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There’s More Than One Way to Get Waited On
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It’s An
In
Wind—
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Vol. V
The Smile’s Out
door Handbooks
Complete Guide fo;”;f;;l;ateur in All Forms
* of Woodgraft.
OGS are not of much use
D in the woods, but since
this series covers all
woodgraft topics, we've just got
to say something about them.
There are many varieties of
dogs which may be used in the
woods. Bird dogs are used for
finding birds, bulldogs for find
ing bulls, gun dogs for finding
guns, and gay dogs for finding
gaiety.
A pointer is not much use in
the woods, for if you follow
where he points you will prob
ably run your beak against a
tree. A setter is much to be
preferred, as he can be ‘employed
to set on any salmon eggs you
may find. Next to this a Pekin
ese is most useful for peeking
through the thick prush, while a
dachshund is useful for such
gurvey work as measuring dis
tances.
The best way, however, for
the amazeur is to take with him
oae spectmen of each breed of
dog. This will require a special
srain of about ten cars, but the
slight extra expense is not worth
considering when you think of
the advantage of always having
the right dog at hand in case of
emergency.
Of course, it is possible for
any one to “dog it” without hav
ing a dog. and a woodsman may
also doggone it all bY his lone
some, but.this is slighting the
THE MORNING SMILE
WEYX. JONES Editor
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, July 19, 1914.
canine family. In any event,
none but a Sherlocko can suc
ceed in dogging a man's foot
steps without aid.
Other things, such as a dog
trot, dogzdays, dogwood are too
technical for a book like this,
intended for tired business men,
whose idea of the woods is that
they're the place the beer is
drawn from.
For the woodenman who is
fond of the chase, there is noth
ing like a hound. What could be
nobler than a bloodhound, fox
hound or a good rumhound?
None of them will ever quit the
pursuit of its prey. And then
there are the terriers. A fox
terrier will terry a fox until it
drops, and similarly a Scotch
terrier will worry a bottle of
Scotch while it has a leg to
stand on.
In addition to these, a good
watchdog should be taken along.
One of these will earn its price
in a single day by running down
watches and bringing them to
its owner, Just as a sheep dog
will fnake the sheep go, s 0 a
watchdog will make your watch
gO.
(Hey, cut out this stuff.—The
Boss. Righto, our watchdog has
run down anyway.—Us.)
T e
Our Weekly Health Hint.
Don’t drown in salt water.
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist. '
Copyright, 1814, by Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved.
@
DE SERTED -
WHERE ARE AL THE .
WAITERS /m
SOME FISH))
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Did You Know That—
Eggs are a by-product with the
hen, and the same thing, only
spelled buy, with the consumer?
A vegetarian {s one who eats
vegetables, but a tractarian
doesn’t eat tracts?
A traction magnate is not a
tractarian?
And very seldom is he tracta
ble?
And one can be a great pitcher
if he is able to strike out enough
men?
John Barleycorn has no juris
diction over barley water?
Among the Zulus there is no
such thing as divorce—when a
husband tires of his wife he sim
ply shuts her outside the kraal
at night and the lions attend to
the rest of it
— s e e e
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS.
eet i gty
FOR SALE—Leghorn hat; or
will exchange for Leghorn hen.
V. B, Smile office.
EXCHANGE-Will exchange a
pair of shoes, slightly resembling
a sieve, for lot in the Bronx, or
what have you? Jim Slathers,
Rahway, N. J.
TO LET—Kennel, suitable for
fox terrier or small family of five
persons. Millionaire, Smile office.
Rl e s
HELP WANTED-—Man about to
Are cook weighing 300 lbs. wants
help limmediately Pollcewoman
or militant suffragette preferred;
bring derrick. R. T., Smile office.
Second Hand.
Artist—The idea of that fel
low offering me $5 for that land
scape! Why, the canvas alone
cost me four dolliars,
Model—Ah, but that was be
fore you covered it with paint,
AEARSI'S SUNDAY AMEKICAN. ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, JULY 19, 1914
[N THE SMILE’S
LETTER BOX.
THE ROTUNDITY OF A HUS
BAND.
TO THE EDITOR—WIiII you
kindly discontinue “The Morning
Smile” hereafter, as my husband
laughs and grows fat. It is a
painful sort of amusement, as
he already weighs three hundred
pounds. If he continues to gain
weight from laughing at your
jokes 1 shall certainly have to
sue either you or the Sunday
American for the change in his
natural appearance.
MRS. WORRIED.
(Might try cut.
ting out his Sun
day breakfast.—
Ed.)
BIRTHDAYS.
TO THE EDITOR—What is
the best way to celebrate a
birthday?
THIRTY-NINE,
(Forget it.—Ed.)
GIVE IT UP.
TO THE EDITOR—Who was
the gazoob who fastened onto
women the term ‘‘gentler sex"”?
Was he kidding or was he just
plain daffy?
R. J. THORNTON.
GENEALOGY.
TO THE EDlTOR—Please give
me some genealogical dope on
the descendants of Noah.
NOAH WBBSTER.
(Sorry we have
not quite room
enough to give
you all the data
you require~Ed.)
HI! WAITER ! 4
VERY STRANGE
WE CANT GET DEAR ME
SOME ATTENTION-/ | ARE THEY AILL
HEY! THERE! ASLEEP?
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WAITER HE ISS )(T Lose)
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That’s Too
Sick
to Blow
No. 16.
. fiaiitns & SORAY, -2 )f ¥ ipl Bet AR T AL AR R
Ignorant Butcher. ,
SHE had picked up a few French phrases which she worked into her
talk on every possible occasion. Entering the butcher’'s shop one
day. she inquired if he had any “bon vivant.”
“Boned what, ma’am?” asked the butcher, puzzled.
“Bon vivant,” she repeated. “That's the French for good liver, you
know."”
Marke: Note.
ONE of our correspondents, after strolling down Fifth avenue of an
afternoon, tips us not to invest any money in petticoat concerns,
Thinking of Leisure.
MRS. PEAVISH says that if it were to do over again, no man need ever
ask for her hand until he had shown his.
An Amateur.
“SOME saintly folk in this town are always throwing the game of poker
at our unoffending head,” says a Georgia editor. “We want to say
once for all that we don’t know the game. If we had known it we'd be
richer. at this writing, by a house and lot, a gold watch and chain, and a
real diamond stud” .
His Seven Ages.
THE seven ages of man have been well tabulated by somebody or olherl
on an acquisitive basis. Thus:
First age—Sees the earth.
Second age—Wants it. :
Third age—Hustles to get it. E {
Fourth age—Decides to be satisfied with only about half of it
Fifth age—Becomes still more moderate.
Sixth age—Now content to possess a six-by-two strip of it.
Seventh age—Gets the strip. . £
More Proof.
A MAN worth $10,000,000 is no happier than a man worth $9,000,000.
. Money does not always bring happiness.
Mad Wag.
SUBURBA.\' RESIDENT—It's simply fine to wake up in the morningf
and hear the leaves whispering outside your window. j
City Man—lt's all right to hear the leaves whisper, but 1 never oouldl
stand hearing the grass mown’ oy _
: 1
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WHY! DEAR | ( WHATLL YE HAVE Lt
WIFEY OLDGIRL
THE PLACE ’
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JUST FOR FUN
Just Once.
TEACHER-——WfiHo. what is your greatest ambition? :
Willle—To wash mother's ears.
—
One Instance.
PFRSONALLY we try to belleve that progress never makes any mis
takes; but we often wonder why finger bowls were invented after
forks.
Oy
No Wonder.
SHE was well over eighty years of age, and for the first ttme in her life
she had been taken to a picture palace. As she came out & friend
met her in the vestibule. :
“Hope you enjoyed yourself, Mrs. Jones?” she exclaimed.
“Yes,” replled the old dame, “I did. But I'm gettin’ that deaf nowe
days 1 couldn’t bear a word they sald!™
Don’t Doubt It. }
JIM BROWN lives in a community noted for the corruption of its poll
tics. He drove Into town the other day with an old horse.
“Hello,” sald his friend Bill. “That horse of yours looks almost old
enough to vote.”
“Ye.as,” drawled Jim. *“He has voted two or three times.”™ i
ALMOST POETRY
“Maother, may | go out to tango?”
Yes, my darling daughter,
Hang your clothes upon.the hat
rack
And you'll be right In stylel
Little drops of water,
Littie grains of sand,
Make a mighty bother
When they get in your gear-box.
Lives of most men all remind us
We can make our lives the
same
And, departing, leave behind us,
Few regrets and a lot of bills,
N
An Essay from the Pencil
of Little Sammy Smithers
Copyright, 18914, by the Star Compan)
Great Britain Rights Reserved.
LIZE 1s a jerme aryplain,
F There 18 2 kinds of flize, te
| dratted flize which is ma's
kinder flize, and the dod.rotted
~ flize which i® pa's kinder flize. I
~ never see no .differense.
No 1 knose, why is a fil exsept
jerms live on them and jerms is
what doctors skair peepul with, I
see In a book that a fil carrys
sevun millyun jerms on his toe. I
tride to add up how menny tose
a fil has on 1 foot but everry
time | cought a fli and tride te
count his tose he wriggled them
sos | lost count. If a fii has got
five tose on 1 foot he would have
80 tose becaus he has 6 legs: I
tride to count up how menny jerms
that wood maik but it maid my
hed ake so I give up.
Flize 18 big fools carryin’ jerms
round and giving em rides for
nothing. Jerms ailn't no good to
flize they can't eat jerms and
besides flize is big fools if they
woodnt carrie jerms round pee
pul woodnt get skaired of em and
no 1 wood swat em and eet stickum
papir for em and maik traps and
things and then the flize would be
liked and maid petz of instead of
being . chased out of the hous all
the time.
Pa he laffed when {1 sprung this
but ma she sez i:am going to be a
grate man becaus'i can’think she
says' their is a great morul leson
in what 1 said and that lotz of pee
pul'is‘ltke flize and go round doing
meen things and getting haited
when' if they didn't do it peepul
wood Hke them better and she
looked at pa and said sum peepul
shud lern from the lipz of a child
from whitch wisdum comes and pa
acted reel funny and said dod rottit
what you looking at me for.
Ma she says jerms is like evul
deeds and started to talk moar
when pa says rottit 1 thort we was
talking about fiize but we mite
talk about chease or haylows or
mountings or lsickles or ple and
you wood begin to preech you orter
ben 'a- minister and ma says 1
wisht you was and pa says | wisht
{ was then 1 wood have a hole
flock of fiize.
{ went out and caught somé
flize then sos i cood learn sum
moar about them and i learnd that
if you pull boath wings orf he
doant fif round anny i gloodia fii
on ma's opra glassus to see if i
cood see a jerm but i eoodnt and
when ma cum back from the thee
tur she was mad 1 doant no why;
That is all { kno about flize,
My winged boat
Like bird afloat
Salled toward purple peaks remote,
And then my alarm went off.
England’s sun was slowly setting
At the close of one sad day.
But John Bull was feeling cheerful
Because he was thinking of the
canal.
“A book of verses underneath the
bough,
A loaf of bread, a Jug of wine and
thou,”
Doesn't sound half so nice
When It Is used as evidence In the
dlvorca‘coun )