Newspaper Page Text
/
l
J
4 E
!TR ARST'!K SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, OA, HUN DA Y, NOVEMBER 1, 19?4
Mutterzolb and Son
By D. Darby Aaronson.
0>»-rr>»tK. T1T14. W 04 P—| ■ mj Ov«M Awe*
Weather—Fair!
Business—0 re at!
What more coultf we ask 7
“W
77ie Globe News
J
• HY, fsther," ffxclzlmefi Milton, "ytro look oil excited Whst’s
the mutter?”
“Don’t yon see I can’t answer yon," replied Mutteriolb,
*eo why are yon standing there asking me questions? You better give
a run oxer quick as you can and get me right away that great detective,
Bomsteln. I want to arrest the bank They wouldn't let me take out
my own money, which I myself, mlt my own hands, put In, and mlt my
own eyes saw how 1 put It In,"
“Well," Interrupted Milton, "didn’t the bank offer any reason for not
allowing you to draw ont your money?”
"Yes. they did,” answered Mutterzolb. "They told me It’s on account
of the Europeanut war. But what am 1 got to do mlt that? Did I make
the war?
"I went to get a policeman to hare the hank arrested, but It Just
happened to be my luck that It's ths policeman's day off and I couldn’t
get one. 1 don’t know what to do now. To fall Into a lawyer's hands Is
yet worster.
"Well, In a way It's a whole lot my fanlt, too. When 1 put In the
money I should’ye made the bank give me cash security. And, say, If
they even give you security, I don’t see the sense of keeping money In
the bank. All you do Is put in and take out—take out atjd put In. Is
that sense? If yon could take out mltout putting In, then there would be
sense
"Ton know I feel awfnl sorry for poor Abe Gtnsburg when I saw
the bank refuse to give him his six hundred dollars, which Is every dol
lar be has In the world. I felt very bad about It. Five hundred of It he
was going to lend me. And, say. you think the bank will ever pay me
back the money for the drink and cigars I bought Abe Olnshurg?
"Besides banks these days there’s other troubles, too. Believe me,
s person that don’t get born In these bed times ought to consider him
self very lucky. Yet. as bed ss the times are. 1 could nearly laugh when
I remind myself of how Teddy Rosenfeld, the king of the Bull Shmoos-
ere. called the people down for not baring children, and told them they
wu* making race chop sueystde. Could he show me any children who
have any feeling at all for parents that would get born nowadays mlt
such a high cost of prices?
"You see how bad times are. and yet yon refuse to marry such a
fine A Number One girl like YusBel Slnkowltch’a danghter Llppky. for
which you get ten thousand dollars."
"But. father." protested Milton, “you couldn’t expect me to marry a
girl that’s deaf and dumb. Why, she can't talk!"
"What do you care about that?" answered Mutterzolb. "The money
talks. And, say, It ain’t so bad as you think to get s wife nowadays
what can't talk. All you could hear them say Is they want diamond
dinner time rings, and thsy tell you to take them to high tone, fancy
theatres In which It cost at least seTenty-five cents to a dollar for a seat
And you must also remembsr that we’rs not living In Adam and Eva’s
times. Women’s clothes cost money, too. They say that Adam was very
anxious to get the apple from the tree. Why wouldn't he be? It didn’t
cost him anything."
"Did you see the gentleman who was looking for you?" Interrupted
Milton.
"That wu* no gentleman. That wur, my woollen man mlt a bill. It
Is really my own fault that I have to pay bills to-day for wool. I
should've never ordered so much. Well, that wus because I wu* fool
enough to have so much confidence and vote yet for such a swindler as
President Bryan, who said he would make wool free. I should've given
We’re »teppm' as light aa
Alex Sater, the Fawncy
Dawncing Mawster, these
days. There’8 a Reason!
NO. 33.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1914.
“THE POPULAR PRICED STORE.”
“Parcel Post Paid”
PUBLISHED AT THE GLOBE CLOTHING COMPANY, 89 WHITEHALL STREET. ATLANTA, GA.
Published Three Times a Week.
THE GLOBE NEWS
Published Every
Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday
Exclusively in
Hearet’e American and Georgian.
By .ha
GLOBE CLOTHING COMPANY.
A Mighty Good Store, Patronized
by Young Men from Six to Sixty—
and Some Others.
Located at Eighty-nine Whitehall
Street, in the Beat Town on God's
Green Earth.
EDITED BY JACK CARR, Under
the Direction of SI ME and LEE.
NOW I’M 80RE, AND I DON'T
think I'll write another line for
Sima. And If you’ll just lend me
your sympathetic—
• e •
EAR, I’LL POUR OUT MY TALE
of Woe and you can Judge for your
self. The whole thing came up on
account of this—
YOU DON’T HAVE TO IMAGINE
anything about Annette, for anybody
can see at a glance that she Is all
there. You don't need—
• • e
ANY IMAGINATION, DO YOU?
Well, I showed the drawing to Slme,
and explained the connection be
tween Annette and my “Corner"—
see
AND NATURALLY I EXPECTED
Him to be very well pleased.
Wouldn't you? And I thot at once
that he would Invite me up to—
• * *
JACOBS’ FOR SOME HOT CHOC-
olate and a Chicken Sandwich! I
But instead of that, what do you sup
pose he said? Can you imagine—
• • •
A MAN SO UNAPPRECIATIVE OF
the Beauty of the Form Divine that
he would be guilty of such a state
ment as this? Impossible!
• * *
I’LL JUST TELL YOU WHAT HE
Said and you can see why I’m sore.
He Just glanced at the picture a
minnlt, and said—
“And, say, if they
even give you
>ecurity, I don't see
the sense of keep
ing money In the
bank. All you do is
put in and take
out—take out and
put in. Is that
sense? If you oonld
take out mitont
putting in, that
would he sense.”
a poor feller a show and voted for Jake Elsenglass on the Socialist
Labor tlckeL I am sorry now I didn’t
"Morris GUckstaln, who voted for him, got a boT of cigars.”
■'1 understand," Interrupted Milton, “that you had some trouble with
rowdies, who were throwing things down from the roof.”
"1 went up to the roof to catch them loafers," said Mutterzolb, "hut
the minute I stuck my head through ths skylight I got a knock on ths
head, which 1 thought to myself Instantly killed me. But It wus my
luck I left my hat In the store. Imagine If I got hit with It on. A brand
new one, too, and nothing cheap about It either. You know the big
salesman that left us yesterday wore nothing but high-priced hsta”
“Bay, father," Inquired Milton, "that reminds me—how are you mak
ing out 1n that new etore of yours”’
"You mean the four and nine cents store? You know I took In two
partners mlt me, and do they look suspicious? They watch every move
1 make. When I saw them doing that, there was nothing plow about ms
either, and I looked suspicious, too. Them fellers don't know nothing
at all about keeping a stock.
"They let all the perishable goods stay till they perished. There
wu* witch hazel nuts, pepsin gum drops, Napoleon cakes, and ths Napo
leon cakes looked ss If they wu* the original from Napoleon himself,
because they looked more than a hundred years old.
"I must say one thing, though, about that store—the customers there
wu* very friendly. Just like s family. If we'd give them s present mlt
coffee or tea, they’d give us a present right hack, either the coffee or the
tea The first day we opened up I remember not one customer came In.
so we thought well, maybe, sometimes s had beginning Is a good start
and we didn’t mind It so much; but the next day wuz the same Nearly
the whole day passed and not s customer showed up. so I commenced
thinking to myself and worrying what could It be that no customers
come In. I couldn’t make out what It wuz
"But In going out later for a little air, carried by my two partners, I
saw what the trouble wu*. There wu* a big sign hanging 1n front of
the store, which said; "nils store closed for repairs.’ Ws forgot to
take It down."
SWELL DRAWING OF ANNETTE
KELLERMANN, which Billy Oldnow tells !
me is an exact reproduction of the ;
Famous Diving—
0*0
VENUS AND EXPONENT OF THE
Form Divine, whatever that means. 1
consulted Gratton Condon and a lott-j j
other Swell Artists—
• • •
AND STUDENTS OF FORM, AND THEY
all agreed that Annette was there In i
every line and from every aspect. So I j
] thought—
• • •
I TO MYSELF HERE IS WHERE I GIVE
i my good friend Readers an unprecedented
j opportunity to glimpae the Boofuil For
why—
• • «
| PICTURE "FITZ HUGHS” AT FIFTEEN,
I or Balmacaane at Twenty Bucks or
! "Chance" Lida at One-fifty all the time?
Why not—
* • •
GIVE THE RESIDENTS OF ALBANY
i or Smyrna or Woodstock or any of those
' popular places an opportunity to study
Beauty and Art—
• * •
AS PERSONIFIED IN THIS SPLASHING
Mermaid? Why not? And I answer
myself thusly: Why Not? I admired the
Ease and Grace—
• » •
WITH WHICH ANNETTE DIVED FROM
the top of the column Into the pool of
Ink, which i» supposed to represent a
Body of Waterl
Whaddya
Tryin’ to
Make Outa
Your
Corner—
A
i ve
BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS WE
couldn't put a Pool of Real Water In
the paper—could we? Of course not!
Therefore we had—
• * •
TO USE A POOL OF INK, AND YOU ARE
supposed to suppose that Is Real Water.
Juet Imagine it, as you might say. Of
course—
JEALOUS!
CHERRY DRUG COMPANY,
“Th« Little Store Around the Comer,”
Ocilla, Ua„ Oct. 28, 1914.
Sime, Lee, Carr, The Globe Clothing
Company, Atlanta, Ga.:
Gentlemen—I was “chawmed," de
lighted and “tickled to death” with
I the classy little “Lid” which I received
a few days ago. I must confess it
was a surprise, and an agreeable aur*
' prise. I hadn’t the slightest idea of
j receiving a hat of that quality for
such a paltry sum.
When I let my “Big Bud” cast his
“glims” on it, he exclaimed! “A
■ Chance! A Chancel My kingdom for
a Chance!” But bear In mind the
; fact that at that time his “kingdom”
was worth only three lonely “beans.”
I He Immediately sent them to you, and
as a result he has the “Big Head” over
possessing a “Chance,” a “Maxixe”
■ Shirt, ana, as he says, a “Boa” Tie to
j maten.
With many, many thanks and an
assurance that I will send more or- j
ders, I am,
Your satisfied customer,
L. D. OXFORD.
• • •
Globe Cfothlnr Company, Atlanta,
Ga.:
Gentlemen—Inclosed find $4.50 for
the Bath Robe. Success to The Globe
! News always—enjoy reading it.
Yours truly,
T. ALBERT PRICE.
Ashburn, Ga.
SLIP US THE BUCK!
—If you haven’t already done
so, and receive in return THE
BEST DOLLAR SHIRT IN
0EORGLA. Of course it's made
in many and various patterns,
but RIGHT NOW all the Reglar
Guys are failin’ over themselves
to get in on the ones with the
Stripes Painted across like this;
THE NECKPC’S THAT SET
’EM ALL TALKIN’ DOWN
TO OCILLA—
are none other than those Nifty,
Natty Black and Whites, made
famous under the Monicker of
“MAXIXE.” The Stripes of
j Black 'gainst the background of
White are Really Effective, as
' anyone will tell you. They
| match the Shirts, of course, but
you can wear 'em while the
Shirt is in the wash. Naturally
| no one would object to paying J
Half-a-Buck for such a Tie!
j That being the price!
MY GUDENESS, LILLIE!
HOW THE GELLS DO
FALL FOR “MAC!”
You never know wots gonna
happen in this world, do you?
Here Sime gets in the Swellest
Bunch of 'MACKINAWS” that
ever graced a Clever Chap from
College, Business or Correspond-1
ence. He marks ’em to sell at
FIVE, SEVEN-FIFTY AND
TEN SIMOLEONS, which, being
Right Reasonable, naturally
created an almost Instantaneous
De Mand!
Then one morning a Swell
Jane from Girls’ High trips
into the Store, and Mrs. Terrell
fitted her with a “MAO.” And,
by gosh, she couldn’t keep it to
herself. She just had to go and;
tell another girl, and she told |
some one else, until it got all j
over the dawggoned High about
these “MACS.’’
And Sime had to go and wire
for some more "MACS,” and
Mrs. Terrell is kept busy waitin’
on Classy Clarices from the
Girls’ High.
It just don’t seem like a Mere
Man has gotta "Chance” in this
woild any more? Do it?
(NOTE—Take a personal tip
from me and get your “MAC”
as soon as possible, for
'twouldn’t' surprise me a bit if
these Gells grab ’em all pretty
quick! Gee whiz, you know
what happens, when they go
after anything! Don’t let on I
put you wise. Deep Stuff—get
me?)
HIS is a season of Big Doings and Big
Values in our Boys’ Department.
dJC Buys Boys' School Norfolks
y** With Two Pairs of Trousers
These suits are in diagonal, cheviots, heather pat
terns or gray mixtures.
Both pairs of trousers lined; coat serge lined.
The popular blade (or box) plaits are included.
Suits that certainly stretch the buying power of a
$5 bill.
Blue, Gray and Brown Chinchilla Reefer Overcoats,
with Hats to match, in the Rah-Rah style, are a mnehly
featured garment for boys. And at the small price of
$5.50 for the outfit, seems reasonable enough for any par
ent to secure one for her boy. And the Corduroy Suits at
$5 are about the most serviceable suit a parent could want
for that boy of hers with the locomotive propensities.
Mackinaws for Boys will be worn this Fall and Winter;
the styles are rich plaids in neat combinations. And real
ly not expensive—-$3.00, $5.00 and $7.60. Boys’ Balma-
caans are taking the place of the Overcoat, as it answers
for both, and they are Cravenetted. The price range is
$5.00, $7.50 and $8.60.
Boys ’ Suits, with extra trousers, are $5.00, $0.50, $7.60,
and a great many styles with one pair trousers at $3.00,
$6.00, $7.50, $8.60 and $10.00.
Indian Suits, $1.00, $1.50.
Squaw Suits, $1.00, $1.50.
Police Suits, $1.50.
Fireman Suits, $1.50.
Army Suits, $1.50.
Cowboy Suits, $1.00, $1.50.
Cow-Puncher Suits, $2,50.
Bronco Suits, $1.00.
Cowgirl Suits, $1.60.
Chaps, $2.50 and $3.60.
PARCEL POST ORDERS FILLED.
CONVERSATION CONCERNING CLASSY
(Notice to Globe News Readers—If you think at It la any olneh to write advertial matter for * fella like
Sime, pleaee change your mind. Juat to give you an idea road the following dope and aee what ! have to put
vitn.)
Sympathy.
/"iLD GENTLEMAN (veho has fust finished reading an account ef a ship-
wreck with loss of passengers and aU hands)—Ha! I am sorry tot
the poor sailor* that were drowned!
Old Lady—Sailors! It Isn’t the sailors; It’s the passengers I am
sorry for The sailors tire naed to It
Good Use for It.
<•”>0 you mean to *ny you are going to build a Turkish bath In Crtm- [
*
boo Gulch?"
"Ytc," -eplled Bronco Boh "A Turkish hath Is the only place we
0*0 h».”e rerd game and teal sure that no gentleman has any aces
concealed it, !>’• rnothea."
up wtl
SIME—“Say, Carr, ain’t yon ever gonna get to
work on that Sunday ad7 Suppose you been
runnin’ ’round with the Blonde again, or writin’
crazy stuff about Randolph Rose's Armor Cigars!
Why don’t you try to use what little Brain you
have and tell folks about something worth while?
Why—”
ME—“Listen, Sime, for the luv of Mique, be
reasonable. Ain't I been sittin’ here for an hour
waitin’ for you to get thru sellin’ that guy a
“Fitz-Hugh, “ and a Ealmacaan Hat, and a few
other things? Whaddya want to do, sell 'im the
store 7”
SIME—“Well, you don’t need to think that
your Crazy Chatter is the thing that sells ’em. If
I wasn’t here with the Goods and the Service and
the Right-Price Stuff, all your Bunk wouldn’t be
worth six cents an inch.”
ME—“I know it, Sime. I know it. Don’t let’s
argue. Have it my way. And say, Sime, wasn’t
that a peach of an Ad Thursday, wasn’t that a
“Smash?” That give ’em the whallop, didn’t it?”
SIME—“Whallop, nawthin’. Whaddya mean
puttin’ yonr face in that Ad for? Think you’re
som' Adonnis or somethin'? And me payin’ out
good mun-nunney for your picture.”
ME—“Well, it was a good picture, wasn’t it?
And say, Sime, I’ll put yours in next time, honest
I will.”
SIME—“Well it would look a dawggoned site
better than yours at that. The only good thing
about your picture was the hat, and that was a
•Sphinx.’ ”
ME—“AW, Sime. Be a good fella. Buy a
‘dope’ and I’ll buy you one Saturday. And say,
Sime, look at the Swell Cuts I got. Ain’t they
pippins? Did you ever see a better-lookin’ rep
resentation of a 'BALMACAAN' or a ‘FITZ-
HUGH?’ ”
SIME—“Well, they ain’t any'better lookin’
than the Coat or Suit itself. Why don't you tell
’em how really good that ‘FITZ-HUGH’ at FIF
TEEN or that ‘BALMACAAN’ at FIFTEEN is?”
ME—“I will, Sime, sure I will I’ll shoot ’em
the Strong Stuff, the Porous Plaster Patter, the
Bunk, kid, the Bunk!”
SIME—“Whaddya mean, the Porous Plaster
Patter, what crazy chatter is that?”
ME—“Why, Sime, don’t you know what Porous
Plaster Chatter is? D'ye mean to sit there and
tell me that a man of twenty years’ experience in
business fails to get the drift of Porous Plaster
Patter. Sime, I’m surprised. Re-a-lly sur
prised!”
SIME—"Never mind being surprised. Nobody
understands your dope anyhow! So how should
I? What is Porous Plaster Chatter?’’
ME—“Why the kind that 'DRAWS’ the mun-
nunney out of their pockets and into your little
old Cash Register. Get me, Kiddo?”
SIME—“You’re getting worse every mlnnit.
For goodness sake, can those Trophies, if you can,
can’t you?”
ME—“Can I oan ’em? Sure I can can ’em!”
SIME -“There you go again. Cnt that ’can
can’ or you’ll have me doin’ it. Get busy on that
Ad about 'FITZ-HUGHS’ and ’BALMACAANS’
at Fifteen Bucks!”
ME—“Awlright, Awlright, I’ll write it. IU
tell ’em the Real Dope this time. Got enough of
them to stand a rush?”
SIME—“Sure I got enough. Ain’t I gotta
Factory in Cinncinnatti woikin’ day and night to
ship me the Biggest Value in a Fifteen Dollar
Special ever shown in Atlanta?”
ME—“I got yer, Steve, I got yer. Just let me
get my mitts on a typewriter and I’ll slip ’em
the junk, all right. S’long:”
INTERMISSION—While I pound out a cuppla
columns of Classy Chatter describing in Delight
ful Detail the Real Reasons for Investing Fifteen
Bucks in a “FITZ HUGH “or a “BALMACAAN.”
i.
“Parcel Post Paid.
THE GLOBE CLOTHING COMPANY—"THE STORE WITH A PERSONALITY "—89 WHIT EHALL STREET.
’Parcel Post Paid.”
# 1
A
t *