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TTEAKST’S SUNDAY AMUTUCAN, ATLANTA, OA., SUNDAY. MAY 2!1, 1*11.Y
The Henpecked Husband of a Modern Eve
One of the Laugh Scenes from
“ A Modern Eve”
C ASCADIER, the hueband of a aelf-wllled juffragette, and eon-
•equently thoroughly henpecked, la being diaeuaaed by
Pontlglrard and Dickie, two acqualntancea. Unknown to
them, he overheara what they aay. Dickie la contemplating mar
rying Caacadier'a daughter. Later he doea ao. Ninlche ia Caa-
cadier'a wife.
P 0NT1GIRAR1>—Yea, she runs the Hffalrs of the whole family; the
old man la n joke.
CASCADIER (to himself)—That’* me
PONTIGIRARD—The poor old dub doesn't dare aay his soul Is his
own. Sheerake* him run the house, never lets him bo out, ami won't give
him a oeflt to spend. I never felt so sorry for anybody In my life I'd like
to see tb" poor old man and cheer him up. (Cascadier begins lobbing,
guie^r I'll try to help him out when 1 mnrry Into the family.
P.VSCADIER 'rushing over to him)—Don't do it; let me worn you be-
farr it Is too late. I'm her husband, er. a sort of a husband.
rONTIGIRARD—Oh. then, I must speak to you, Monsieur Cascadier
CASCADIER I can't; I'm not allowed to talk to the guests; but be
fore 1 go. take the advice of one who lias suffered and don’t marry Into
such s family.
PONTIGIRARD—Why did you do It?
CASCADIER—I was younB and foolish. Just think, I nearly fought
t duel once for the hand of this woman I
DICKIE—It s the first time I ever heard of It.
CASCADIER Upon my word. We fought for her hand, a certain
Count Ceatell Vajour and I. I lost.
DICKIE—You lost?
CASCADIER—Yes. I got her. I've been looking for him everywhere
to got even with him, the scoundrel.
PONTIGIRARD—V, , are you going to do If you ever meet him?
3hoot him?
CASCADIER—No, make him shoot me, that's the only way I can get
even with my wife.
PONTIGI HARD—Try another method. Assert your authority over
your wife.
CASCADIER—Assert my authority You try sitting on your high hat
for twenty years, the way my w-lfe has been sitting on me, then y°u expect
It to spring tip and assert Us authority! No self-respecting hat would 'do It,
PONTIGIRARI)—But what would the world be without marriage?
Marriages are made In heaven.
CASCADIER—Mine must have been made In the other place.
NINICHE (entering)- Hello—friend husiiand.'
CASCADIER- Salutations, wife.
NINICHE -1 am sorry to be late for dinner, but I had to sit up with
a sick friend at the club.
CASCADIER—That’s the same old wheeze you've pulled on me before.
NINICHE—Here are 125 francs, go and buy yourself a new hat.
CASCADIER (pretending to weep)—No, It's nothing to a woman, but
to,® man, everything! Those little sentimental Interests are all he has in
life. A woman's life Is so full of the outside world. How could you for
get what day this la, the anniversary of the birth of—our dog!
NINICHE—I brought you a bunch of violets.
CASCADIER—That proves It. You have been out with another man
(Weeping.) You never take me to the theatre any more. Do yon retmoni-
ber the candy and flowers you used to bring? You never used to come
home without something. You never used to come home without marsh
mallows or some Juju paste. Now, all you ever bring me Is a lemon drop.
Here are a few bills that came to-day. (Hands a stock of letters.)
NINICHE fopwiing one)—Gas Mil; 200 francs and 18 centimes. Why
Is It so much?
CASCADIER—I suppose they were ashamed to charge any more
(Jumping up)—I can’t stand It. I’m going back to ray mother
Copyright, 1®15, by th* Star Company. Grrat Britain Right* R#»«rY«d.
NINICHE—Here, and take this with my love. (Einiche picks up a
cushion from the table and hurls it after him.)
CASCADIER—Now, darling, don't bruise me. ,
NINICHE Have you Instructed the cooks cbout dinner this evening?
CASCADIER—Yes, I'm Just going to do It, my little Lima Roan.
NINICHE —See that you do and get busy right now.
CASCADIER—Yea, ma'am.
(Brit E,niche Cascadier blows a whistle.)
CASCADIER—Servants, attention! Your general Is felling to arms!
(From both sides of the room enter the household.)
CASCADIER—Chef, what was the market bill this week?
, CHEF Two hundred and fifty francs. Monsieur.
CASCADIER—Tell Madame Cescadier It was three hundred and fifty
and give me the other hundred. First, I'm going to scold. Ponette. come
here. (One of the maids comes over to him.) About face. (They turn
their barks and he kisses her )
PONETTE—Oh, thank you.
CASCADIER—Front! (All turn back.) There have been complaints
that you have been entertaining a maie friend of yours In the kitchen
very late.
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The Poor Henpeck Being Scolded Because He’s Behind in His
Knittinsr
MAID—He's no male friend of mine; he's my husband.
CASCADIER—Now, cooks, attention. Now, then, chefs, the soup was
too cold last night.
COOK— Man. Casoadler said It was too hot; It burnt her tongue.
CASCADIER—Everybody cheer! (All cheer.) Very nice. Now, for
to-night, see that It Is about ten degrees hotter. Very nice, the soup has
been rather thick lately. Do you stir It with your right or your left hand?
COOK—Right hand, sir.
CA8CADI(3—Most people do It with a spoon. Try that for a change.
Housemaids, attention! You should he up early, sweeping the dust under
the beds. A bright girl can always pick up a fow rings that are laid out
on the dresser.
MAID—Yes, sir.
CASCADIER—Valets, attention! (Valets come forward.) Valets!
Now, valets, as soon as the guest Arrives, take his luggage to hts room and
lay out his clothes at once. You may find something you want. In the
morning before the guest awakens, draw his bath for him. The maids
will do this for the ladies and the valets for the gentlemen guests. I be
lieve they are doing It that way this year. OhaufTeurs, chauffeurs, attention!
Honk! Honk! Always get in from the night Joy-rides not later than 11
the next morning; also. It Is considered very bad form to have any of
your friends found asleep In the machine when the family wishes to use
the car the next morning. Now, then, if you’ll all behave yourselves we'll
all have a general jollification—Christmas.
ALL—Christmas!
CASCADIER—Yes, it’s no good for a married man, but It’s all right
for you.
LATER.
POXTIGIRARD AND DICKIE (seeing Cascadier)—What's the matter?
CASCADIER—I couldn't stand It any longer. I left home and I am
moving over here. Where shall I put my luggage?
PONTIGIRARD—Your luggage! Let’s see—what room shall I put
you in? How would the blue room do?
CASCADIER—If you’ve got a black and blue room It would suit me
better.
PONTIGIRARD—Walt here just a minute and I’ll see what I can do,
(Exits into house.)
DICKIE—I say, old top, you’ve stood It tor twenty years; what made
you leave so suddenly?
CASCADIER—My wife wouldn’t let me have any company in the
kitchen!
DICKIE—What will your wife say?
CASCADIER—I don’t care what she says. I gave her two weeks’
notice!
(Re-enter Pontigirard.)
PONTIGIRARD—I’ve settled It! I’ll put you in the red room!
CASCADIER—Is there a bed in that room? I need a good rest.
PONTIGIRARD (to Cascadier)—You picked out a fine place for rest
and quiet. If your house Is worse than this, I pity you.
CASCADIER—My house Is Just as quiet as an old home week In a
boiler shop.
PONTIGIRARD—It’s all your fault If you hadn't let your wife put
It over on you. Renee would never have tried It on me.
CASCADIER (throwing up hands)—It’s no use. I’ll unpack my pa
jamas—and go out and live In the alley.
PONTIGIR \RD—Why not go In the woods somewhere and live on
nuts?
CA8CADIER—That's a good Idea. I'll d» It. All we nuts should stick
together.
Just for Fun
Copyright, 1916, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rlghta Reserved.
P OPULAR songs known as "tongue twisters’’—such as "Sister 8uai«
Sewing Shirts for Soldiers”—still continue in favor, especially la
England. Jack Norworth has a good one that he is singing in a Londoa
review called "Which Switch?” Here is the chorus:
Which twitch ia the switch, miss, for Ipswich?
It’s the Ipswich switch which 1 require.
Which switch switches Ipswich with this switch?
You’ve switched my switch on ths wrong wire!
You’ve switched me on Northwich, not Ipswich*
So now, to prevent further hitch,
If you’ll tell me which swltoh Is Northwich snd which switch
Is Ipswitch, I'll know s'whieh is s’whlch.
• * •
THE WHOLE THING.
CkLD BACHELOR FRIEND—How’s everything?
Married Friend—Oh, she's all righL
• • •
HIS BUSY DAY.
MRS. DIXON—Why do you let your husband growl so much when
you have company?
lira Vixon—That'a the only time he gets to grumble.
• • •
MOTHER GOOSE WAR MED OVER.
IIEY, diddle, diddle,
** Oh, how they did riddle
The cow that Jumped over the moon.
For the soldiers below
Mistook her, you know.
For a bomb-dropping war balloon.
em;
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey;
A Taube then espied 'er,
\Dropped a shell right beside 'er—
She had a fine funeral next day.
Little Bo-Peep
Has lost her sheep,
And I know where she’ll find
In a trench, I’ll wot,
Being served red-hot.
With a piece of hard tack behind ’em.
HE HAD.
«TNID you ever play cards for money?"
"Yes; but I never got 1L’’
PRACTICING.
((VKTUV, dear,” said the mother upon noticing her little girl standing
” before a mirror and making the most hideous faces, “what art
you doing?”
“I'm getting ready, mother, to go over to tell Nellie Smith what ]
think of her.”
LAUNDRY
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