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“‘;“ }' J}?‘ PR Vi
i the Prige of |
Bread. Contn |
wes to Mies— |
Vol. V.
H Lif
Smiles's Patented In.
vention Soothes
Bivalves.
New Oyster Bed Is
a Marvel of
Comfort.
Shelifish Swamp Department
In Mad Rueh to Buy Latest
Product of Our Inven
torfum.
OLUMNS of description
‘ wouldn™t give you so good
an idea of our latest Smile
invention as does the urchi
tact's drawing on this page Give
it a look.
Hitherto the wso-calied oyster
bed has been a mockery The
wretched oysters have had to
sieep on the damp ocean floor.
Neadless to say, a floor is not a
ped, and no sophistry can cloud
the issue
HereaMer every oyster will have
» comfortable bed, especially de
signed for submarine use
simelock Foams, the
ge . ’
Ceiminal’s Terror
The Adventure of the
Peeled Potato.
OW striking appeared that
H potato, start naked in a
dish of fits jacketed fel
saws "
{on striking’' But later 1t was
n strikinger.
W hat. my dear Potson.” asked
@ s, ‘does tbat nude spud,
Doings of the Junk Family
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, February 28, 1915
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Bl MRS R T T Musflw
or potato, lindicate to Yyour
no doubt active brain?”
“it bas been peeled,” sald L,
alfter careful scrutiny of the al
leged vegetable
“ls that all, my dear Potson,
that your ne doubt keen mind
gathers from this unclad potato?™
8 all”
“Tut, tut, my dear Polson, s by
all? Why, even to your uo do
obtuse mind It must be evideut
that this potato was peeled by a
woman who was using bheo bus
vand's safety razor?”’
“Nope,” 1 replied
“And the lady Is leftlandsd.”
(dded Foams.
Later it turned out that the po
2to had been peelad by s one
lagged man who used an axe on
it.
Otherwige Foams was ~orreci
in his wonderful reasonlng.
THE OYSTER BED.
Did You Know That—
Sunflower seeds are palatable
and nutritious -that ia, to par
rots?
It's no good telling a funoy
story to a man with the tooth
aohe?
It's no good telling a sad story
to & man with the toothache?
& ——
it® no good telling anything to
a man with the toothache?
The amallar a girl's hat be
comes, the Jonger she takes to
put it on?
With bread at six cen's, it's
hard to he a loafer these days?
Kven in dock, submarines scem
i 0 be in bet watwrl
NBARSTR SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA 7A SUNDAY FERRUARY 3238 195
1N THE SMILE’S
AN IMPORTANT QUESTION.
TO THE EDITOR ~When foes
& geldfish sleep?
PHILIP M'CAN.
Skibe, Va. U. 8. A
[This is a really
Important ques
tion. We referred
it to the great
goldfish expert,
Harry Craddock,
of the well-known
'O. 'O. He says:
“They don’t While
naturally timonr
ous in the matter
of disputing an
acknowledged ex
pert, we must dis
agree with Mr.
Craddock in this
instance. Qur posi
tive belief is that
goldfish sleep
when they are
: out of the watern,
—Ed)
ANOTHER QUESTION.
TO THE EDITOR-—Who, if
sny, was “Calamity Jans?
JOHN SKWIGG
CHERRY BOUNCE.
TV THE EDITOR-—Recently |
asked Expert John Skillman why
charry bounce was called cherry
bounce., He promptly toid. me
cherry bounce was called chervy
bounce bhecause cherry bounce is
the name of cherry bounce
FRANK CHARLTON.
IN THE U. §, WE THINK,
TO THE EDITOR--Where is
this place Colorsdo?
3D R
.Our Weekly Health Hint.
Il you are caugol fa a subway
Are, Lake We -
—Mite’ll Have
to Eat
Canice.
No. 50
Strain Too Much.
JI)LLY MAN (whose appetite is the envy of all his fellow-boarders):
Well, I never' | declare I've lodt two buttons off my vest.
Lady of the House (wbo has been walting an opportunity to give
him » hint): You #ill most likely find them in the diniug-room® sir
Higher Xconomy.
“BI'T your flance has such a small salary, how are you going to live?’
“Oh. wa're going to economize. We're going te do witnout such a
lot ol things that Jack needs.”
Obliging.
A RECRUIT, very anxious to join Kitcheners army eunters recruiting
‘ station determined to accommodate himself to any condition required.
Officer (4'V'ug in form)—-What's your religion?
Zealous Racruit—We!l whai are you short of?
e \
Recognized.
QHmmTho walter is hanging around ai though he expected somelniag
* He_ _Ob, yos; he's » tippioal waiter.
Relieved.’
MR. MANLEY._ Weli, my dear, I've had my life insured for $5,000.
MRS, MANL®¥Y-—How very sensible of you! Now I shan’'t have
to keep telling vou tec be so careful every place you go.
Asking Too Much. : |
VICAR—You know, Thomas, you set the younger men of the parish a
bad example by going into public houses on Sunday. Why dor’t you
take your gason of beer home on Saturday night?
Thomas—Ahb. sir; I cowldn't gang t' sleep wi' a gallon o' beer in
the hoose.
A Reminder.
INKBLOTZ-»»-'l‘h. fuzzy waste in wmy mouth this morning is something
awful. ‘
Hig Wife That rewminds me. [ must bave & unew fur cout this
Winter. = g . l
Frank. 1
Tth: moving pleture director was having troutre tn getilng oune of the
deenes right The girl was supposed to resist an attempt to kiss her. |
but the rehearsal was far from satisfactory '
“Think. now,” said the director, coaching her; “haven't you everl
tried to stop a young man from kissing you?’ i
“No.” was the girl’s frank reply. : I
'~ An Understanding Wanted. l
“MABEL. why do vou hesitate m’marry me? I get S3O a week.”
“Reginald, vyou are a good dresser.” ’
Yen i
“And I'm a good dresser.” i
“Wall
“Whioh will be the guod dresser alter we are waiiied?”
okl bRE S O iifi*ifi ofii = e “"“I tfl i i‘zi*f Ja i "ifii Ifl
Copyright, 1915, by the Star Cumpany Great Britain Rights Heserved
Directed.
“wll.l' vou please tail me where 1 can see the candelahra®™
“All canned goods is on the next floor.” replied the new clerk
Shakespeare on Fisticuffs.
WE‘LL fight {t out.—l Hen. VI 1-2.
’
With my armed fist U'll pash him oer the face. _Troilus and
Creasida, 2-2.
Come bhetween us, good Benvolio. - Rom. and Juliet, 2-3,
Show e one scar.—B Hen. VI, 31
Mine eyes were black. —~As You Like It, 3.5
I am quit.—Timon of Athens, 4.1, %
Knocked out.-—-Ail's Well, 3-2,
More Sacks to the mill.—~Love's Labor Lost, 4.
Big Bellled.—Midsummer Night's Dream, 2-1.
Now on the beak.-— Tempest, 1-2. ok
Nothing but claret.—2 Hen. VI, 46.
This bout ferst.—Hamlet, §5-2.
Answers to Correspoudents,
RES'I‘A('RATE‘UR No wpnder ovsters are (urning pink. We are o’
the opinion that if the tendency next season is any more to {he one
piece bathing suits the Wiater of 1915-16 will find oysters blushing s
deep red.
“| SEEN Her When She DONE It”
er en e Luil
By “HANK”
Copyvright, 1915, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved,
SAW her in a restaurant beneath the lights ablaze,
Her Heauty wasy s 0 wondrous that mv brain was in a dare,
An Angel-—no, a Goddess was the way sae lnoked te me.
Her features had a Grecian mold, her form spelled symmetry,
I listened as she started in to talk,
When from that classic throat there came this squawk:
: CHORUS.
“I geen her when she done it, so dou’t try no blufs with me.
Oh, you can ball al} night and day, bui tha! don’t go. yer see '
1 seen her when sh» smiled at you; she'd like to get my felier,
Just wait 'ti! I set eves en her, you see what ! won't tell her.
You needn’t -haw! like that at me, [ ain’t a-going deal,
And as for handing you te her. helieve me T'd ac Iraf
I seen her smile, [ seen vou smile, T knaw just what 1 ses,
l‘soen her when she done it. so den't try no hlufis with =e”
Her hair was like the golden sun a-setiing in the wost,
Her lips like pefale from a rose that ane bad gently gressed, g
Her eves a pair of limpid poals a-drearm with mistery,
Hor throat a creamy hillow on an undulating con;
2t all my dreams were shatfered with a bang
When suddenly she spilled this nasal twang: (Chore=> =
' (Commander-in Ohief of
the Pessimists)
Says:
.
Coprright. IR & e Sher Cegaar
Gavat Brtinie Rights Beows ol
ANY » man rushis in an
gote married for anly the
same Feason he bide ware
than a thing iz werth at an sudtion
b afraid someone tise will
get i
The “Public™ tecns to e 2 arge
body of people eniiely AT OunG
by politicians ’ ‘
—
Seme’ people’ kick ' besause 2
nound dawg Days at tha moun and
then go out and pay 96 lor operd
tickets
An amiable wife—but the diys of
miracies are pant *
A woman cam drive “al's like
lightaing—which never striked ta e
in the same place.
The wisest man | ever knew geoer
gave any woman the opportun iy
to say “No™ to him.
Some women Can keep 2 ser ant
for yeiars. Others prafer %o ie;
them go and keep ilheir husdands.
When woman beping 6 gel just “e
instead of mercy in the courts p'#
will become a rabid antisuMragst
Frosts may comec and drour™'s
may 90, but the crop of wild cats
flourishes as ever.
More than ten thousand wr t-.'w
have tried to define “opt mism " St
there Is only one definition, “a man
who marries a sixth wife™
Two may be company, but not
after the minister has said, “Wiit
thoy” and they have agreed.
Once there was a rich bachelor
who used to lie awake nights fear.
ing he would lose his money. Then
he got married, and now he lies
awake nights wondering how he ia
going to keep out of debt, /