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TTBARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA. OX. SUNDAY. MAT* 23. 1915. f f *■ : ' l » * i J p. Busted Romances By T. E. Powers The Famous Cartoonist ' v ’>"*Tl#ht, lftlfi, by tbs Btsr Company. Orsst Britain Right* Ressrvod. DEMMIS O’SHAY SAW THU BEAUTIFUL A^IS5(5oTRox DNOP HER PUR5E AMD DIO DENWIS OSHAY DECODE PRESIDENT OF GoT^oX GoED Minihq Corporation? i r < HE HANDED ITTo HER IN HI5 BEST CHESTERFIELD IAN MANNER |/M PLEA5EDD* To MEETYoose, K SHAKE.' J HE DID NOT DID SHE TAKE HIM. KoA\E AND INTRODUCE HjMTo HER FATHER? Pa This is ah Howesr, l MAH DID OLD QOTROX SEND HIM' To COLLET Q-E ? SHE COUNTED OUT THE MONEY AND FOUND THE $ 10,000 ALL THERE . THEM SHE GAVE HIM A CANADIAN DIME AND HE BouqH'UHlM, 5ELF AN AUTOMOBILE PIWQI DlNq Gen. Grouch, Commander-in-Chief of the Pessimists, Says: Copyright, 1MB. by tha Star Company. Great Britain Right* Reaer^ed. O NCE there wai a woman who got dreeaed In time, but her clock wat two hours faat. He who laugh* loudest isn’t pay* Ing the bill*. Woman certainly CAN hold her tongue—if she uaea both hand*. Love Is like a corkscrew—an awful bore, but necessary. Happiness Is that time we are always going to have tomorrow. Woman has only one way, and that Is her own. Poverty la no crime—neither la sciatica. Don’t pity the people who wear out; think of the fun they’ve had. Pity only those who ruat out. Wine, women and—the poor debtor’s court. It la Juat as foolish to appeal to a man’s sense of honor as It la to appeal to a woman’s reason. There Is one thing the gold cure Is sure to relieve, and that la poverty. You can skid into debt, but you have to crawl out. Hope whets the appetlt., but only Hustle sets the table. There’s nothing lika hard cash for a soft snap. Sins, Likt l Chickens, » Corns Home to Roost— THE MORNING SMILE WEX JONES Editor But They Don’t Go to Bleep With 8a Little Fuss. VOL. V. Atlanta, Ga., Sunday 23, 1915. NO. 32. The Smile’s Great Timelock Foams, The Great Detective Inventions STAFF OF SCIENTISTS AGAIN BENEFITS HUMANITY. Marvelous device perfected for tearing off half of round trip tickets. Machines absolutely free to our readers on payment of freight. A LL travelers know what ■ nuisance it is tearing off half of a round trip ticket. As a rule, it Is almoet impos sible to tear one evenly. Our staff of scientists, ever alert to the needs of the pub lic, has now done away with this worry. All the traveler ha* to do Is to send this office S1.600.7R to pay freight and one of our ticket-tearing machine*, will be sent him free of cost. Put this machine beside you in the train. Place your ticket in it Then when the conductor comes along, press the lever, lift up the lid, turn the crank shut off the power, open the safe and extract your ticket. Hand It to the conductor. Shut the safe, throw the engine Into neutral, shut the lid and the operation is over. Get one. if you are going on even s short trip. Invaluable If your*re going to the Fair The Mystery of the Spinach with the Smoked Tongue. Continued from i.R«t Nundny. “M' Did You Know That— Pig-iron Isn't a bit hoggish? Pigskin U on the hog? A pigtail Isn’t always on the hog’ A small pig is always a pigmy, but a pigmy isn’t always a small eigf £ , [ERCY!" cried Foams, grinding his teeth Of all the chumps I ever met, Poteon. you are the chumpiest. Look, chump, look at the smoked tongue. Ah, dl ml, don't you see it, don’t you see it now ?’’ "Sure,” I replied, "1 see the tongue, but it looks perfectly good to me In fact I wns about to eat some of 1f myself ” "Oh, gee!” cursed the great de tective, now wildly ex.itert. for the first time In his life—"Pots- on, you'll drive me craxy." Foams Jabbed himself e few tlmeR with his hypo, played a couple of operas on his fiddle, bent and straightened the poker with his fingers a few times and then, greatly composed, aald, 'Surely, Potaon. even a chump like you can see that there's spinach un der the tongue.” ‘Right," 1 answered, "and you don’t like spinach." ”1 loathe It, Poteon, and, fur ther, the landladg knows 1 cant bear the sight of tt.” "Ah, ha." -aid 1, “somebody else put It there and it's poison ed." "Don’t be bo crude, Poteon; somebody else put the spinach there, but that somebody would never resort to such a vulgar ex pedlent as poison. And. Potson, my dear chump, why should a person poison a vegetable which 1 never eat?" I turned pale Could the scoundrel be after me? Foams read my thoughts. “No, Potson," said he. "this person doesn't care a snap of his fingers whether you are alive or dead. He is after me, for well he know-s I am the only detective in the world with brains equal to his own. It is Mortality, Potson" The arch-criminal! •'But what” I began. “Very simple. Potson, If your skull contained anything but cold molasses. Mortality, as 1 can tell by the smell, has plaoed spin ach on every breakfast table In this building He knows my an tipathy to the vile vegetable, and he calculated that In a fit o4 biry 1 would throw the platter out of the window. Mortarlty la watch ing the house now, and the mo ment any spinach Is thrown out he will mark the window and ex terminate the occupants of that room. But the aroh-crimtnal (here Foams gnashed his teeth) failed to recognize the Iron will of the arch-detective, and he It foiled again.” "Marvelous, Foams, marvelous.” said I. That Is really the end of the adventure, but as a sequel I em barked on a small one of my own. James T. Smithy, who has the room above ours, also had an accordion. Under the protext of returning a morning paper 1 had borrowed a week before, 1 called on him In his room and contrived to throw a plate of spinach out of hls window Then I hastily returned to our own diggings. Foams, as usual, was right about Morlarity’s plan, for I haven’t heard the accordion since. THE SMILE’S OWN MOLECULE MOVIES W 'ALL Street bachelor. Vacation. Fishing rod. Happiness, Leaky row-boat Jupiter Pluvius More rain. Clothes wringing wet. Grippe. Pneu monia. Much woe. Hospital Gloomy doc. No hope. Pretty nurse Smiles Con valescence. Hand clasps Dia mond ring. Automobile. Preach er’s home. Man and wife. Caption for screen: “Moral: It never rams but 11 pours." (Passed by the Bamegat Board fl l emurshttj IN THE SMILE’S LETTER BOX TWO MUCH OF A PROBLEM. T O THE EDITO R—Why does a man run after a car that he knows he can’t catch? JAMES M’GOOL, New Brunswick, N. J. YET ANOTHER QUESTION. TO THE EDITOR—How does an onion know enough to grow up Instead of down ? PHILIP FIENNES, Babylon, L. I. [’Snuff. Fur ther queatlom like the twi above will be re ferred to Bloom ingdale.—Ed.] ABOUT A CANARY. TO THE EDITOR—Recently I bought a canary, but the bloom ing blighter won’t sing. Am I downhearted? No! I wouldn’t let the bird have anything on me. so 1 whistle myself and the canary ran go to the dickens. THOMAS J. TIMKEN, Brooklyn, N. Y. [A good scheme Thomas, a very good acheme. We suppose, if you buys watchdog that goes to sleep you’ll run arounc the house al night on y o u i handa and knees barking at ever) footstep you hear Ed.] Our Weekly Health Hint. Before stepping on a tack, hammer It Into the floor. CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS. EXCHANGE — Will exchange slightly used sandwich for more or >»s grand piano.—T. J„ Smiis otno% The New E iclid By • Horatio Winslow! Copyright, 1816, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rlg*hts Reserved. * I ’HEOREM: Starting at any given point, a conversation is hound to gravitate to the fixed topic L. DEMONSTRATION: Let X. represent Any Given Point—as, for Instance, the Price of Second-hand Bibles In Muncle, Indiana, In the Year 1889. THEN: YOU It IS Interesting Where did it come from? SHE W T hy, father bought It In Muncie, Indiana, in 1889 He was passing through and saw It in a fnnny little second-hand shop, YOU Must have had to pay a big price for It. SHE No. That’s the strange part. He offered the storekeeper five dol- j lars. but the man was an honest old German, who aald it wasn’t worth ‘ more than two and a half. So In the end papa compromised and gave him three and took the book. YOU I d like -to meet that honest old German. I’d make money off him. (Turning the pages.) Hello! Here’s an old list of family deaths. SHE And there on the other side are the births. YOU Makes me feel creepv Everybody down here has been dead fifty years anyhow. (You turn the pages.) Marriages! What do you know about that! I wogder if they lived happily ever after. SHE lbefore you have a chance to say It). Most people don’t. YOU (rising to the bait). I’m not so sure. I don’t see why a marriage can’t be happy If there’s Love back of 1L SHE Yes, but what la Lore? YOU (shutting the Bible and putting the ancient volume back on the music cabinet.) Oh, you can’t put your finger on It and say. “This Is Love." But Just the same I know there Is such a thing as Love because . . . etc., etc. Q. E. D. A SPRING LITANY Copyright, 1916, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved. F OM cut-worms in the garden and from cut-throats in Wall Street, from theatre ticket speculators and from the honest gold-brick sort— From solder in fresh green peas and from sand in fresh beet greens, from ten-volume histories of the war and from hyphenated Americans— From domestic camembert cheese and from peace envoys, from rumors that Italy will go to war and from people who believe the war dispatches— From agents with patent carpet beaters and from women who are wearing furs, from temperance tonics and from discussions of war babies— From people who believe the seed catalogues and from suburban trains with hermetically sealed windows, from wrist watches on life-sized males and from inside-laced shoes on all sizes of females—- From window screens that won’t fit and from screen doors that fit too much, from porch chairs that shed paint and from visitors who shed perfume (so-called) — From commuters who bring odorous phosphate fertilizers along on the train in burlap bags, and from the descendants of Munchausen who write Summer resort folder From cartoonists who parody “Dropping the Pilot" and from modem dramas founded on unexpurgated medical books, from four giggling girls walking abreast on the sidewalk and from one son of Bacchus walking on both sides of the sidewalk at once— From mornings that look as dry as Death Valley and turn out to be as wet as the Atlantic, and from aacendmg the Palisade* or a dimb across Times Square—- From this year’s two and a half-story straw lids and from file new brand of horse-collar feminine neckwear, from the Spring news items from Winstead, Ginn., and from foreign cartoonists’ conception of Unde Sam From August weather in April and from December temperature in May, from trying to help your wife select new wall paper or to avoid the annual cleaning of your suburban home cellar— OH. GENTLE SPRING. DELIVER US! Copyright, 1P15. by the Ftar Company. Great Britain Right* Reserved. Ever Stop to Think- T HAT a little whiskey will I make a man light-headed? That a little peroxide will do the same thing to a woman? That no rewards are ever adver tised for finding trouble? That a lot of people keep on looking for tL Just the same? That every day the papers re port brush? between French and German trooiisl ,i That they must be military brushes? That man is a queer creature? That he'll get hot under the col lar If you drop a piece of Ice down Ms back? That the easiest way to catch a fish is to ctick a fork Into It when the waiter puta it on the table? That a British soldier recently had both legs shot off by a cannon ball? * A That he can’t kick? . That we’re been thinking about going off to the war? That that's why we haven t gone? That a barking dog neveT bites? That a steam calliope doesn’t either, but we don’t care to have one around for all that? That you can get theatre tickets at cut rates, if you know how? That barbers charge cut rates ter trimming your hairl That they sometimes collect the same kind of rates for sharing? That old King Cole wa* a Jolly old soul? That he wouldn't be nearly so Jolly if he were king of England right now? That the papers say that a huge stream of wealth la pouring Into this country? That a lot of us haven’t oven 62t ffui feet wet yet? <1 t I ,