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BEST HUMOR, MOVING
PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE.
.MERICAN
hi.
ATLANTA', GA„ SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1. 1IU4.
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STORIES
By Jack London, Compton
Mackenzie and Bruno Lessing
PICTURES
By Harrison Fisher, A. B. Wenzell and
Andre Castaigne—All in the New Special
On ce-a-Month Magazine
Presented with to-day’s
Sunday American
Watch for it every month.
Business Is Business
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
WRITE A LETTER To OUR
BRANCH OFFICE AT CHICAQO
DEAR Q-EORQE
I WILL BE IN CHICAqo IN A
FEW DATS To TALK OVER ~X
BUSINESSMA1TSR5 V/nyYou,]
yovxs - ~ Y
7ysSo^s
Do You Miss
QEORqE?
Copyright, 1914. by the Star Company. Oreat Britain Hlffhta Ilewrrfd
WELL YOUNQ MAN
HOW |S BUSINESS,,
PICKINCr UP?
I THINK
HES VERY
NICE
Hello Boss You're
The very man I want id
see;
Doubt
CAL
$AY B05S! CAN I
TAKE A RUN DOWN
To NEW York For,
VA FEW DAIS?
Y
/
J
No!
CERTAINLY NOT
THE BUSINESS
NEED5 YOU
here:
Jo'l
‘fi&OCz
OH AII5S PEACH BLOW
WILL YOU TAKE A
Y
7ELEQRAK ?
CCALLTHE
stenographer
I WI5HTo SEND
ATELEQRAM
1
GEORQt I HAVE CHANGED
MX A\l N D You MAY B EAT IT,
for new York at once
F
DOUBT
IJU5T SENT A
TELEGRAM To QEORqE
To stay in new York.
AND LOOK AFTER THE
MAIN OFFICE “THE
PUSINESS 15 SoqooD
HERE IN CHICAGO I WINK
ILL STAY a month;
V ITHINKCHICAGO
f15 A GREAT
Y business city
PosT-TlVE-lY!
1
IftMiSi
Y
JoV
po'
vJ£F)
Conroy and Lemaire in “Beans”
C -, EORGE—Now the next time I take you on a street car with me I
don't want to see you hangiug on a lady’s ear for a strap.
PRANK—Oh, was dat a ear? Ah je.s’ reached up an' grabbed
;ump’m dat felt lak leather, an' hung. Ah saw no lady.
GEORGE—It's lucky the car ahead was behind and the car behind
ahead, else we wouldn’t have had a good excuse to Jump off, and the lady
would have had you incarcerated.
PRANK—Jes’ say all at again, piece by piece, befo’ you assembles
ft. What 'bout behind?
GEORGE—The car ahead was behind and the car behind ahead.
FRANK—Left the conductor behind?
GEORGE—-Now, listen. If the car ahead was behind the car behind
:he car ahead, then the car behind the car ahead was ahead of the car
behind. But the car behind the car behind was ahead of the car behind,
so the car ahead of the car behind was behind instead of ahead.
FRANK—Oh-h! Dat’s diff'runt.
GEORGE—If you weren’t such a punk pinochle player you might
iigger better.
FRANK—Who say Ah’s a punk pinochle playah? Who, niggah, who?
When Ah plays a ten o' spades, an’ you throws away a ace——
GEORGE—No use t’ argyu. Stop arguvun. George Wash’ton never
argyud.
FRANK—Who's Jawge Washin’? He nevah played no pinochle wif me
GEORGE—Why, George was the discoverer of our country.
FRANK He was? Well, dawgone! Ah thought Abe Lincoln done dat.
GEORGE—No, uo-o Lincoln is the penny manufacturer.
FRANK—Den where do Napoleon come in?
GEORGE—Oh, you’re thinking of Nick Carter, the great vocabulisL 1
FRANK—Taxicabbist? What dat word?
GEORGE—Why, it means Just the same as osteopathy.
FRANK—Yes, Ah knowed 'at. But what's the destination of at
cabbist word?
GEORGE—It ‘Consists largely of memorabilia syllabtca.
FRANK—Uh-huli! Dass what Ah thought it meant.
GEORGE—Now that I've made myself perfectly elucidatory, what
more may I do for you?
FRANK—Ah don’t know whatcha may do, but yuh bettah give me
dem two bits yuh owes me.
GEORGE—Tfcat’s not necessary. I'm taking you home with me now.
and will give you a wonderful dinner. We have excellent beans to-day.
FRANK—Beans? Ah bet Ah et ev’y bean dat growed dis year.
GEORGE!—My dear numskull, beans don’t grow!
FRANK—Oo-o! Where do dey gettum f'm, niggah?
GEORGE—From the bean mines in Bermuda.
FRANK—Well, lan’mussy, Ah always thought dey growed.
GEORGE—No! They dig ’em out of the mines, same as herring
You knew about the herring mines, didn’t you?
FRANK—Yes, Ah knowed herrings was mined. But Ah was sure
beans growed.
GEORGE—Yer dead wrong. You're thinking of moth-balls
FRANK—Yes, at musta been what Ah seen.
The Great Darkface Comics
at the Keith Theatres
Otjpvnght, 1914, by the Star Company. Great Britain Right* Roermi.
GEORGE]—Why, in some of those gigantic open-air mines in Ber
muda they cut out beans weighing eight and nine ton!
FRANK—Well, did you evah heah of a miner gittin’ killed by a bean
failin’ on him?
GEORG15—Most sarcastically.
FRANK—Ah don’t see how they get apples enough to make vinegar
for even one bean.
GEORGE—Vinegar doesn't come from apples! They get it from the
Vinegar River in Chili, where the chllly-bllly-beans come from.
FRANK—Must be a awful strong river.
GEORGE—It is. The stream flow's up. That's what makes is so
strong, especially when it travels east
FRANK—An' do they catch pickles in dat Vlnega Rivva?
GEORGE—No-o! Pickles aren't wild. They're manufactured from a
composition. Why, it took a man over sixty-live years to learn how to
introduce warts onto pickles.
FRANK—He oughta be re-warted.
GEORGE—Now, out in Lima, Ohio, the other day
FRANK—Oh-ho-ho?
GEORGE!—I said OHIO.
FRANK — Well, howja spell It”
GEORGE—O, h. and a ten.
FRANK—Dat word’s a composition, too, ain't it?
GEORGE—Out there thpy have Lima beans weighing ninety ton!
FRANK—Man. dat am some bean! How dev get ’em out?
GEORGE Blast ’em out with a stick o' kulchup!
Mutterzolb and Son
By D. Darby Aaronson.
< opjrrlarht. 1914, by thr Mat Company. Great Britain Right* RaaerT^d
“W
■HY, father.” exclaimed Milton, "you look all excited. Whs: •
the matter?”
"Don't you see I can't answer you,” t-epuaa Mutterzolb
so why are you standing there asking me questions? You better give
a run over quick as you can and gpt me right away that great detective.
Burn stein I want to arrest the bank. They wouldn't let me take oar
m.v own money, which I myself, mlt my own hands, put in, and mlt tuy
own eyes saw how I put it in."
“Well,” interrupted Milton, "didn't the bank offer any reason for ne*.
allowing you to draw out your money?”
‘ Yes, they did,” answered Mutterzolb. "They told me it's on account
of the Europeanut war. But what am I got to do mlt that? Did 1 make
the war?
“I went to get a policeman to have the bank arrested, but It Just
happened to be my luck that it's the policeman’s day off and I couldn't,
get one. I don't know what to do now To fall Into a lawyer's hands la
yet worster.
“Well, In a way it’s a whole lot my fault, too. When I put in the
money I should’ve made the bank give me cash security. And, say, if
they even give you security, I don’t see the sense of keeping money In
the bank. All you do is put in and take out—take out and put in. Is
that sense? If you could take out mitout putting in, then there would be
sense.
"You know I fee! awful sorry for poor Ahe Glnshurg when I saw
the’ bank refuse to give him his six hundred dollars, which la every dol
lar he has in the world. I felt very bad about it. Five hundred of it he
was going to lend me. And, say, you think the bank will ever pay me
back the money for the drink and cigars 1 bought Abe Glnaburg?
“Besides banks these days there's other troubles, too. Believe me.
a person that don’t get born In these bad times ought to consider him
self very lucky. Yet. as had as the times are, I could nearly laugh when
I remind myself of how Teddy Rosenfeld, the king of the Bull Shmoos-
ers, called the people down for not having children, and told them they
wuz making race chop sueyside. Could he Bhow me any children who
have any feeling at all for parents that would get bom nowadays mit
such a high cost of prices?
'You see how bad times are. and yet you refuse to marry such a
fine A Number One girl like Yussel Slnkowltch’g daughter Lippky. for
which you get ten thousand dollars.”
But, father,” protested Milton, “you couldn't expect me to marry a
girl that’s deaf and dumb. Why, she can’t talk!”
"What do you care about that?” answered Mutterzolb "The money
talks And, say, it ain’t so had as you think to get a wife nowadays
what can’t talk. All you could hear them say Is they want diamond
dinner time rings, and they tell you to take them to high tone, fancy
theatres in which It cost at least seventy-five cents to a dollar for a seat
And you must also remember that we’re not living In Adam and Evas
times. Women’s clothes cost money, too. They say that Adam was very
anxious to get the apple from the tree Why wouldn’t he be? It didn't
cost him anything."
“Did you see the gentleman who was looking for you?” interrupted
Milton.
"That wuz no gentleman. That wuz my woollen man mlt a bill. It
is really tuy own fault that I have to pay Dills to-day for wool ’
should've never ordered so much. Well, that wuz because I wuz too.
enough to have so much confidence and vote yet for such a swindler as
President Bryan, who said he would make woo! free I should've (Ivan
"And, say, if they
even give you
security, I don't see
the sense of keep
ing money in the
bank. All you do is
put in and take
out—take out and
put in. Is that
sense? If you could
take out mitout
putting in, that
would be sense.
a poor feller a show and voted for Jake Eisenglaas on the Socialist
Labor ticket. 1 am sorry now I didn’t.
“Morris Glickstein, who voted for him. got a box of cigars.''
"I understand," interrupted Milton, "that you had some trouble with
rowdies, who were throwing things down from the roof."
T went up to the roof to catch them loafers,” said Mutterzolb, "but
the minute I stuck my head through the skylight 1 got a knock on the
head, which I thought to myself Instantly killed me But It wuz my
luck I left my hat In the store. Imagine if I got hit with It on. A brand
new one, too. and nothing cheap about it either. You know the big
salesman that left us yesterday wore nothing but high-priced hats.”
“Say, father,” inquired Milton, "that reminds me—how are you mak
ing out in that new store of yours?”
“You mean the four and nine cents store? You know 1 took in twe
partners mlt me, and do they look suspicious? They watch every move
I make. When I saw them doing that, there was nothing slow about ms
either, and I looked suspicious, too. Them fellers don’t know nothing
at all about keeping a stock.
“They let all the perishable goods stay till they perished There
wuz witch hazel nuts, pepsin gum drops, Napoleon cakes, and the Nape
leon cakes looked as If they wuz the original from Napoleon himself,
because they looked more than a hundred years old.
”1 must say one thing, though, about that store—the customers there
wuz very friendly, Just like a family. If we’d give them a present mit
coffee or tea, they’d give us a present right hack, either the coffee or the
tea. The first day we opened up I remember not one customer came in.
so we thought well, maybe, sometimes a bad beginning is a good start,
and we didn't mind it so much; but the next day wuz the same. Nearly
the whole day passed and not a customer showed up, so I commenced
thinking to myself and worrying what could It be that no customers
come in. T couldn’t make out what tt wuz.
"But In going out later for a little air. carried by my two partners. '
saw what the trouble wuz. There wuz a big sign hanging in front of
the store, which said This store closed for repairs.’ V.'e forgot
take it down.”