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Vol. V.
The Smile’s Out
door Handbooks
Complete Guide for tThe A;ateur in All Forms
: of Woodgraf;.boa““k
OGS are not of much use
D in the woods, but since
this series ' covers all
woodgraft topics, we've just got
to say something about them.
There are many varieties of
dogs which may be used in the
woods. Bird dogs are used for
finding birds, bulldogs for find
ing hulls, gun dogs for finding
guns, and gay dogs for finding
galety.
A pointer is not much use in
the woods, for it you follow
where he points you will prob
ably run your beak against &
tree. A setter is much to be
preferred, as he can be employed
to set on any salmon eggs you
may find. Next to this a Pekin
ese is most useful for peeking
through the thick brush, while a
dachshund is useful for such
gurvey work as measuring dis
tances:
‘The best way, however, for
the amateur is to take with him
one specimen of each breed of
dog. This will require a gpecial
train of about ten cars, but the
slight extra expense is not worth
considering when you think of
the advantage of always having
the right dog at hand in case of
emergency.
Ot course, it is possible for
any one to “dog it” without hav
ing a doz, and a woodsman pay
also doggone it all by his lone
some, but this is slighiing the
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, July 19, 1914
canine family, In any event,
none but a Sherlocko can suc
ceed in dogging a man's foot
steps without aid.
Other things, such as a dog
trot, dogdays, dogwood are too
technical for a book llke this,
intended for tired business men),
whose idea of the woods is that
they're the place the beer is
drawn from.
For the woodenman who is
fond of the chase, there is noth
ing like a hound. What could be
nobler than a bloodhound, fox
hound or a good rumhound?
None of them will aver quit the
pursuit of its prey. And then
there are the terriers. A fox
terrier will terry a fox until it
drops, and similarly a Scotch
terrier will worry a bottle of
Scotch while it has a leg to
stand on.
In addition to these, a good
watchdog should be taken along.
One of these will earn its price
in a single day by running down
watches and bringing them to
its owner, Just as a sheep dog
will make the sheep go, so a
watchdog will make your watch
gO.
(Hey, cut out this stuff.—The
Boss. Righto, our watchdog has
run down anyway.—Us.)
Our Weekly Health Hint,
~ Don't diown in salt water.
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist.
THIS PLACE SEEMS To BE
DE SERTED -
WHERE ARE AL THE :
WAITERS ; L 0 LIKE b
JSeME FisH!
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GIFME Two
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Did You Know That—
Eggs are a by-product with the
hen, and the same thing, only
spelled buy, with the consumer?
A vegetarian is one who eats
vegetables, but & tractarian
doesn’t eat treots? .
A traction magnate is not &
tracterian?
And very seldom is he tracta
ble?
And ons can be & great pitcher
f he is able to etrike out enough
‘men?
John Barleycorn has no juris
diction over barley water?
Among the Zulus there is no
such thing as divorce—when a
husbang tires of his wife he sim
ply shuts her outside the kraal
at 'night and the lions attend to
the rest of it
—_— e
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS.
T e e
FOR SALE-Leghorn hat; or
will exchange for Leghorn hen.
V. B, Smile offlce.
EXCHANGE—WIII exchange a
palr of shoes, slightly resembling
a sieve, for lot in the Bronx, or
what have you? Jim Slathers,
Rahway, N. J.
TO LET—Kennel, suitable fof
fox terrier or small family of flve
persons. Millionaire, Smile office.
HELP WANTED--Man about to
fire cook weighing 300 lbs. wants
help ' immediately Policewoman
or militant suffrigette preferred;
bring derrick. R. T. Smile offica
Second Hand.
Artist—The idea of that fel
low offering me $5 for that land
scape! Why, the canvas alone
cost me four dollars. . .
Model—Ah, but that was be
fore’ you covered it with paint
HEARD:I © vuivas AMMBMAULAIY, AtuAINIA, wms, SUNPDAL, JULY 19, 1714,
Copyright, 1814, by Btar Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved
IN THE SMILE’S
LETTER BOX.
l THE ROTUNDITY OF A HUS
BAND.
TO THE EDITOR—WiII you
kindly discontinue “The Morning
Smile” hereafter, as my husband
laughs and grows fat. It is a
painful sort of amusement, as
he already weighs three hundred
pounds. If he oontinues to gain
weight from Ilaughing at your
jokes 1 shall certainly have to
sue eitheg you or the Sunday
American for the change in his
natural appearance.
MRS. WORRIED.
(Might try cut
ting out his Sun.
day breakfast.—
Ed.)
BIRTHDAYS.
TO THE EDITOR—What is
the best way to celebrate a
birthday?
THIRTYANINE.
A (Forget it.—Ed.)
GIVE IT UP.
TO THE EDITOR—Who was
the gazoob who fastened onto
women the term “gentler sex”?
Was he kidding cr was he just
plain daffy?
R. J. THORNTON.
GENEALOGY.
TO THE EDlTOR—Please give
me some genealogical dope on
the descendants of Noah.
NOAH WEBSTER.
{Sorry we have
’ not quite room
encugh to give
you all the data
: you require.~Ed.)
HI!WAITER ! T
VERY STRANGE '
-/ WE CANT GET DEAR ME
SOME ATTENTION/ (ARE THEY Al
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That’s Too
Sick
to Blow
No. 16.
- Ignorant Butcher.
Srm had picked up a few ‘French phrases which she worked into her
talk on every possible occasfon. Entering the butcher's shop one
day, she inquired if he had any “bon vivant.”
“Boned what, ma'am?” asked the butcher, puzsled.
“Bon vivant,” she repeated. “That's the French for good lver, you
l_uOW." El
Market Note.
ONE of our correspondents, after stroling down Fifth avenue of an
afternoon, tips us not to invest any money in pepticoat concerns,
. Thinking of Leisure,
MRS. PEAVISH says that if it were to do over again, no man need sver
aBk for her hand until he had shown his.
An Amateur;
IISOME saintly folk in this town are always throwing the game of poker
at our unoffending head,” says a Georgia editor. “We wantto say
once for all that we don't know the game. If we had known it we'd be
richer, at this writing, by a house and jot, a gold watch and chain, and a
real diamond <« /"
.
His Beven Ages.
THE seven ag‘es of man have been well tabulated by somebody or other
on an acquisitive basis. Thus:
First age—Sees the earth.
Second age—Wants {t. ‘
~ Third age—Hustles to get it.
Fourth age—Decides to be satisfied with only about half of it
Fifth age—Becomes still more moderate,
Sixth age-—Now content to possess a six-by-two strip of it.
feventh age-—Cets the strip. : |
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More Proof.
A MAN worth $10,000,000 is no happler than a man worth $3,000,000.
Money does not always bring happiness. .
Mad Wag.
NUBURBAN RESIDENT—It's simply fine to wake up in the morning|
D and hear the leaves whispering outéide your window. i
City Man-—lt's all rigat to hear the leavés whisper, but 1 never coulfij
oland bearing the grass mown'
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JUST FOR FUN
Just Once. L e
Tmcum—wmm, what is your greatest ambition? -
Willie—To .mh mother's ears.
e o
. One Instance. :
PERSONALLY we try to believe that progress naver makes any mis
takes; but we often wonder why finger bowls were invented after
forks. e
No Wonder.
SHE waa well over aighty years of age, and for the first time in her ife
ghe had been taken to & picturs palace. As she came out a friend
met her in the vestibuls.
“Hope you enjoyed yourself, Mrs. Jones? she exclatmed. ,
“Yes” replied the old dame, “I did. But I'm gettin’ that deaf nows
days I couldn't hear a word they said!”
Don't Doubt It.
JIM BROWN lives in a community noted for the corruption of its pold
tics. He drovs into town the other day with an old horse.
“Hello,” said his friend Bill. “That horss of yours looks almost old
enough to vote.”
“Ysas,” drawled Jim. "He has voted two or three times.™
ALMOST POETRY
“Mother, may | go out to tango?”
Yes, my darling yaughter,
Hang your clothes upon the hat
rack
And you'll be right In style!
Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make @ mighty bother
When they get in your gear-box.
Lives of most men all remind us
We can make our llves the
same
And, departing, leave behind us,
Few regrets and a lot of bills.
I
|
|
An Essay from the Pencil
of Little Sammy Smithers
Copyright, 1914, by the Star Company
Great Britaim Rights Reserved
LIZE 1s a jerms aryplain.
F There 18 2 kinds of flize, the
dratted fiize which is ma's
kinder flize, and the dod rotted
flize which in pa's kinder flise. I
never ses no differense.
No t-knose why is a fil exsept
jerms live ox them and jerms is
what dootors skair peepul with, I
ses in a book that a fil carrxs
sevun millyun jerms on his toe. I
tride to add up how menny tose
a fil Tas on 1 foot but everry
time | cought a fil and tride to
count his tose he wriggled them
808 | lost count. If a fii has got
five tose on 1 foot he would have
80 tose becaus he has 8 legs. I
tride to count up how menny jerms
that wood maik but it maid my
hed ake so I give up.
Flize is big fools carryin’ jerms
round and giving em rides for
notbing. Jerms aint no good to
flizo they oan’t eat jerms and
besides flize is big fools: if they
woodnt carrie jerms round pee
pul woodnt get skaired of em and
no 1 wood swat em and set stickum
papir for em and malk traps and
things and then the flize would be
liked and maid petz of instead of
being chased out of the hous all
the time,
Pa he laffed when { sprung this
but ma she sez | am going to be a
grate man becaus i can think she
says their is a great morul leson
in what { sald and that lotas of pee
pul is like flize and go round doing
meen things and getting haited
when {f they didn't do it peepul
wood like them better and she
looked at pa and sald sum peepul
shud lern from the lipz of a child
from whitch wisdum comes nnq pa
acted reel funny and said dod fottit
what you looking at me for. :
Ma she says jerms is like evul
deeds and started to talk moar
when pa says rottit 1 thort we was
talking about flize but we mite
talk about chease or haylows or
mountings or isickles or ple and
you wood begin to preech you ofter
ben a minister .lnd ma says |
wisht you was and pa says i wisht
{ ‘was then 1! wood have a hole
flock of fiize.
{ went out and caught some
flize then sos {1 cood learn sum
moar about them and { learnd that
it you pull boath wings orf he
dosnt f{ round anny i glood a i
on ma’s opra glassus to see if {
cood see & ‘erm but | coodnt and
when me oum back from the thee
tur she was mad i doant no Why.
That is all 1 kno about fiize.
My winged boat
Like bird afloat
Salled toward purple peaks remots,
And then my alarm went off.
England’s sun was slowly setting
At the close of one sad day.
But John Bull was feeling cheerful
Because he was thinking of the
canal
“A book of verses underneath the
bough,
A loaf of bread, a Jug of wine and
thou,”
Doean’t sound half so nice
When It Is used as evidence In the
divorce court