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LIEUTENANT, HES A PEACH
AND HE'S GOT THE DougH!
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Charlie Case Talks About His Folks---in Vaudeville
EFORE telling you all a few things about my
B immediate family, I thought maybe you'd be
glad to hear some of the nice complimentary
things that have been said about me lately. I've
been making & tour of the suburbs this Spring, such
as Denver, St. Louis, Chicago, Pittsburgh,- Rhode
Island and Ohlo.
I have a few clippings which might be alluded
to as press notices. Very nice. Listen to this one:
“We wish Charlie Case would soon return to New
York.”—Pittsburgh Press.
Here's one from the Denver Nugget—a lttle ad
vance notice on my reappearance in that city: “We
hear Charlie Case is coming back next week. We
don’t know what act he’ll do, but we hope it will
pe the last.”
I hardly know how to proceed with my act befors
you—you seem to be such a Missourified kind of an
sudience. Sometimes I just sing a song, walk oft,
and let the andience call me back. And sometimes
they fool me.
The manager of this theatre is & very good friend
of mine. He never kids people, but he’s genuinely
complimentary. 1 met him in New York Monday
morning before I came down here, and he asked
me if 1 was going to sing I told him yes, I bad a
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SUNDAY S fiPAMERICAN (18
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INDAT S ILIATN S
s ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, JULY 19, 1914 ey —
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist.
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JEUTENANT, |
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brand new song with just one word to it. He said
he was glad of that. Wasn't that lovely of him?
Then I asked him if he wanted to hear it before
1 went on, and he said yes, he thought it might be
safer. So we went up an allay and I sang it for
him. Then I asked him if he thought it would be
better if I'd walk off right after the song. He sald,
“You can if you want to, but I'd advise you to run.”
Did I ever tell you what a wonderful girl Sister
Mary 18? She’s beautiful, and just as kind as she is
beautiful So kind to her mother, too. If there’s
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mother doesn't know how to do it, Mary always tells
her.
Sometimes we go to parties, and the boys take
torns in a game whers they are blindfolMed and
run around the room and catch the girls. When
the boy catches a girl, he either lras to kiss her or
give her a dollar. Well, do you know, Mary would
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thirty-five or forty dollars.
And there’s my brother, Hank Fine boy, Hank
Honest and hovorable in every way, but he will
steal. And there's father—well, everybody knows
that if he didn’t drink he’'d be mayor of the city.
Still, father never drinks more than ke can stasd
Osgporight, 1914, by the Star Company. Great Britale Kights Resecesd, 353750
Cuporigit, 1914, b he Btar Compeny. Greas Beitein Rights Reserved.
BY ALL MEANS
1 SEE BY THE LETUS Go To
PAPERS THE Lgucn; .gv’«& ,',WE
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It he can’t stand amy more he fust Mes down and
quits—until he can stand up again. Every now and
then father comes home and hesitates in the door
way. Mother, hearing a little disturbance, soes out
and takes a look. Then she comes back and says
to us:
“Boys, your father's been &rinking, I fear”
Then we’d go out and take a look, but we couldn’t
tell. We’'d think he was dead.
Whenever father gets like that he commences to
talk about his animals. I dom't know where he
keeps ‘em, but he starts to tell us about his octopus,
and his tiger, and buzzard, and two lizards and a
moose. They must be starving or sump'n, because
the doctor tells father if he doesn’t do sump'n for
‘em he’ll die.
Father was talking to the minister the other day,
and the minister wanted to know why father had
molasses rubbed in the lining of his hat. Father
told him it was to prevent sunstroke. But he didn’t
tell him #t was the same hat he took up the con
tribution with in chureh.
And father’s a great sporting man, too. Oh, how
he does love horses. Regular expert on horses—can
tell you anything about a horse. Why, if there are
& hundred horses in & barm, father can walk right
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into the bunch in ths dark and pick omnt a good one.
He just slaps him on the back and says, “That’s mine!"
A little while ago father had a wonderful horse.
That horse could run a mile longer thau any horse
1 ever saw. And talk about strong lungs! Well,
you could hear ‘em all the way across the street. A
gypsy sold him to father for $l2. Sald he was a
circus horse, and, believe me, we had one with him.
That gypsy said the horse would do tricks, any
thing he asked him to do. So first thing the gypsy
sald to the horse was, “Walk lame.” And the horse
did it right away.
We started to take him home, when father sud
denly remembered that he had forgotten to ask the
gypsy the horse’s name. So he called him every
thing he could think of.
Mother is the family historian. History’s her
specialty all right. She kmew all about our town
before it was founded. And you bet she knows the
family tree of everybody in that town, in all its
branches. Little Incidents in their lives, you know
—4he number of times they've been arrested, for
instance. Pop only stuck her once on history, and
even then he felt so sheepish he wonldn't look at
anybody for weeks. Of course he could only sce a
little out of one eye, but nevertheiess—
.
AMERICA’S BEST
Not only the leading authors, but the most
famous artists as well, are contributing to
make the
Free Fiction Magazine
Of
Hearst's Sunday American
A Noteworthy Publication.
By Our Own Staff of Correspondents
Copyright, 1914, by the Star Commmoy. Grest Beftatn Rights Reserved.
MOUNTAIN STATION.
RS. ARCHIBALD SMYTHE, of New Rochell, which she says Is
M the largest city next to New York, is here once mors at the
Lookout House. This {s her fifth season. She says she comes
hers for rose fever. From the way she talks I think she got it
Next week our train service will be increased onethird, as usual, at
the beginning of the Summer boarder season, thanks to the enterprise
of the general superintendent. The customary irain, consisting of en
gina, combination baggage and passenger car and freight car will be
augmented by a milk car, which brings mflk from the city for ell the
resort stations in this county.
SOUTH PARADISE. S T
Mrs. Ephratm Sawyer, who owns Morning Glory Farm, has bufit
elght bowers and set them up in her apple orchard. Bhe says she only
had one bower last season, and her boarders were uzu- quatreling
about who should have it. As a result there were only three engage
ments. She says that she can’t get gingle women to come to her house
for the Summer unless she gives them a chanoce. Your correspondant
fixed up some signs for her like those on & taxey cab in the city, which
can he shifted to read “Vacant” or “Engaged.” We thought the werd
“Fmngaged” was mighty appropriate.
Cyrus Welltver, who runs the general store, has just laid tn eight
dollars’ worth of stamps for the Snmmer season, and also a nice line of
canned goods, souvegir cards and candy. He has got some real stylish
candy; some of it is swell, being done up in pasteboard boxes.
(To Editor—l know this is a sort of free advertisement, but as Cyrus
{s the postmaster here he will let me read all the postal cards and I can
get a lot of news, so it will pay you te let this go in just as though it
was real news.) :
LAKE PUNKESTBYGOSH. JMI"-;;'.
There's no news from this famous resort at present.
Wallace Barlew, of the Hotel Punky ls going to put eleetric lights
in his place just as soon as an electric railway is bullt near enough to
the town go he can wire the hotel
Albert Willls broke two of his legs Saturday falling off the roof of
his barn. :
Dr. Benjamin Clark died suddenly at his home on Fork Roads last
Thursday after being gick a year and a balf.
The Upper Corner Meeting House was struck by lghtning and
burned. William Jenkins, who was shingling the steeple, was also killed.
Your correspondent expects thers will be some Summer boarders
arrive here soon, when he hopes to be able to send in some news.
MEADOWBROOKE.
There is an important lot of changes In our time table here. Our
train service is greatly changed, because our train, which used to be
scheduled to arrive at 8:02 every a. m. and go back at 5:65, will arrive
at 8:07 and go back at 5:66. )
WETHURST-BY-THE-SBEA.
Joseph Simmons, who ran the Wethurst Inn last Summer, has
bought Eel Island and changed the name to Isle de Grapde. He says
some of his boarders skipped out last year without paying up, but if he
gets them on an island they wom’t be able to do that again.
LONG VALLEY.
Your correspondent visited all the hotels and inns and farms in this
vicinity and learned that most of them had booked many boarders. These
will arrtve within a week or so, when there will be plenty of news.
A Mr. Cohen, professor of Swedish gymnastics, is stopping at the
valley House in North Hillburg.
GOSHDUNQUIT.
Cap'n Fzra Winters, our genial prop. of the Goshdunquit House, bas
painted his famous hostelry and informs your correspondent that hia
rates will be $3 a week more on that account. The Reverend Meeder
wants him to fasten his little beach bath houses down firm, but Cap'n
Winters won't do {t. Last Summer three of them blew over in a sudden
gale just as the Misses McKutie and Mrs. Dasher were {n them trying to
get out of their wet bathing suits. There was an awful lot of excitement
at the time. The Reverend Meeder says he fears a simfilar cataclysm
will otcur this year. But the Cap'n won’t fasten them down. Every ome
hereabouts says Cap’n Winters is a keen business man.
METUNKAMENUNKY.
Last Summer the Metunkamenunky House was closed by Dantel
Perkins. Mr. Perkins was not the proprietor, only the gheriff. This year
the house will ba opened by Mr. Clarence Nodome, who has been hired
as manager by the receivers. '
The widow Atkinson has already opened her home and has two
boarders. She has put a sign on it calling it “Cheeseboro Cottage.” When
FEditor Bungle, of the Metunkamenunky Mercury, printed an item about
this and called it the “Cottage Cheese,” the Widow Atkinson called at
his sanctum. Shte was unaccompanied except for a horsewhip. No one
knows just what was said, although Bill Hepp, the blacksmith, says he
| heard Editor Bungle howling, and Bill was a quarter of a mile down
| the road. At any rate, the Widow Atkinson i{s to get a free advertise
ment every week this Summer.
WIFFLE HARBOR.
Wesley Corliss, who runs the Corliss Farm and is making a fortune
taking Summer boarders, says he is booked up full for the season. Wes
ley is generally that way. Two years ago he used to get his liquor from
% a boatman who lowered it in lobster pots In a jug. Last season Wes’
| kept getting carload after carload of cabbages. We didn’t learn untfl the
{ Fall that there was a bottle of liquor inside each cabbage head, the cab
| bages being scooped out. Everybody’s wondering how Wes' will beat
; the Prohibition law this year. He always has a spirited crowd at his
! place.
| WIDE BEACH.
Hiram Smith’'s Sea View Hotel has been thoroughly renovated this
Spring. Hiram has got a real glass cigar case for his office and a big
art calendar which came with soap for his parlor. We lfke to see our
| citizens so enterprising.
’ A lady has come to the Wavelet Inn for the Summer. When we
| called on her for her name she hesitated and admitted she wasn't sure
| yet. Then she explained that she didn’'t know whether the court weuld
1 allow her to resume her maiden name or Dok