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m J-A. JL TTRARRT’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, 0A„ SUNDAY, MAY ?,3. 1015. Busted Romances By T. E. Powers The Famous Cartoonist 1915, by tb* Rtar Company. Groat Britain Rlfbts Roaorrod. DENNIS C’SHAY SAW THE - BEAUTIFUL, A\IS5<i<5TR0X DROP HER. PURSE t f ' / V N AMD DID DENNIS O’SHAY DECOAAE PRESIDENT or (j<5TKoX CjoJ-D Minihq Corporation? i- HE HANDED ITTo HER IN HIS BE5T CHESTERFIELD JAN MANNER V>u DROPPED Hour, Purss \ AWV Co/rmNK ) >to/ IM PLEASED R* T&MEETYogsB, l 5HAKE. 1 27 DID SHE TAKE HIM. HoME AND introduce: HJMTo HER FATHER.? 6 Pa IHis is Ah Honest/ AWN \ \\ SHE COUNTED OUT THE MONEY AND FOUND THE $ 10,000 All there: , Pr-T DID OLD GjoTRoX SEND HI/A.' To Collecte ? KAH.'i RAH! B p JHEH she QAVE HIM A CANADIAN DIME AHD HE BouqHTiH|M SELF AH AUTOMOBILE Dlwql DlNC, rrs^ w Gen. Grouch, Commander-In-Chief of tha Pessimists, Says: Oeprrlffct, IMS, by th* Star nwpai Groat Britain Rlfbta Reimad. O NCE there was a woman wHa got draaaad In tlma, bat bar clock waa two hour, fait He who laugha leudoot lan^ pay ing the bills. Woman eertalnly CAN hold her tongue—If aha use* both hande. Love la like ■ corkeerew—aa awful bore, but neeeeeary. Happlneee It that time wa are alwaya going to have te-mereew. Woman hae only one way, and that la her own. Poverty le no orlme—neither la eclatiea. Don’t pity tha people who wear out; think of the fun they’ve had. Pity only thoee who ruet out. Wine, women and—tha poor debtor’s court. It le Just ae foolish te appeal to a man's sense of honor ae It le te appeal to a woman’s reason. There le one thing the gold onto le sure to relieve, and that la poverty. You can skid Into debt, but you have to orawl out. Hope whets the appetite, but only Hustle sets the table. There’a nothing like hard eaah for a eo’t snap. THE MORNING SMILE WEX JONES Editor The New E iclid By Horatio Winslow VOL. V. Atlanta, Ga., Sunday 23, 1915. NO. 32. The Smile’s Great Timelock Foams, The Great Detective Inventions ' “M STAFF OF SCIENTISTS AGAIN BENEFITS HUMANITY. Marvelous devloe perfected for tearing off half of round trip tickets. Machines absolutely free to cur readers on payment of freight. A LL. traveler* know what a nuisance It le tearlns off half of a round trip ticket As a rule. It Is almost Impos sible to tear one evenly. Our staff of ectantUta, ever alert to the needs of the pub lic. has now done away with this worry. All the traveler has to do Is to send this office $1,600.76 to pay freight and one of our ticket-tearing machines, will be sent him free of cost. Put this machine beside you In the train. Place your ticket Tha Mystery of the Spinach with the Smoked Tongue Oatlmtd from U>t Suaday. ERCY!" cried Foams, grinding his teeth. Of all the chumps I ever met.Potaon, you are the rhumplest. Look, chump, look at the smoked tongue. Ah. dl ml. don't you see It, don't you see It nowT" “Sure,” I replied, "I see the tongue, hut It looks perfectly good to ine. In fart I was about to eat some of tt myself." “Oh. gee!” cursed the great de tective, now wildly excited, for the first time In his life—"Pots- on, you'll drive me orasy." Foams jabbed himself a few times with his hypo, played a couple of operas on his fiddle, bent and straightened the poker with his fingers a few times and then, greatly composed, said. “Surely, Potson, even a chump like you can see that there’s sptnaoh un der the tongue.” "Right," 1 answered, “end you don’t like spinach.” “1 loathe It, Potson. and, fur ther, the landlady knows 1 cant bear the sight of It.” "Ah, ha." said I. “somebody in It Then when the conductor , , come, along, pres, the leyeg* « ,her * BDd " 8 pol " on - 11ft up the lid, turn Ua ^riank. shut ofT the power 0 - pe n the safe andext^^JQH- ticket Hand •MT^fi^^Ructor. Shut the safe, throw the engine Into neutral, shut the lid * n d the operation Is over. Get one. If you are going on even a short trip. Invaluable if your 1 ™ going to the Fair. Did You Know That— Pig-iron Isn't a bit hoggish? Pigskin Is on the hog? A pigtail isn’t always on the bog? A small pig is always a pigmy, L’Y Pigmy isn't always a small ed.’ "Don't be so crude, Potson; somebody else put the spinach there, but that somebody woufd never resort to such a vulgar ex pedient as poison. And. Potson, my dear chump, why should a person poison a vegetable which 1 never eat?” 1 turned pale. Could the scoundrel be after me? Foams read my thoughts. "So, Potson.” said he, "this person doesn’t care a snap of his Angers whether you are alive or dead. He is after me. for well he knows I am the only detective In the world with brains equal to his own. It !s Moriaritv. Potson." The arch-criminal' "But what” I began. "Very simple. Potson. If your skull contained anything but cold molaasee. Mortality, as I can tell by the smell, haa placed spin-, aoh on every breakfast table In this building. He knows my an tipathy to the vile vegetable, and he calculated that In a At of fury I would throw the platter out of the wlndpw. Mortality Is watch ing the house now, and the mo ment any spinach is thrown out he will mark the window and ex terminate the occupants of that room. But the apch-crlmlnal (here Foams gnashed hli teeth) failed to recognize the Iron will of the aroh-detectlve. and he Is foiled again.” "Marvelous, Foams, marvelous." said I. That Is really the end of the adventure, but as a sequel I em barked on a small one of my own. James T. Smithy, who has the room above ours, also had an accordion. Under the protext of returning a morning paper I had borrowed a week before, I called on him In h1s room and contrived to throw a plate of spinach out of his window. Then I hastily returned to our own diggings. Foams, as u9ual, was right about Moriarlty’s plan, for I haven’t heard the accordion since. THE SMILE’S OWN MOLECULE MOVIES "r^-rALL Street bachelor. \X/ Vacation. Fishing rod. * ’ Happiness. Leaky row-bmt Juptter Pluvius. More rain. Clothes wringing wet. Grippe. Pneu monia. Much woe. Hospital Gloomy doc. No hope. Pretty nurse. Smiles. Con valescence. Hand clasps. Dia mond ring Automobile. Preach er’s home. Man and wife. Caption for screen: “Moral: It never rains but it pours.” (Passed by the Bamrgat Board o] Censorship.) IN THE SMILE’S LETTER BOX TWO MUCH OF A PROBLEM. T O THE EDITO R—Why dbea a man run after a car that he knows he can’t catch? JAMES M’GOOL, New Brunswick, N. J. YBT ANOTHER QUESTION. TO THE EDITOR—How does an onion know enough to grow up Instead of down? PHILIP FIENNES, Babylon, L. I. [’8nuff. Fur ther questloni like the twi above will be re ferred to Bloom Ingdale.—Ed.] ABOUT A CANARY. TO THE EDITOR—Recently I bought a canary, but the bloom ing blighter won’t sing. Am 1 downhearted? No! I wouldn’t let the bird hare anything on me, so I whistle myself and the canary oan go to the dickens. THOMAS J. TIMKEN, Brooklyn, N. Y. [A good scheme Thomas, a very good scheme. Wa suppose, If you buys watchdog that goea to sleep you'll run arouna the house all night on youi hands and knees barking at every footatep you hear Ed.] Our Weekly Health Hint. Before stepping on a tack, hammer It into the floor. CLASMFIF.D AI)\ KRT1SEMEXTJ. EXCHANGE Will exchange •lightly used sandwich for more or lea? grand piano.—T. J., Siaiia otTiua Copyright, 1515, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights R-eeervad. * I *HEOREM: Starting at any given point, a conversation is bound to gravitate to the fixed topic L. DEMONSTRATION; Let X. represent Any Given Point—as, for Instance, the Price of Second-hand Blblea In Muncle, Indiana, In the Year 1889. THEN: YOU It IS Interesting. Where did it come from? SHE Why. father bought it In Muncle. Indiana, In 1889. He was passing through and saw It In a funny little second-hand shop. YOU Must have had to pay a big price for It SHE No. That’s the strange part He offered the storekeeper Ave dol lars, but the man was an honest old German, who said it wasn't worth more than two and a half. So In the end papa compromised and gave him three and took the book. YOU I*d like to meet that honest old German. Td make money off him. (Turning the pages.) Hello! fere’s an old list of family deaths. 8HE And there on the other side are the birth*. YOU Makes me feel creepy. Everybody down here has been dead fifty | years anyhow. (You turn the pages.) Marriages! What do you know about that! I wonder if they lived happily ever after. SHE (before you have o cAance fo say it). Most people don’t. YOU (rising to the bait). I’m not so sure. I don’t see why a marriage can’t be happy If there’s Love back of 1L SHE Yes, but what Is Love? YOU (shutting the Bible and putting the ancient volume bach on the music cabinet.) Oh, you can’t put your Anger on It and say, "This Is Love.” But just the same I know there Is such a thing as Love because . . . etc., etc. Q. E. D. A SPRING LITANY Y, Copyright, 1*16, by tha Star Company. Great Britain Right* Reserved. F ROM cut-worms in the garden and from cut-throats in Wall Street, from theatre ticket speculators and from the honest gold-brick sort— From solder in freth green peas and from sand in fresh beet greens, from ten-volume histories of the war and from hyphenated Americans—• From domestic camembert cheese and from peace envoys, from rumor* that Italy w3| go to war and from people who believe the war dispatches— From agents with patent carpet beater* and from women who aro wearing furs, from temperance tonics and from discussions of war babies From people who believe the teed catalogues and from suburban trains with hermetically sealed windows, from wrist watches on life-sized males and from inside-laced shoes on all sizes of females— From window screens that won’t fit and from screen doors that fit too much, from porch chairs that shed paint and from visitors who shed perfuma (so-called)— ‘ • From commuters who bring odorous phosphate fertilizers along ott the train in burlap bags, and from the descendants of Munchausen who write Summer resort folders— From cartoonists who parody “Dropping the Pilot” and from mrwiern dramas founded on unexpurgated medical books, from four giggling girl* wallring abreast on the sidewalk and from one son of Bacchus walkhig on both sides of the sidewalk at once— From mornings that look as dry as Death Valley and turn oot To he as wet as the Atlantic, and from ascending the Palisades or a dimb across Times Square— - . . From this year's two and a half-story straw fids and from the now brand of horse-collar feminine neckwear, from the Spring new* item* from Winstead. Conn., and from foreign cartoonists' conception of Uncle Sm From August weather in April and from December temperature in May. from trying to help your wife select new wall paper or to avoid the annual cleaning of your suburban home cellar— OH. GENTLE SPRING. DELIVER US! Ever Stop to Think- Copyright, 1WB, b.r tho Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reaerrad. T BAT a little whiskey will make a man light-headed? That a little peroxide will do the same thing to a woman? That no rewards are ever adver tised for finding trouble? That a lot of people keep on looking for It, just the same? That every day the papers re port brush« h *:ween French and German Lroups( 1 That they must be military That he can’t kick? • brushes? • That we’ve been thinking abont going off to the war? That man Is a queer creature? That that’s why we haven’t That he’ll get hot under the col gone? lar If you drop a piece of Ice down his bsok? That a barking dog never bites? That a steam calliope doesn’t That the easiest way to catch a either, but we don’t care to have Ash Is to stick a fork into It when the waiter puts It on the table? one around for all that? That you can get theatre tickets That a British soldier recently at cut rates, if you know how? had both legs shot off by a cannon That barbers charge cut rates i bain ' for trimming your hair? ^ -^0 That they eometlrr.es collect the same kind of rates for sharing;? That old King Cole wag a jolly old aoul? That he wouldn’t he neariy ee Jolly If ha ware kin* < England right now? , . - * . S , That the papers say that a huge stream of wealth is pouring Into this country? That a lot of us haven’t oroa *ot our feet wet yet?