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TTBARRT’S STJNDAT AMERICAN. ATLANTA. Q,V, SUNDAY. MAY 23. 1915. Busted Romances By T. E. Powers The Famous Cartoonist ISHfl. by th« Btar Company. Graat Britain Right* DEMMIS O’SWAY SAW THE BEAUTIFUL A\l55<ioTROX DROP HER PURSE * AND DID DENNIS O'SHAY BECOME PRESIDENT or GoTRoX CrOtD Mininq Corporation? he HANDED ITTo HER IN HI5 BE5T chesterpieldian Manner Im Pleased fn? To MEETYouse, ^ SHAKE, 1 HE DID NOT DID SHE TAKE HIM HoME ANO INTRODUCE H|MTo HER FATHER? Pa This is AH HOWESTj (. aah t DID OLD C^OTROX SEND HIM’ To Collecte ? SHE COUNTED OUT THE MONEY AND FOUND THE $ I 0,000 ALL THERE, them she qave him a Canadian dime and HE BouqHT-tilM 5ELF AN AUTOMOBILE PIWQ; DlHq Gen. Grouch, Commander-in-Chlef of the Pessimists, Says: Ooprrlgtst. 1MB. by tha Star Company. Great Britain Rigbta Reaer^ed. O NCE there wae « woman who got dressed In time, but her clock waa two hours faat. He who laughe loudest isn’t pay ing the bill*. Woman certainly CAN hold her tongue—if she uses both hsnds. Love Is like a corkscrew—an awful bore, but necessary. Happiness It that time we are always going to have to-morrow. Woman has only one way, and that Is her own. Poverty It no crime—neither la sciatica. Don’t pity the people who wear out; think of the fun they’ve had. Pity only those who ruat out. Wine, women and—the poor debtor’s court. It la Just as foolish to appeal to a man’s sense of honor as It is to sppeal to a woman’s reason. There Is one thing the gold cure Is sure to relieve, and that Is poverty. You can akid into debt, but you have to crawl out. Hope wheta the appetite, but only Hustle sets the table. There's nothing like hard cash for a soft snap. Sins, Like Chickens, Com. Hams tS Roost— VOL. V. THE MORNING SMILE WEX JONES Editor But Th.y Don’t Go to Bleep With Bo Little Fuea. Atlanta, Ga., Sunday 23, 1915. NO. 32. The Smile’s Great Timelock Foams, The Great Detective Inventions The Mygtery of the Spinach with the Smoked Tongue. Continued from t not Nundny. STAFF OF SCIENTISTS AGAIN BENEFITS HUMANITY. Marvelous device perfected for tearing off half of round trip tickets. Machines absolutely free to our readers on payment of freight. A * - LL travelers know what a nuisance it is tearing oft half of a round trip ticket. i A* a rule. It 1* almost tmpos- \ Bible to tear one evenly, i \ Our staff of scientists, ever «ert to the needs of the pub lic has now done sway with this worry All the traveler has to do Is to send this office $1,600.75 to pay freight and one of our ticket-tearing machines, will be sent him free of cost. Put this machine beside you In the train. Place your ticket in it. Then when the conductor comet along, press the lever, lift up the lid, turn the crank shut off the power, open the safe and extract your ticket. Hand it to the conductor. Shut the safe, throw the engine into neutral, shut the lid and the operation is over. Get one. If you are going on even a short trip. Invaluable if youTre going to the Fair Did You Know That— Pig-iron Isn't a hit hoggish? Pigskin Is on the hog? “M" A pigtail isn’t always on the hog’ . small pig is always a plgpy, a pigmy Isn't alw aya a small L fERCY!" cried Foams, grinding hla teeth "Of all the chumps I ever met. Poison, you are the chumpleat. Look, chump, look at the smoked tongue. Ah, dl ml. don't >ou see it, don't you see It now ?” "Sure," 1 replied, ”1 see the tongue, but It looks perfectly good to me In fact I was about to eat aome of 11 myself ” "Oh. gee!” cursed the great de tective, now wildly exdted, for the first time In his life— ''Pota- on. .you'U drive me craiy.” Foams Jabbed himself a few times with his hypo, played a couple of operas on his fiddle, bent and straightened the poker with hla fingers a few tlmeB and then, greatly composed, said, "Surely. Potson. even a chump like you ran see that there's splnaoh un der the tongue." "Right." 1 answered, “and you don't like spinach." "I loathe It, Potson, and, fur ther. the landings knows I can't bear the sight of It." Ah. ha." said !. “somebody else put It there and it's poison ed.” "Don't be bo crude. Potson; somebody else put the spinach there, but that somebody would never reeort to such a vulgar ex pedient as poison And. Potson. my dear chump, why should a person poison a vegetable which l never eat?" I turned pale Could the scoundrel be after me? Foams read my thoughts. "No. Potson," said he. "this person doesn't care a snap of his fingers whether you are alive or dead. He Is after me, for well he knows I am the only detective In the world with brains equal to his own. It is Mortarlty, Potson.” The arch-criminal’ "But what" I began. "Very simple. Potson, If your skull contained any talus but cold molasses. Mortality, as I can tell by the smell, lias placed spin ach on every breakfast table In this building He knows my an tipathy to the vile vegetable, and he calculated that In a fit of fury I would throw the platter out of the window. Mortarlty Is watch ing the house now. and the mo ment any spinach la thrown out he will mark the window and ex terminate the occupants of that room. But the aroh-crlmlnaJ (here Foams gnashed his teeth) failed to recognize the Iron will of the areh-deteettve, and he 1s foiled again." "Marvelous, Foams, marvelous.” said l. That Is really the end of the adventure, but as a sequel I em barked on a small one of my own. James T. Smithy, who has the room above ours, also had an accordion. Cnder the pretext of returning a morning paper 1 had borrowed a week before, I called on him In his room and contrived to throw a plate of aplnach out of his window. Then I hastily returned to our own diggings. Foams, as usual, was right about Mortarlty'* plan, for 1 haven't heard the accordion since. THE SMILE’S OWN MOLECULE MOVIES W *ALL Street bachelor. Vacation. Fishing rod. Happiness. Leaky row-boat Jupiter Pluvius. More rain. Clothes wringing wet. Grippe. Pneu monia. Much woe. Hospital Gloomy doc. No hope. Pretty nurse. Smiles Con valescence. Hand clasps Dia mond ring. Automobile. Preach er’s home. Man and wife. Caption for screen: ‘‘Moral: It never rains but it pours.” (Pasted by the Barnegat Board fl c enmrshtpj IN THE SMILE’S LETTER BOX TWO MUCH OF A PROBLEM. T O THE EDITOR—Why does a man run after a car that he knows he can’t catch? JAMES M'GOOL, New Brunswick. N. J. YET ANOTHER QUESTION. TO THE EDITOR—How does an onion know enough to grow up Instead of down? PHILIP FIEN’NTtJS, Babylon, L. I. [’Snuff. Fur ther questlom like the twi above will be re ferred to Bloom ingdale.—Ed.] ABOUT A CANARY. TO THE EDITOR—Recently I bought a canary, but the bloom ing blighter won't sing Am I downhearted? No! I wouldn't let the bird have anything on me. so 1 whistle myself and the canary ran go to the dickens. THOMAS J. TIMKEN, Brooklyn, N. Y. [A good scheme Thomas, a very good scheme. W« suppose, if you buy a watchdog that goes to sleep you’ll run arounc the house al night on yout hands and knees barking at ever) footstep you hear Ed.] Our Weekly Health Hint. Before stepping on a tack, hammer it Into the floor. CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS. EXCHANGE —Will slightly ueed aandwlch ’ »*«! or 1**8 grand piano, o a. exchange for more T. J.. Smile The New E iclid By * Horatio Winslow Copyright, 1916, by the Btar company. Great Britain Rights Reserved. 'T’HEOREM: Starting at any given point, a conversation Is bound to gravitate to the fixed topic L. DEMONSTRATION; Let X. represent Any Given Point—as, for Instance, the Price of Second-hand Bibles In Muncle, Indiana, In the Year 1889. THEN; YOU It IS intereetlng. Where did It come from? SHE Why, father bought It In Muncie, Indiana, in 1889. He waa passing through and saw It In a funny little second-hand shop. YOU Must have had to pay a big price for It. SHE No. That’s the strange part. He offered the storekeeper five dol lars, but the man was an honest old German, who said It wasn’t worth more than two and a half. So In the end papa compromised and gave him three and took the book. YOU I d like -to meet that honest old German. I’d make money off him. (Turning the pages.) Hello! Here’s an old list of family deaths. SHE And there on the other side are the births. YOU Make* me feel creepy Everybody down here has been dead fifty years anyhow. (You turn the pages.) Marriages! What do you know about that! I wonder If they lived happily ever after. SITE tbefore you hove a chance to say tt). Most people don’t. YOU (rising to the holt). I'm not ao sure. I don’t see why a marriage can't be happy If there's Love back of it SHE Yes, but what la Love? YOU (shutting the Bible and putting the ancient volume back on the music cabinet.) Oh, you can't put your finger on It and say. "This la Love.” But Juet the same I know there is such a thing as Lox-e because . . . etc., etc. Q. E. D. A SPRING LITANY Copyright, 1615, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved. F OM cut-worm» in the garden and from cut-throat« in WaJ] Street, from theatre ticket speculators and from the honest gold-brick sort— From solder in fresh green peas and from sand in fresh beet greens, from ten-volume histones of the war and from hyphenated Americans— From domestic, camembert cheese and from peace envoys, from rumors that Italy will go to war and from people who believe the war dispatches— From agents with patent carpet beaters and from women who are wearing furs, from temperance tonics and from discussions of war babies— From people who believe the seed catalogues and from suburban trains with hermetically sealed windows, from wrist watchea on life-sized males and from inside-laced shoes on all sizes of females— From window screens that won’t fit and from screen doors that fit too much, from porch chairs that shed paint and from visitors who shed perfume (so-called) — From commuters who bring odorous phosphate fertilizers along on the train in burlap bags, and from the descendants of Munchausen who write Summer resort folders— From cartoonists who parody "Dropping the Pilot” and from modem dramas founded on unexpurgated medical books, from four giggling girls walking abreast on the sidewalk and from one son of Bacchus walking on both side* of the sidewalk at once— From mornings that look as dry as Death Valley and turn out to be as wet as the Atlantic, and from ascending the Palisades or a dimb across Times Square— From this year's two and a half-story straw lids and from the new brand of horse-collar feminine neckwear, from the Spring news items from Winstead, Conn., and from foreign cartoonists’ conception of Unde Sam From August weather in April and from December temperature in May, from trying to help your wife select new wail paper or to avoid the annual cleaning of vour suburban home ceBar— OH. GENTLE SPRING, DELIVER US! OpjTlftat. 1P15. by th* Btar Company. Great Britain Rlffbta Reaerrad. Ever Stop to Think- T HAT a little whiskey will [ make a man light-headed 7 That a little peroxide will do the same thing to a woman? That no rewards are ever adver tised for finding trouble? That a lot of people keep on looking for It, Juet the same? That every day the papers re port br-ishe ’’etween French and German troop*’ - A That they must b« military, brushes ? That man Is a queer creature? That he'll get hot under the col lar If you drop a piece of Ice down his back? That the easiest way to catch a fish is to stick a fork Into tt when the waiter put# It on the table? That a British soldier recently had both lege shot off by a cannon bail? That he can’t kick? That we’ve been thinking about going off to the war? That that's why we havent gone? That a barking dog never bites? That a steam calliope doesn't either, but we don't care to have one around for all that? That you can get theatre tickets at cut rates. If you know how? That barbers charge cut rates for trimming y our hair I _ j That they sometimes collect the same kind of rates for shaving? That old King Cole was a Jolly old soul? That he wouldn’t tie nearly so Jolly If he were king of England right now? That the papers say that a huge stream of wealth la pouring into this country?