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L L e WEX JONES Editor ! 4
Vol. V. i B *A'Uumu. Ga., Suudn?. February 28, 1915. T :
H Lif
Smiles’'s Patented In
vention Soothes
Bivalves.
New Oyster Bed Is
a Marvel of
Comfort.
Shellfish Swamp Department
In Mad Rush to Buy Latest
' Product of Our Inven
% torium.
" OLUMNS of ' description
‘ wouldn't give you so good
an idea of our latest Bmile
fnvention as does the archil
tect’'s drawing on this page. Give
it a look.
Hitherto the so-called oyster
bed has been & mockery. The
wretched oysters have had to
sleep on the damp ocean floor.
Needless to say, a floor is not a
bed, and no sophistry can cloud
the issue.
Hereafter every oyster will have
& comfortable bed, especially de
signed for submarine use.
.
Timelock Foams, the
-—_r . ’
Zriminal’s Terror
The Adventure of the
Peeled Potato.
e
OW striking appeared that
H potato, start naked in a
dish of its jacketed fel
lows! |
How striking! But later it was
even strikinger. ‘
“What, my dear Potson.” asked
Doings of theF Junk Family
By T. E. Powers, the Famows Cartoosle’ =
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THE OYSTER BED.
or potato, indicate to your
no doudbt active brain?”
“It has been peeled,” said I,
after careful scrutiny of the al
leged vegetable.
“Is that all, my dear Potson,
that your no doubt keen mind
gathers from this unclad potato?”
S sl
“Tut, tut, my dear Potson, is ths!
all? Why, even to your no dou
obtuse mind it must be evident
that this potato was peeled by a
woman who was using bev hus
band's safety razor?’
“Nope,” 1 replied.
“And the lady is left-landed,”
added Foams.
Later it turned gut that the po
tato had been peeled by s one
legged man who used an axe on
it.
Otberwise Foams was correct
in s wonderful reasoning.
WEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, GA. SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1015
Did You Know That—
Sunflower seeds are palatable
and nutritious--that is, to par
rots? ;
It's no good telllng a funny
story to & mu.wtm the t(ooth
ache?
It's no good telling a sad story
%0 a man with the toothache?
It's no good islling anything to
a man with the toothache?
T—— ”
The smaller a girl's hat be
comes, the longer she takes to
put it on?
With bread at six cents, it's
hard to be a loafer these days?
Even in dock, submarines seem
1N THE SMILE’S
AN IMPORTANT QUESTION.
TO THE EDITOR-—When does
a goldfish sleep?
PHILIP M'CAN.
Skibo, Va. U. 8. A -
[This is a reaily
important ques
tion. We referred
it to the great
goidfish expert,
Harry Craddock,
of the well-known
'O. 'O, He says:
“They don’t While
naturailly timonr
ous in the matter
of disputing an
acknowledged eox
pert, we must die
agree with Mr.
Craddock in this
Ingtance. Our posi
tive belles is that
goldfish sleep
when they are
out of the waten
—EBd.]
ANOTHER QUESTION.
TO THE EDITOR—Who, it
any, was “Calamity Jane ¥
JOHN SKWIGG.
CHERRY BOUNCE.
TO THE BEDlTOß—Reocently 1
asked Expert Johr Skillman why
cherry bounce was called cherry
bounce. He promptly told me
cherry bounce was called cherry
bounce because cherry bounce is
the name of cherry bounce.
. FRANK CHARLTON.
N J‘HE U. §., WE THINK.
TO THE EDITOR—Where is
this place Colorado?
J. D R.
Our Weekly Health Hint.
If you are caught in & subway
Strain Too Much.
JOLLY MAN (whose appetite is the envy of all his fellow-boarders):
Well, I never! 1 deciare I've lost two buttons off my vest.
Lady of the House (who has been walting an opportunity to give
him & hint): You will most likely find them in the diming-room. sin
Higher Economy.
üBUT your flanoe has such & rmall salary, how are you going to live?”
“Oh. we're going to econcmize. We're going te do without such a
lot of things that Jack peeds.”
Obliging.
A RECRUIT, very anxious to join Kitchener's army enters recruiting
\ station determined to accommodate himself to any conditioa required.
Officer (dlllag in form)—What's your religion?
gealous Racruit-—Well, what are you short of?
Recognized.
QHE-w-The waiter is hanging around as though he expeoted somethiug.
y He. ON, yes; he's & tippical walter.
Relieved.
MR MANLEY__ Well, my dear, I've had my life insured for $5,000.
MRS. MANLYY-—How very sensible of you! Now I shan’t have
to keap telling you to be so careful every place you go.
Asking Too Much.
VICAR--—Yon know, Thomas, you set the younger men of the parish a
bad example by going into public houses on Sunday. Why dorn’t you
take your ga.lon of beer home ooil Saturday night?
Thomas—Ab. sir; 1 cowlda't gang t' sleep wi' .aigallon o beer in
the hoose. Y
A Reminder,
lNKßLO’l‘Z——'l‘be fuzay taste in my mouth this morning is something
awful. ° |
His Wite—That reminds mse. [ must have & new fur coat this
Wianter.
Frank.
T‘HFJ moving ploture director was having trouble in getting one of the
scenes right The girl was supposed to resist an attempt to kiss her,
but the rehearsal was far from satisfactory. 3
“Think, now,” said the director, coaching her; “haven't you ever
tried to stop a young man from kisging you?”
“No.” was the girl's frank reply. ‘
An Understanding Wanted.
‘thBEL. why do you hesitate to marry me? I get 330 a week.”
“Reginald, you are a good dresser.”
(Yl : ;
“And I'm a good dresser.” \
“Well 7 : i
will be e soed m e !flfiu\gi : ‘
Riadsi e Ly SRR . R me.;wi.-..éhmf = ¥ OAR o
JUST FOR FUN
Directed.
“WILL you please tell mie where I can see the candeldbhra®™
“All canned goods is on the next floor,” repled the new clery
Shakespeare on Fisticuffs. :
WE'LL fight it out.—l Hen. VI 1-2.
With my ermed fist I'll pash him o'er the face.__Troilus and
Cressida, 3-2.
Come between us, good Benvollo-—Rom. and Jullet, 2.3,
Show me one scar.—€ Hen. VI, 3-1.
Mine eyes were black.—As You Like It, 8-5.
I.am quit.—Tiron of Athens, 4-3.
Knocked out.—Ail's Well, 3-2.
More Sacks to the mill.—Love's Labor Lost, 4-5.
Big Bellled.—Midsummer Night's Dream, 2-1.
Now on the beak.—Tempest, 1-2,
Nothing but claret.—2 Hen. VI, 46,
This bout first.—Hamlet, 5-2.
Answers to Correspondents.
RESTAI'RATEUR —No wonder oysters are turning pink. We are of
the opinion that if the tendemncy next season is any more to the one
piece bathing suits the Winter of 1915-16 will §nd oysters blushing g
deep red.
““l SEEN Her When She BONE It
By “HANK”
Copyright, 1015, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved.
SAW her in a restaurant beneath the lights ablaze,
Her Yeauty was so wondrous that my hrain was in a daze.
An Angel-—no, a Goddess was the way sne looked to me,
Her features had a Grecian mold, her form spelled symmetry.
I listened as she started in to talk,
When from that classic throat there came this squawk:
CHORUS.
“I seen her when she done it. so don’t try no bluffs with me.
Oh, you can bull all night and day, but that don™t go, yer see.
I seen her when she smiled at you; she'd like to get my feller,
Just wait 'til I set eyes on her, you see what I won't tell her.
You needn’t bawl like that at me, I aln’t a-going deef,
And as for handing you to her, believe me I'd as leaf,
1 seen her smile, I seen you smile, I know just what I see,
I seen her when she done it. so don’t try no bluffs with n o™
Her hair was like the golden sun a-setting in the west,
Her lips like petals from a rose that one had gently pressed,
Her eyes a pair of limpid pools a-dreara with mystery,
Her throat a creamy billow on an undulating sea; .
‘Ruf*all my dreams were shattered with a bang
When suddenldy ehe avilled this uasal swang: (Choruda
(Oomi‘u‘-w of
the Pessimists)
Says:
. -
Coparight, 8. Wy the Star Company.
Great Britain Rights Hesersed
ANY a man rushes in and
gets married for only the
same reason he bide more
than a thing is worth at an auction
—He I 8 afrald someone else will
get it '
The “Public"” seems to be & large
body of people entirely surrounded
by politicians.
’ - ———
Some people kick becauae &
hound dawg bays at the moon and
then go out and pay $6 for operd
tickets.
An amiable wife—but the days of
miracles are past.
A woman can drive nrails ke
tightning—which never strikes twice
In the same place,
Tho’ wisest man | ever knew revear
gave any woman the opportunity
to say “No" to him.
Some women can keep a servant
for years. Others prefer to let
them go and keep their husoands.
When woman begins to get justice
Instead of mercy in the courts she
wiil become a rabid anti-suffragist
Frosts may come and droughisa
may go, but the crop of wiid oate
flourishes as ever.
More than ten thousand writers
have tried to define “opt mism ™ but
there I 8 only one definition, “a man
who marries a sixth wife™
Two may be company, but not
after the minister has said, “Wiit
thou” and they have agreed.
Once there was a rich bachelor
who used to lle awake nights fear
ing he would lose his money. Then
he got married, and now he lies
awake nights wondering how e is
going to keep out of debt.