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L I mmmm 7 E TT KARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA. OA.. SUNDAY. 1)I'< 'KM HER 21, IMS. Do Your Christmas Shopping Early By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist A Wheeze or Two The Wrong Hunch. ijyES," he was saying, "as a mat- -*- ter of fact, a man doesn’t '■am what happiness really is, until le is married.” "I'm glad you’ve discovered that it last,” replied she, with visions of immediate proposal. ’ Yes.” he continued; "and whan tie’s married it’s too late.” “Well, Ikey, do yon remember anything you learned at school to-day’ ’ “Yes; it said in one of he books, ‘In the bright lexicon of you)it there is no sueh word as ‘fail.’ ” “And 'hey teach you things li'.e that ’” Lcl Him Out. I A YOUNG woman tried t" be aris- Ca four?!if. ai'fl *li<l not look at the money that lie save t<» Hie trnmcnr coii 1 hie tor; hut lie meekly gnve her bark the lozenge * o wiiieh was writ- ten. “I’ll never < ea> ■ t<* love thee,” find ''Hid that he was an orphan with five littfo brothers to support, and imust be excused. F,n Passant. it IN’ ve fell from a window, .terry? A How far was it ye fell?" "Tin stories." ’ "Well. well, that was a great fail! And what did ye think of on your way down?” "Whol. I didn't think of nothin' until t passed th’ fifth story. Thin I romlinhered I left me pii>e on the window-sill.” Impossibility. TO man can serve two masters,' I ■'•'observed the good parson who I was visiting the penitentiary. “I know it,” replied^ Convict 1313. I'm in here for bigamy.” That’s the Point. HAKESPEARE says there are ^ sermons in stones.” “And object lessons,” added the 'militant suffragette, “in windows.” Sdop Early— Especially If You’re THE MORNING SMILE WEX JONES Editor Spending Some O Her Person’s Money. Vol. IV. Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, December 21, 1918. No. 24. Hints for the Farmerette By F. P. PITZER t “Drop That Egg! What Do You Know About Jewelry.’ IN THE SMILE'S LETTER BOX. f SHORTER DAYS. TO THE EDITOR—1 have often wondered why the days are shorter in Winter than in Sum mer. In fact I have puzzled over this problem until I am almost dippy. So far as that goes, I may really be dippy, for I notice people look at me strangely as 1 iigure out this problem. R. JAMES JAMS. (Can the worrying stuff. The days are just as long in Win ter as they are in Summer. It gets dark earlier, that’s all.—Ed.) PORTO RICO. TO THE EDITOR—We beg to report as follows on Porto Rico: A. It is an island, being al most entirely "surrounded by casional dash of shark. B. Porto Rico is an island. C. As islands go, it is a very good island. D. Porto Rice is an Island. E. There is a lot of water all around Porto Rico. THE COUNSELLOR. THE DUKE. Did You Know That— e’s Your Present No More Worry. Just Glance Over the Smile’s List of Gifts. Mark Cross (X) Against One You Wish to Buy. Then Go Out and Buy It. Copyright, 1913. by Star Company. Great Britain Bights Referred I N response to the 50,000 letters sent out by Secretary of Agriculture Houston to the wives of farmers, requesting suggestions as to what the department can do to help them, several inquiries have been received by Secretary Houston which cannot be answered Intelligently by the talent in his office, and consequently he has forwarded them to the City Life Section for reply. With the aid of the bucolic high brows and suburban sages on our staff, we give the following excellent advice; IF YOU HAVEN’T THE MONEY, MARK YOUR CHOICE ANYWAY. IT DOESN'T COST YOU A CENT. THIS WAY, PLEASE. FOR HE (or him.) f Never could remember that grammatical fluff anyway.) If he has whiskers, a RAZOR. It will last longer if he doesn’t use It, and besides, he may have FOR SHE (or is it her?) Charlotte Hjertberg, of Bunk Cove, interrogs: "I am a widder and have several cows Inherited from my last and final husband, who woke up one morning dead. I cannot sell all the milk which they are exuding, so, therefore, I have decided to make butter in accordance with a receipt furnished me by an Irish Swede named Ole O'Margerine. I am too poor, however, to buy a churn and I want to know how to make one at home. I have writ for this information to the editor of the Christian Adviser, and to the Epi5copallan Epoch, but evidently the editors are not familiar with engineering. Can you help a poor widder?” lost one of his original legs trying to kick a Federal mule in the Civil War. While dozing In a s3w-mill the other day he absent- mindedly flung his wooden leg onto a buzz saw, which was mara- thoning around like a gas meter, mistaking it for the back of a kitohen chair. The loss of this leg woke him up, and he imme diately hopped Into the woods, sawed up the trunk of a chestnut tree and adjusted that to his stump. Yesterday, just as he sat down at the dining table, he Jumped up suddenly and put his hand In his back pocket. Upon investigation we learned that the tree trunk had sprouted and Uncle Benjamin had accidently sat down upon a chestnut burr. What can we do to relieve Uncle? An swer soon.’’ You can send Uncle to some nurseryman or horticulturist to h e treated. A little pruning is al' that Is necessary. This cannot be ac complished by feeding him on prunes. Perhaps lining his trousers with burr lap might help. corns. SOAP SOUP COAL AN EGG CIGARS OR SMOKES FRIED HOMINY WOOLWORTH BUILDING COLLAR BUTTON TROUSERS SHOES DIAMONDS TWO-CENT STAMP FOR A BOY Silk Hat Harry has a new one;—“Drop that egg, what do you know about jewelry?" ('No question of grammar there, If theref Or ain't there? (Hang thefe grammatical prob lems anyway.) SLIT (to put In Skirt) PAINTINGS by Rembrandt, or Howard Chandler, Christy Mathewson. POWDER (gun or talcum) CANARY VACUUM BROOM HUSBAND A VOTE GRILLED ICE CREAM SHOE LACES A COUGH DROP LIMOUSINE THE EARTH It will afford us great pleasure, madam, to give you the information asked, for we believe In that old adage, "One good churn deserves an other.” By explicitly following out the Instructions given below a vary handy, ornamental and substantial churn can be made at home. First, get three high silk tiles and cut the brims from ail of them and the top -from one of them. Take one with the top on and place it upon your floor with the bowl facing the ceiling. This will be the bottom of your churn. Then take a tile with the brim and top cut off, and use that for a middle piece, fl*flng it on to the base hat as you would two pieces of stovepipe. Then fit the third hat on to these two, making sure that the top of this third hat laces the ceiling. In the centre of this cut a hole. Then saw the handle from your broom and tack to the bottom of it a phonograph disk. Your churn is now complete and it has not cost you more than twenty or twenty-five dollars. MICKEY’S XMAS Copyright. 1313. by the Star Comp I WON’T get no presents. ’Cause I ain’t got no dad. Nor Christmas tree, nor stockin'* Chee! I wisht I had! (treat Britain Rights Reserved. I hands the “Merry. Merry!” Even to the cops FOR A GIRL Snow is white because—well because there is nc color in it? RIFLE (the utility of this de pends on the kind of elghbors you nave.) Mars is said to be 'inhabited and none of its inhabitants has ever contradicted the rumor? water, in which there is au oc- Owlng to the high price of eggs, omelettes are now made of gravel? * GUN AIRGUN SWORD BULLETS DRUM DYNAMITE PISTOL REVOLVER SPEAR CARTRIDGES BUGLE BOMB (or for THE girl, If you have one. F. 8.—WUh we had one owreelves.) No use putting anything In this list. She’ll tell you herself what she wants. Y’ou may not know that she does, but it’s a fac’ all the same. Sarah Williams, of Giggle Gorge, Kentucky, scribbles: can I get a well on my dry land?’’ ’How OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT. Shop early. Easy. Go to some large manufacturing town like Pittsburgh, or Gowanus, and while no one Is looking swipe one of the brick chimneys from a factory. Une about forty feet high, of good Philadelphia brick will do. When yon get this home stand it on the spot where the well Is desired, and with a pile driver, which any nearby contractor will be glad to loan you, hammer the thing into the ground, leaving about three feet of it sticking out on which to hang the old oa ken buck-kuk-ket, that mo-hoss co-hovered buck-kuk-it. Let yourself down into this well and with a sponge probe for water. Do tbis all winter until spring comes. There is nothing better than spring water for a well. Bht if you spring water on a Kentucky resident trouble is likely to start unless the water 's accompanied by a piece of soap. Some kids wak-s up early To find out w’at they got! An’ count to see how many! Chee! They're lucky! Wat? I’ve put off punchin' Muggsy, The guy I'm goin’ to lick, ’1 ill Christmas Day is over— He hit me wid a brick. But, anyway. I’m happy. Y’u can’t help feelin’ gay. The Christmas Spirit grabs y u. I don’t expect no ice skates Nor coastin’ sleds, because It’s only swell guys that stands in Wit’ Mister Santa Claus An’ makes y’u feel that way. Everybody's jolly: The stores is full of toys. An’ Christmas trees, with candy An’ things fer other boys. He don’t come down our alles. He hardly could get t’rough. An' den he’s much too busy Up on the a'venoo. I feel so kind a diff’runt Wen Christmas lime is here! I can’t be blue because it’s cold. I'm hoistin' wit’ good cheer 1 Don’t get the wrong impression, 1 hat I’m a kickin', see! That baby stuff’s rer pikers. An’ cryin’s nix wit’ me! fjyrj Jansen, of Shingletop, writes; "My Uncle Benjamin It sorter seems, at Christmas, My sciappin’ blood just stops. But if you're rich an’ lucky. Wit’ more than you need, say, E-member that it’s Christmas. An’ slip some Mickey’s wayl r 1 'j i » n - 1 it £1