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iz THE MORNING SMILE |-~
Bread Gontin- | ! to Eat
wes t Rise— | i Cance.
fe s WEX JONES Editor _
R “ ; ~ Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, February 28, 1915. . : e No. 50.
Smiles’'s Patented In
vention Soothes
Bivalves.
New Opyster Bed Is
a Marvel of
Comfort.
Shellfiah Swamp Department
in Mad Rush to Buy Latest
Product of Our Inven
torium.
OLUMNS of description
4 wouldn't give you s, good
an idea of our latest Smile
invention as does the archl
tent's drawing on this page Give
it a look.
Hitherto the so-called ovster
bed has been a mockery The
wretched oysters have had to
sleep on the damp ocean floor
Neadless to eay, a fioor is not a
hed. and no sophistry can cioud
the issne
Hereafter every oyster will have
2 comfortable bed. especially de
sighed for submarine use
e
limelock Foams, the
-- 9 .
Criminal’s Terror
The Adventure of the
Peeled Potato.
OW striking appeared that
H potato, start naked in a
dish of its jacketed fel
lows’
How striking! But later 1t was
ev n strikinger, ‘
WWhat. my dear Potson,” asked
o=, s, ‘uoes that nude spud,
Doings of the Junk Family
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
or potato, lindicate to Yyour
no doubt active brain?”
“It has been peeled,” said I,
after careful scrutiny of the al
leged vegetable.
“1s that a!l, my dear Potson,
(hat your no doubt keen mind
gathers from this unclad potato?”
e
“Tut, tut, my dear Potson. is .h:
all? Why, even to your no doi
obtuse mind it must be evident
that this potato was peeled by a
woman who was using hs: hus
hand's safety razor?”’
“Mope,” 1 replied.
“And the lady is left-landed,”
added Foams.
Later it turned out that the po
‘ato had been peeled by a one
legged man who used an axe on
it.
Otherwise Foams was ~orrect
in his waounderful reasoning.
MEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA. GA. SUNDAY. FEBRUARY 25 1913
Did You Know That—
Sunflower seeds are palatable
and nutritious--that is, to par
rots?
It's no good telling a hmny\
story to a man with the tooth
ache?
It's no good telling a sad story
to a man with the toothache?
It's no good telling anything to
a man with the toothache?
The smaller a girl’'s hat be-,
comes, the longer she takes to
put it on? .
With bread at six ecen's. it's
hard to be a loafer these davs?
¥ven in dock, =tx:\"‘-arines scem
{o Le in hot water? 3
lIN THE SMILE'S
AN IMPORTANT QUESTION.
TO THE EDITOR-—~When dces
& geldfish sleep?
PHILIP M'CAN.
Skibo, Va. U. B. A.
[This le a really
Important ques
tion. We referred
it to the great
goldfisgh expert,
Marry Craddock,
of the well-known
'O. 'O. He says:
: “‘They don't While
naturally timor
* ous lin the matter
of disputing an
acknowledged ex
pert, we must dls
agree with Mr.
Craddock in thils
instance. Cur posi
tive belief la that
i goldfish sleep
‘ when they are
‘ out of the watar,
| sk}
' ANOTHER QUESTION.
| TO THE EDITOR—Who, if
any, was "Calamity Jane ™
JOHN SKWIGG.
-
CHERRY BOUNCE.
TO THE EDITOR-Recently I
asked Fxpert John Skillman why
cherry bounce was called cherry
bounce. He promptly told me
cherry bounce was called cherry
bounce because chervy bounce is
the name of cherry bounce.
FRANK CHARLTON.
IN THE U, 8., WE THINK,
TO THE EDITOR—Where is
this place Colorado?
5.0 B
Our Weelly Fealth Hint.
if You a; 20l in @ eubway
fire, Wake we ~
Strain Too Much.
JOLL\' MAN (whose appetite is the envy of all his fellow-boarders):
Well, | never! 1 declare I've lost two buttons off my vest.
Lady of the House (who has been walting an opportunity to give
him » hint): You will most likely find them in the diniung-room. sir.
Higher Economy.
üBIYT your flance has such a small salary, how are you going to live?”
“Oh. wae're going to economize. We're guing to do without such a
Jot of thinas thet Jack needs.”
Obliging.
A BRECRUIT, very anxious to join Kitchener's army enters recruiting
\ )ut'on determined to accommodate himself to any condition required.
Officer (All'ng in form)-—What's your religion?
Loalous Racruit -Well. what are you short of?
: Recognized.
SME The waiter s banging around as though he expeoted sowethiug
He. .0%. yes; he's a tippleal waiter,
Relieved.
MK MANLEY Well, my dear, I've had my life insured for $6,000.
MRS, MANLEY How very eensibie of you! Now I shan't have
te keep telllng vou to be so careful every piace you go.
Asking Too Much. ;
Vl(}Aß»—-You know, Thomas, you set the younger men of the parish &
bad examplie by going imto public houses on Sunday. Why don't you
take your ga.on of beer home on Saturday night? |
Thomas—Ak. sir; 1 couMn’t gang t' sleep wi' a gallon o' beer in |
the hoose.
A Reminder. -
INKBLOTZ---'l‘he fuzsy taste in my mouth this morning fs something
awful. g .
His Wife—That reminds me. | must have & new fur ooal this
Winter. -
Frank.
THE moving pieture director was having trouble in getting one of the |
scenes right The girl was supposed to resist an attempt to kiss her, }
but the rehearsal was far from satisfactory.
“Think. now,” said the director, coaching her; “haven't you ever
tried to stop a young man from kissing you?”
“Mo." was the girl's frank reply. ’
An Understanding Wanted.
uMABEL. why do you hesitate to marry me? I get S3O a week.™ _
“Reginald, you are a good dresser.”
“Yeu." 7
“And I'm a good dresser.”
llv“'?||o’ v
«waicn will be the good dresser after we arc married?”
JUST FOR FUN
Directed. '
“WILL you please tell me where I can see the candelabra?
“All canned goods is on the next floor,” replied the new olerk
Shakespeare on Fisticuffs.
WE'LL fight it out.—l Hen. VI 1-3.
With my armed flst I'll pash him o'sr the face.__Troilus and
Cressida, 3-2.
Come between us, good Benvolio--Rom. and Jultet, 83,
Show me one scar.—#€ Hen. VI, &1
Mine eyes were black.—As You Like It, 356,
I am quit.—Timon of Athens, 4-3.
Knocked out-——Ail's Wedl, 3.2
More Sacks to the mill.—Love's Labor Lost, ¢§.
Big Bellied.—Midsummer Night's Dream, 2-1.
Now on the beak. —Tempest, 1-2,
Nothing dbut olaret.—2 Hen. VI, 486.
This bowt ferst.--Hamlet, 5-2.
Answers to Correspondents. 4
RES'!‘AURATEUR No wonder oysters are turning pink. We are of
the opinion that if the tendency next season is any more to the one
piece bathing suits the Winter of 191616 will find oysters blushing s
deep red.
“l SEEN Her When She DONE It”
: By “HANK”
Copyright, 1015, by the Btar Company, Great Britain Rights Heserved,
SAW her in a restaurant beneath the lights ablaze,
I Her Yeauty was so wondrous that my brain was in a daze.
An Angel—no, a Goddess was the way sne looked to me,
Her features had a Grecian mold, her form spelled symmetry.
I listened as she sftarted in to talk,
When from that classic throat there came this squawk:
CHORUS.
“] seen her when she done it, so don’t try no bluffs with me.
Oh, you can bull ali night and day, but that don’t go, yer see.
I seen her when shr smiled at yon; she'd like to get my feller,
Just walt 'til I set eyes on her, you see what I wen't tell her.
You needn’t bawl like that at me, I ain’t a-going deef,
And as for handing you to her, believe me I'd as leaf,
I seen her smile, I seen you smile, I know just what I see,
1 seen her when she done it, so don’t try no bluffs with me.”
Her hair wis like the golden sun a-setting in the west,
Her lips like petals from a rose that one had gently pressed,
Her eyes a pair of limpid pools a-dream with mystery,
Her throat a creamyv billow on an undulating sea:
Qut all my dreams were shattered with a hang
When suddenly she spilled this nasal twang: (Chorus),
(Commander in-Chief of
the Pessimists)
Says:
-
Coprright. 1918 By Be Star Cempeep
Geeat Britain Rights Reserved
ANY a man rushes in ond
gets married for only the
same reason he bide more
than & thing s werth at an avetion
whe I 8 afrald someone slse wil
get it
The “Public™ seems to be & large
body of people entirely swrrounded
by politicians.
Some people kick because @
hound dawg bays at the moon and
then go out and pay $6 for opere
tickets
An amiable wife—but the days of
miracies are past
A woman can drive nalls ke
lightning—which never strikes twice
in the same place.
The wisest man | aver knew never
gave any woman the opportunity
to say “No™ to hm.
Seme women can keep a gervant
for years. Others prefer to lot
them go and keep their husbands.
When woman begins to get Justice
Instead of mercy In the courts she
will become a rabld anti-suffragist
Frosts may come and droughts
may go, but the orop of wild cate
flourishes as ever.
More than ten thousand writers
have tried to define “optimism.”™ but
there s only one definition, “a man
who marries a sixth wife™
Two may be company, but not
after the minister has said, “Wiit
thou” and they have agreed.
Once there was a rich bachelor
who used to lle awake nights fear
ing he would lose his money. Then
he got married, and now he lles
awake nights wondering how he ls
going to keep out of debt.