he helped him self to a tempting bit of French pastry. “What Is it. Gun? Out with It!” abjured a fellow diner at the famous board on the Lambs’ Club, in New York. “I was only thinking.” responded the noted playwright “of what hap pened to me In Paris, oue day. 1 wa» finishing off with pastry In a restaurant where I frequently dined when In Paris, and 1 became con siderably Interested In the little boys In white caps and aprons »ho de liver the goods of the pastry-cooks. "One morning one of these boys brought me some eakee, and 1 aald to him: “ 'Do you like the oake*. young man?’ “He stared at me but gave me no answer. “ ‘I suppose you get the benefit of one of these cakes yourself some- uaw>. Oya t Lw*b “Tardon, sir, I don’t understand,’ he said. ’"Why, you est a cake now and then, don’t you?’ I said trying to make myself clear. ’’’Oh, eat them, sir?’ he responded, a light breaking over his face. ’No, Indeed, sir, that wouldn't do at all. I only lick them as I come along, sir.” " F rancis .burton harrison, who comes from sn old Vir ginia family, and Is to he Governor of the Philippines, tells this story. "Down In n Southern town where I onced lived there was an old color ed man named Uncle Samp, who wns the owner of a mule. He had more respect for thRt mule than he had for any person. "Ope day the mule was missing Uncle Samp was about craiy. Al though he searched everywhere the mule whs not to be found. Finally, when night came, and brought no signs of the animal. Uncle Samp, was ready to collapse with grief. "’Uncle Samp,’ I said, In an effort to console him, ’I'll tell you what to first time that day, he smiled. '"Well, sah,’ he said, Mat mule ob mine am cert’nly a powahfu! smaht anlmlle, as I’se tillers de clared. Rot smaht ns be Is. sah, be can't read de newspapahsl" ’ RANK B KELLOG. President •I" 1 of the American Bar Associa tion, tells the story of a forlorn man W. >1. i MASK. He I’ahita. Kll.lMi REI.LOU, Lawyer*’ |»re*le. who was brought before a western magistrate, charged with drunkeness and disorderly conduct. When asked what he had to say for himself he gazed pensively at the Judge and launched forth: “Your honor, ‘man's Inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn.’ I’m not so debased as Swift, ns profligate as Byron, an dissipated as Poe, or as debauched as—” “That will do,” thundered the magistrate* “Thirty days, and officer, tuke a list of those names and run ’em in. They're as bad a lot as he is.” US THOM \S. Flay -Mnkrr. do r. m rt HARRISON. I‘‘r»f Old Ylrgfnny Just advertise for the mule.’ "'What's dat?' queried Uncle Bam. "'Advertise for him,' 1 explained. 'Have a piece put In the paper say ing he bus been lost. 1 believe that will bring him back If anything will.' Uncle Samp looked at me for a mouuigl ui surprise, then, for the W LI JAM M CHASE, whose name has ever stood for artistic achievement, figures amusingly In a transaction concerning himself and an unartistio Congressman who owns a bad painting. "Isn’t that grand?" the latter re marks when pointing out his pur chase. “A great bargain, too. Got it for four hundred dollars, and Wil liam M Chase says It Is worth ten Uiousaud dollars.” A friend of the painter heard this statement, and took it to Chase who smilingly explained: “He cornered me one day and wanted me to fix a value on It. but I told him 1 couldn't do it. He then came at me with a question I couldn't dodge: " ’Well, Mr. Chaee, how much would you charge to pelnt a plo- ture like that?’ “I assured him most earnestly that I wouldn't paint one like It for ten thousand dollars.” J OHN L. M’NAB, United States District Attorney, tells an amus ing story of a politician who oame from the country to a Western city for a day’s stay. He went to one of the popular hotel and reg istered, but was Invited out to dine at the home of a friend When his bill wns presented to him, he found the charge was for a day's board. Including dinner. He protested vigorously. The genial clerk ex> plained to him that the Ameri can plan was based strictly ou time, and that the fact that he had chosen to dine elsewhere had no effect up on the charge. He paid the bill, very much dis satisfied. Then. \ finding that meats { were still being served, he hur- rled Into one of the dining rooms, hastily seized the menu card, and jimvSY sttaii. ordered a very *• *• *■*>*>*»• suptuous repast, In an effort to “get even.” Finally he finished, and the waiter handed him a check for nine dollars. “What this for?’’ he demanded. "Your dinner, sir," replied the waiter. "Dinner!” he exolalmed. Indig nantly. “I have already paid for my dinner In my bill. I am stay ing here on the American plan.” “Then, sir," said the waiter, quietly, “you should have gone In to the other dining-room. This is the European plan tale." , The Week’s Fun Opulent, ISIS, by tHe Star Oompsny Great Britain Rlglita Rraanad. Her Usual Query. \ N elderly maiden In a New England village who Is always sent for by nephews and pieces when Interesting events occur In their households, had occasion to visit a dentist accompanied by a friend, another spinster. Gas was administered, and as the patient was coming out from Its Influence, the friend and the dentist were horrified by the maiden s excited exclamation: “Oh, doctor! Is It a boy or a girl?” A Superfluous Question. A CHICAGO lawyer recently received a call from a very well- groomed, stylish young person. "Sir,” said she, "I am In gTeat distress.” "Rlease state your case, Miss." "The difficulty i3 this: I have received three proposals of marriage, mid I do not know which to accept.” t After a painful pause, the lawyer, more In facetlooaness than any king else, asked: "Which man has the most money?" The young woman shrugged her Bhoulders. "Do you Imagine," sh« asked, ’’that If I knew 1 would consult you or any other lawyer?" A Chilling Grace. T HE leading church of a certain town in Indiana recently acquired as its pastor a grave and solemn divine from Boston. Shortly after his arrival the new minister dined with the town’s leading merchant. The effect upon the family of the Bostonian’s solemn demeanor Is best evidenced by a remark In regard thereto made by the eight year-old boy of the house. That night, as the lad’s mother was bidding him good-night, he said: ! ”Ma, It took a long time, didn’t It, to feel cheerful again after Dr, Blank had said grace?” “Either Way.” A CHRTA1N colored family of Atlanta was greatly cast down by the long-continued illness of the head thereof; but they were unable to extract much information In the matter from the quaint old family physician, whose vagaries they had put up with foi yeurs. One day the mother made a last attempt to get some definite an nouncement from the doctor, "lio you really think he will recover?” tie was asked. “Well,” said the doctor, clearing his throat and assuming a most solemn air, *‘I know how you feel with the winter cornin’ on and allj but it's too soon yet to tell. He may get well, and then again, ho may not; 1 can't encourage you yet, either way.” “I An Optimist. r.N a Baltimore restaurant.” said a New Yorker, "I encountered a colored waiter who certainly had a faculty for looking on the bright side. "One hot afternoon 1 entered the place where this man works, an establishment noted for the excellence of Its sea food. I ordered soft- shell crabs. When they caqne I was not particularly struck with them. ” 'Walter,' said I, ’these crabs are very small.’ “ ‘Yessuh.’ “‘And they don't seem especially fresh.’ “ 'In dat case suh,’ suggested my servitor. In the suavest of tones, in dat case, guh, It's lucky they is small, ain't It}’” Play Ball! TiOHB Special Price With 1 Heading of The American or Georgian Postage Extra With 1 Heading of The American or Georgian Weight 30 Ounces The Game Complete in Every Detail NOT a TOY, but a GAME Play Some Features of the Game BALLS. A batter may “get on" by drawing four balls. Some of the provisions In connection with a “ball” cover a “wild pitch and passed ball;” runner out at tempting to steal second; runner safe stealing second or third. STRIKES. A strike either may be called or a foul. In conjunction with a strike, a runner may be enabled to steal home or be put out In the effort to steal third. OUTS. Put-outs are indicated, such as “third to first;” “fly to center;” “double play, second to first,” etc. A groan or a cheer, accord ing to one’s sympathies, often ac companies a double play with one out. HITS. Singles, two-baggers, three- base hits and home runs are all provided for. Just as in the reg ular game, three-base hits are scarcer than two-baggers, and home runs are not at all com mon. Frequently a game is played with very little hitting, the batters going out “one, two, three.” SCORING. Indicators are provided to reg ister the rune and hits of the vis iting team. Indicators for strikes, balls and outs also are provided and also an innings in dicator for each team. Runners on bases are also shown and the team at bat is not overlooked. All these devices are self-contain ed and neither pencil nor paper is required to score the game. Call to-day at The American and Georgian office. If you can’t call, ascertain from postmaster the postage on a thirty-ounce game by parcel post from Atlanta. Send it with 50c and one American or Georgian heading. Hearst's Sunday American and Atlanta Georgian Circulation Department 20 East Alabama Street, Atlanta, Georgia —re-