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B PfiefTaTj^
BIST HUMOR, MOVINO
PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE.
Are solved by Edward Mott Woolley in the Fiction
Magazine. Free with the first issue of The Sunday
American every month. Salesmen and executives get
valuable information from these articles.
WATCH FOR JUNE NUMBER
ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, MAY 30, 1915.
Our Bureau of
Misinformation
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
OoDrrlfht. 1MB, by the Star Company. Groat Britain tttfhts Keaerrod.
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81r Taking advantage of your offer to answer any question, T want
to know whether the Allies will win, or whether the Germans will win
or whether It will be a draw. L M. Q. REBUS.
Y#®.—Ed.
Mr. Editor—Upon entering a swell restaurant Is 1t proper to let the
lady precede you, or should you lead her In? ANXIOUS.
You don’t have to lead ’em. They will drag YOU In,—Ed.
LAM B5
q-ETTiNq
READY For
THE
(qAM E>01_
Dear Question Editor—Beveral of the things I planted In my garden
are coming up and thriving. When I tell about It, people won’t believe
me; when 1 show them, they ask who the professional gardener was I
hired. Now, I am an amateur and the garden truck is really growing
beautifully, but what shall I do? BILL JONES.
Quit dreaming and wake up.—Ed.
■* ALL
BVHQED UP
and ho Place
To qo
MR Jones in?)
Indeed! ^
I SEE You HAVE
A FULL HOUSE
\ Yes dear.. This is me A
|M VERY Busy -Wontbe home
!'M ATTENDING A DIRECTORS
MEETING \
Blr—l have got a lot of money.
Don’t invest It, keep It. I
get a lot of money.—Ed.
r. How shall 1 invest It? I. GOTROX
But for the love of Pete tell ME how t»
Mr. Question Editor—In crochettlng a Siamese lambrequin, should 1
loop two, draw one, chain four and foop two again, or Is It best to loop
three and then two alternately between chains, and If so, would you
advise a French knot between each chain? MISS PRIMM.
For a Siamese lambrequin, why not use Just a plain,‘ordinary
“twin’’ stitch? However, I advise you to send this query to one aura
place where It will be answered—Matteawan. I like the “draw one”
suggestion, especially as hot weather la coming on. I didn’t know the
Siamese wore lambrequins. Thanks for the tip,—Ed.
T7/E picture
IN THE PHONE
j/-l£SQgT OF Town)
/ WON'T VEf
OUT To DAT
81b Who was John Smith? Bet you a wrist watch you cannot
answer thla. A. KIDDER.
We admit we have been suapected of murder and convicted of steal
ing milk from a near-alghted Infant, but your bet la an insult. Just to
prove that you are extremely dull we will answer your question: Ha
was a ton of Old Man 8mith.—Ed.
WHITE FOXES
Polls III
ima Kmik
Dear Mr. Question Man—Please tell me what to do for my freckles?
They are large and dark and numerous. LILLIAN MUSCLE.
According to your description they are doing fine, thank you, and
you need not do anything more for them.—Ed.
UA.AA-A /I
s^cpaa a
CLEANING UP AFTER RooftvELTTfclAl,
Yonkers
AIEWHAMPSHIRE
HOTEL
Question Editor—Why do women want to vote?
MRS. N. QUIRER.
"Because.” We defy you to find a more truly feminine an
swer.—Ed.
soon wt may see the person
■Y^ARe TALKIUQTooVERTHjCr^
^— PHONE
JTATlof
Ho bit
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Dear Sir—I have some classic melodies, a wonderful plot and some
of the newest Jokes In existence. Would you advise me to write a
musical comedy? WOODBY DRAMMERTIST.
Assuredly NO. The thlnge you mention have never been incor*
porated In a musical comedy.—Ed.
Tombs
» * e s I
a•"I
Dear Sir—Can you tell me how far It Is to Tipperary?
JESS TERR.
You bet we can. It all depends on where you are.—Ed.
'Corned
Beef-AND
,cabbaqe
tfaz/c
Question Editor, Misinformation Bureau—When your automobile has
a punctured tire, a clogged carburetter, a leaky gasoline tank, a broked
driving shaft, a broken steering gear, a twisted piston and a broken
spring, what would you do? NOVICE.
Walk.—Ed.
Question Man—Please tell me how to keep mosquitoes out of bit
house? EAST ORANGE, N. J.
All through Deoember, January and part of February I was quite
successful. In the Summor you might put up a “No Trespass” sign,
or you might move the house three miles out to sea and sink It.—Ed.
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//AftRV 7NAY/ MoV£S AWH
SHE- PAS HO REGARD TOR IKTERHAIVNALMw
Mr. Misinformation Expert—It Is nearly vacation time,
please advise me the best place to go for a good rest?
Bed.—Ed.
LAUGHS IN THE NEWS
Dear Sir—Won’t you please tell me the difference between Love and
Matrimony? GUSSIE M’GIGGLH.
We are neutral and refuse to discuss any war problem.—Ed.
Copyright, 1015, by th* Star Company. Great Britain Rlghta Reserved.
‘’Divorce Ends Romanes”—according to a small heading over
smaller news Item.
Does it? It generally starts a romance.
^ CERTAIN young Omaha woman had a man arrested because he
, % threw her Into a bathtub full of water with her clothes on!
i i Every one to their own opinion, but we hold that the young
man was quite modest about It.
County Judge Scully, of Chicago, says that women must tell their aga
In the bright lexicon of female vital statistics there’s no such word
as “must.”
Editor—Why are women wearing furs this Summer?
HER HUSBANEk
Oh, It la a sort of ekln gsme started by the furriers Ed.
A Michigan City woman was washing clothes when she received a
telegram announcing that she had been left half a million dollars. She
kept right on and finished the washing, hung out the clothes, took them
In and Ironed them, got supper for five and went to bed.
If It had been a man, what would have happened?
One dark streak of coat-tails as Mr. Man beat It to the Dutchman’s.
That’s wnaL
Another headline writer heads a so-called romance
"United by Chance.”
Eure. It’s all chance. ,
follows i
They’ve discovered a gas man with a Jimmy In New York.
Our gas man does better with a bill.
Dear Sir—Is there any reason why a woman should not wear these
new and very short skirts? MISS D. STILE.
Yes, indeed. There are many women who have two reasons.—Ed.
A Stroudsburg (Pa.) pastor died the other day aged elghty-two.
%ad married 1,054 couples
However, If he repented, all Is well with him now.
Another of the celebrated ex-outlaw James boys has Just died, aged
about four-score.
If ha had been a good boy he might have lived to a good old age.
NOTICE—If you have any questions about anything, send (hem
to the “Misinformation Editor, City Life Section.” Regular depart
ments will be established, covering Matrimony and Indigestion, Lore
and Humor, Gardening and Etiquette, Automobiles and Chafing Dish
dishes and, In fact, everything and every subject imaginable, aa4 (ho
some others.—Ed
Now the Government of Cuba Is being charged with millions of
dollars In graft.
No one had any doubt hut what modern civilization would creep
into Cuba In lima.
Harry A. Wheeler, a Chicago man. wants peace postage stamps de
signed to stop the war In Europe.
wouldn’t work, Harry, someone would be all the time licking the
gtam^s,
A Bronx girl yawned the other day. and now she Is unable to close
her mouth.
flaking her look Just like a married woman.
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