Newspaper Page Text
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"Feel this, Henry,” he said, "and
tell us what it is.”
The blind man put his hand in the
scoop, passed its contents through his
fingers and said in a firm, confident
tone, "sand.”
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set apart for their use at one end of
the room. When the signal was given
to commence, the carver, before whom
was a large turkey, asked the waiter
to inquire of each guest what portion
he would like before he started carv
ing.
Each one professed a desire to have
a leg, and on this being told the carv
er, he was somewhat confused; but
rising, he exclaimed:
“Gentlemen, I should like to oblige
you all, but this is turkey I’m carv
ing, not a blessed spider.”
* * *
A little boy of 5 was invited to d
children’s party. The next day he
was giving an account of the fun, and
said that each of the little visitors
had contributed either a song, a reci
tation or music for the pleasure of
the rest. •
“Oh, poor little Jack!” said his
mother. "How very unfortunate you
could do nothing!”
"Yes, 1 could, mother,” replied the
young hopeful. “I stood up and said
my prayers!”
• * •
In an account of a social gather
ing a reporter described one of the
lady guests, who was of exceptional
stature, as possessing a form “that
Juno might envy.” The next morn
ing, however, he read in the paper
that the lady possessed a form “that
Jumbo might envy!”
* * *
Whistler had a French poodle of
which he was extravagantly fond.
This poodle was seized with an af
fection of the throat, and Whistler
had the audacity to send for the great
throat specialist, Mackenzie.
Sir Morell, when he saw that he had
been called to treat a dog, didn't liko
it much, it was plain. But he pre
scribed, pocketed a big fee, and drove
away. The next day he sent p ist
haste for Whistler. On his arrival,
Sir Morell said, gravely:
“How do you do, Mr. Whistler? I
wanted to see you about having my
front door painted.”
* * *
Lord Henry Bentinck once hap
pened to attend a church on a week
day festival, when the interior w 13
decorated with flowers and ever
greens, while very few worshipers
were present. After the service the
parson said to Lord Henry:
“May I ask what you thought of
the service?”
"Plenty of cover, but very litt.e
game,” was the witty reply.
:*t * ♦
Mr. Lloyd George has been telling
some stories bearing on his own un
popularity with his political oppo
nents. One of them is about a man
who was nresented with a testimonial
for saving someone from drowning.
The hero modestly deprecated the
praises showered upon him.
“Really, I have done very little to
deserve this reward,” he said. I saw
the man struggling in the water, arid,
as no one else was by, knew he
would be drowned if I didn’t save
him. So I jumped in, swam out to
him turned him over to make sure
that he wasn’t Lloyd George, and
he Cabaret
By James Swinnerton
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Want Ads
HELP WANTED—MALE
LOCAL REPRESENTATIVE WANTED. No can
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sured. Address National Co-Operative Realty Co.,
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SALESMEN WANTED.
SELL TREES -Fruit trees, I’ecan trees. Shade tr, ea.
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Write to-day. SMITH BROS., Dept. 39. Concord,
Ca- i
MISCELLANEOUS.
MARRY—Many rich, congenial and anx
ious for companions. Interesting par
ticulars and photo free. The Messenger,
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MARRY RICH—Matrimonial paper of
highest character, containing hundreds
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Sealed. Either sex Write to-day. One
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Cor Club. Box 607, Grayslake. 111.
THE GEORGIAN’S NEWS BRIEFS
Georgian’s Comic Page
By George McManus
Up-to-Date Jokes
The principal grocer of a small
country town was chatting with sev
eral customers when a discussion
arose as to the wonderful sense of
touch the blind have.
"Here comes old blind Henry Per
kins now,” said the grocer. "We’ll
test him.”
He took a scoopful of sugar and ex
tended it to the old man.