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THE GODDESS
#
The Serial Beautiful
By GOUVERNEUR MORRIS and CHARLES GODDARD
By Gouverneur Morris
and
Charles W. Goddard.
(Capyrlfht. 1*1». tn» St»r roaujinjr )
I T had leaked out that the angel
from heaven, recently found In
the Adirondack*, would reach
New York on a certain train, and the
entrances to the Grand Central Sta
tion tvere thronged with Idlers on the
[ lookout for a sensation I don’t know
what they expected to »ee—some sort
of a Carry Nation, perhaps, at whom
they would Jeer—certainly not Celes-
tia
Very few’ persons In the crowd real
ly saw her—but from these as she
passed swiftly with Professor 8tllll-
tesr to & waiting taxicab arose no Jeers
and Insult*, but only a low, humming
murmur of wonder and admiration.
She walked like someone In a
trance, looking neither to the right nor
to the left, but her lovely face had
•uch an expression of serenity and
peace and she was so touchingly
young that the worst scoffers felt their
hearts soften and go out to her.
Her white dress, falling In un
broken lines from her shoulders; the
Jeweled band low across her forehead,
would, at the time and place, make
almost any other wearer ridiculous.
But Celestla’s face was so com-
mandlngly good and beautiful that
only women and reporters noticed
her clothes at all. And only those of
them who were in the foremost fringe
of the crowd saw that, except for thin
Mkndals, her small, high-arched feet
were bare.
Another crowd not so large saw her
leave the taxicab and enter Bellevue
Hospital. From these there went un
a short, sharp murmur of pity. “Of
course, she’s mad, poor thing,” these
thought, “or else they are going to
make out that she Is, and that’s worse.
And did anybody ever see such hair
and eyes, and such a carriage of the
head, or any dress so white, or any
one that moved with so much grace?”
Professor StlLliter. who was well
known to the Bellevue authorities.
though he remained a spectator of all
the tests to which her mental powers
were subjected, refused to give his
own conclusion as to her sanity.
I've bf*en with her a good many
hours on end,” he said, and, of course.
I’ve formed an opinion, but I refuse
to Interfere in any way w-lth your ex
periments and deductlona."
At first they all thought she was
mad They couldn’t help it. She told
them that she came from heaven and
had come to save the world. And she
told them these things with such sim
plicity and dignity that It was obvious
to the most cynical that she at least
believed what she said. “It was like a
mother," said one of the young doctors
afterw-ard, “telling her children Bible
stories.”
Cross-questioning could neither
shake her narrative in detail nor de
gree, and as her mind continued to
respond quickly and patiently to one
test after another they became more
and more puzzled. Instead of being
able to prpve that j*he was defective,
it began to dawn on them, after hours
of experiment and observation, that
she was the opposite, not only men
tally but physically.
At last Professor Stllllter took the
head doctor aside
"You haven't even a pretext for de
taining her, have you?” he asked.
“Not one,” said the doctor. “She’s
as sane as you or I, according to all
the tests, and yet she can’t be. What’s
to become of her?”
“Why, as long as I discovered her,”
said Professor Stllllter, ”1 feel that I
must at least look after her until I
discover who her people are. So, if
you’ll keep her here for an hour I’ll
send for her.”
The doctor followed ‘Professor
Stllllter into*the waiting room. This
\vas empty but for a gentleman In a
far corner, whose face was concealed
by a newspaper. At the outer door of
the waiting room Professor StiSllter
shook hands with the doctor
"It’s been wonderfully laiefreetrauf
hasn't it?” he said. Til let you
how she gets on. Meanwhile :2uaaAj
for all the trouble you have cafeea. |
And I’ll send for her in about an
hour.”
The door closed behind him and
the doctor turned^to retrace his steps
to the observation room.
Just then the gentleman in the cor
ner rose to his fret, laid aside his
newspaper and disclosed the bronzed
face of Tommy Barclay.
“I’d like to speak to you for. a mo
ment, if you don’t mind,” he eald.
(To Be Continued.)
(Bee “The Goddess" in motion pic
ture at Alamo So. 2 theater on Tues
days.)
THE GODDESS—the Serial Beautiful—
written by two famous authors and presented
by the Hearst newspapers in collaboration
with the renowned Vitagraph Players under
the direction of Mr. Ralph luce.
•I-#* -!*•+ -M-i- +•+ +•+
Miss Anita Stewart as the Goddess.
^.•4. +*•}• +•+ +•+
Mr. Earl Williams as Tommy Barclay.
+•+ *•+ +•+ ■(«•+ +•+ +•+
Be sure to read each installment careful
ly, and then see the characters and the thrill-
ings incidents spring to life in the motion pic
tures. '
Gouverneur Morris, one of the authors of “The Goddess.”
Zoe—The Story of
Hopeless Love
Hints for the
Household
t. . Aftftorlated Newspaper*. Ltd. &•-
r ghia lc L. 8. A. tcld by international New*
atiwrt.)
|f <By CORALIE STANTON and
HEATH HOSKEN.)
S* “As yo uwill,” he retorted, this time
[with some show of resentment and
HIrritation. "I really can not argue
I|w1th you. You are the wife of another
jfman. I—I am, to all intents and pur-
tgposes. the husband of another woman.
pPlease do not refer to that again.
\ Come, corns, do be sensible 1”
I The woman stared at him fixedly
|-for the space of about five seconds,
I land then nervously took out her hand-
Jlkorchief and dabbed It on her lips,
Jpeemingly to bite it. The man watch
ed her unsuspiciously.
J A peculiarly lurid flash of lightning
ftBumlnated the room, blinding them
iffor a moment; then a crash of thun-
Iner, like heavy artillery at close range
||The woman gave a little cry. Her
1 {handkerchief dropped from her hand.
1 It had hidden something else, but
r fthe man did not know then.
W She held out her hands, and stag-
Ipered toward him. Her eyes were
Ktarting from their sockets. She look-
i <ed weird and terrible.
■ **Oh!" she shrieked. ”1—I did not
llLnow it would be like this. Oh. oh. my
Ipod! Noel, Noel, save me! f—oh.
ivhat have I done?”
i, The man. white as death, caught
er in his arms, fear in his heart.
“What is it?”* he gasped.
She lifted her terrible face to his.
lie smiled. That smile of hers haunt-
d him to hi* dying day.
R> 4 *KiM me, Noel." she choked. "Kiss
for—the last—lime! Oh! I loved
?o*-I loved you so!”
piiardly knowing what he did, he
Sg tec her. then started back w ith a
<ry. ter he held a dead woman
• h arms
Y * migilly peal of thunder died
iu tli. distance in low. grow ing
■feYer—tike the laughter of fiends.
DFREY BROOKE did not en-
Joy his dinner or his company.
’ /-it was a more or less busi-
mea 1, and just then Brooke was
t feeling^ all in a business frame
Kind. *3 in all probability his host
fl§4 his host’s friends discovered, to
ijieir dismay, long before the stage of
fotfee. liquors and cigars.
| It w f as a pinner of four men at the
if Regent Club—four men whose
names were world-known, whose
combined power and combined wealth
might easily be construed Into a na
tional menace. The ostensible reason
of the convivial gathering was the
friendly discussion, w ithout prejudice,
of certain matters in dispute in con
nection with a great rubber company
in course of formation.
Three men, millionaires all and
giants of flnance | were standing out,
or trying to stand out, against cer
tain demands of Sir Godfrey Brooke,
the new K.C.M.G., and the conces
sionaire of the vast forest lands In
Central Africa The actual reason
was probably known only to Lord
I^emonvale, though guessed at by his
two colleagues, Mr. Hermann and
Mr. Enrico Polita. Lemonvale wanted
Sir Godfrey to talk. “In vino Veri
tas” was his motive.
Brooke was annoyingly reserved
arid circumspect; Brooke undoubtedly
had several big things up his sleeve;
Brooke was, moreover, without a
doubt, driving a very hard bargain.
Hermann and Polita, controlling be
tween them money that ran Into al
most astronomical figures, had tacit
ly "given Lord Lemonvale his head.”
They were in the "deal,” however, as
it turned out; and they had great
faith in his lordship. Also neither of
them greatly loved Brooke.
As a matter of fact, Brooke’s
thoughts were far away. He was re
gretting the time he was wasting with
men who had nothing in common with
him He had no desire to talk busi
ness; he had been doing nothing else
all day, and his one desire was to get
away as soon as he conveniently
could without appearing discourteous
to his host.
He had told his wife that he
would be back at 11, but he fully
meant to be back before that hour,
despite the suggestion of Lemonvale
that they should go to the Empire and
of Polita that they should play bridge.
Lemonvale did oot altogether de
spair until ihey rose from the dinner
table, about half-past nine; then he
eaw’ that it was no good. Brooke,
whether intentionally or not, meant to
eschew business topics. He was full
of motor cars, and was expatiating
with boyish delight on hfcs new ma
chine, and telling them of all the run>
he had made this spring in the south
of Finance. ^
(To Be Continued.)
Stains on the hands can be easily re
moved by usLng salt and lemon Juice.
Put a little heap of salt In a saucer
and squeeze sufficient lemon juice into
It to moisten if. Hub this-on the stain
until it disappears, then rinse th^ hands
In clean warm water.
To clean rusty curtain hoops place
them in a bowl and cover with cloudy
ammonia. Leave for half an hour and
then Just stir them round with a stick.
The hooks will look like new.
To wash discolored embroidery, place
in a vessel with cold water, blued, but
not too deep, and with the juice of a
lemon. Boll for half an hour,- and aft
erwards rinse in cold water and dry in
fresh air.
Bread should never be covered with a
cloth when taken from the oven, hut
laid on the side and allowed to bacotfie
perfectly cold, then kept In a closely
covered tin box without any wrappings.
His Brothers
Double
<Q>
<U>
Qj)
Maintaining Dignity.
A certain military officer was
very dignified, and If there was one
thing he detested more than another
it was undignified haste. One day,
just as he was about to hold a parade
he perceived that he had forgotten
his handkerchief, and he said to his
orderly. “Go to my quarters, quick,
and bring my handkerchief!” The or
derly touched his cap and started for
the quarters' several hundred yards
distant. After he had proceeded a
short distance, remembering that
there was no time to lose, he broke
Into a trot. "See that scoundrel run
ning as if the enemy were after him!
If there is anything 1 hate it is* to see
a soldier running instead of march
ing properly! Here, my man,” he
added to another soldier, "go after
that man and tell him to walk!" The
second soldier started after'the first,
but as the first kept on runnirfg the
^cond one aiw that hi» t only chance
to deliver the message was to hurry,
so he too broke into a run. The offi
cer was violently incensed. "l^ere.
sergeant, go after that man and tell
him if he doesn’t stop running I’ll
have him put in the guard-room!”
The sergeant set out at a brisk walk,
but, as his predecessor had a good
start, he too, began to run. “If all
the three socundrels aren't running
like rabbits!” ejaculated the officer.
"I’ll show them!"—and, tucking his
sword under his arm, he started in
pursuit as fast as he could run, but,
suddenly remembering his dignity, he
came to a halt and walked back stif
fly to the place where the parade was
to be held.
T 4HEY were talking of the legend of
St. Sophia, of this mysterious Im
age of Christ, hidden under a
heavy’ coat of plaster, which Is to re
appear miraculously on the wall of tne
basilica as soon as the day approaches
that the Turks are to be driven back
to Asia forever.
Colonel S , a brilliant Russian of
ficer on a special mission to France, said
in his sofe, pleasant French;
"Yes, a few legends will look as ara
besques around the monument we are
now building. Future poets will have
reason to feel grateful to us. There will,
be plenty of legends. I have even been
told recently that 1 am to figure per
sonally in one of them.
"Let me go back to the .end of July
last. We were all making desperate ef
forts to keep on believing in peace. In
vain. We all knew, or rather felt, that
-they wanted war, just as w r e felt that we
were srnrrounded on every’ Side by .their
clever spies, whom we could not catch.
This sensation of continually’ being spied
upon became so strong with me that I
felt It almost as a physical pain. On
the other side It became necessary to
undertake a counter-attack, as there
was certain information we must have
as soon as possible, tl was a very deli
cate task in those circumstance*, and
I could not think of a single person to
whom I dared confide the task.
"At last one of my officers to whom
I bad mentioned the matter said:
" Y believe 1 have found the man.’
"He Introduced him to me and I had
only had a very short talk with him
when I myself became convinced that
he was just the man I wa’nted. It is
very difficult to give you an idea of his
appearance. All 1 eaft say is that he
was short, rather stout, with a lurid
face, small eyes without any expres
sion, a low forehead and brown, rather
thin, hair, very quietly dressed and in
significant in his manner; one of those
persons you will never notice anywhere*.
He was about 40 years old. His name
was Blrkai and he was born at Smyrna
of a Syrian mother and a Persian father.
For two years he had practiced as a den
tist at Moscow, but he also sold jew
elry and real pearls to ladies of the
demi-monde, and a good many more
false ones to cheap jewelers.
" ’Of course, you have worked be
fore,’ I said to v*tm
** 'Yes, colnel.’ he replied quietly.
started in Manchuria, working against
you '
" ‘Good. I hope we shall be able to
agree as regards condition* otherwise—-’
" ‘All I have to do is to forget I have
the honor to be received by you. My
local passport, as well ns my forefgn
1 one, Is in older, and even if I decided
to leave, veil would discover nothing
t which would cause you td deal vigor-
iouslv with me
i "Well, you understand, ntltmen, our
modern wars. too. have their mercena
ries, but nowaadys we make the sol
diers in a certain shadowy army where
the risks are great, and which gives us
a certain repulsive feeling like every
thing else that thrives in darkness. The
Kaiser has the sad privilege of al
ways being unable to find plenty of suit
able individuals among his own sub
jects, while we have Jo trust to for
eigners without any country and whose
services are at the disposal of the high
est bidder. We would never think of
shaking hands with them, and still,
when they perform their task well, we
have a certain confidence in them.
"Well! I decided to engage Birkal
for the duration of the war. He was
1 expensive; very expensive, in fact, but
, as I have said, he ’mpressed me as
being the very man I wanted, and the
• same evening he started on his duties
I after receiving a handsome amount in
advance. The valuable services he ren
dered us during the mobilization and la
ter in Galicia—well, you will under
stand that the time has hardly come
yet to mention these things aloud, and
besides, they have no connection with
my story.
"This went on for more than four
months, during which I more than once
j had reason to congratulate myself that
I had secured the services of Birkal.
1 Then unfortunately something happened
which caused me to alter my opinion.
| Several strange and alarming evehts
at the funeral, so I actually believed
myself face to face with a ghost.
" ‘Colonel.’ the ghost said in his calm,
even voice, ’permit me to report that the
sentry outside your door threw down his
gun and ran away at the sight of me.’
“ ‘A very serious offense on his part, I
admit,’ I said. ‘But quite excusable on
the part of a poor devil who suddenly
finds himself looking into the face of a
man he shot and burled this morning
"Birkal stared at me a few moments,
as if he believed that I had suddenly
g^ne mad, then he suddenly burst into
tears.
“ 'My brother,’ he sobbed. ‘My twin
and exact double of myself. Colonel. I
believed him to be in America, where
he was making piles of money. After
the declaration of war he must have
been unable to resist the temptation, for
he loved this dangerous procession and
fate has made him serve the other side.
It is quite clear to me now.’
"He erfed for a little while yet, then
he wiped his eyes and said in his usual
voice:
“ 'Excuse my foolish behavior. Col
onel, but I loved my brother. The mis
fortune which overtook him, however,
has its great advantages to you, and
with your permission I shall to-morrow
make full use of our extraordinary re
semblance to get full information out of
the masters that he served and who will
take me for him.’
“He has, indeed, done so ever since
and is doing so yet, moving with perfect
freedom on both sides, but remaining
absolutely loyal to us.
"I sent the soldiers who sho his broth
er to another regiment further north,
but in spite of this, all kinds of fantas
tic stories are circulating about the
phantom spy in our trenches. There is
even a song which is sure to be sung on
the steppes for years. The words are
not very Interesting, when translated,
but the tune is weird."
Colonel S sat down at the piano
and, accompanying himself, sang a song
so sad, childlike and strange, that none
of us will ever forget it. Then the
rhythm suddenly accelerated, grew Joy
ous and triumphant and the legend took
flight into the future and became a song
of victory.
He Admired Him.
The story Is told of the manager of
one of the big railways in the United
States who made a tour of inspection
of the stations on his line. The time
of his coming being pretty well known,
he found every station a veritable
hive of industry, everybody connected
with it working like mad. There was
one exception. At one station he
found the station master In his best
clothes, sitting in front of a bright
fire, smoking a cigar and reading the
newspapers. Everybody else about
the station was working hard, but
there was an air of peaceful repose
about the station master which
seemed to indicate that he, person
ally, never did any work.
"Are you going to sack him?” wfiie.
pered one of the men who accompa
nied the manager.
"Sack him?” exclaimed the man
ager. "Certainly not.”
"But why not?" asked the other, in
surprise. "He’s Just sitting there and
getting others to do his work.”
"My friend." said the great man
ager, impressively, "the man who can
persuade somebody to do his work
while he himself sits idle—well, he’s
the man for my money!”
took place. Time and again artillery
; fire obliged us to change the position
j of our batteries very quickly from places
f where we nad reason to think they were
! impossible to discover.
one day Birkal. who had been or
dered by me to reconnoiter a small vil
lage in front of us. was seen by three
of my officers in a village in our rear
and from that moment we had him
shadowed. Three days later we found
him comfortably seated in the cellar of
an empty house telephoning instructions
to the enemy in fluent German.
"He did not deny anything. When I
asked him if he had anything to say in
his defense, he replied in a firm voice
j that he did not wish to say anything.
‘ He died bravely, as Indeed f had always
j expected he would.
’.‘Now the same night, when I was at
work alone in my room, Birkai sudden
ly appeared in the doorway noiselessly
and unannounced, as he had the priv
ilege of doing by my permission. It was
midnight and to add to the effect a gust
of wind through the open door blew out
my lamp, but a ray of the full moon
still illuminated the room. Perhaps
some of you would have said to your
selves. Tarbleu. here is a fellow who
appears to have as many lives as a cat.*
But 1 did no such thing. I had myself
seen the man drop dead, pierced by half
a score of bullets, and had been «reaenl
Do You Know That—
The Turk’s equivalent of our hand
shake greeting is to cross his hands on
his breast and make an obeisance.
* * *
Garlic, salt, bread and steak are put
into the cradle of a new-born child in
Holland.
• • •
Ruskin said that in all the wmrks of
Shakespeare he had no heroes, but only
heroines.
• • •
A favorite motto for old-time posy
rings was: "My heart Is thine, true love
of mine.”
* * •
In Scotland It is said that to rock the
empty cradle will insure another occu
pant.
• • •
In illness two pillows are much better
on a bed than a bolster and a pillow.
* • •
An infant does not hear until the third
or fourth day after birth.
• • •»
Vinegar comes from the French "Tin
aigre"—sour wine.
• • •
During the war with the Turks in
1807, Sir John Duckworth succeeded in
getting to Constantinople despite the
fact that his wooden vessels were as
sailed by the Turks with stone cannon
balls so great that two men were re
quired to roll one of them up a plank.
• • •
The Dardanelles are about 33 miles
long. In places they are some four or
five miles across, but in one place, the
Narrow’s, they are only 1,300 yards. The
average width is about three miles.
• • •
One inch of rain equals 101 tons to
the acre.
In New Caledonia beads of Infants are
squeezed into different shapes, tbo face*
of boys being lengthened to look like
warriors and the girls' face* made oval
by pressing up the chin.
• • •
No matter how old a Cossack 1* he
belongs to the reserve forces of the
"National Defense” In Russia, and, if
required, accompanies his sons and
grandsons to battle.
e' e e
In the middle of the last century It
was the correct thing to add to the
marriage notice the amount of the for
tune the bride brought to her husband.
• * •
Eight companies of cyclists can carry
256,000 rounds of ammunition, as against
72,0-GO carried by a whole cavalry divi
sion of nearly 2,500 men.
• • •
Cooking reduces the digestibility of
meat, raw meat taking two hoars and
cooked meat requiring on an average
four to digest.
• • •
Every year the King of 81am sends a
contingent of Siamese scholars to Eng
land to be educated at his expense.
* • •
Nine years ago the Duke of Con
naught was made a Prussian field mar-
shal - . . .
Abdul Hamid 1» an accomplished
painter and furniture maker.
• • •
It takes ten hours for a ship to get
through the Panama Canal.
• * •
Water is more than four times as
heavy as cork.
They Had Their Doubts.
The gray-bearded tourist sat in the
hotel bar talking to the villagers. He
told them of the wonders he had seen
In his travels, of his adventures, and
of the fortune he had made.
"Ana, to crown it all." he added, **I
am a native of this place. I left the
village when I was a lad, but I still re
member a lot of faces. You are Willie
Slocum." he said to one bald old chap:
"and your name is Mudde," he pointed
to another.
The villagers stared at him in sus
picion.
"Don’t any of you remember me?” he
pleaded. "My name Is George—George-
He paused Invitingly, and a vo
broke the silence.
"Well, judging from what you’ve been
telling us." it said, “your name ain’t
George Washington!”
Not Dead Yet.
The first bather of the season had
got into difficulties. With a loud cry
he suddenly threw' up his hands and
sank.
A stalwart boatman on the beach
ran into the waves and, striking out
strongly, managed to bring him
ashore.
At once a sympathetic crowd gath
ered round and various wise people
gave the usual silly advice.
"Run for some brandy,” said a voice.
Then, as a pocket flask was pro
duced. willing hands grasped It and
held it to the sufferer’s blue lips.
But a feeble arm pushed It away,
and a shaking voice said
"Roll me on a barrel first and get y
out some of the sea water or it will^
spoil the taste of the brandy!”
I
Saving the enus at Milo.
During the war of 1870, when the
German army drew near the French
capital, one of the first measures the
Parisians took was to place the art
treasures of the Louvre in safety. The
paintings of Raphael, Titian, Paolo
Veronese, Rembrandt and Rubens
were carefully packed and shipped to
Brest. There they could, If necessary,
have been put on shipboard and taken
from the country.
It was not so easy to save the
pieces of marble statuary, for their
weight and fragility made them dif
ficult to handle; but the French de
termined that the famous Venus of
Milo, at least, should not fall Jnto the
hands of the Prussians. So they took
her down from her pedestal and laid
her in a casket carefully padded and
wrapped. At night the casket was
taken out through a secret door and
hidden secretly in the cellar of the
police prefecture, at the end of a secret
passage.
They walled in the casket and clev
erly gave the w'all an appearance of
great age and dilapidation, in front
of this wall thev laid a number of
\aiuable public documents, so that
if they should happen to be found
their importance would lead the dis
coverers to think there*was nothing
else hidden there. In front of the
papers they built another wall. Here
the Venus of Milo remained, much to
the distress of those patriotic Par
isians who did not know where she
was and supposed that she had been
stolen.
One day the prefecture caught fire
and was nearly destroyed. The dis
tress of those who knew that the
Venus was concealed there can be im
agined. As soon as the fire was ex
tinguished they hastened to the sink
ing ruins and. after some digging,
found the casket buried in heaps of
dirt and stones, but uninjured.
It is understood that the Venus ha*
gone into hiding again, not to reap
pear until peace is restored and Paris
is Tree from danger of the Invader.
Good Intentions.
A good-natured man going home
late at night spied a man leaning
limply against a doorway.
“What’s the matter?” he promptly
asked; “drunk?”
“Yes.”
“Want me’to help you in?”
“Yes.”
With difficulty he carried the droop
ing figure up to the second floor.
“Is this it? Do you live here?”
"Yes.”
Rather than face an angry wife the
good-natured man opened the firsl
door, pushed the limp figure in and
closed the door. Then he groped his
way downstairs. As he came out he
saw another man apparently in worse
condition than the first.
"What’s the matter?” he asked;
"you drunk, too?”
“Yes,” came the feeble reply.
"Shall I help you upstairs?”
“Yes.”
The good Samaritan carried him to
the second floor, where this man. also
said he lived, opened the same door
and not without difficulty pushed him
in.
As he again reached the street he
saw a third man, evidently w’orse off
than either of the others. As the good
Samaritan aj -iroached, however, th.e
man fled up the street with all the
haste he could command, and threw
himself Into the arms of a paasing
policeman.
"Off’sher,” he gasped, “I deman*
p’tection from thlsh man. He's car
ried me upsthairg twlce’n thrown ms
down the elevator.
Misplaced Zeal.
She was a young hospital nurse, al
ways cool-headed In a surgical crisis.
He was venerable, tall and dignified,
with flowing patriarchal beard, but un
able to speak a word of English. En
tering the receiving room of the hos
pital, armed with a large and deadly
looking blu| bottle labeled "Poison,” he
approached the nurse and gesticulated
violently, pointing alternately to the
bottle and to his chest.
“Ah; blue bottle. Poisonous con
tents. Accidentally swallowed. Emetic
urgent,” was the prompt diagnosis,
quickly followed by a dose of the most
powerful emetic known to mankind.
The treatment proved eminently suc
cessful. but to remove all possible trace
of danger a second very severe dose
was administered. At this point an ear
nest but inarticulate protest was made
by the patient, who apparently thought
that by this time all danger had been
removed.
Afer some time the busy house sur
geon found time to inquire.
"Have you filled the old boy’s bottle
for him? Don’t you know? Why. the
bottle for his chest!"
"Lotion! Chest!'' gasped the nurse, as
the horrible truth dawned upon her
“I’ve been treating him for poisoning
i*c Uju half hour!”
A Cure for Drink.
“Grogan," said the head of a large
•drapery establishment, eyeing him
sharply, "you've stopped. drinking,
haven’t you?"
"Yes, scr." answered the red-headed
Hibernian who worked In the packing
department "I haven’t taken a dhrlnk
av annything sthronger th'n tay Tt three
months."
"I am glad to hear it, Grogan. But
how did you break yourself of the
habit?”
"Be hitttn’ me thumb nail wid a
hammer whin I was packin’ a box of
goods."
"I don’t see how that could cure yon.”
"Well, Misther Barker, it was this
way. If I’d been sober, a’ye moind. I’d
niver have, donr it,’but I w’asn’t. Whin
I whacked me thumb instead of the
nail I was thrryin’ to dhrive it made
a black spot at the root av me thumb
nail. I says to mesilf, ‘Grogan, I’ll
punish ye fr that. Ye sha’nt have a
dhrink av ayther beer ’r whusky until
that black spot has gone.’
“Well, «or, it was two months be
fore it had growed out to the end o’
me thumb, an’ I cud cut it off, an' be
that time I’d lost all me appetite fr
beer an’ whusky.
"Thin I say^ to mesilf, ‘Grogan. I’ll
reward ve f’r that. Ye’re a sober man
now. an’ ye'll stay sober.’ That’s the
whole story, sor.”
To the Front.
An ambitious young author sent some
of his work to an editor, Inclosing the
following note:
"If you think my ability to write Is
useless, please say so. I have other
Irons in the fire to which I can devote
my energies.”
The editor returned the MS. with the
brief reply:
‘Dear Sir—I should advise you to put
this with your other isoua*”
mamtadk it