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The Smile’s Out
door Handbooks
Somplete Guide fo;‘_—t;h—e—;;ateur in All Forms
of Woodgraft.
OGS are not of much use
D in the woods, but since
this series covers all
woodgraft topics, we've just got
to say something about them.
There are many varieties of
dogs which may be used in the
woods. Bird dogs are used for
finding birds, bulldogs for find
ing bulls, guh dogs for finding
guns, and gay dogs for finding
gaiety.
A pointer s not much use in
the woods, for if you follow
where he points you will prob
ably run your beak against a
tree. A setter is much to be
preferred, as he can be employed
to set on any salmon eggs you
may find. Next to this a Pekin
ese {s most useful for peeking
through the thick brush, while &
dachshund is useful for such
survey work as measuring dis
tances.
The best way, however, for
the amateur is to take with him
one specimen of each breed of
dog. This will require & special
train of about ten cars, but the
slight extra expense is not worth
considering when you think of
the advantage of always having
the right dog-at hand in case of
emergency.
0f course, it Is possible for
any one to “dog it” without hav
ing a dog. and 2 woodsman may
also doggone it all by his lone
some, but this is slighting the
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
Xglérita,iGa., Sunday, July 19, 1914
canine family. In any event,
none but a Sherlocko can suc
ceed in dogging & man's foot
steps without aid.
Other things, such as a dog
trot, dogdays, dogwood are too
technical for a book like this,
intended for tired business men,
whose idea of the woods is that
they’re the place the beer is
drawn from.
For the woodenman who 18
fond of the chase, there is noth
ing like a hound. What could be
nobler than a bloodhound, fox
hound or a good rumbound?
None of them will ever quit the
pursuit of its Jprey. And then
there are the terriers. A fox
terrier will terry a fox until it
drops, and similarly a Scotch
terrier will worry a bottle of
Scotch while it has a leg to
stand on.
In addition to these, a good
watchdog should be taken along.
One of these will earn ite price
in a single day by running down
watches and bringing them to
its owner. Just as a sheep dog
will make the sheep go, 80 a
watchdog will make your watch
goo.
(Hey, cut out this stuff.—The
Boss. Righto, our watchdog has
run down anyway.—Us.)
Our Weekly Health Hint,
Don't drown in salt water.
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist.
THIS PLACE SEEMS To BE
DE SERTED ~
WAHERE ARE ALL THE ,
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GIF ME Two
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Did You Know That—
Eggs are a by-product with the
hen, and the same thing, only
gpelled buy, with the consumer?
A vegetarian is one who eats
vegetables, but a tractarian
doesn't eat tracts?
A traction magnate is not a
tractarian?
And very seldom is he tracta
ble?
And one can be a great pitcher
{f he is able to strike out enough
men?
John Barleycorn has no juris
diction over barley water?
Among the Zulus thers is no
such thing as divorce—when a
husband tires of his wife he sim
ply shuts her outside the kraal
at night and the lions attend to
the rest of it
zzzgtz——_::
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS.
It
FOR SALE—Leghorn hat; or
will exchange for Leghorn hen.
V. B, Smile office.
EXCHANGE—WIiII exchange a
pair of shoes, slightly resembling
a sieve, for lot in the Bronx, or
what have you? Jim BSlathers,
Rahway, N. J.
TO LET—Kennel, suitable for
fox terrier or small family of five
persons. Millionaire, Smile office.
Y e o
HELP WANTED—Man about to
fire cook welghing 300 lbs. wants
help immediataly Policewoman
or militant suffragette preferred;
bring derrick. R. T., Smile office
Second Hand.
Artist—The idea of that fel
low offering me $5 for that land
gcape! Why, the canvas alone
cost me four dollars
Model—Ah, but that was be
fore you covered it with paint,
HEARSI © OUIVAIZAL ANMDIVIUALY, AlLalviA, UA, dulNpal, Juur Iy, IYla,
Copyright, 1914, by Star Company. Great Britaln Rights Reserved.
[N THE SMILE’S
LETTER BOX.
THE ROTUNDITY OF A HUS
BAND.
TO THE EDITOR—WIiII you
kindly discontinue “The Morning
Smile” hereafter, a 8 my husband
laughs and grows fat. It is a
painful sort of amusement, as
he already weighs three hundred
pounds. If he continues to gain
weight from laughing at your
jokes I shall certainly have to
sue either you or the Sunday
American for the change in his
patural appearanoce.
MRS. WORRIED.
(Might try cut
ting out his Sun
day breakfast.—
Ed.)
BIRTHDAYS.
TO THE EDITOR—What is
the best way to celebrate a
birthday?
THIRTY-NINE.
(Forget it—Ed.)
GIVE IT UP.
TO THE EDITOR—Who was
the gazoob who fastened onto
women the term “gentler sex”?
Was he kidding or was he just
plain daffy?
R. J. THORNTON.
GENEALOGY.
TO THE EDlTOR—Pleass give
me some genealogical dope on
the descendants of Noah.
N?AH WEBSTER.
(Sorry we have
not quite room
enough to give
you all the data
you require.—Ed.)
HI! WAITER ! |
VERY STRANGE
WE CANT GET DEAR ME
SOME ATTENTION=] ( 4ARE THEY AIL
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That’s Too
Sick
to Blow
No. 16.
SHE had picked up a few French phrases which she worked into her
talk on every possible occasion. Entering the butcher’'s shop one
day, she inquired if he had any “bon vivant.”
“Boned what, ma’am?” asked the butcher, puzaled.
“Bon vivant,” she repeated. “That's the French for good liver, you
know.”
.
Market Note.
ONE of our correspondents, after strolling down Fifth avenue of an
afternoon, tipg us not to invest any money in petticoat concerns.
Thinking of Leisure.
MRS. PEAVISH says that if it were to do over again, no man need ever
ask for her hand until he had shown his.
An Amateur.
“SOME saintly folk in this town are always throwing the game of poker
at our unoffending head,” says a Georgia editor. “We want to say
once for all that we don’t know the game. If we had known it we'd be
richer, at this writing, by a house and lot, 2 gold watch and chain, and a
real diamond zt+'"
His Seven Ages.
THE seven ages of man have been well tabulated by somebody or otherl
on an acquisitive basis. Thus: 1
First age—Sees the earth.
Second age—Wants it .
Third age—Hustles to get it.
Fourth age—Decides to be satisfied with only about half of it.
Fifth age—Becomes still more moderate.
§ixth age—Now content to possess a six-by-two strip of it.
Seventh age—Gets the strip. . i
|
More Proof. |
A MAN worth $10,000,000 is no happler than a man worth $9,000,000.
Money does not always bring happiness.
: Mad Wag. :
OUBURBAN RESIDENT—It's simply fine to wake up in the morning
b and hear the leaves whispering outside your window.
City Man—lt's all right to hear the leaves whisper, but 1 never could
stand hearing the grass mown’ L
fll. SEE KlflHfl
A BouT THIS!
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WIFEY OLDGIRL !
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Copyright, 1014, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved,
Ignorant Butcher. Just Once.
TEACHDR-—Wmie. what is your greatest ambition?
Willie—T'oo wash mother's ears.
One Instance.
PERSONALLY we try to belleve that progress never makes any mis
takes; but we often wonder why finger bowls were invented after
forks,
No Wonder.
SHE was well over eighty years of age, and for the first time in her life
she had been taken to a picture palace. As she came out a friend
met her in the vestibule.
“Hope you enjoyed yourself, Mrs. Jones?” ghe exclaimed.
“Yes,” replied the old dame, “I did. But I'm gettin’ that deaf nowa
days I couldn’t hear & word they sald!”
Don't Doubt It.
JIM BROWN lives in a community noted for the corruption of its poli
ties. He drove into town the other day with an old horse.
“Hello,” said his friend Bill. “That horse of yours looks almost old
enough to vote.”
“Ye-as,” drawled Jim. “He has voted two or three times.”
ALMOST POETRY
“Mother, may | go out to tango?”
Yes, my darling daughter,
Hang your clothes upon the hat
rack
And you'll be right in style!
Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make a mighty bother
When they get In your gear-box.
Llves of most men all remind us
Ve can make our lives the
same
And, departing, leave behind us,
Few regrets and a lot of bills.
“Flize”
An Essay from the Pencil
of Little Sammy Smithers
Copyright, 1914, by the Star Compan)
Great Britain Rights Reserved.
} LIZB 18 a jerms aryplain.
| F There 18 2 kinds of flize, the
dratted fllze which is ma's
kinder fllze, and the dod rotted
flize which i pa’'s kinder flize. I
never see no differense.
‘ No 1 knose why is a fil exsept
‘ Jerms live on them and jerms is
what doctors ekalr peepul with., I
ses In a book that a fil carrga
sevun millyun jerms on his toe. 1
tride to add up how menny tose
a fll has on 1 foot but everry
time 1 cought a fii and tride to
count his tose he wriggled them
808 1 lost count. It a fii has got
five tose on 1 foot he would have
‘ 30 tose becaus he has 6 legs. I
| tride to count up how menny jerms
~ that wood maik but it maid my
hed ake so I give up.
Flize {s big fools carryln’ jerms
- round and glving em rides for
~ nothing. Jerms ain’t no good to
flize they can’t eat jerms and
besides flize 18 big fools if they
~ woodnt carrie jerms round pee
| pul woodnt get skaired of em and
~ no 1 wood swat em and set stickum
~ papir for em and mailk traps and
) things and then the flize would be
liked and maid petz of instead of
being chased out of the hous all
the time.
. Pa he laffed when i sprung this
but ma she sez i am going to be a
grate man becaus i can think she
says their Is a great morul leson
in what 1 said and that lota of pee
pul is like flize and go round doing
meen things and getting haited
when if they didn’'t do it peepul
wood lke them better and she
looked at pa and sald sum peepul
shud lern from the lipz of a child
from whitch wisdum comes and pa
aoted reel funny and sald dod rottit
what you looking at me for.
| Ma she says jerms is like evul
deeds and started to talk moar
when pa says rott't 1 thort we was
talking about flize but we mite
talk about chease or haylows or
mountings or isickles or ple and
' you wood begin to presch you orter
{ pen a minister and ma says 1
‘ wisht you was and pa says 1 wisht
{ was then ! wood have a hole
flock of fiize.
{ went out and caught some
flize then sos 1 cood learn sum
moar about/them and | learnd that
it you pull boath wings orf he
doant fli round anny 1 giood a fi
' on ma's opra glassus to see it 1
cood see a jerm but i coodnt and
when ma cum back from the thee
tur she was mad 1 doant no why.
That is all 1 kno about flize.
My winged boat
Like bird afloat
Sailed toward purple peaks remotes,
And then my alarm went off.
England’s sun was siowly setting
At the close of one sad day.
But John Bull was feeling cheerful
Because he was thinking of the
canal.
“A book of verses underneath the
bough,
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and
thou,”
Doesn’t sound half so nice
When It Is used as evidence in the
divorce courd