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BEST HUMOR, MOVING
PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE.
HJJJ-W
ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1914.
STORIES
By Jack London, Compton
Mackenzie and Bruno Lessing
PICTURES
By Harrison Fisher, A. B. Wenzell and
Andre Castaigne—AH in the New Special
On ce-a-Month Magazine
Presented with to-day’s
Sunday American
Watch for it every month.
Business Is Business
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
Copyright, 11*14. by the t*t*r Comp*ny. Great Britain Kighta It
Conroy and Lemaire in “Beans”
G EORGE—Now the next time I take you on a street car with me I
don't want to see you hanging on a lady's ear (or a strap.
FRANK—Oh, was dat a ear? Ah Jes' reached up an’ grabbed
sump'm dat felt lak leather, an' hung- Ah saw no lady.
GEORGE—It’s lucky the car ahead was behind and the car behind
ahead, else we wouldn't have had a good excuse to jump off, and the lady
would have had you incarcerated.
FRANK—Jes' say all at again, piece by piece, befo' you assembles
It What 'bout behind?
GEORGE—The car ahead was behind and the car behind ahead.
FRANK—Left the conductor behind?
GEORGE—Now, listen. If the car ahead was behind the car behind
the car ahead, then the car behind the car ahead was ahead of the car
behind. But the car behind the car behind was ahead of the car behind,
so the car ahead of the car behind was behind Instead of ahead.
FRANK—Oh-h! Dat’s difTrunt.
GEORGE—If you weren’t such a punk pinochle player you might
Agger better.
FRANK—Who say Ah's a punk pinochle piayah? Who, nlggah, who?
When Ah plays a ten o’ spades, an' you throws away a ace
GEORGE-—No use t’ argyu. Stop arguyun. George Wash’ton never
argyud.
FRANK—Who's Jawge Washln’T He nevah played no pinochle wlf me.
GEOROE—Why, George was the discoverer of our country.
FRANK—He was? Well, dawgone! Ah thought Abe Lincoln done dat
GEORGE—No, uo-o. Lincoln la the penny manufacturer.
FRANK—Den where do Napoleon come In?
GEORGE—Oh, you’re thinking of Nick Carter, the great vocabultstl
FRANK—Taxlcabblst? What dat word?
GEORGE—Why, It means Just the same as osteopathy.
FRANK—Yes, Ah knowed 'at But whst’s the destination of 'at
cabblst word?
GEORGE—It consists largely of memorabilia syllablca.
FRANK—Uh-huh! Dass what Ah thought It meant
GEORGE—Now that I've made myself perfectly elucidatory, what
more may I do for you?
FRANK—Ah don't know whatcha msy do, but yuh bettah give me
dem two bits yuh o .?es me.
GEORGE—That's not necessary I’m taking you home with me now,
and will give you a wonderful dinner. We have excellent beans to-day.
FRANK—Beans? Ah bet Ah et ev’y bean dat growed dla year.
GEORGE—My dear numskull, beans don’t grow!
FRANK—Oo-o! Where do dey gettum fm, nlggah? , %
GEORGE—From the bean mines in Bermuda. ‘ "W’
FRANK—Well, lan’mussy. Ah always thought dey growed.
GEORGE—No! They dig ’em out of the mines, same as herring.
You knew about the herring mines, didn't you?
FRANK—Yes, Ah knowed herrings was mined. But Ah was sure
beans growed.
GEORGE—Yer dead wrong You’re thinking of moth-b»Jl8.
FRANK—Yes, ’at must a been what Ah seen,
The Great Darkface Comics
at the Keith Theatres
Copyright. 1»14, by the Star Company. Grrat Bn tain Riffht* Rgeerred.
GEORGE—Why, In some of those gigantic open-air mines In Ber»
muda they cut out beans weighing eight and nine ton!
FRANK—Well, did you evah heah of a miner glttln’ killed by a bean
failin’ on him?
GEORGE—-Most sarcastically,
FRANK—Ah don’t see how they get apples enough to make vinegar
for even one bean.
GEORGE—Vinegar doesn’t come from apples! They get It from the
Vinegar River In Chill, where the chllly-bllly-beanB come from.
FRANK—Must be a awful strong river.
GEORGE—It is. The stream Hows up. That’s what makes Is so
strong, especially when It travels east.
FRANK—An’ do they catch pickles in dat Vlnega Rlvva?
GEORGE—No-o! Pickles aren't wild. They’re manufactured from a
composition. Why, It took a man over slxty-flve years to learn how to
Introduce warts onto pickles.
FRANK—He oughta be re-warted.
GEORGE—Now, out in Lima, Ohio, the other day
FRANK—Oh-ho-ho?
GEORGE—I said OHIO.
FRANK—Well, howja spell It?
GEORGE—O, h, and a ten.
FRANK—Dat word’s a composition, too, ain't it?
GEORGE—Out there they have Lima beans weighing ninety tonl
FRANK—Man, dat am some hean! How dey get ’em out?
GEORGE—Blast 'out out wl(h a stick o' ketchup L
THIS IS CONDON’S IDEA OF CARL!
CARL is the White-coated Individual who Pre
sides Behind the Counter at “Sine” Jacobs’ Store
over on Whitehall, at Alabama.
Carl is the Chap who made “The Breakfast’’Fa
mous in our Town. He is the Original Grouch-
killer. He Discovered The Merry Mocha, with the
Chastised Cream surmounting, The Flaky Hot
Rolls, The Real Country Butter and Grandma’s
Strawberry Jam.
‘THE BREAKFAST”
THAT
MADE A
DIME FAMOUS! That brings ’em Miles and
Miles every Morning. That sends ’em out with
Joy on their Map!
No wonder Carl is the Happy Guy—Just see
what he sees from his Side of the Counter.
Wouldn’t a Bevy of Beauties like that make any
Gink happy? Wouldn’t it?
CARL is the Clever Dispenser that Set Three-
thirty every Afternoon as the Time for Chocolate-
Egg-and-Malted Milk, “THE DRINK” that is
making Everybody Healthy and Happy. The
Glasses are Chilled and Coated with Chastised
Cream. The Chocolate, the Egg and the Malted
Milk are poured into it! U-u-mmm!
JACOBS’ PHARMACY NUMBER ONE
Whitehall at Alabama
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