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THE GEORGIAN’S N Up-to-Date Jokes "You naughty, cruel boy!” said the verj fashionably dressed young wom an, who was taking a stroll in the park, (o the urchin whom she found despoiling a bird's nest. "How can you be so heartless as to take those eggs? Think of the poor mother-bird when she comes back and "That's all right, miss,” interrupted the boy; "the mother-bird is dead.” The young woman’s expression re flected disbelief. "How do you know?” she asked, sharply. " 'Cos I sees 'er on your 'at,” was the reply. * * * The cabby regarded with a gleam of delight the taxi which had broken down, but did not speak. The chauffeur began operating on his machine. He turned and twisted it, and banged it, but to no avail, and still the cabby spoke not. Then the chauffeur wiped his brow, and the cabby, still with the gleam in his eye, crossed over. “ ’Ere,” he exclaimed, grimly, hold ing out his whip. "’Ere yer are, mis ter; ‘it 'irn with this.” * * * That is a good story which has been told about Cecil Rhodes and the but tons of his jacket. A habit with him was to make a particular coat so much a favorite that he -would wear it every day. One coat which had been through this ordeal tie sent at last to the tailor to be cleaned and mended, and he got back the reply: “We regret that all we can do with the garment is to make a new coat to match the buttons.” of cake, lady, to hasn't had a bite was the unusual re- a disreputable-looking “Have you a piece give a poor man who for two days?” quest made by tramp. "Cake?” said the woman, in sur prise, “Isn’t bread good enough for you?” She looked at him coldly, but he did not flinch. “Ordinarily, yes ma’am; but this Is my birthday!” explained the tramp. * * * During a football match in the North a spectator persisted in making loud remarks about the conduct of the ref eree. At last the official went up to him and said: “Look here, my man, I’ve been watch ing you for about the last fifteen min utes!” “Ah thowt so,” came the scathing reply—“Ah thowt so! Ah knew varry weel tha wasn’t watching t’ game!” jubilant hubby’s Mrs. Newlywed was fairly over her first pie. It was duty to sample it. “Your motheT never baked your fath er a pie like that, did she, darling?” said she, as poor hubby tried to eat it. “No, dear,” he replied. “Father is still alive and hearty.” “Yes,” said the meek looking man, ‘T’ve no doubt you’ve had some great hunting experience in your travels abroad.” "1 have, -indeed.” “Buffalo hunting” “Yes.” “And bear bunting” “Of course.” “Well, you let my wife take you house hunting experiences in your travels Then you’ll begin to know- what real excitement is.” * * * “You are absolutely impossible, El len,” said the mistress of the house, who was a notorious fault-finder. ”] thought you said you were a lady’s maid ?” “And so I was, ma’am,” calmly re plied the girl, “until I came to work for you!” * * * Mr. Lloyd George has been telling seme stories bearing- on his own un popularity with his political oppo nents. One of them is about a man who was presented with a testimonial for saving someone from drowning. The hero modestly deprecated the rraises showered upon him. "Really, I have done very little to rfeserie this reward,” he said. “I saw the man struggling in the water, and, as no one else was by, I knew he would be drowned if I didn’t save him. So I jumped in, swam out to him, turned him over to make sure he wasn’t Lloyd George, and pulled him out.” • • • that then Maiden—“What’s this ‘trough of the sea’ we read about?” Forney—"Oh, I guess that it is wl.at the ocean gTeyhounds drink out of." • * • Yes, gentle reader, the carabao Is strictly a water buffalo. t Might call the America cup defender something like The Newest Nail. * • * England is shy 500,000 babies, -says Lord Rosebery. The care lessness of those English nurse girls. * * * San Domingo objects to “obser vation” of its elections. Very strange if the Dominicans court ed observation. Few murderers do. * * * Mexican revolutionists are said to be using cannon balls made of silver. The odds against the mor, however, are more than to 1. * * * "Lucille,” said a haughty lady.- "Yes. madam,” the maid answered. "Look out of the window and see if ny person is using the ocean. If not, may bathe.” ru- 16 36Tb.—FEATHER BEDS—$6.30. New, clean, odorless, sanitary and lustless feathers. 6-pound Pillow- $1.00 er pair. Satisfaction guaranteed, agents wanted. Write for FREE cata- :>g. outhern feather and pillow CO., Dept. 1228, Greensboro, N. C. e Weekly Georg BRINGING UP FATHER FATHER - DEAR I HAD A STATUE OP THE VfMU^> OF J^U.0 SENT HERE C.CM& * WILL TOO PKi EOFUT VHEn IT COMELY 0 SURE- 5uT WHAT lt> THE VENU’b OP vht - Domr You KNOW? the. wat I WHAT l*> IT- daughter? ■> r bAY-WHEN that statue CONES -e>RtN<, the nan V is Down ^JAIF^ WITH T now; There •T is‘SIR! SILK HAT HARRY’S DIVORCE SUIT yi*u^! TW* OLD &0Y v- ' , ot/T op f»e hoJPital eh ■ Glad Tt> tJ-war vou r *€‘ ONCE OVJ6A OUiTTHe* OLD POLLY AND HER PALS m6oni nl 1 1 im y'j Dwi j #MOW MlTTHiw' OF f THE RlUDi oJTr Aw, R4 yfou do So! MA ALMte TEu* \WoO VX/HAT 6rM> ME For } Christ M/4^! -ne /4lMY I TOLE VibO A tflLLlOM JlrttS I DON 7 KNOW MO MORW AW, Comb om, Pa,) PL£A£,PAI I Teased y'L/Kt Cuk&MAt tiu vfc^ 'Told Ml AM' DO THE m’JE#! WR OS iOL SVSTEM wu Thi£ s/ear. MADl IT A FOfiToC UP iM I J XXK Be Still Room for Reform. "Samuel,” said Mrs. Sternwife, “you have not yet told me what good re solve you have made since your birth day.” “Why, my dear,” protested Sam, “you know that I have no small vices or bad habits at all. Don’t you know 7 that you have induced me to stop card playing and smoking and drink ing and going- out at nights, and everything else I used to think that I wanted to do?” “Yes, my dear,” answered Mrs. Sternwife; “but it sometimes seems to me that you read the advertise ments of liquors and cigars with a sinful satisfaction. It would be better for you if you should sternly and firmly resolve to shun them here after.” And poor Samuel shrank farther and farther into the nice new house coat that she had made for him from her dolman. See that 1920 is the tercentena ry- of the Plymouth Rock. Thought the Leghorn was the oldest breed. Starting- Result; A butcher whose business steadily declining, owing ch rival having set up on th side of the street, confided 1 ister that he saw nothing to close his shop and leave t The clergyman suggested baps he had not made seri to retain the trade; but the l